a lot of you don’t see it, but people like her teach the weak minded to believe in a material existence as the route to happiness. I guarantee you she has big problems because of the life she leads, but you won’t hear about it, because the entertainment industry needs you to believe that it’s all shiny happy people having major fun.

in a few years when her face is tired and the music dries up, watch the industry turn on her, gossip columns - the usual stuff. then she’s gone and you lot forget about her for the next plastic fake smile that sells you another false dream

of course you won’t accept this, because they have you like a hypnotist. --anonymous comment on paris hilton in response to http://gossip.elliottback.com/2006/07/10/paris-hiltons-album-cover/

<3 banksy

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. “ Ghandi

(still workin' on that one...)

Questions I
Favorite color
Lucky number
Favorite flower
Favorite author
Favorite book (fiction)
Favorite book (non-fiction)
Favorite faerie tale
Favorite children's book
Favorite "Disney animated classic"
Favorite Bible passage
Favorite saying
Favorite proverb
Favorite poem
Favorite poet
Favorite song
Favorite singer
Favorite musical band
Favorite kind of music
Favorite dance tune
Favorite romantic song
Favorite slow dance tune
Favorite rock 'n roll song
Favorite ballad
Favorite country song
Favorite gospel song
Favorite jazz number
Favorite R&B tune
Favorite song writer
Favorite magazine
Favorite meal
Favorite food
Favorite vegetable
Favorite fruit
Favorite cookie
Favorite kind of ice cream
Favorite kind of chocolate
Favorite snack food
Favorite restaurant (expensive)
Favorite restaurant (frugal)
Favorite fast food joint
Favorite TV show (current)
Favorite TV show (old)
Favorite comedian
Favorite actor (living)
Favorite actor (of any era)
Favorite actress (living)
Favorite actress (of any era)
Favorite adventure movie
Favorite erotic movie
Favorite romantic comedy
Favorite comedy film
Favorite action movie
Favorite Broadway play
Favorite musical
Favorite show tune
Favorite breed of dog
Favorite breed of cat
Favorite animal
Favorite comic strip
Favorite comic book
Favorite comic character
Favorite TV cartoon
Favorite TV cartoon character
Favorite artist
Favorite style of artwork
Favorite painting
Favorite sculpture
Favorite hero/heroine
Role model (real life)
Role model (fictional)
Favorite athlete
Favorite sport (to watch)
Favorite sport (to play)
Favorite Olympic sport
Favorite sports team
Favorite foreplay activity (to receive)
Favorite foreplay activity (to perform)
Favorite lovemaking position
Favorite sexy outfit (for partner)
Favorite erotic fantasy
Favorite time of day to make love
Favorite music to make love to
Favorite season
Favorite time of day
Favorite holiday
Favorite hobby
Preferred jewelry metal (silver, gold, copper, platinum, etc.)
Favorite style of clothing (for self)
Favorite style of clothing (for partner)
Favorite designer
Favorite erotic clothing (for self)
Favorite erotic clothing (for partner)
Dream vacation spot
Favorite city
Favorite foreign country
Favorite wine
Favorite champagne
Favorite beer
Favorite soft drink
Favorite way to spend a lazy afternoon
Favorite room in your home
Favorite perfume
Favorite cologne
Favorite brand of make-up
Favorite aroma
Favorite fictional character
Favorite historical personality
Best gift ever received
Favorite way to relax
Favorite way to get energized
Favorite store
Favorite side of the bed
Favorite TV sitcom
Favorite TV drama
Favorite joke
Favorite gemstone
Favorite day of the week
Favorite month of the year
Favorite classical composer
Favorite symphony
Favorite opera
Favorite album/CD
Favorite car (make & year)
Favorite color for car

Questions II
What is your name?

Do you have any nicknames?

What's your hair color?

What's your eye color?

Do you have any piercings?

Do you have any tattoos?

What's your ethnicity?

What's your heritage?

Do you have any siblings?

...FavOritEs...

Food?

Candy?

Icecream?

Drink?

Color?

Number?

Season?

School Subject?

Store?

Clothing Brand?

Sport?

Male Celebrity?

Female Celebrity?

Holiday?

Book?

TV Show?

Movie?

Childhood Toy?

< This or That >

Kisses or Hugs?

Laugh or Cry?

City or Country?

Chocolate or Vanilla?

NYC or LA?

Coke or Pepsi?

Up North or Down South?

Beach or Pool?

Hot or Cold?

Sunny or Rainy?

Shake Ya Tailfeather or Shake Your Laffy Taffy?

Polka Dots or Stripes?

Baskin Robbins or Dairy Queen?

Twist or Shout?

Family or Friends?

Boys or Girls?

McDonalds or Burger King?

Chocolate Milk or White Milk?

Love or Money?

Fantasy or Reality?

Abercrombie or Hollister?

Hamburgers or Hotdogs?

Ketchup or Mustard?

Day or Night?

Rap or Country?

Prep or Emo?

Sweet or Tart?

Blonde or Brunette?

Cats or Dogs?

Indoors or Outdoors?

<3 L.O.V.E <3

Have you ever been in love?

With whom?

What is true love?

Does love at first sight exist?

Do you have a bf or gf?

What is your sexual orientation?

Is there such a thing as fairytales?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Have you ever cheated?

Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Do you have a crush?

On who?

Are you a virgin?

How far have you gone?

Ever hooked up with someone of the same sex?

Do you want to get married?

Do you want to have kids?

How do you feel about "friends with benefits"?

Would you ever consider having an open relationship with someone?

:::In a Boy / Girl:::
Hair Color?

Eye Color?

Height?

Most Important Personality Trait?

Looks or Personality?

?Random Questions?

Do you think you're attractive?

Do you do drugs?

Smoke?

Drink?

Are you friends with people who do?

If you could meet any athlete, who would it be?

Do you like coffee?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

How many times a day do you brush your teeth?

Have you ever had braces?

Do you wear contacts or glasses?

Does God exist?

What is your religion?

What is your clothing style?

Do you believe in life on other planets?

Do you wish on stars?

Are you pro-life?

Do you support the death penalty?

Do you support gay marriage?

How do you want to die?

Do you have any regrets?

Does karma come back and get you?

Have you ever been sent to jail?

Have you ever lied?

Are you honest?

When is your bedtime?

Have you ever cheated on homework?

How late do you sleep until?

Are you vegetarian?

Do you have a job?

Are you rich?

Who is the funniest comedian?

Is your hair naturally curly or straight?

Do you go to tanning beds?

What is your natural hair color?

Do you dye your hair?

Do you get along with your parents?

What is your most prized possession?

What thing do you have an obsession for?

How many shoes do you own?

Are you usually a happy person?

If you had to name the most important ingredient of human beauty, what would you say it is?
Love.

If you had to name the one thing that repeatedly makes you the angriest, what would it be?

C'est l'Ennui! —l'œil chargé d'un pleur involontaire,
Il rêve d'échafauds en fumant son houka.
Tu le connais, lecteur, ce monstre délicat,
—Hypocrite lecteur,—mon semblable,—mon frère!

It's Ennui (great depressive suicidal boredom)! — his eye brimming with spontaneous tear
He dreams of the gallows in the haze of his hookah.
You know him, reader, this delicate monster,
Hypocritical reader, my likeness, my brother! Baudelaire, Les Fleurs du mal

In 2007, an estimated 33.2 million people lived with the AIDs worldwide; it killed an estimated 2.1 million people, including 330,000 children. The Black Death is lying dormant with airborn strains resurging in some third world countries. CCP moves in on Tibet and systematically eliminated their language, social customs, religious customs, jobs, natural resources, forced their beloved Dalai Lama into exile, killed over a million of their citizens--nonmilitant civilians and pacifist monks-- and destroyed over 6000 monasteries. China directs its ire especially at the Falun Gong, Christians, Tibetans, Buddhists, and minorities. But it is Falun Gong that receives special attention. Those of Falun Gong who self-identified were treated viciously after the famous Tianamen Square protests. Once arrested, they were tortured and taken to their home districts where their family members and co-workers were also singled out for having been exposed to the Falun Gong contagion. Patients receiving harvested organs such as livers and kidneys come from China and abroad. They are told to report to surgery just scant hours before going under the knife. Often conducted at night, surgeons and attending nurses remain anonymous while patients are not allowed to see any documentation that the organs received are from volunteers. In the cold calculation of China’s ever more prosperous communist masters, the transaction of organs harvested from prisoners (presumably having had the organs removed while they were still alive) is an merely an efficient and profitable use of a human resource that would otherwise go to waste. There is little evidence left of these crimes. The bodies of victims are cremated and no word is given to loved ones of their disposal. The operating rooms where the murders and transplants occur look like any others. Thousands of women over the last century forced into prostitution and their daughters will be, too, for lack of birth control awareness or provisions, in Calcutta's red light district. And Charles Baudelaire is bored.

The beautiful words of one so pitifully self-pitying of the fact that he has much too much time on his delicate hands.
But what lovely prose, even still.
I'd like to slap him for his ingratitude toward life and God.
What indolent wretched pathetic spoiled bastard can complain of boredom with life? Someone paleskinned who has never seen the sunlight, someone soft-handed who has never soiled his palms with the earth and hard work under the sun, someone so vain and arrogant to suppose that they should not, someone worthless to the world who may as well just die if they won't find something, somewhere to devote themselves to, to give their heart and soul to, be it logic or passion, either one, something to consume and/or be consumed by...anyone who complains of boredom with life has obviously never lost anyone very close to them prematurely, or violently. And those who have must ask themselves why did they take mine and leave this disgusting miserable waste of breath to walk the earth? Tell me, what right does he have to live that others who loved and made use of every breath of life had to go sooner? I suppose that God wanted to keep them much closer.
And I suppose it is possible that those who have suffered so greatly that they were forced to shut out the world entirely and cauterize their hearts, withdraw into the safer chamber of their minds where the only sound they can hear in the dark and cold stillness is the sound of their own screaming, that's understandable. But what is with this useless goth subculture of pro-death children who have never known any true level of suffering in their confined suburban lives with the exception of apparently limitless boredom? Is that the greatest plague of the upper-middle-class society? Someone forgot the whipped cream on their double-shot mocha latte? Is that really the driving factor of sociopathology? No wonder it's so prevalent in our noble cultured society.
So go ahead and ask why I feel this rage, sometimes, and the level of violence that rattles around bashing its head against my ribs while calmly I sip tea and dillute it with rationality that will never, ever settle for tranquility.

POEMS BY EE CUMMINGS
+++
i love you much(most beautiful darling)
i love you much(most beautiful darling)

more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky

-sunlight and singing welcome your coming

although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
noone can quite begin to guess

(except my life)the true time of year-

and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing(or glimpse such
sunlight as will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each

nearness)everyone certainly would(my
most beautiful darling)believe in nothing but love

+++

may i feel said he
  may i feel said he
  (i'll squeal said she
  just once said he)
  it's fun said she


  (may i touch said he
  how much said she
  a lot said he)
  why not said she


  (let's go said he
  not too far said she
  what's too far said he
  where you are said she)


  may i stay said he
  (which way said she
  like this said he
  if you kiss said she


  may i move said he
  is it love said she)
  if you're willing said he
  (but you're killing said she


  but it's life said he
  but your wife said she
  now said he)
  ow said she


  (tiptop said he
  don't stop said she
  oh no said he)
  go slow said she


  (cccome?said he
  ummm said she)
  you're divine!said he
  (you are Mine said she)

Z+++

the boys i mean are not refined
  the boys i mean are not refined
  they go with girls who buck and bite
  they do not give a fuck for luck
  they hump them thirteen times a night

  one hangs a hat upon her tit
  one carves a cross on her behind
  they do not give a shit for wit
  the boys i mean are not refined

  they come with girls who bite and buck
  who cannot read and cannot write
  who laugh like they would fall apart
  and masturbate with dynamite

  the boys i mean are not refined
  they cannot chat of that and this
  they do not give a fart for art
  they kill like you would take a piss

  they speak whatever's on their mind
  they do whatever's in their pants
  the boys i mean are not refined
  they shake the mountains when they dance

+++

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

+++

 kumrads die because they're told)
kumrads die before they're old
(kumrads aren't afraid to die
kumrads don't
and kumrads won't
believe in life)and death knows whie

(all good kumrads you can tell
by their altruistic smell
moscow pipes good kumrads dance)
kumrads enjoy
s.freud knows whoy
the hope that you may mess your pance

every kumrad is a bit
of quite unmitigated hate
(travelling in a futile groove
god knows why)
and so do i
(because they are afraid to love 

To Helena Concerning Dan Chiasson

The water at the bottom of the river, way down, the coldest
darkest water: if that water were your only drinking water
what would you do: thirst forever? Or drink the freezing water?

If A, send me a postcard from la-la land, where
Mom bays like a donkey and Dad is an oil slick,
because that's where dehydration takes you, fast.

If B, I'd buy the biggest wool parka I could find
and put it where the sun don't shine—otherwise
you'll feel a subzero chill no mug of tea will thaw.

I chose B, and now it's winter, and I'm outside your door
like a baby seal on an ice island, waiting
to be clubbed or saved by a Green New Zealander.

Come out. When Dan beats off again, when
he drifts away the way he always does, come out:
zip up that pantsuit and rescue me from my Horatian

sense of humor! There's a great jazz bar nearby
that doesn't charge a cover. They will play
only the nine jazz songs we know, over and over.

And the world will narrow the way it always does
when we're together, only nine jazz songs
ever written, and we know every one by heart.

And if some kid from the local jazz college walks in
and starts playing the tenth song, that's when
we get our clubs and club him like a baby seal

--Dan Chiasson

"You're not ugly, but if you were smarter, you'd be hot." (Man attempting pickup, overheard by bartender.)

“She cooked it. I ate it. That was forty years ago.”

"If only I was 20 years younger and lesbian." (Woman speaking about her yoga teacher, overheard by Elaine Geffen.)

"I'm not going there to get laid, but I might have to leave early to avoid it." (Self-assured young man to friend, overheard near the UC Berkeley campus by Marilyn Pon.)

"I don't see us being a girlfriend-boyfriend thing. I mean, we could be, but it's so obvious to me we won't that I felt I should mention it." (Boy to girl, overheard at Jupiter in Berkeley by Dave Bourdon.)

"I'm glad you asked. Yes, I was once charged with attempted murder." (Couple on what seemed to be first date, overheard at NOPA by B. Stormont.)

"So I told him, 'If she's standing close enough to kiss her it means she wants you to.' " (Man to friend, overheard at Pasta Pomodoro on 24th Street by Gerald Nachman.)

"The price I pay for what I did to you is having the traumatic memories of sex with you seared into my brain."

"Barack Obama. We've made it our new safe word." (Woman to woman, overheard at the bar at Cafe Rouge by Desmond Yen.)

(excerpts from the book "Real Life Romance")

What is your name? I'll never tell.

Do you have any nicknames? Penguine. Mockingbird. Why birds? I don't know.

What's your hair color? stripy.

What's your eye color? green.

Do you have any piercings? took them out. blocked my chi flow.

Do you have any tatoos? a few.

What's your ethnicity? a little bit of everyone racially associated with alcohol. kikapoo is my favorite. i am proud to be a kikapoo. and i'm proud to be black irish.

What's your heritage? farmers. beatnics.

Do you have any siblings? somewhat.

...FavOritEs...

Food? i will probably enjoy anything that isn't rotten, moldy, lactose, or poisoned.

Candy? black licorice.

Icecream? rocky road.

Drink? water. unsweetened tea. 3 shots of espresso. redeye. cranberry juice (it's not about pms, it's just the most delicious juice around). bottle o' vodka. very black coffee (peruvian preferably). orange juice with vodka. bottle o' grapefruit gin, with saladitos, good with a joint and a lover. orange juice with rum, good for writing novels. turkish coffee. bottle o' tequila with a lime poked down through the neck, floatin' around in there, best on the farm at sunset. lime juice with vodka, rimmed with sugar, with some candlelight and music can be quite nice in a hottub. a zesty australian merlot. lime liqueur with vodka, 50/50, best to sit alone on saint pat's day, alone, in the dark, with a nine inch nails discography on loop. rum is good for watching tv. whisky is good for shooting pool. cognac for celebration.

Color? espresso...rust...honey...deep reds...coral pinks...black...ivory

Number? 7. 27. 72. 19. 91. 8. 21.

Season? fall.

School Subject? psych. history. dance.

Store? borders. b&n. local bookstores. local art stores. local holes in the local wall.

Clothing Brand? wtf?

Sport? horseback riding..........bellydance?

Male Celebrity? harrison ford. hugh jackman. jeff golblum. modest mouse (all of them in combination, but particularly mr. isaac brock, who gives my heart cause to smile). tim gunn (project runway, dude).

Female Celebrity? maggie gillenhaal. helena bonham carter.

Holiday? halloween (death). beltane (love). christmas (an arena of love & death).

Book? the dark tower series by stephen king, but particularly the first book--The Gunslinger--and the fourth, Wizard and the Glass. A Wrinkle In Time - L'Engle. Of Mice and Men - Steinbeck. The Vampire Lestat - Rice. The Shipping News - Proulx. Anthologies by TS Eliot, E.E. Cummings, Yeats, Macleish...And vast, indescript tomes of nonfictional reference material which my mind frequents more than anything.

TV Show? Colbert Report. King of the Hill. Jay Leno. Law & Order.

Movie? The Godfather.

Childhood Toy? robot kit. little plastic figurines. pewter figurines snagged out of grandma's collection. porcelain horses appropriated from mom. books...from anyone who wouldn't notice they were missing. books of cryptograms and logic puzzles. microscopes. silverware. cages for trapping birds...no harm did befall them.

< This or That >

Kisses or Hugs? kisses...slow and deep. unless it's a relative, then...yeah, still kiss. but not so slow. not so deep.

Laugh or Cry? laugh until you cry until you laugh.

City or Country? couity.

Chocolate or Vanilla? dark bitter chocolate.

NYC or LA? chicago, bitches.

Coke or Pepsi? any non-carbonated beverage previously mentioned.

Up North or Down South? ...

Beach or Pool? ocean.

Hot or Cold? hot

Sunny or Rainy? bring on the monsoons.

Shake Ya Tailfeather or Shake Your Laffy Taffy? dear god.

Polka Dots or Stripes? zebra stripes or leopard print.

Baskin Robbins or Dairy Queen? how about coffee and Krispy Kremes?

Twist or Shout? both. at the same time.

Family or Friends? good friends are family. and bad family is dead to me. so what difference does it make?

Boys or Girls? real men and the sauciest of wenches.

McDonalds or Burger King? viva burrito.

Chocolate Milk or White Milk? rice milk.

Love or Money? sugardaddy.

Fantasy or Reality? ground your dreams in reality, grow them there.

Abercrombie or Hollister? i'll tell you what, neither one sells ball-gags.

Hamburgers or Hotdogs? chilidogs. and this was a terrible followup question.

Ketchup or Mustard? spicy mustard.

Day or Night? dusk, then 11PM-6AM, or until the sun rises.

Rap or Country? merle haggard, sucka.

Prep or Emo? transparently emo.

Sweet or Tart? tart.

Blonde or Brunette? blue.

Cats or Dogs? cats, snakes, goats, geese, lemurs, foxes and dogs that act like cats.

Indoors or Outdoors? outdoors.

<3 L.O.V.E <3

Have you ever been in love? yes.

With whom? with new extra-strong garnier fructis curl construct mousse with fruit micro-waxes. it gives me the perfect weightless curls, with maximum hold and shine, minimum frizz. it lets me create MY style by MY rules.

What is true love? 9 times out of 10 it's 90% big-fucking-pain-in-the-ass. 1 time out of 10 it's only 40% big-fucking-pain-in-the-ass.

Does love at first site exist? site...lust at first sight exists...definitely. and sometimes lust can work into love if you stave it off long enough to establish some level of emotional and/or spiritual intimacy.

Do you have a bf or gf? not for lack of invitation.

What is your sexual orientation? a little bit o' this, a little bit o' that...

Is there such a thing as fairytales? Brothers Grimm.

Have you ever been cheated on? you can bet there were spikes in his tires and bleach in his cereal.

Have you ever cheated? on the guy with bleach in his cereal, but he was on his way out, so it didn't really matter, now did it?

Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? you'd have to be a cold or celibate bastard not to.

Do you have a crush? always.

On who? nunya.

Are you a virgin? ♪like a virgin♪

How far have you gone? a few totalled cars. one caught fire and exploded. they had to pull me out, unconscious, rush me to urgent care to sew up my skull. i was amnesiac and crippled. physical rehabilitation got me walking again, but i had black outs for seven months afterwards and still can't count past ten without intense concentration.

Ever hooked up with someone of the same sex? fun times.

Do you want to get married? maybe sometime before i die.

Do you want to have kids? not without a loving, faithful and principled father.

How do you feel about "friends with benefits"? same way i feel about porn.

Would you ever consider having an open relationship with someone? no.

:::In a Boy / Girl:::
Hair Color? whatever.

Eye Color? surprise me.

Height? you must be taller than 5'6 to ride this ride.

Most Important Personality Trait? wisdom. courage. strength of will. loyalty. passion. devotion. appreciation of beauty. post-cognitive morality. forgiveness. quiet strength. abstract thinking. hope. pursuit of truth. sense of humor. and maybe a tiny sadistic streak.

Looks or Personality? why must it always be either-or?

?Random Questions?

Do you think you're attractive? yes, and i am terribly vain.

Do you do drugs? when the mood strikes.

Smoke? when the mood strikes.

Drink? less than before.

Are you friends with people who do? less than before.

If you could meet any athlete, who would it be? chuck noris.

Do you like coffee? yes.

What do you want to be when you grow up? a burlesque dancing psychologist on a goat farm in peru.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? once, if i'm single.

Have you ever had braces? no

Do you wear contacts or glasses? glasses.

Does God exist? Yes. but I'm with Plato on this one.

What is your religion? Tao is my prevailing philosophy.

What is your clothing style? good guys wear black.

Do you believe in life on other planets? there's life everywhere.

Do you wish on stars? do i wish on distant monolithic balls of fiery gas dangling in the cosmos? no.

Are you pro-life? As opposed to what?

Do you support the death penalty? Yes. I believe in Hammurabi's Code. So stone me now. Or better yet, let's get stoned together.

Do you support gay marriage? Yes.

How do you want to die? Laughing.

Do you have any regrets? No.

Does karma come back and get you? I like to think so. self-flagellation's a time-crunch.

Have you ever been sent to jail? Not for lack of trying.

Have you ever lied? I'm lying right now...

Are you honest? To a fault, actually.

When is your bedtime? 9pm

Have you ever cheated on homework? how else do you think i graduated...oh, wait, i didn't. ha ha

How late do you sleep until? 2am

Are you vegetarian? MEAT.

Do you have a job? Good question.

Are you rich? Someday....when i find the right man.

Who is the funniest comedian? Mitch Hedberg. Stephen Colbert. Ryan Styles. Jay Leno. Drew Cary. Colin Mockrey. Gary Larson. Vero.

Is your hair naturally curly or straight? Straight as a...never mind.

Do you go to tanning beds? Mmm...radioactivity.

What is your natural hair color? You have to wonder, don't you?

Do you die your hair? It wants to live, and I tell it that it's already dead. Inside.

Do you get along with your parents? better now than before.

What is your most prized possesion? love.

What thing do you have an obsession for? zeese reedeeculooos obsezzion weeth lOve.

How many shoes do you own? six shoes, total, out of 3 pairs.

Are you usually a happy person? ♪we'll all float on...♪

Peyton: Hey, Peyton Manning here to talk to you about a great limited-time offer from the Prince of Darkness.

Up to your asshole in debt? Finding payday advance loans and armed robbery to be too much of a hassle? Maybe just want some arbitrary bullshit?

Ever thought of selling your soul to the Devil?

Whoawhoawhoa. Hear me out. And you’ll discover why there’s never been a better time to sell than now.

Don’t be duped into selling your everlasting essence to one of those big corporations or, even worse, some Portuguese guy who promises you a bigger dick. Go with the fictive religious entity with a couple thousand year track record of eternal bargains. We’re offering low introductory rates.

What are you using it for anyway? Why not make that soul work for you?

(cut to family trying to pack their car to go on a vacation)

Mom: The car’s full. We can’t fit anymore.

Dad: If only we didn’t have these damn souls weighing us down!

Peyton Manning: That’s right. They’ll even take Hindus, Sikhs or B’ahai and shit. Whatever it is dark-skinned worship. It’s all good. Believe it or not, but your souls are worth only marginally less than a real person’s.

(SNL)

If I had a day that I could give you
I’d give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I’d sing a song to make you feel this way


Sunshine On My Shoulders, John Denver

Hello, Darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
’neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence. Simon & Garfunkel

South Park
"Damn, woman! I just gave you sweet loving five minutes ago! You trying to kill me or something?"

Stan : Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my friend. Why can't God take someone else's friend?
Chef : Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?
Stan : But then, why does God give us anything to start with?"
Chef : Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.
Stan : I think I understand.

West Wing
President Josiah Bartlet: We agree on nothing, Max.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir.
President Josiah Bartlet: Education, guns, drugs, school prayer, gays, defense spending, taxes - you name it, we disagree.
Senator Lobell: You know why?
President Josiah Bartlet: Because I'm a lily-livered, bleeding-heart, liberal, egghead communist.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir. And I'm a gun-toting, redneck son-of-a-bitch.
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes, you are.
Senator Lobell: We agree about that.

Cheech & Chong
"I'M SORRY I TOOK THEH MONEH! I'M SORRY I TOOK THEH MONEHH!! AHM SORREH!! AHHHHHM SORREHHHHHH!!!" Walks out...pause. Pokes his head back in. "I'M NOT SORREH I TOOK THEH MONEHHHH!!! AH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!!" Pee Wee Herman

and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death

e.e. cummings

Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.

And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.

Now Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to the river
She is wearing rags and feathers
From Salvation Army counters
And the sun pours down like honey
On our lady of the harbour
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed
There are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love
And they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that you can trust her
For she's touched your perfect body with her mind. Susanne, Leonard Cohen

Flipping through a sketchbook. "Wow, son, these are really good! I didn't know anyone in our family had talent--well, except for that thing your Mom does."
"You mean play piano?"
"No...yeah, son." Silence. "Aw, come 'ere and give me a hug!" Family Guy

"Hell is other people." Sartre.

"Chris! Quit hogging all the fans!"
"Meg! Quit hogging all the UGLY!" Family Guy

"I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!" American Dad

"Francine, this happens every time! First you pull out a gun and threaten to shoot me. Then I pull out my gun. Eventually, your arm gets tired, you leave, and we have passionate "nobody-got-shot" sex." American Dad

Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?
(Lois giggles)
Peter: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

Peter: (trying to console Cleveland at audition for a Bachelor show coming up) Let's get your clothes off.
(takes off Cleveland's shirt and pants)
Cleveland: Peter, what is wrong with you? I'm naked.
Peter: (Peter takes off his shirt and pants too) See, now you're not alone.

Peter Griffin: Huh, I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to?
(Scooby-Doo theme plays)
TV Announcer: We now return to The Scooby-Doo Murder Files.
Fred: Gee whiz, gang. Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river.
Velma: Jinkies! What a mystery!
Scooby-Doo: (jumps on Shaggy's arms) Arroo!
Fred: You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!

"Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?" The Chapelle Show

Kid 1: Come on, dude. Just take one hit. Don't you wanna be cool?
Kid 2: (takes drag of joint, make womanly coughing sounds)
Kid 1: Hey, man, what are you doin'?
Kid 2: I'm so high...
(pulling out a rifle)
Kid 2: Nothing can hurt me!
(puts pump-action rifle in mouth and pulls trigger)
Kid 1: (leaping towards him in slow motion) Nooooooooo!
Public Service Announcement: MARIJUANA KILLS!
(Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle)

“What? Are you guys like a couple now?”
“We’re not a couple. No, no. He was squeezing my hand to dominate it, we were attempting to see who has the firmer grip, by cutting off the other’s circulation. What you see is our lips at war, our mouths competing in a feat of strength for victory, our tongues sweatily wrestling against each other. It’s all a competition, not intimacy! And when we go in private, the noises you hear through the door are the sounds of ferocity and combat, not of intense, erotic pleasure. Those moans are moans of sarcasm, and those grunts are biting, breathy retorts against the thundering, Yes! Oh YES! Of my victory.” Dream Sequence.

"Huh. I dunno. I could be a whore. You look like you have fun. That would give me an excuse to have them without getting to know them, but I'd still be selective so...you and you and you and....no....'cause you're ugly." Olivia

Everyone sees what you seem. Only few feel the way you are.
Niccoló Machiavelli

Love is love's reward.
John Dryden

Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life.
Jean Paul Richter

There is no wealth but life.
John Ruskin

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Henry David Thoreau

Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden.
T. S. Eliot

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Umberto Eco

Life in Song:

Opening song: "Monday Morning" by Silly Wizard & "Yellow Brick Alleyway" by ICP
Waking up: "The Hills Are Alive" from the Sound of Music
Theme Music: "Diamonds and Guns" by the Transplants & "Crazy Faith" by Alison Krauss &
First date: i dun date...i hookup, occassionally
First kiss: "Wallflower Waltz" by KD Lang
Falling in love: "Looking in the Eyes of Love" by Alison Krauss & "Praise Chorus" by Jimmy Eat World
Seeing an old love: "Perfect" by the Smashing Pumpkins
Heartbreak: "Deo Gracias" by Benjamine Britain & "Paranoid Android" by Radiohead
Driving fast: "Sedated" by the Ramones & "Five Pounds of Opposum" by...uh...Rollo, my sing-songing friend.
Getting ready to go out: "Oh Atlanta" by Alison Krauss
Dancing at a club: "Candy Man" by Aqua
Flirting: "Take Her In Your Arms" by Silly Wizard
Feeling sexy: "Fox On the Run" by Jim and Jesse & "Shake That Thang" by Sean Paul
Walking alone in the rain: "3x5" by John Mayer
Missing someone: "Homies" by ICP
Summer vacation: "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys
Fighting with someone: "Andy You're A Star" by the Killers
Thinking back: "Recovering the Satellites" by Counting Crows
Feeling depressed: "Crash" by Dave Matthews Band & "Mad World" by Gary Jules
Falling asleep: "Ain't Yo Bidness" by ICP
Closing song: "Rain King" by Counting Crows

"What kind of pet store has swingin' jazz music and people from all walks of life at 3 AM?"
"The best damn pet store in town!!!" Simpsons

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." Dalai Lama

"All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man."
Henry David Thoreau

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that." Ellen DeGeneres

"It is not length of life, but depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Why not seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!"
Jane Austen

"You are the music while the music lasts." T. S. Eliot