[Rook.]'s diary
I try to help, and I screw up.
I try to hard... it's not that I care or don't care. I just hate silence... it reminds me of last summer. *shivers*
So, I'm out for a while in a few minutes, maybe longer.
... i need coffee ._.
The Club.
Welcome to The Club.
Got a score to settle? We can help.
Alright, day two of this revelution to use this thing:
I love him, I really do, and he loves me, at least he says he does. We talk for hours, and then he leaves for a week. It wrenches my heart intwo, because I know I love him, but I want him to show me he loves meby at least making a small effort to show up and say hello...
I hope its not to much to ask, though....
I don't know.
Love is a complicated thing. It really is.
so, with that off the line,
the rest is self explanitory.
I hevn't been sleeping well,
I haven't been eating,
I've barely been drinking anything,
and I haven't hardly been able to move with my former grace (XD haha Jking. I don't have an inch of race in me to save my life),
I don't know what's wrong, though.
I don't think I really care.
Love.
Life.
Get One.
Pretend everything is perfect.
Enjoy the small things.
Always remember to smile.
Count your blessings.
Empathize with those who share your pain.
I think I'm going to make use of my diary.
It's here to keep all of my daily thoughts, so, why not use...?
...and I have a lot of thoughts...
...not all of them are intelegent...
...but not all of them are stupid...
...and I CAN come back and edit it later...
2/17
As of the 15th, only one month exactly before I go to Florida. I'm nervous, as might be expected, but my being nervous is nothing new. I get nervous about a lot of things... >.>
On sunday night, Stephany gave me a leather bound journal to use for journaling as well, so I'm using that to keep my poetry.
For years I watched, as he threw his life away. for years I cried, praying for his safety. As he wasted his life, watching is bleed to teh floor, I pleaded on my knees, weeping at the door. For years I watched, and for eyars I prayed, as I watches his life seep away. One day I decided, I would be the one to stop him, I would be the one to...
that was a poem by my best friend the night he got hit by a car and died...
it was in his hand when he died. He was going to come over and have me help him with the last part.
His parents had it with them at teh funeral four years ago on Valentines day.
I just got it today.
it actualy made me smile, because his grammar was atrocious as always.
I love you.
R.I.P Joey.
I miss you like always...
and keep on annoying the crap out of God with your endless questions.
I always did think you looked amazing in a dress. lOlz. XOXOXOXOXOX
Written about Thursday 2009-02-05
Written: (5773 days ago)
WOOT! I’M GOING TO Florida!
So like, seriously. I have this fear of flying, and I am going to fly to FA on March 12- 16th…
My older brother Duckie gave me $50 dollars (to spend on him… >.>) sooooo.. yeah… I’m going to be in Florida, and I might not be online those days…you never know…I might…. So
FOREWARNING!
I love you all. ^^ oh, and Erin, I’ll be in Northern Florida…in Gainsville/bur
^^
1. I am only friends with certain people *
2. I have a slight borderline personality disorder **
3. I can’t function without music
4. I can't listen to audio story tapes at any point in time
5. I have been reading at above a college reading level since 4th grade
6. I go through at least 5 books a day
7. I am very protective of m personal space. I get very uncomfortable being around people.
8. I am the oldest of six kids
9. I know who I am, and I'm not afraid to be me
10. I play piano
11. I play guitar
12. I’ve been playing soccer since i was 6
13. I dislike how I look
14. I draw constantly
15. I love to sing
16. I LOATHE mushrooms
17. I love anything related to scarves and hats
18. I LOVE hugs, both giving and receiving *
19. I am very affectionate *
20. I can sing every song in the movie Pete’s Dragon
21. I ballroom dance
22. I prefer Coca Cola over any other caffeinated soda
23. If I like more than a friend, don’t worry, you’ll never find out, because I choose friendship over relationship ***
24. I like to randomly jump off of things
25. with Suze, my life is like a musical. ****
*Friendly: certain people have to meet my expectations
Friends: People I let invade my personal space with hugs, or just being close to me.
**Its nothing serious, it just means that I am eclectic, with an over-hyper imagination and I prefer to be alone over being with people.
*** I don’t like losing people. If you like me, and I like you, then I’ll think about it, but I prefer to not lose a friend to gain a lover unless you’re serious about making it work.
**** When I’m with my friend Suzanne, we both like to burst out into song and jst randomly dance.
I just realized how hard life really is when you don’t have any ‘real’ friends. I mean the kind of friends who, no matter what, are willing to listen to you cry, or are willing to put up with you at your worst (and willing to SEE you at your worst). The thing is, though, friends aren’t really forever. Family is, though. Friends aren’t. Not the kind of friends I seem to ‘intermingle’ with, anyway.
Intermingle : verb : |in-TURH-ming-
‘the process of talking, chatting, laughing, and over all being friendly with.
SO yesterday was terrible. I found out a person whom I loved as a brother was deceiving me and playing off of my emotions. All night I cried and prayed it wasn’t true, but in my heart I know that it is. That sucks. Also, I went to Kohls, found a TON of clothes, and walked away with NONE of them because THEY DIDN’T FIT. Not exactly a good boost to your ego. When I tried on a shirt, and walked out to show Mum, an older lady in a wheel chair was going by; telling her granddaughter ‘I love little girls and big girls too’, and then she pinched my butt. So yeah, I wasn’t in the best of moods, being deceived, not fining ANYTHING that fits, AND getting my butt pinched is not exactly what you call a good day. The only consolation I have right now is the fact I’m spending the night with a friend and hopefully having a good time.
SO yes…. WARNING…. MOODY MOOD SWINGS DEAD AHEAD!
Alright. Guys, I’m going to be grumpy for the next, well, quite a few days. It is not your fault. Its just what you get for attending an all night lock in with seemingly a million other teens. *sleeps*
*Salad Fingers voice*
Hello there... young child. I...I'm here to inquire... about your Christmas.
*normal Ian voice*
Seriously, though, how's your break going? Mine is going reasonably well, although I'm feeling pretty stressed about all the learning/memor
Yeah, I guess you may have noticed, but I've been on Facebook a lot more than Myspace lately; I've tried to remedy that a bit over break, though.How's life?
*is confused* Salad fingers??
Hello there, not young child… I am here to answer your inquiry… It was Crap. With a capital K
*Likes that voice better*
My break ish alrightish. I’m glad yours is going well ^^ at least one of us will be going into Final prep and final week happy for the other :P
Wow… that is a lot to hold on your plate, but I’ll be the same way graduating next year…
Niiiiceness.
Umm, sadly, we don’t talk on either we need to rememdy that. To quote you :P
Lol. I love Ian. He is the best ^^
Me: Oh…we both died… o.0
Pete: Yea wuddup wit dat...*shakes head* someone has to talk with Hades about this..
Me: I’m sick of dieing. Its getting old…
Pete: truetrue *pulls Zeus by his beard down to earth* smack your brother for me please.Thankyo
Me: giggleS* good thing you weren't talkign about Odin, Thor, adn Loki...Tris would about kill you for that...
Pete: oh well, I wasn't :P and tris can kiss my big toe :P lol jk
Me: *smackiehs pete* don TALK ABOUT MY TRISY LIKE DAT! I pouncie on yous….
Pete: I was just playing *rubs cheek* my cheek isn't the normal color anymore...
Me: *rolls eyes* oh shudup…
I'm still laughing at this...
Written about Wednesday 2008-12-17
Written: (5823 days ago)
Hi. Yeah. I just found out i am a very pathetic individual. All of my closest friends are online. Not that theya re patheic, on the contrary, they are the coolest peopel in the world!!! but the fact that I DONT have friends i can chat with or go be stupid with is rather distrubing to me right now....
Anywhos. In a VERY short while I shall drown out my misery by being in shape (due to repeated trips to the gym during holiday) most of my spare time will most liekly be spent outside running or doing something >.<
I ahve just decided my life goal is one of three or four things:
1: to see the the Church of Sant' Apollinare in Classe in Ravenna, Italy
2:
3:
Okay. *sighs* I have a two week break, and I'm going to go through a withdrawl. I'm not allwoed online during weekends and holdiays, so, if you need anyting, send an email to [tia mia] or [Give Me Red], and tell them what you want, but for others (you know who you are Mr. tibbles and miss Vic and mr. Poe and etc.) if you should EVER feel the need to call, *hint hint* and releive me of my withdrawl (or relive yourselves of the withdrawl that comes with being my friend ;D) message [tia mia] or [poe-corw] for my number (unless yuo already have it...)
I'll be goen from the 22nd sof Dec. to the 6th of Jan.
Wish me luck. My relatives are coming in this weekend. Its going to be a living hell.
see you all on monday!
<3
Poe, Chuck, Lex, Lou, or wahtever my nickname may be.
[tia mia] ^^ I took this to make her happy.
LONGEST GIRL SURVERY!
Part One
1. Do you sleep in your bra?:
yes. I can’t imagine what I would do if I dind’t >.<
2. Have you kissed any one on your top list?
ive never been kissed
3. Are you happy with your looks?
no.
4. Do you enjoy drama?:
YES
5. Are you a girly girl?:
no.
6. Who was the last person you hugged?:
no one
7. Small or large purses?:
none. Wallets!!
8. Are you short?:
not shorter than [tia mia] :P
9. Do you love someone?
yes
10. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
I would prolly punch them
11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
nope ^^
12. Do you think you’re conceited?
someimtes…well
13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
don’t celebrate it
14. Are you double jointed?
yeah.
15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
church, definantly. In a room full of boys… (lock in, video game room)
16. Has anyone touched/smacke
no, but don’t get me started on Didi at camp
17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
like I would care about that.
18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
No.
19. Best girl-friends?
Idk.
Part Two
[x (sometimes)] I do wear make up.
[] I have cried at a movie theater.
[x] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous.
[] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[x] I love to laugh.
[x one wing] I like death/grind/bl
[] I like rap.
[x one wing] I like techno.
[] I like country.
[] I carry a purse.
[x] I’d be lost without my computer
[ ] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[ ] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own a boy band CD.
[x] I get bored watching football.
[x] I’ve never been called a spoiled brat.
[] Guys are confusing
[] I’ve been called a bad influence.
[x] My friends are the best.
[I want my lip and /or belly button done] I have a piercing other then my ears.
Part Three
Come on ladies, be truthful!
1. What color is your bra that your wearing?
ummm, yellow.
2. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
both
3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
yes
5. Do you have a best friend?
no
6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes.
7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
NO!
8. Do you like your life?
yes.
9. Where are your best friends?
I don’t have any
10. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
no.
11. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
no.
12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
boys. Defiantly and compeltely
13. How long have you had myspace?
about three or four years…ish.
14. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
oh yes
15. What are your biggest fears?
heights and being alone, and being incomplete
16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes
17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
yes
18. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater"?
depends
20. Do you call or text more?
don’t have a phone. So I call.
21. What is the first message in your inbox?
which inbox? School or et?
22. What is the last message in your inbox?
this thing from [tia mia]
23. do you ever wish you were famous?
no
24. Are you currently missing someone?
yes
Part Four
THIS GUY OR THAT GUY? (what about girl?? I'm inserting girl)
cowboy or gangster?
either or. How about Vikings? :P
preppy or punk/goth?
punk/goth
face or body?
doesnt matter
sweet or sexy?
both
armani or abercrombie?
Abercrombie
contact or glasses?
glasses
Part Five
Questions.
01. Eyeliner or Mascara?
both
02. Louis vuttion or dooney & bourke?
huh?
03. American eagle or Hollister?
american eagle
04. Pumps or flats?
pumps
05. Skirts or pants?
pants all the time
06. Socks or leggings?
Socks
07. Hoodies or jackets?
hoodies08. Heels or sneakers?
snekers
09. Straight or curly hair?
whatever
10. Hoop or dangling earrings?
hoop
13. White or black?
white and black
14. Victoria’s secret or bath and body works?
bath and body ^^
15. Smoothies or lattes?
smoothies
16. Diet or regular sodas?
regular by far.
17. Water or daiquiris?
Water
18. Pearls or diamonds?
neither. Garnets
19. Vintage or boho?
vintage
20. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?
neither
21. Lindsay or Hilary?
neither
23. Friends or family ?
family
24. Lip gloss or lip stick?
gloss.
25. Manicure or pedicures?
Ehm… none
27. Tank tops or beaters?
both. The more layers the better
28. Tiffany’s or Chanel?
huh??
29. Love or peace?
war :P
30. Sunglasses or purses?
wallet
Part Six
IN A GUY...OR GIRL!!
Funny or Serious?
both
Cute or Hot?
Either
Dark Eyes or Light Eyes?
either
Long Hair or Short Hair?
don’t care.
Curly Hair or Straight Hair?
whichever.
Good Dancer or Good Singer?
dancer
Basketball player or Football player?
either
Smoker or Non-smoker?
non
Drunk or Sober?
depends….
Druggie or clean?
clean
Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?
car
Beard/Mustache or Clean-shaven?
clean
Player or Loyal?
loyal
Bad or Nice?
nice