I'm writing again. I don't know what to even really start with. I have so much on my mind. I don't really know what to think right now. I'm not sure if I should get excited or if I should get ready to loose her (Ashley) forever. Cause if she decides to not be with me again. She will no longer hear from me again. Mainly cause soon as I find out what's gunna go on with my brother, I will decide wether I stay in Texas or move again.

I miss her (Ashley) so much. I feel like she is the only one for me. The girl I'm dating now is not working out. I feel like we are just friends. She feels the same way. So it's a mutual breakup between us. I just wish she (Ashley) could take me back. I won't make the same mistake twice. That's a promise I'm making to myself. I see my life without her (Ashley) and I feel like the world went black. Like there's no light in the world. She's my sky. Cause without the sky the clouds, moon,stars, or even the sun have no significants. When I look at the sky all I see is you (Ashley). I love you Ashley Renee Thomas!!!!! I can't even tell her (Ashley) when I talk to her cause I don't want her getting mad at me or telling that I did it to myself. Cause I know. I know. All I want is for her (Ashley) to forgive me and take me back. So that I can show her. She's the only one for me.

She (ashley) called me again. Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! That's what my heart sounded like. She texted me first today saying she missed me. My heart felt like a humming birds heart. Beating millions of miles an hour. I wanted to tell her so bad how much I miss her. It hurt me so much not to tell her that I miss her every minute of every day. I feel like I can't breath unless I say her name at least twice a day. Along with saying how much I miss her and love her. Ashley is my everything.

So today I got to talk to her (Ashley). I don't know how many times I wanted to tell her that I love her and that I miss her touch so much. I miss her hugs and kisses and to be held by her. I really want her to be careful right now cause she's in a lot of crap that she doesn't need to be in right now. I know if anything happens to her I'm going to kill everyone involved with what ever happens to her. I've told her before that I'll kill for her. That for sure hasn't changed. No matter if we were together or not she is someone I'll kill for. My heart jumped last night at lunch when she called me. At first I thought I was gunna break down. But I held it together till I got home. And today I really didn't think she was going to call but she did. Once again my heart jumped and I felt like I was going to throw up. But s far no vomit. Lol.

I find myself wanting to call her and text her every morning and night. Even during my break. I broke down Monday at work. While I was on the line. Everyone looking at me questioning me asking what's wrong. All I could say is I'm fine. But inside I was screaming at myself Calling myself a cheating no good for nothing whore that never deserves any one like her. I miss her every day and the only thing I Can do is look at the pictures of us and ask myself why was I such an idiot. Why didn't I realized how much I'm in love with her before I got stupid. She (Ashley) is my heart. I recently got in a relationship with a girl that knows about Ashley and this girl doesn't mind being second to her (Ashley). Come to find out. Ashley is my frost real love. Not Yolanda. My new girlfriend is pretty cool. She knows that I like her but will never really be in love with her. But I do have love for her. Trying to move on but not really working.

I miss my baby Ashley Renee Thomas so much! I'm so in love with her. I admit it I fucked up. I hope that one day she will take me back. If she takes me back I hope that she will trust me. I miss her so much! I'm so in love with her! I admit when she gave me her heart I missed treated it. I didn't take it serious and lost it. But if she takes me back I will show her that I will cherish her heart with everything I have. Every day I will tell her I love her. If she takes me back I will do everything in my power to make her happy. If she takes me back I hope to make her my wife. I won't ever take her or her heart for granted any more. I will always be loyal and trusting and forever faithful to her if she takes me back and gives me the opportunity to show her that I'll always love her and not miss treat her heart again.

I'm stressed out major. I'm not sure how to feel about loosing a friend. But on the other hand I've had one of the best weekends in a long time. My friend (Vic) and I have just been chilling. I missed the company so much. :)

I'm so missing my love (Ashley Renee Thomas). It's crazy weird that we both get sick when we aren't around each other for a long period of time. I'm going to try and see her for my birthday weekend tho. :) If all goes well then I'll be able to see her than. I really hope everything goes as planned. Cause I really want to see her. LOL.

I loved my petals on my bed room floor. I love the ring you gave me when you made the promise that you'll always be by my side and to not ever run away. I love the soothing bath you made for me before you gave me your promise. But do you know what I love the most. I loved that every time we were together we held each other. I love that every time we went to bed we held each other. I loved that we held hands threw out the day every day. Most of all I love the time we had together. I love you! Your my world Ashley Renee Thomas!

I miss her so bad it hurts me to talk, text, or skype with her. She's everything to me, yet she nothing to herself. How do I get her to see herself threw my eyes. How do I make her see what I see. I see someone so perfect for me. She's motivated, caring, always willing to help when someone is in need. She's loving, but it's love in return that scares her away. She's more caring than a 100 care bear hugs. Yet she doesn't expect care in return. She's everything I want and need and more. Why can't she see that, I don't know. She means the world to me and I wish she could just realize that my life with out her is pretty worthless. I feel worthless in many way beyond what my mind can take me. I want to be the one she runs to when she's in trouble, needs a friend, or just needs to vent even if her venting consists of yelling and cursing, I want to be the one to hold her when she cries over something or even if she cries over nothing. I want to be her rock. I want to catch every tear from her eyes, hold her, and tell her that her eyes will never shed a tear as long as I'm around. Unless her tears are tears of joy. I'm in love with her. (Ashley Renee Thomas)

She makes me so happy. She always puts a smile on my face. Ashley is too amazing! I'm so in love with her!

I finally got to see Ashley! She is so crazily amazing. omg. It's so hard to not smile when I text,talk, or skype her. She's so winning me over in every way. We had such an amazing time together. She's everything I've been looking for, for a very long long time.

Loving the girl that puts a smile on my face. :) A.R.T. (Ashley Rene Thomas) I can't wait to finally hug her and kiss her. I finally get to see her in person! YAY!!!

I might be in love with Lyndia but she doesn't seem to feel the same way about me anymore. So she says. I have a friend that has recently told me how she feels about me. She says she's liked me for a long time.

Recently I have been thinking of ways to tell Allie I want to date her. That her and I are better off as friends.

I'm in love with Lyndia and I don't know what to say to Allie. Cause Allie recently told me she loves me. But I didn't say it back to her. I'm in love with Lyndia and I'm not in love with Allie. Allie's nice and sweet and all but I just don't see us dating for too long. Lyndia isn't very popular with my friends but I want to be with her with my heart. Lyndia says she loves me too. But I'm not really sure how much she loves me? I LOVE YOU LYNDIA!!!

Super excited about Allie coming to see me from Alabama. :)

This puta and her bull-shit is pissing me off to the fullest. I'm thinking about taking my friend Cely up on her offer to get a two bedroom apartment with her. I really need to get away from this situation. I feel trapped.

UGHHH.......I'm so fucking fed up with this bull-shit. that this girl keeps putting me threw.

So I have done nothing lately but chill at home. I've been on a small vacation from work. Hopefully I can get the September off for gay pride. :) wishing wishing wishing.....

bored as fuck at this school. UGH..... i need a better life.