Dear Diary,
June 8th, 2009 Monday 9:00 P.M.
See? I'm back. I'm talking to Alex. And I do like him. And Amber said that I should talk to him more and maybe ask him back out. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore though. So that could be it. But I don't know. He's hurt me a lot in the past. And I'm not even sure that he likes me anymore. I mean, he's talking to me but that doesn't mean that he likes me enough to try this all again. I'm not sure that I want to either. I haven't even broken up with Jay. And I'm pretty sure that he's not gonna let me go again without some sort of fight. Though he was the one that broke up with me the last time. Which I still don't understand. I have problems and I didn't break up with him over them becuz I didn't know what to do to solve them. But that's what he did. I think he cheated on me. But I have no proof. And mom said that I shouldn't date Jay again. And that Ryan is better than Jay. And I think she's still trying to control my choices. Not that I make the greatest ones. Hence me getting my ass suspended. But that was fun as hell. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm afraid of the big bad world out there after high school. It's weird. I just wanna stay young forever. I wish Peter Pan was real and that he'd wisk me off to Neverland. That would be nice. Young and no responsibilities. That's the dream. Maybe I'll be a writer or something for little kids or something kool like that. But I don't know. I like gym and music. I could teach those too. But I'm not sure where I would go to do that. Cuz I want out of Michigan. But that's were my parents are. And I don't think they're gonna be together much longer anyway. Cuz mama's unhappy, dad always yells, manda doesn't care about anything, and I'm generally the bad news, weird, anti-social one of the group. And that effects the whole family. And Uncle Dave is in love with mama and manda doesn't like it, and I'm not sure what to think about it. He's like family. But dad's in the picture. And dad doesn't know. And mama hides the fact that she loves Uncle Dave too. And it is just really weird here in the Taylor household. So the only things getting me by are music (mostly shinedown) and hanging out with my weird but loveable friends. And I left this alone for a few minutes. And when I left, I left the screen almost completely closed. I got back up here and it's all the way open. And my dad got up after I left my computer. So he had to have read at least this entry before I go back up here. Becuz he didn't come down right after his alarm went off. He was five minutes behind the clock. And I know it doesn't take that long to get his ass up. So I'm fucking pissed right now. And I don't know what I was gonna say before I left. So I'm just gonna listen to my music and then go to bed I guess. And hopefully I sleep. But I doubt it. So yeah. I'll talk to you when somehthing interesting happens. Which will be never. But I'm talking to Alex. I know, I've said that. But I think that I'm gonna make him want me back. Cuz he said that he likes me only as a really close friend. So I'm gonna do everything in my power to make him want me back. It's gonna be fun. Plot with you later.
Love,
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 9th, 2009 Tuesday 9:52 P.M.
Back again. With nothing to report. Listening to music again. Just got done watching Zoom. I love the hot guy Dylan in it. Yummy. I'm so bored. Jay hasn't called me in like two days. So what does that say right there? That I was right and that he only wants to date me becuz of the sex. And that's not what I want. Like I said. But I'm not gonna call him. I'm gonna wait til he calls me and then tell him that I think that he wants me becuz of the sex and that I don't really wanna be with him anymore. Then I'll make my move on either Alex or Ryan. I'm thinking Alex though. He says he's normal now but I'm not so sure of that. But we'll find out. My college sign up for classes is Friday. And I don't know what to do! It's scary. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Someone save me! "Two from the right and straight on til morning" That's were I'm goin. I wish there was a Fall Out Boy concert that I could find and go to. Cuz I'm listening to them right now and I love them to death. "I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me." Yay. I'm so bored. Maybe I should be an actress. Yeah, I know that I've never done any musicals or anything. I did the sixth grade musical. So I guess that counts. But I would love to act. I've always wanted to act. Ever since I was little. And I would have the chance to be someone that I'm not. Which would be kool. I don't know if they have any classes for that at Alma. But I could see if they do. I think mama would think I'm crazy. But I think she already does. Cuz I've never been the normal calm un-powered kid. Always had feelings and hunches beyond what other people I know have. Weird. And I surround myself with others like me. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one that is different. "Fuck ya'll, All ya'll, If ya'll don't like me." I think I'm just gonna go watch another movie. Don't know what one cuz I've seen all the ones that we have a million billion times over again. Does that make any sense. Cuz I'm not sure that it does. I don't know anything anymore. So confused and lost and feeling alone. But that may change. I don't know. I think that I need to start taking my Lexapro again. I'll talk to you later when I'm all better and less depressed and confused and stuff. I don't know. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 5th, 2009 Friday 3:22 P.M.
I got back with Jay. Cuz I thought that things would still be ok. But they aren't. And I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. It seems that I'm still the go to girl for Jay for sex. And I'm tired of it. That's all that I think he's there for. and I'm so fucking mad at him if that's true. And mom yelled at me earlier. She doesn't know yet that I'm back with Jay. But that isn't going to last that long so there's no need to inform her of it. But she yelled about me interupting her phone call. So I was mad at her. But not now. But it's been a pretty bad day so far. I just hope that Alex doesn't come over here and say anything stupid to me. Cuz I'm tired of people getting pissy with me. I hate it. I just want people to not be rude. But that's the world for me. So yeah. I just wish that Jay loved me as much as I love him. I know it's stupid to wish that and to give him sex. But I thought he had changed. But nope. I don't know what to do about it though. Cuz it's not gonna change. I just don't know how to bring up the topic to Jay. Cuz he's gonna go on the defensive. And that's not gonna get us anywhere. So I'm lost. But I'm gonna go for now I guess. I have nothing better to do. So yeah. I'll talk to you later. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 8th, 2009 Monday 3:04 A.M.
Can't sleep. Or don't really wanna sleep. Just finished a book that I started five hours ago. It was really good. I'm bored. I got my grades from the last trimester. Gym C-, Senior English C-, Band A+, Anatomy A-, and Mentoring B+. I thought that I had a better grade in gym than I did. But I guess not. I thought that I had failed Senior English. So I'm surprised that I passed. Maybe becuz she liked me or something. Cuz I never did do anything in that class. Band no surprise. She didn't wanna piss off the Taylors. No surprise in Anatomy either. I loved that class. It was fun and easy. But I thought that i had an A in Mentoring. Cuz I did everything that i was supposed to do and then some. Oh well. I don't really care. Still haven't talked to Jay about the whole me being the go to girl for sex. I don't really even know why I have sex with him. It;s not like he lasts that long anyway. And I don't orgasm either. Weird. That I've never really thought about it before now. But yeah. I wouldn't say that shit to him though. I couldn't be that mean. I don't know what to do when it comes to him. So yeah. And I never did tell about grad and grad bash. It was ok. That grad was so damn long. I thought I was gonna die of boredom or something. And I still had a gimp from my leg. It was weird. And grad bash was so much fucking fun! They had go carts. And I was drifting and stuff. And smacking people from behind. Lol. I wish I had a go cart. I went bowling on Friday and Saturday. Alex was there Saturday. And he was hitting on me. And I think that he wanted to ask me out. But I don't know if I really wanna get back on the train wreck. Cuz it never works with us. Like me and Otto. Weird. But I do still like him a little. Even though all the shit that we have gone through. That's weird too. I just guess that I still like all of my exboyfriends to some point. I just like people I guess. Until they're stupid. Which is often. I still think that I should break up with Jay. Cuz he's not gonna change I don't think. But I could be wrong. What's the oddest thing so far in this shitty summer is that Otto said that I was gonna lose my ability to predict things. And I think he's right. Cuz I've been getting headache things and fuzzy and blurred vision and it's just that feeling that I have. So maybe Otto is right. It wouldn't surprise me at all. Cuz he generally is right. Outta all of my exboyfriends, he's the one that I would go back to I think. Not for the sex or anything like that, but becuz he understands me and he's like me in the sense that he's not quite normal. But that's a requirement for all the boyfriends that I've had. So yeah. But I'm bored. I just gonna listen to the music that I have going and then go to bed. Doubt I'm gonna wake up til like 2. But I don't know. People will more than likely text or call me. And I fucking hate that. People know that I'm not a morning person and they still text and call me and are like "what's up?", "what you doing?" LEAVE ME ALONE GODDAMN IT! They just don't fucking understand that shit. But that's it for right now. I might be back later today. Doubt anything is gonna happen that's kool. Later.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
May 18, 2009 Monday 9:32 P.M.
Nothing really interesting to report. But I did something stupid. I took Sam's phone. And threw it into the Kalamazoo River. So it's not the smartest thing I've done. But what's done is done. And I think that isn't even close to what they deserve. But the phone was all I had for now. I was just doing a little back onto them all the bullshit they did on to Amber and I in the drumroom. So I pitched it into the River for good. And I just hope that I don't have to deal with it again. So yeah. I'm gonna finish the movie I have on. And then I'm going to bed. Cuz I'm very tired. And bored. I have four days left of school. Night night. Byebye. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
May 26, 2009 Tuesday 6:40 P.M.
Yeah. It's been a while since I've written. I'm out of school. I went out but not the way I planned it. I was in gym on Thursday. And we were playing Frisbee Baseball (a really stupid invention if you ask me) and I slid into first base cuz the chick was three inches from me and it seemed like a good idea. It wasn't. Sure, I made it safe, but my leg really really hurts. Anyway, I got to the end, last batter, and the same chick was about a foot away from me and I was the same from the base. So I slid. But I didn't make it. And it hurt even worse. And it was really bleeding. But I got an A for that day. And we didn't go in after that right away. So it's infected now. And it sucks. But I got out of school. I left after first hour. And the next day, I was there until the end of second hour. So it was awesome. I took all of my exams in the office and then got to leave. I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone. But there are only less than a handful that I will truly miss. So I'm not really worried about it. But at least I'm out of school. High school that is. Speaking of, they just got a new sign. And it's pretty cool. It's techno and stuff and says events. Awesome. Yeah. Jay called me on Friday or Saturday, I don't remember what the damn day is anymore, and he asked if I was gonna come to his graduation party. And I said maybe. But I didn't. That's a chapter that's done in my book in life. And it took me two and a half months to do it. Pretty good since I loved him. Eh. I'm done with Jay and guys. Like forever. And ever. They suck. I can't believe I graduate in two days. Ok, maybe I do. They might have found out that I stole Sam's phone and threw it in the Kalamazoo River. And I don't know if I even passed all of my classes. Which I highly doubt I did due to all of my absenses. I had about 14 first tri, 22 second tri, and 10 or 11 this tri. That's 46 or 47 just this year. And I do that every year. That's horrible. Yep. That's me. I've changed so much during just my senior year, it's crazy. Last year I wouldn't have dremt that I would put someone's shoes in the toilet, that I would get suspended for it, or that I would steal someone's phone and throw it into a river. Yeah. I didn't see that happening at all. But I'm not disliking the changes. I mean, I know who I am. That may not be the best person that I cant be, but that's who I am. So yeah. I still don't know if I still wanna do Childhood Education. I don't really wanna scare the kids. Cuz I will eventually. And I'm not known for holding my temper in check. Quite the opposite. But yeah. I'm bored. And I'm not sure that I have anything else to write. But I will soon. I'll tell you what graduation and the breakfast and the postgrad bash are like. I doubt much fun stuff. But I don't know, I could be blown away. I'll talk to you later.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
May 15, 2009 Friday 9:33 P.M.
I'm worried about Jay. And I feel like something bad is gonna happen. But I don't know what. So I'm going crazy here. And I wish I knew how Jay was. But he won't return my calls. So yeah. When the last time my period was? I don't know. I just hope that I'm not. That would be the icing on the cake. That would go over so well with Jay and my parents. I think they'd kill me. But that wouldn't suprise me at all. I'm so damn bored. The tennis season is over finally. So I don't have anything to do after school for the whole next week. I'm all over the place. I don't know what the hell to do. I'm listening to music. But that isn't calming me down like it usually does. So I'm at a loss. And I'm not tired. But it's 9:37 P.M. So yeah. I'm gonna go now though. If anything kool or interesting happens, which it won't, I'll let you know. I'll talk to you later. Don't know how much later that will be though.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
May 17, 2009 Sunday 8:32 P.M.
I talked to Jay today. And he's ok. But he doesn't really wanna talk to me. But I guess that's ok. So yeah. I don't have to worry about it. I quit my job today. I just got so sick of all the shit. And yeah. Alex got pissed off at me. So I'm not talking to him or anyone. He was talking shit about me today. Cuz he knew that i quit. So yeah. But I don't care anymore. I just want all this shit to be over. I want school to be over. I want to get to be older and not have to deal with all this stuff. I just want my life to be easy. But I guess that isn't gonna be how it is. So yeah. I'm watching Baby Mama. I'll talk to you when I have more interesting report.
Meghan

life pretty much sucks. so yeah. thats all that needs to be said.

im really bored. and i got my mom a present for mothers day. a windchime. and a card. its kool looking. but im watching house. so im gonna go now. byebye.

i played first singles over nicky yesterday. and i think its funny. she was so pissed off. i wanted to laugh. anyway, i won 6-1, 6-1. and i was playing really fucking good too. it was awesome. and i thought that it was the best i played in a long time. it was so damn cool. you will never guess who just sat down next to me. its so weird. and its nathan storey. and hes my ex from like freshman year. its so weird. like he hasnt changed at all. its so odd!!! im gonna go now. i have to look up shit for my report. and i dont wanna. but i have to pass the class for tennis and graduation. so ill talk to you later. byebye.

i played in the jv invitational yesterday. it was one through four singles and doubles. and im the only one that won. the only one that got a medal. and they didnt even have the fucking medals ordered. so i have to wait for it to get ordered. and im pissed off at that. mother fuckers. i burnt my face and arms and a little of my legs. my face is still really warm from yesterday. and it sucks. cuz it hurts. and its red. and it looks bad. so yeah. im bored. and i have to clock in soon. so ill talk to you later. dont know when. but later. byebye.

we've been playing field hockey in team activities. and its so much fucking fun! i love it. i love running into people. and whacking them with the stick. and hitting the ball. but i was talking to people today about the punch. and they said that it was spiked. so yeah. its official. someone got to the punch. it was so cool though. i got to see carl drunk. and hes really funny. he gets horny and loud. so does lindsey. macey, i had her convinced that she and carl fucked like crazy. she was complaining that her thighs hurt. so i smartassedly told her that it was cuz she and carl did it. and she's like nuh uh. but i kept going with it. and by the end of the night she thought that they really had. and then carl had to go and ruin the whole thing and tell her the truth. oh well, i had fun with while i could. i dont even remember the whole night. so it had to be spiked. im tired. so im gonna go now. ill talk to you later. byebye.

prom was so much fun. and i was expecting it to suck. so it was a blast. the car ride was fun too. macey, lindsey, carl, and i were in the car. and us girls were screaming proffanity. it was funny. and i was telling them some of the naughty jokes that i know. i wish we could have stayed for the post prom though. there was a hypnotist. and supposably, he had some chick under that and she was speaking chinese. i wish i could have seen it. people were saying that it was really funny. but i had a lot of fun at prom. i was playing around with the ping pong ball in post prom and was wacking it at otto. and he was chasing it all over the place. it was funny as hell. i thought i was gonna laugh until my sides burst on saturday. and i swear to god, there was something wrong with the punch. cuz it tasted like there was rum or something in it. but i dont know for sure. but i had like five glasses of it. and lindsey was the most messed up of us and she had ten glasses of it. we got a tin on mints as a momento. its kinda kool. but im gonna go now. i have to finish the homework i didnt feel like doing. and i have to get to gym soon. ttyl. byebye.

i played fourth doubles yesterday with rachel. and we won. 6-3, 6-2. yeah. get to play today too. gotta go. gonna get yelled at.

omg! sarah got into a car accident. so i get to take her place today, wednesday, thursday, and maybe saturday. so yeah. yay! i mean, not yay for sarah. but yay for me cuz i can play. but thats all i have for now. ill talk to you later.

not a whole lot has happened. but i live in allegan. so what do i expect to happen. alex is leaving for the army or something. and i cant wait. i dont like him anymore. he talks to much. and whenever we invite him to go do stuff, he backs out on us. not that i want him to go. i just wanna be nice to him. and thats weird of me. i took this quiz to see what zodiac sign i am and it said aries. but im really a sagittarius. so yeah. im really bored. i should be doing the homework that i missed on monday, tuesday, and wedsnesday. but i dont feel like it. im just gonna wait to do it. cuz i have senioritis. like really bad. it sucks. but i love it. i cant wait til summer is here. uncle dave is here. and he bought me a butterscotch pie cuz we went to shipsy. it was fun. we went to the cheese factory. but they werent making cheese. i was sad. and im bored now. so im gonna go. and maybe do my homework. but i really doubt it. i have other things that i can do. like watch house or family guy. byebye. ill talk to you next friday at the earliest. i have tennis matches monday through thursday. so that sucks. and i played this friday. won 6-0, 6-1. and then 8-0. fifth singles. but i played. im gonna go now. byebye.

SPRING BREAK! YAY! ITS FINALLY HERE! im so happy right now. and a whole group of us are going to go out and cosmic bowl. its gonna be so much fun. im still kinda mad though. i work two days next week. and i have the whole damn week off. and thats all i get. so im mad. and i work 10-3 on easter. so that sucks. eh. im so bored. bored bored bored bored bored!!! im gonna go now. ttyl.

im still fucking pissed off. im here at village. and ian was sitting near me. and teresa and dennis come up and ask him to work over me. i was just sitting here and i was doing nothing. so yeah. i fucking hate this. and a meeting for the allegan lions club is going on right now. so im gonna finish up here pretty fast. i hate tennis. i hate my doubles partner. i hate all the fucking coaches. and i just wanna fucking murder someone. but i cant take this anymore. im fucking out of here. ill talk to you later. oh btw, they got shelby shultz good today. they moved her car, told her practice was canceled, and stole her clothes. i thought it was funny as hell. but im gonna go now. maybe go complain to jay or alex or ber. ill ttyl. byebye.

im so fucking pissed off. i didnt make varsity. and its all because of my partner holly. i did everything i could do. and i did it all right. i even took a ball in the throat that could have killed me for that fucking team. and they need me on jv. its fucking bullshit. im better than elaina and rachel. i could beat them. im just pissed. that jv sucks ass this year. and im gonna be the only senior on the jv squad. but coach said that im still gonna get my varsity letter. do you fucking think thats gonna make me feel better? its gonna make me feel better that im gonna get a little dinky letter while being on a shitty, losing team? i dont fucking think so! i want to quit so damn bad. but i have to show them that i cant quit. that they havent gotten to me. that i cant be forced out of anything. and if i dont get my letter, im gonna fucking raise hell. im not gonna play jv just to get screwed over even more than i already am. its not gonna happen. but im gonna go now. i have to get home soon. so yeah. ill talk to you when i get back on the internet. byebye.

yeah. we dont have internet at home anymore. and that sucks ass. nothing much has really gone on. we had a tennis tournament today. and i think im gonna get screwed out of varsity because of the partner i had today. she cant play worth a shit. and it pisses me the fuck off. and i just wanna kill her. ok, i was serving, and she kept hitting it out on the ad side. so we played a fucking grand total of ten fucking deuces. and we ended losing that fucking game and it was the match game too. so i was fucking pissed at her. and i got nailed in the chest today before i served. and i was crying. cuz it hurt like hell and i couldnt breathe and i was panicking. so i was crying and trying to breathe. and coach aldrich came out was talking to me, telling me to calm down and take deep breaths. but i couldnt. so i had to use my inhaler. but yeah. i dont like my partner. i mean i like her as a person, but i dont like her as a tennis player. she has a lot yet to learn about tennis and playing the game. she needs to work on her game completely. so yeah. im gonna go now. oh, by the way, i want jay back, i had a dream about him, and im gonna go after him. so yeah, hes in for it. ttyl. byebye.

i finished the essay, the cornell notes for the 20 pages, and the webquest. and i think my mind is melting. and im so damn tired. i just wanna crawl in bed and never get back out. but i have to stay here for another half hour. so yeah. i hope they get out early. and i really dont wanna swim tomorrow. but yeah. ill talk to you later. byebye.

i am so fucking crying on the inside. cuz i have a essay to do, read 20 pages with cornell notes, a web quest with 2 parts, get three dividers, and do 3 fucking reports on golf, snowboarding, and wrestling. and i dont fucking wanna. all but the reports are for english. and the reports are for team activities. and i have to swim tomorrow. and i had a fucking sprained ankle! stupid asshole mother fucker gym teacher. i swear hes out to get me or something. and i forgot to say that i have to study for a test tomorrow in anatomy and physiology. and i dont fucking wanna! i hate school with a passion. and i wanna kill it. but at least im gonna be out of school soon. two damn more months. but im gonna go now. i have to get back to my homework. and then i can maybe play clue on the computer. i really wanna. ill talk to you when i get done with the long ass homework. that will be in twenty years! later. byebye.

im still really bored. and really kinda in pain. and still watching house. and it just froze on me. so im kinda mad now. and im bored. out. of. my. mind! so yeah. im gonna go now. and ill talk to you sometime tomorrow. when. im. still. bored. out. of. my. mind! cuz i will be. im gonna go insane before school starts again. byebye.

i have a sprained ankle. and i cant play tomorrow. and i have to stay off it for a while. until it doesn't hurt anymore. so yeah. im bored. and im watching house. so yeah. im gonna go now. byebye.