Ugh... for all readers of this diary entry, I'm very frustrated and it will inevitably come out into my writing here. Let's just say it's been a long, rough day. Work was alright but it was, after all, load day and so naturally rough. However, my current irritation happens to be that fucking Karla! She's that tick that I just can't seem to kill; the cut on the roof of your mouth that never seems to heal. She just can't fucking manage to leave shit alone, now can she? Now I'm in a heap of a mess because she's a stupid bitch!!! This is NOT kosher! I really am tired of dealing with this type of drama! That's all for now, I'm going out for a run.
I've learned a valuable lesson today from my elders at work. Finding love isn't the hard part, especially with whatever it is I am. The hard part is keping love, choosing which love you want and need. Someone's going to have to get there heart broken in this situation, and that's what worries me. I'll just pull a Christene and say whateva. lol. Haha, I can't believe she walked in the storethe other day. That was a close one if you know what I mean. And I got in trouble too, cuz I took the fuck off! lol.
What is love?
The question has been asked as long as the world has been alive.
Mistaken by many, felt by few, and theorized by thousands.
But has ut ever truly been answered?
Has any one person ever defined this mass of feeling and soul?
So I ask the question every single man woman and child has asked before me...
What is love?
Where does it start, where does it end?
"What's worth fighting for when it's not worth dying for?"
What is it worth?
Your livelihood?
Your hopes and dreams?
Is it worth your very soul?
Is that what love is, giving up everything you ever cherised in life to fit into whatever shape and form your lover wants you to be?
And in that case, do they give up everything if you already have?
Where does it end, at your very life?
"What's the point in buying your life back if the price is your hopes and dreams? "
Why would you work for everythign you wanted your entire life to give it away?
Is it wrong to love things you worked for?
Careers, lifestyles?
What is love when you have to give up your soul to attain it?
How much pain is it worth?
How many tears do you shed before it's too much?
Is there ever a light at the end of the tunnel, or just bloodshed?
"Someday, Somehow we'll make it alright. But not right now. "
How long before I'm happy?
How long before this is over?
"The night is always darkest just before the dawn. "
When is the dawn coming?
It's been dark for so long...
When will my hungry eyes see light again?
Will they ever?
"My weakness is I care to much."
Isn't that true of us all.
Our hearts grow large and ripe like strawberries as children,
only to be tossed into a cruel world.
A snow blizzard of hatred and pain with no end.
Those of us who close up and lose feelings are called monsters,
While those who continue to believe are called weaklings.
You can't win for losing.
In this world so cold how are we supposed to even find love at all?
Where's the magic love fairy to guide our way?
Where's our yellow brick road?
It's been busy, as usual. Working, working, working. but it pays off in the end. Went shopping and out to a nice fancy mason dinner yesterday and more shopping in store for Saturday. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping him medical analysis is finished today and I'm Mrs. Sar by Monday. Oooo I can't wait! C: I found a ring I think he'll love as much as I do. I'm gonna go look at it maybe tommorrow or Saturday. I'm SOOO excited :]
Oh how I love the rumors. "She calls me at night crying over him" That's what he said. And it's pretty damn funny too. I wonder what people said about me back when I was in her position... Who cares? And I love how they say it, all concerned I'm gonna end up hurt too. It's my life and I'll do what I want. Is it so bad that you follow your heart when opportunity presents itself?
OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I just came back from watching Shutter Island! It blew my mind! I was going insane watching that movie, it was amazing!!! I still can't even get it out of my head! I loved it!
Yay! I had such a good time last night! It was one of those funny teen court nights. I can't believe Rafa really said "Fire is bad" in his closing, I choked on the water I was drinking it was so funny. And Josh got up there and said "Well it was a long night so let's make this quick and dirty." I just met that kid but I love him already, I can't wait to co-counsel with him again, he's hilarious! Anyways... Ariel had a great time too and mom finally met Rafa, she obviously like him but with the way he went up to her who wouldn't like him? It was sooo funny.
but in the end Eddie was right and I shouldn't have gone cuz it just made me sicker. :( Oh well, I'll get better and I'll be at the next teen court for sure! I just hope he gets better too... Poor babe, he's all sick and working. But I can't wait to see him again, I'm fricken counting the days till I have him in my arms again. I love him so much I just can't wait. That's all for now, life is wonderful C:
Someone once said "Kaycee takes whatever she wants without thinking about the consequences." DAMN STRAIGHT! That's what life is about and if anybody can't put up with that, that's their problem.You see, I tried being nice to people but the world just isn't nice now is it? Those people expected everybody to give them everything on a silver platter but they were the biggest monster of us all. Sorry babydoll, but I'm not your daddy and I'm not gonna give you the world.
So, I have decided he's right. I've decided the best way to get her out of my life is the same way he did, to walk away. Because this crazy chick is like the blonde bimbo in obsessed, she just isn't ever going to go away. It doesn't matter anymore. I know damn well even if she does what she was advised, it wouldn't change anything. I'm the one with the ring on my finger, not her and I'm not worried about her in the least bit anymore. Yup, I said it woman, you're no threat to me anymore. And as for my baby brother, well he said it best himself when he laughed about her flirting with him.
As for everything, guess I'll see how it goes on thursday ;)