Once upon a time there was a rat. However, this was not ordanary rat. Even though she looked just lke any other rat, she was an illusionist and a grand liar. She had the ability to make anyone believe her lies and deciet. Well, almost anyone. A long long time ago, even I was prone to her fantasies, but one day I realized what they really were and the spell was broken. From then on, I saw the rat for who she really was and, in turn, saw those who she fooled for who they were as well. I realized that I was not the only one who realized this rat was, in fact, just a rat. There were many, many others who pretended not to know to her face and chuckled about it behind her back. Now that I'd become one of the few who saw her for what she really was, I truly realized the wrong she had done to me, all while playing the victim under my hand. I was almost humored at how she had played my strings, but no more. I went along with my life, picking up the peices from when she stole my true love from me and claimed him as her own. But, when I just thought I'd never see his face again, he reappeared. He had broken fer spell too! He realized I was his true love and swept me back off my feet once again. We were so happy, it was like a dream. But the rat could not stand this happiness one bit, in a last fit of jealousy, she tried to steal my true love once more. She tried until she could try no more, and finally he had overpowered her again, our love too strong even for her lying capacity. We wed and she found someone new to leech off of and play tricks on, and we thought that she would finally leave us alone, but we were dead wrong. Being the rat that she was, she couldn't help but try again and again to break our love or weasel her way back into our lives. In the end, we realized a rat is a rat no matter what dress she wears and she will never be satisfied because she could never possess the love or happiness that we do.
The End.

Interesting note today. I recieved an email earlier this month from a ghost. Not really a ghost, live the dead to haunt me, but a person who is dead in my life back to haunt me for their own selfish gain. I hadn't seen the email because Eddie got to it before I did and read it, how sad. So today I stumbled upon it. It was a nasty little rageful tidbit about how I'm the center of all evil and such. Upon thinking quite a bit about this email, I replied. It had upset me, as being that this ghost had once been a very good friend of mine and the person she was supposedly sticking up for, an even better one. However ashamed of my overreaction I had earlier this month, it seems it has been blown out of proportion. This has, however, given me a great deal to think about. More later....

Good morning people of the world! Katherin Sar here, of course. Who else would it be? Been marred for almost 5 months now and I'm not pregnant, since everyone keeps asking. WA is AMAZING!!! I'm about to turn 19 and Eddie has the sweetest plans for my birthday, he makes me feel like a princess :) Update: we have a dog and a cat and they are both adorable! They're playing on the floor here right now. I'm looking into civilian jobs right now and getting us a second car. I've made wonderful friend who are just awesome and Iove them. Well, that's about all for now, until next time... C:

Well... wow. It's been a month to remember. Let's do a little recap, shall we? I went to my final FINAL prom. Eddie was fially set to come home and i left him. There was another man waitig for me to just run at him. More drama there, but won't go further. Then, alot of shit came out about drama in my relationship with eddie and despite all that, in the blink of an eye things turned back aroudd and we were set to be married again. They day before he came home, my mom kicked me out. I stayed with someone overnight and then it was agreed I'd stay with Eddie and his family till we moved for Washington! Loose all my bathrrom stuff/makeup, ect. One car wont work, stuck on the westside. Go to charge the battery at pepboys only to get into a car crash and take his sister to the ER. 4 hours later, finally get back to the house only to have to care for her until she was well again. Started talking to my mother again, got married and changed my name, now I'm Mrs. Sar. (: He changed the plans and left me with his mom while he went up the WA ahead of me (against my will, btw) and took care of crap up there. Got depressed, went back to my mom's. Went to a concert, met a rockstar and took a pic with him. 2 birthday parties, 3 birthdays. Mom loses a baby while Im taking grandfather to the ER, Fridge breaks, all the food is bad. Throw it all out and try to fix it. Restock the fridge finally yesterday. Issues with the military and the movers. What was suposed to happen tuesday now is setting up a date later on. Quit the Air Force, going back to school and now I'm leaving tomorrow. Wow... What a month. But I can't wait to be back with him again. 20 hours away and I'll be in a whole new world with my husband. :)

Ugh... for all readers of this diary entry, I'm very frustrated and it will inevitably come out into my writing here. Let's just say it's been a long, rough day. Work was alright but it was, after all, load day and so naturally rough. However, my current irritation happens to be that fucking Karla! She's that tick that I just can't seem to kill; the cut on the roof of your mouth that never seems to heal. She just can't fucking manage to leave shit alone, now can she? Now I'm in a heap of a mess because she's a stupid bitch!!! This is NOT kosher! I really am tired of dealing with this type of drama! That's all for now, I'm going out for a run.

I've learned a valuable lesson today from my elders at work. Finding love isn't the hard part, especially with whatever it is I am. The hard part is keping love, choosing which love you want and need. Someone's going to have to get there heart broken in this situation, and that's what worries me. I'll just pull a Christene and say whateva. lol. Haha, I can't believe she walked in the storethe other day. That was a close one if you know what I mean. And I got in trouble too, cuz I took the fuck off! lol.

What is love?
The question has been asked as long as the world has been alive.
Mistaken by many, felt by few, and theorized by thousands.
But has ut ever truly been answered?
Has any one person ever defined this mass of feeling and soul?
So I ask the question every single man woman and child has asked before me...
What is love?
Where does it start, where does it end?

"What's worth fighting for when it's not worth dying for?"
What is it worth?
Your livelihood?
Your hopes and dreams?
Is it worth your very soul?
Is that what love is, giving up everything you ever cherised in life to fit into whatever shape and form your lover wants you to be?
And in that case, do they give up everything if you already have?
Where does it end, at your very life?

"What's the point in buying your life back if the price is your hopes and dreams? "
Why would you work for everythign you wanted your entire life to give it away?
Is it wrong to love things you worked for?
Careers, lifestyles?
What is love when you have to give up your soul to attain it?
How much pain is it worth?
How many tears do you shed before it's too much?
Is there ever a light at the end of the tunnel, or just bloodshed?

"Someday, Somehow we'll make it alright. But not right now. "
How long before I'm happy?
How long before this is over?


"The night is always darkest just before the dawn. "
When is the dawn coming?
It's been dark for so long...
When will my hungry eyes see light again?
Will they ever?

"My weakness is I care to much."
Isn't that true of us all.
Our hearts grow large and ripe like strawberries as children,
only to be tossed into a cruel world.
A snow blizzard of hatred and pain with no end.
Those of us who close up and lose feelings are called monsters,
While those who continue to believe are called weaklings.
You can't win for losing.
In this world so cold how are we supposed to even find love at all?
Where's the magic love fairy to guide our way?
Where's our yellow brick road?

It's been busy, as usual. Working, working, working. but it pays off in the end. Went shopping and out to a nice fancy mason dinner yesterday and more shopping in store for Saturday. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping him medical analysis is finished today and I'm Mrs. Sar by Monday. Oooo I can't wait! C: I found a ring I think he'll love as much as I do. I'm gonna go look at it maybe tommorrow or Saturday. I'm SOOO excited :]

Oh how I love the rumors. "She calls me at night crying over him" That's what he said. And it's pretty damn funny too. I wonder what people said about me back when I was in her position... Who cares? And I love how they say it, all concerned I'm gonna end up hurt too. It's my life and I'll do what I want. Is it so bad that you follow your heart when opportunity presents itself?

OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I just came back from watching Shutter Island! It blew my mind! I was going insane watching that movie, it was amazing!!! I still can't even get it out of my head! I loved it!

Yay! I had such a good time last night! It was one of those funny teen court nights. I can't believe Rafa really said "Fire is bad" in his closing, I choked on the water I was drinking it was so funny. And Josh got up there and said "Well it was a long night so let's make this quick and dirty." I just met that kid but I love him already, I can't wait to co-counsel with him again, he's hilarious! Anyways... Ariel had a great time too and mom finally met Rafa, she obviously like him but with the way he went up to her who wouldn't like him? It was sooo funny.
but in the end Eddie was right and I shouldn't have gone cuz it just made me sicker. :( Oh well, I'll get better and I'll be at the next teen court for sure! I just hope he gets better too... Poor babe, he's all sick and working. But I can't wait to see him again, I'm fricken counting the days till I have him in my arms again. I love him so much I just can't wait. That's all for now, life is wonderful C:

Someone once said "Kaycee takes whatever she wants without thinking about the consequences." DAMN STRAIGHT! That's what life is about and if anybody can't put up with that, that's their problem.You see, I tried being nice to people but the world just isn't nice now is it? Those people expected everybody to give them everything on a silver platter but they were the biggest monster of us all. Sorry babydoll, but I'm not your daddy and I'm not gonna give you the world.

So, I have decided he's right. I've decided the best way to get her out of my life is the same way he did, to walk away. Because this crazy chick is like the blonde bimbo in obsessed, she just isn't ever going to go away. It doesn't matter anymore. I know damn well even if she does what she was advised, it wouldn't change anything. I'm the one with the ring on my finger, not her and I'm not worried about her in the least bit anymore. Yup, I said it woman, you're no threat to me anymore. And as for my baby brother, well he said it best himself when he laughed about her flirting with him.

As for everything, guess I'll see how it goes on thursday ;)