and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death
e.e. cummings
Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.
And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.
Now Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to the river
She is wearing rags and feathers
From Salvation Army counters
And the sun pours down like honey
On our lady of the harbour
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed
There are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love
And they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that you can trust her
For she's touched your perfect body with her mind. Susanne, Leonard Cohen
Flipping through a sketchbook. "Wow, son, these are really good! I didn't know anyone in our family had talent--well, except for that thing your Mom does."
"You mean play piano?"
"No...yeah, son." Silence. "Aw, come 'ere and give me a hug!" Family Guy
"Hell is other people." Sartre.
"Chris! Quit hogging all the fans!"
"Meg! Quit hogging all the UGLY!" Family Guy
"I touched her hand, her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I touched her boob! Algebra's awesome!" American Dad
"Francine, this happens every time! First you pull out a gun and threaten to shoot me. Then I pull out my gun. Eventually, your arm gets tired, you leave, and we have passionate "nobody-got-sh
Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?
(Lois giggles)
Peter: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Peter: (trying to console Cleveland at audition for a Bachelor show coming up) Let's get your clothes off.
(takes off Cleveland's shirt and pants)
Cleveland: Peter, what is wrong with you? I'm naked.
Peter: (Peter takes off his shirt and pants too) See, now you're not alone.
Peter Griffin: Huh, I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to?
(Scooby-Doo theme plays)
TV Announcer: We now return to The Scooby-Doo Murder Files.
Fred: Gee whiz, gang. Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river.
Velma: Jinkies! What a mystery!
Scooby-Doo: (jumps on Shaggy's arms) Arroo!
Fred: You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!
"Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?" The Chapelle Show
Kid 1: Come on, dude. Just take one hit. Don't you wanna be cool?
Kid 2: (takes drag of joint, make womanly coughing sounds)
Kid 1: Hey, man, what are you doin'?
Kid 2: I'm so high...
(pulling out a rifle)
Kid 2: Nothing can hurt me!
(puts pump-action rifle in mouth and pulls trigger)
Kid 1: (leaping towards him in slow motion) Nooooooooo!
Public Service Announcement: MARIJUANA KILLS!
(Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle)
“What? Are you guys like a couple now?”
“We’re not a couple. No, no. He was squeezing my hand to dominate it, we were attempting to see who has the firmer grip, by cutting off the other’s circulation. What you see is our lips at war, our mouths competing in a feat of strength for victory, our tongues sweatily wrestling against each other. It’s all a competition, not intimacy! And when we go in private, the noises you hear through the door are the sounds of ferocity and combat, not of intense, erotic pleasure. Those moans are moans of sarcasm, and those grunts are biting, breathy retorts against the thundering, Yes! Oh YES! Of my victory.” Dream Sequence.
"Huh. I dunno. I could be a whore. You look like you have fun. That would give me an excuse to have them without getting to know them, but I'd still be selective so...you and you and you and....no....'
Everyone sees what you seem. Only few feel the way you are.
Niccoló Machiavelli
Love is love's reward.
John Dryden
Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life.
Jean Paul Richter
There is no wealth but life.
John Ruskin
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Henry David Thoreau
Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden.
T. S. Eliot
But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Umberto Eco
Life in Song:
Opening song: "Monday Morning" by Silly Wizard & "Yellow Brick Alleyway" by ICP
Waking up: "The Hills Are Alive" from the Sound of Music
Theme Music: "Diamonds and Guns" by the Transplants & "Crazy Faith" by Alison Krauss &
First date: i dun date...i hookup, occassionally
First kiss: "Wallflower Waltz" by KD Lang
Falling in love: "Looking in the Eyes of Love" by Alison Krauss & "Praise Chorus" by Jimmy Eat World
Seeing an old love: "Perfect" by the Smashing Pumpkins
Heartbreak: "Deo Gracias" by Benjamine Britain & "Paranoid Android" by Radiohead
Driving fast: "Sedated" by the Ramones & "Five Pounds of Opposum" by...uh...Roll
Getting ready to go out: "Oh Atlanta" by Alison Krauss
Dancing at a club: "Candy Man" by Aqua
Flirting: "Take Her In Your Arms" by Silly Wizard
Feeling sexy: "Fox On the Run" by Jim and Jesse & "Shake That Thang" by Sean Paul
Walking alone in the rain: "3x5" by John Mayer
Missing someone: "Homies" by ICP
Summer vacation: "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys
Fighting with someone: "Andy You're A Star" by the Killers
Thinking back: "Recovering the Satellites" by Counting Crows
Feeling depressed: "Crash" by Dave Matthews Band & "Mad World" by Gary Jules
Falling asleep: "Ain't Yo Bidness" by ICP
Closing song: "Rain King" by Counting Crows
"What kind of pet store has swingin' jazz music and people from all walks of life at 3 AM?"
"The best damn pet store in town!!!" Simpsons
"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." Dalai Lama
"All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man."
Henry David Thoreau
"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that." Ellen DeGeneres
"It is not length of life, but depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Why not seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!"
Jane Austen
"You are the music while the music lasts." T. S. Eliot
An ill response:
"You only want me for my body!"
'Don't be silly. There are plenty of bodies better than yours, and a good half of them open to my disposal."
"Oh, fine! I see how it is. I'm just a quickie, then."
"Well, no, if I wanted you for that, I could have much more variety outside of a steady relationship."
"So I'm boring!"
"No less than individuals are condemned to. You're quite entertaining."
"You're laughing at me."
"Hahaha...I mean...I'm sorry...."
She sleeps and though she sleeps so solid
I sleep against her thinning hope and
she pulls the blankets off
later I am waking, several times each night
and she sits in that same chair, rocking by the window
and it's nothing
nothing but waiting
waiting for an answer
and her antennae are roaming
roam for soft signals from dreams and satellites.
"She won't survive...but then, who does?" --Blade Runner
.and our hearts are in our coffee cans, back home.
She was sitting on the street corner, long ruby nails and chestnut hair pulled back like silk in twine, whipping in the wind. Muslim, she said, that’s what she was. She didn’t understand all the women around her who so easily sold their girlhood. She said she didn’t doubt that no one on the bus was still a girl, while talking to me.
And I looked at her, I knew it was true, but didn’t fear. I said girlhood was a state of mind.
We took the bus in the rain, left the window down, let the sprite gush in like mountain mist, dousing our hair and faces, smiling into it. She caressed the side of the bus, outside fearlessly, as we swished by the other vehicles on the street. She went from laughing to crying in the blink of an eye, when she spoke of home in Chechnya, saying that their English was not the same.
She told me of a boy she loved, who was very far away. He used to laugh at all the girls he used, and tell his friends. He poured his heart out to her in private but changed in the blink of an eye. She tried so many times to tell him that she loved him, smoking with him behind the school. She never kissed him, nor had she ever hugged him, but she dreamt it so well and frequently that she felt she deserved to say she had. Surely their eyes had kissed a million times, even if he did not know!
But she would not be so presumptuous.
She would like to live alone, she said. She was only herself at school and her parents pushed her down into a mold. Her mother brought home stale bread; she had been beaten by her husband and took the children and left to work alone. Now the girl had a step-father who was kinder, took a job in America. She left her Czech boy away with the months behind her, down a dusty stretch of road. He was Asian but he had large jade eyes that they would tease each other about.
“I pretend to hate him…and he pretend to hate me, but I know he really hates me. And I will never tell him that I love him, though I try. He is not pretending. Perhaps pretending to pretend.” He had deflowered most of the girls in the school, used them and laughed. She hated him, yes, but loved him just the same. He poured his soul out to her and then closed it up like a dry flower closing away from butterflies, saving itself for the moths.
She said she had brothers. They were not real brothers. But if a boy at school bothered her, they would beat him, and if he threatened her, they would rape him too. It bothered her that they seemed to like it, but still they were her brothers so she kept them like dogs. The girls at school spoke badly about her, but the boys wanted her so badly. She didn’t not like them. She had only loved one boy who would never have her—she could not wilt like all the other flowers. She was a flytrap.
So she told me all this, on the bus, tears filling her eyes and draining. She chewed a perfect nail, pressed her fingers against her lip and seared into my eyes. How beautiful against the rainlight…and I could only sit in awe. The most poisonous orchid with dark stories to tell, she loathed and envied the rich American girls, and longed for a cigarette but not too badly—she had only smoked to be around her boy. And had only two friends here, who would listen. Benezia.
What's more-- I will forget today. I will forget her.
Our ordinary mind always tries to persuade us that we are nothing but acorns and that our greatest happiness will be to become bigger, fatter, shinier acorns; but that is of interest only to pigs.
Our faith gives us knowledge of something much better:
that we can become oak trees.
(E.F.Schumacher)
*then I get to thinking about it, and maybe we can't decide what sort of trees we will be, if God would have us be another kind, but we can rest assured that we will be the largest and proudest of trees with only our own faith and aspirations*
taken from [notincalifornia]. It's sad, but it's funny......
-If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
-The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them.
-If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-Two words: Catapulting Teacups.
-That which doesn't kill you... will probably try again.
-Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
-Your hell is when you dream and I'm awake. . .
*Emmy's not creative in her titles, but her words are oftentimes the best.*
"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me." --Emily Dickenson
I find my nose bleeding as I wake up, thinking dirty thoughts.
an explosive mexican just walked out the door,
denying relation to her mother.
She looks like, "I love you, thanks for not being an asshole like the rest of society." But sometimes I wonder if she just imagines that.
2 hours of sleep and 1 pot of coffee later,
I've OBE'd my way through the night, and scribbled love notes through the nimble of dawn.
Paranoid about my weight, I only eat a kiwi and pack a hot pocket for lunch...kiwi then gets stuck in my teeth, but since the roof of my mouth scalded off with coffee, picking out the kiwi leaves me spitting up blood.
That's okay. So I put on all my make up. New Vogue style, for pale complexions. Downstairs, I'm folding glitter into a Dutch chocolate-scen
Next I'm outside crying blood, 'cause I'm highly allergic to the eye makeup and pollen..waitin
There's a gentleman leaning on the wall in my mind,
spiderless brick towering behind him, he smiles quietly and the walls crumble in Biblical fashion.
I was looking for him, but when I looked up at the bridge, he was walking next to me. I ran up the stairs to meet him, he stumbled and he smiled.
Now I stumble.
Alex promises to show me the Astral plane in a safer place than the locker room. She puts her head on my shoulder like she cares.
The lonely guitarist smiles. He waits after school for me as usual, just to get done talking to my friends. Give me a second, life hurts like hell. That's what he says. I'll be sane again tomorrow. Today we'll be friends. Brushes his lips through my hair, sighing softly.
People come and go. I don't hardly know. He points out my ride, gently grins goodbye. Friends suck me in. Turn around, he's gone, like he was never there.
Eating chocolate and peanut butter cake...
drinking water.....
One of three in aerobics to do 200 sit-ups. Everyone else dropped around 60.
The birds wait on the sidewalk to have their pictures taken, flying like ribbons in the wind to show off brilliant plumes; they'll all look gray anyway.
New camera. New dark room. New life.
"But I being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
--William Butler Yeats
"Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?"
--Nietzsche
"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be."
--Kurt Vonnegut
"A thing of beauty is joy forever: It's loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness."
--John Keats
"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
--Sara Williams
"If A equals success then the formula is:
A=X+Y+Z
X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
--Albert Einstein
"I think I will not hang myself today."
--Gilbert Keith Chesterton
As seen on the pages of people such as [Mitul] & others! (someone had way too much free time. Glad it wasn't me.)
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (various authors)
Plato:
For the greater good.
Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.
Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida:
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams:
Forty-two.
Friedrich Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North:
National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner:
Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitou
Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.
Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature
Howard Cosell:
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Charles Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus:
For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume:
Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson:
'Cause it fucking wanted to. THAT'S the fucking reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?
The Sphinx:
You tell me.
Henry David Thoreau:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
The I Ching:
Because 9 in the first place means it furthers one to cross the Great Road. No blame.
Confucius:
To advise the Duke of Chou on crossing roads with chickenly piety.
Lao-tse:
If I told you, it would prove I don't know.
Chuang-tse: If Confucius and Lao-tse are on opposite sides of the same road , how much more so then the chicken?
Aleister Crowley:
Because it was his Will, and therefore the Whole of His Law.
Madame Blavatsky:
He was unwittingly acting on instructions emanating from my immediate superiors in the Himalayas.
Krishnamurti:
To demonstrate that there is no duality of This side and That side unless you think.
Ramana Maharsi:
When a chicken in yourdream crosses a road in your dream, do you upon waking enquire into his motives?
Colonel Sanders:
To persuade the vegetarians that a chicken is just a fast plant.
Terence McKenna:
He was impelled by the backward shockwave of the Eschaton towards the self-replicati
Vernor Vinge:
Because the hyperbolic acceleration of roadcrossing technology led to a Singularity beyond which chickenhood on this side of the road is unimaginable.
Robert Anton Wilson:
Because the Illuminati had manipulated him into Reality Tunnel #23. Fnord.
Richard Dawkins:
Because of the selfishness of the road-crossing meme.
Nikola Tesla:
As part of a secret experiment in wireless chicken transmission.
A.J. Ayer:
In the absence of a technique to verify or falsify the assertion that he crossed it, the crossing must be regarded as chickenless.
Adolf Hitler:
Because it was his racial destiny to expand his Chickensraum.
M.C. Escher:
Are you so sure he really crossed it? Look again..
T.S.Eliot:
Because chickens will not cease from crossing, and the end of all their crossings will be to reach the side of the road they started from, and to know it for the first time.
Oprah Winfrey:
He was reacting to a repressed traumatic caponisation in his childhood which he will now share with us in detail.
William Faulkner:
Because the inbreeding which had reduced his once proud line to alcoholic degenerates brooding among the magnolias serpentine with kudzu as the Mississippi sun poured its withering scorn on the abandoned cotton fields where his deranged father had pecked in dusty vain for forty years had driven him to the point where he no longer knew when to stop or whether in fact it was a good idea to stop since in his rare moments of lucidity he could see not even a semicolon for miles and miles and then some.......
F. Scott Fitzgerald:
Because he believed in the greenlight, the orgiastic chicken-run that year by year recedes before us. It eluded him then, but that's no matter; tomorrow he will scurry faster, poke out his beak further, and one fine day....
Dr. Johnson:
To refute Berkeley's assertion that to be on the other side of the road is to appear to be there.
H.P. Lovecraft:
They say my head has been cut off, but the blind fools will soon know the eldritch horror of the abominable Pukpuklathop who froths with loathsome ecstacy in unspeakable slime beyond the NOW OPENED PORTALS TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!
Al Gore:
Because I designed the Information Superhighway so that all chickens, especially American ones, can cross under our benevolent supervision.
Richard Hoagland:
To prove that NASA had doctored photos of the other side of the road.
King Lear:
As roads to wanton chickens are we to the gods; they cross us for their sport.
Dr. Emmett Brown:
"Roads? Where I'm going, the chicken doesn't need roads!"
Herman Hesse:
When the bizarre and solitary chicken disappeared across the road, his landlady's nephew, who felt an odd kinship toward the clucking fowl, found an egg inside the pen she once inhabitted....
Steppenwolf:
Get your chicken running.
Paul McCartney: (from the other side of the road)
Yesterday.... all our chickens were so far away.
Boddhidarma: Bring me that chicken.
Sam Spade:
The chicken pleaded with Sam to let her go. She even tried to seduce him. But Sam sneered, "I won't play the sap for you." He had to clear himself from guilt, and no chicken would stand in his way. His smile widened as he gazed at the bird. "When they fry you, I'll always remember you, kid," he said.
Wilbur and Orville Wright:
As to why, it is hard to say. Yet after we saw that it couldn't fly, a thought occurred... If we could build a skid with a track going down the hill to the road, she just might make it across without touching the ground.
Isaac Newton:
For that one crossing, there is an equal and opposite crossing occurring simultaneously
Richard Nixon:
The chicken is not a crook.
Will Rogers:
I never met a chicken I didn't like.
Mort Sahl:
That chicken made it across the road, because it ran against Jimmy Carter. Like Reagan, that chicken would have never made it, had it run unopposed.
O.J. Simpson's defense team... one after the other:
Did you see the chicken cross the road? I didn't see the chicken cross the road. How can we be sure the chicken crossed the road? Just because the chicken was on this side for a time... and now is on the other side... is not adequate reason to be sure it crossed the road.
Dr. Seuss - Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
Martin Luther King, Jr.. - I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross the road without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa - In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Saddam Hussein - This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Fox Mulder - You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Freud - The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Louis Farrakhan - The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Alexander DeLarge: It was fagged of it's domy, me droogies, and wanted to secure a bit of the ol' ultra-violence
Erwin Schrodinger - Until you actually observe the chicken, it exists in a superposition of both crossed and uncrossed states.
Carl Sandburg:
He crossed the road less traveled, and survived. That made all the difference.
I am he who serves. I am he who is caught. I am he who is a fish. I am in a net.
- Raymond E. Fiest
Yar, so many love songs. Is there no escaping? How dissatisfying! It looks like the end of the line. What happened to the old, beautiful narrative songs? The fantastic political rants? The vaguely innebriated tavern carols? Are those all so far away now? Or are they off, somewhere far away, filling the void of someone else's muse?
Then may it serve them well.