yeah, we moved into alma today. so im all alone in alma. with no parents. it really hasnt sunk in yet i dont think. cuz im not all like omg i miss my parents yet. so yeah. but ill be ok i think. i really hope i will be. and i had a cute guy fix my computer. so yeah. but i think hes gay. he had all the signs of a gay guy. but thats not something id ask him. and hes like older than me. so he has rank on me. so yeah. but i have to go now. i dont think kelly has a key to get into the room. so yeah. ill talk to you later. byebye.

i hate stupid people. stacey texted me telling me that she broke up with eric. i knew that already. but she honestly thinks that im gonna give a flying fuck? nope, not sry, i dont. i dont care about her anymore. and amber texted me asking if i was still mad at stacey. i didnt answer her either. and alex called me twice saying someone got a hold of him and wanted to know if i was still mad at them. i didnt answer and havent responded but im thinking, why the fuck are you beating around the goddamn bush?! i already know who it is and i know you know and that you know that i know that you dont normally beat around the bush. i just wanna know when theyre gonna all take a hint and be like, 'oh, meghan is mad at us and doesnt wanna talk to us cuz shes mad at us.' but hell no, that aint gonna happen. just wish it would. but nope. stupid people piss me the hell off. i just wanna beat them all into fucking bloody pulps. and then make it illegal to be fucking stupid. but i dont see that happening any time soon. but ill talk to you later. dont know when. but later. byebye.
the very angry meghan

i just go back from birch run. we went shopping for school clothes and stuff. and i got some socks and some earrings and some nail polish. we stayed in the hotel 8. and i took the pen and pad of paper. lol. it was an ok hotel. they had t.v. so that was cool with me. but right now, im on the internet cuz i missed it so much. yeah, mom and dad are fighting again. what a surprise. not really. yeah, im gonna go now. gonna go play vampires again. or maybe uno. but ill talk to you later. byebye.

i got a camera in the mail today! yay! and now i can take it off to school with me. otto still likes me. and i still like him. but i dont know what to do about it. hes with katie la ponsie. and he says he loves her. but eh. i have to go. my computers about to die.

we added the norton anti virus stuff on our computers today. and i dont really see a difference. but moms isnt doing what its supposed to be. so shes getting mad at it. so im getting angry. so im gonna go play vampires. and maybe talk to otto if he gets back online sometime today.

i talked to Otto yesterday/today. and we talked about how we are different and stuff. and i really miss talking to him face to face. but i never get to see him anymore. it sucks. and hes like the best best friend in the whole world. but i dont get to see him enough. and now im gonna be going off to college and hes gonna be here. and i dont know. he said that we will always be friends. and i hope hes right about that. cuz i dont wanna lose him as a friend. hes the only one that ive really ever opened up to. and i told him it was kinda becuz he was my first. and he was technically. but that really isnt a reason. not to me anyway. but yeah. thats all i have to say for now. but im going to bed now. ill talk to you later i guess. byebye.

these two people that are going to alma contacted me on my facebook. its cool. weird but cool. im currently bored though. still nothing to do. and i have 12 more days left til move in day. so im going omfg over here. but yeah. i do that a lot. i wonder what kelly is up to. my mom uploaded some pictures of me from tennis season and prom and my 18th birthday cake on facebook. so i changed my profile picture. it looks better than me glaring at the camera. cuz stephanie took it when i was in a really pissy mood. i yelled at her for it. i am so damn bored. i like that vampire game on facebook. but i have to wait for it to load back up all my energy and stamina and health. so i can play it for like a half hour and then i have to wait an hour to play again. thats the only thing that really sucks about that game. i was on hotmail today and britney daniels' baby zoe is gonna be one really soon. its so weird. but shes so cute! she was almost a halloween baby. off by three days. oh well. im gonna go now. and be bored. but ill talk to you later. byebye.

12 MORE DAYS!!!

bored. hot. nothing to do. and we still dont know if im gonna be able to go. we cant get a loan for dad. yeah. i really hope we can. im bored. gonna go. byebye.

nothing really is going on here. and im really bored. like way way way way way bored. and the assholes next door are out in their pool screaming. and i just wanna kill them all. it would be nice. but that isnt gonna happen. i cant wait til i leave for school. its almost here. but im gonna go watch some more foamy is guess. nothing else to do around here. maybe mom dad and i will go watch a movie tomorrow. i hope so. but i doubt it. oh, and did i tell you? im so fucking glad to be single! yay! ill talk to you later though. byebye.

and yes, i know. all the things i transferred over are out of sequence. but i dont care.

im mad. i just went to get the other ones. the last like four or five. and i somehow lost them. but they werent really important. so it doesnt matter. so yeah. im really bored. i talked to jay yesterday and he told me that he was over in iraq. and im like bullshit. and hes like if you dont believe me, then i dont wanna be with you anymore. this is coming from an asshole who hasnt called me in at least a month, if not more than that. and im like, its been over for a while now jay. and hes like i dont wanna talk to you anymore, go away. so im like whatever and i left him alone. oh well. i didnt like him in the first place. guys just suck ass. on monday, mom, dad, kelly, and i went to michigans adventures. it was so much fun. but i got burnt really bad. and so did dad. i just wish we could go again. but i like kelly. and i have two weeks tomorrow til i leave for school. i cant believe im gonna be in college. i thought that this day would never come. its like so weird. and im gonna miss my mom. maybe my dad. and not my sister. i know that for a fact. but yeah. i dont know what im gonna do as in for the rest of my life. cuz i dont know what i wanna study. so yeah. im clueless. but thats ok for now. i can decide what i wanna do later i guess. eh. im bored. and im tired. so im gonna go now. byebye.
meghan

Dear Diary,
June 19th, 2009 Sunday 11:23 P.M.
Bored. Just showered and shaved my legs. Listening to music. I wish I could go see Harry Potter again. But we don't have the money. And it would be just dad and I again. Mom never really go into it. She thinks we're weird and obsessed. I know I am! I don't know what to talk about. Cuz there is nothing to talk about. Stupid Allegan. I have that dinner with Kelly and her parents on Tuesday. So I'm looking forward to it but I'm not. I wanna meet them, but I don't know if they will approve of me. Not a lot of parents do. They all think I'm weird and that I'm a bad influence. Eh, I can be a bad influence. But I'm generally a good person. I just have my issues and fits occasionally. I mean, everyone does. But eh. I just want them to like me and I wanna like them. But I don't know. And I wanna like college. But I really don't know what I wanna do. I wanna go see the world. But how am I gonna do that if I don't have any money? I'm not. Which really sucks. I'm so mad. They're making two movies of the last book. And the first part is coming out summer of 10 and the second part summer of 11. What the hell is wrong with that! EVERYTHING! I just wanna see it all at the same time. I know it's gonna be like four hours long that way. But I would totally sit in the movies for four hours just for Harry Potter. Totally worth it. I love Harry Potter! I need to find the books and reread them. Cuz I don't remember what's in all of them. And I just love the books. I'm really bored. So I guess I'm gonna go read. Or get my stupid fucking charger to work (which won't happen) and watch a movie. But I doubt it. Ttyl. Byebye.
MEGHAN LOVE DRACO MALFOY!!!

Dear Diary,
June 20th, 2009 Monday 10:24 P.M.
I saved a mouse this morning. It was 12 something. And I went down to get water. And Bella was playing with something that looked like it was moving but looked like their play mouse. So I looked closer and it was a baby mouse. So she put him (I'm assuming it's a him) in her mouth and took off. So I smacked her til she let go of him. And I snatched him up and put him in my Alma cup. Mom said she's surprised I picked him up with my bare hands and that he didn't bite me. He prolly saw that I was trying to save him from the cats and didn't want to bite me. He was so tiny. But I called my mom and she and manda came out. And manda took pictures. But mom and I went outside and let my mouse friend go. I wonder how he's doing. But later today I made peanut butter cookies. By myself. Dad had to help me do the mixer cuz it hated me I swear, but other than that I did it on my own. Which is awesome. I forgot to fork one batch though. And the last batch was 7 "monster" cookies. They were just a lot bigger than the rest of the cookies. Mom had one. But I don't think I'll be eating them a lot. Baking things makes you not wanna eat it. Eh. I don't know. The dinner is tomorrow. And I don't know what to expect. But I imagine that dad is gonna do something stupid in the time we're there. And it normally takes me a while to get to talk to people. Cuz I don't trust them or know them. Eh. I just hope it goes well. I'll tell you about it when it's done with. I'm going with mom tomorrow morning to her appointment. I think it's physical therapy. And that takes like an hour or an hour and a half. And it sucks just sitting in the car with nothing to do. I'll prolly bring something to do. But I'm gonna go now. My pill should be kicking in soon and I wanna listen to music before I pass out. So I'll talk to you after dinner. Byebye.
Meghan (Who is dreading the dinner and her dad doing something stupid! Ack!)

Dear Diary,
June 23rd, 2009 Thursday 8:37 P.M.
The dinner went pretty well actually. They were nice. And they didn't seem to have a problem with me. I had my tatoo showing but they didn't comment. So I guess that's a good thing. But that's about it for now. I'm watching South Park. So I'll ttyl. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 25th, 2009 Saturday 6:31 P.M.
Nothing really to do. Watching South Park again. There's nothing else to do. I hate it. Bored. Gonna go now. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 13th, 2009 Monday 8:23 P.M.
Jay called me again and said that he had a funeral to go to. So he didn't come over. That's good too. I'm on my period and I'm cramping and bleeding harder than I normally do. Eh. It sucks. I went with mom and dad to Holland today. Dad had an appointment at 9 and mom had one at 11. And we went to Bed, Bath, And Beyond. I got a waste basket and a shower holder thing. I don't even know what I'm gonna study and go off and do. And that sucks. Jay might be leaving on Thursday for the Army. And he said that he has a letter for me. Well, two actually. In case he dies or if he lives. I don't know how I'm gonna get them if he does leave. Unless he mails them or has someone else mail them for him. I don't know. I really don't want him to go. But I've decided that it's not my choice and it's gonna happen no matter what. I just wish it could be later instead of sooner. Eh. No body listens to what I want though. I told Alex today that I don't really believe in God. And he's like I'm totally the wrong person to say that to. I know he's all churchy and shit, but he could have just listened to my opinion and said ok, you have your opinion, I have mine. But he totally went like bonkers. Eh. Damn bastard. Ack. Stacey and Eric from work (that I don't work for anymore thank God if he's there for that which he isn't damn it!) are dating. And that's so disgusting. And Eric told Ian that Amanda is one of the biggest gossips in the store. Whatever dude! That would be Dylan and Stacey. And Ernie if I really think about it. And Eric says that he didn't say anything about Amanda and that he never would becuz he doesn't have any reason to cuz he likes Amanda. And that is where I throw the bullshit flag. He fucking hates Amanda cuz she won't take his shit. He disappears all the damn time and she's always calling him up front to actually do some work. He prolly goes into the boy's room and jacks off for all of us know. That's so wrong. And Stacey's just with him for the sex. Which is the worst part. He looks like a fucking werewolf for fucks sake! He's all hairy and shit and he smells like he's never met with a thing called a shower or bath. It's so gross. And I'm really glad that I got out of that place when I did. But I told Amber and Stacey and Alex about Stacey and Eric dating. Alex and Ernie are big gossips too. So I decided to cause some trouble at Village Market even though I'm no longer there. Fun Fun for me. Lol. Aahhh! I wish I had the damn internet. I haven't been on in like three weeks. And it's driving me nuts. I haven't checked my email and I prolly have like two hundred or so. I don't know. And I like just randomly surfing the net. HARRY POTTER COMES OUT ON WEDNESDAY!!! Dad and I are gonna see if we can find a theatre that is gonna have it on the day it comes out. But I doubt it. They didn't ever have Transformers 2 at the M-89 Cinema. They run Thursday to Thursday. So we might have to wait til Friday for Harry Potter. I'm thinking it will be there. Cuz it's so much bigger than Transformers. Which got a shit review too. I haven't seen it but I thought it looked good from the previews. And the first one was good. And Linkin Park did another song for this one. New Divide it's called. I like it. Good song. Bored. Can't wait for Harry Potter. They're gonna do a two part end to the series. I don't know how they're gonna do it in the theatres when it gets there. But that's their promblem. Eh. I wish we had a converter box. I'm missing my shows. House. And I don't really know what else is on since I don't have the converter box. But I know I'm missing stuff. Family Guy! I haven't seen it in ages. And I don't have the internet to see it on. But the site that I normally go on isn't working for some reason. I could just watch South Park on the net if I had it. But I don't. So it's pointless. I'm so damn bored. And there's nothing to do. Like absolutely nothing. Cuz Amber's at work. And it's late. And I don't know if she's gonna talk to me. Due to all the Stacey/Eric bullshit. Cuz Amber was all asking me what was going on and stuff. And I was telling her a little bit of the stuff going on. But not all of it. Cuz Eric told me that he never said it and I'm like well would Ian lie to Amanda just to piss her off? He said yeah cuz Ian wants to break him and Stacey up. Who really cares. It's just stupid dude. Eh. Alex told me that Stacey's just using Eric for the money. Cuz Eric buys her everything. But that's just the guy he is. Put Eric's personality in a different, hot body and he'd have more girls hitting on him than just nasty ass Stacey who wears the same shorts and tank top every damn day. It's just wrong man. But I don't know. I'm gonna find something to do. TTYL. Byebye.
Meghan the Extremely Bored and Disgusted

Dear Diary,
June 15th, 2009 Wednesday 12:35 A.M.
HARRY POTTER IS OUT TODAY!!! I really wanna see it really really bad. But I don't know if I will. Cuz dad would be up all day and he doesn't have any sick days left to use to be able to go see it. But it's supposed to be really good. The last one is my favorite book so I can't wait til that comes out. I'm ripping music and making more c.d.s right now. But I think I'm gonna go read. I'll talk to you later sometime. Don't know when. With nothing to report. Of course. Later though. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 15th, 2009 Wednesday 6:53 P.M.
OMG! HARRY POTTER WAS THE BEST MOVIE SO FAR!!! Dad and I went to see it today at 3:30. It's two and a half hours long! But it was so good that it was totally worth it. And it was just as I imagined it too. It was awesome. They did a great job. I wish I could find the book so I can reread it. I'M IN LOVE WITH HARRY POTTER! Oh, and don't forget Draco Malfoy. Yummy! I just changed my background to Draco. *faints* Not really. But I wish the Harry Potter world was for real. I would be in heaven. I'd totally try and get with Draco. But I loved the movie. It wasn't full like I expected it to be, the theatre. But there were a lot of people there. And when Dumbledore died, there was a chick that started crying. I just wanted to smack her. It's like didn't she read the books? Anyway, Tom Felton did a great job playing Draco. I love Draco! He's misunderstood I think. And he was trying to do it for his father. And so Voldemort didn't kill him. I'm gonna go now though. HARRY POTTER ROCKS!!!! Ttyl. Prolly about Harry Potter and Draco (yummy). Byebye.
Meghan The Biggest Harry Potter Fan

Dear Diary,
FOURTH OF JULY!, 2009 Saturday 11:04 P.M.
The fireworks yesterday were kinda lame. But eh, it's Allegan. I have fun hanging out with Amber though. And Stacey said that she might be pregnant. That would be funny as hell I think. I guess I'm just mean like that. But today was pretty ok. Ian was over. So that says something right there. The five of us were playing BuzzWord. It was fun. And I actually knew a lot of the things. I got chew the fat and rosetta stone and Your Under My Skin by somebody I don't know. And a bunch more that I don't remember. But mom and dad didn't know where I pulled those outta. But I knew them. Retards down the street are currently setting some fireworks off. Pussy ones in my opinion. They decided to have a firework competition last night. I won cuz I set off some Roman Candles. I love those things. Today lit two off at the same time. It was awesome. They were just behind each other. And the little kids were like "That was so kool!" Hell yeah it was kool. I did it, that's why. Eh. Hate little kids. Don't wanna be a teacher anymore. Eh. I'd just prolly kill the kids. Maybe I'll be an Egyptologist (spelling?). I've always been interesting in Egypt. So that would be fun. Maybe I could try my hand at learning the alphabet. Even though there are over 700 different symbols. Crazy. But kinda makes sense at the same time. This is gonna be random but I noticed that the most used letters on my keyboard are: a s d f i e r n t u o l and k. Weird. Never really thought about it before. I'm really weird. I have my music really high and I can still hear their fucking Cuckoo. It's a squeal firework. Like a whistler but not really. Haven't talked to Alex in ages. Haven't talked to Jay in ages. Talked a little to Otto last night. And his girlfriend Katy was totally livid. Oh well. Not like I'm interested in him. I'm just his friend. Eh. Bastards the lot of them. Bloody hell. Fuckfire. Eh. Bored now. Maybe I'll watch a movie or something. I don't know. I'm weird. I know that. HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!! I'm gonna go find something to do until I get tired. Which won't be for a while yet. Eh. I'll talk to you later. But nothing important will happen I tell you. Byebye. TTYL!
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 5th, 2009 Sunday 7:19 P.M.
Nothing really to report. I broke mom's burner thing for the oils. It was an accident. But I feel bad about it. I saw a buck today. Someone must have scared it down the street and it shot down Ronnie's yard nect to us. It was kool. I'm currently watching Nancy Drew. So I'm gonna go now. I'll talk to you later. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 6th, 2009 Monday 10:51 P.M.
Mom's in a lot of pain. So dad took the night off to take mom to the emergency room. I just hope she's gonna be ok and that they can find something that will dull or get rid of the pain. I said brain surgery to cut the pain receptors. But that's impractical. Eh. Jay called me last night. And it was just barely last night. He said that he missed me and wanted to see me but didn't know when that was gonna be. And that he'd been in Canada killing wolves. I don't know what to believe anymore. Cuz all the shit that comes out of his mouth seems like a lie. And he does it all the time. Eh. Maybe I should just dump him. Cuz I really could do without him. It's not like I love him and am gonna die without him. I don't know anymore. But I'm bored. And I'm mad at LimeWire. It refuses to work until I open Windows Media Player. I hate it. I need to take this thing taken in and serviced. Cuz I prolly have some virus or something that makes it all slow and stuff. And I hate it slow. But I'm still bored. And I have a book that I wanna read so I'm gonna sign off now. But I'll talk to you tomorrow most likely. With nothing of interest to report I'll bet. TTYL. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 8th, 2009 Wednesday 5:48 P.M.
Gweniey died today. And I cried. Like a lot. I love/loved her. She was my little girl. I went to get her out of her cage to talk to her and feed her. But she wasn't moving. So I took the cage to mom and mom got her out. And she was dead. And I started crying. And dad buried her today. She's with Gracie and the little babies. It had just been a really tough week. But I'm gonna go now. I'll talk to you later. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 10th, 2009 Friday 11:58 P.M.
Just barely Friday. Jay called me. And he actually said that he loved me. Which kinda surprised me. But I don't know what will come out of his mouth. It's weird. And he wants to come see on Sunday or Monday. Don't know which. And he wants to have sex. And he wants 69. I really don't know what to do. And I'm not even on the pill. But he said that he's gonna bring some condoms. I don't like condoms. They suck. They make it itch. I'm gonng go now then. Watching My Fair Lady. Byebye for now.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 25th, 2009 Thursday 11:23 P.M.
Alex asked me out today. Cuz we were talking to each other. Still talking to him. Weird. I'm still with Jay though. And that's what I told him. And that it might happen. But to be honest, I'm not sure that it would work out. But who know. Michael Jackson died. One less molester in the world. But apparently his family is totally upset. I don't really care. Jay said that he was gonna call me today. But he didn't. Eh. Don't care anymore. Don't know what to do with Alex though. Weird. I like him and all but the sex wasn't that great. And I don't know if I could love him or not. I just don't know anything anymore. So damn confused! Eh. I'm bored. And my neck hurts. So I'm gonna stop typing now. I'll talk to you tomorrow after I get back from the movies with Alex and Stacey. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 26th, 2009 Friday 4:01 P.M.
Alex. Stacey, Brent, possibly Pongo, and I are going to the movies today. And I'm gonna tease the shit out of Alex. I bought a new bra that pushes my boobs up and together. And I'm wearing a tank top with it. And I bought some lotion and some spray. And I'm gonna get ready in front of him. And see what he does. I bet he gets a boner! I just wanna see what he'll do. And I don't think he'll disappoint. I love messing with him. Jay still hasn't called. But I'll bet he'll call when I'm at the movies. And if he does, I'm gonna let Alex answer the phone. Lol. I love it. I just like messing with anybody I can. I'm mean, I know. But I'm bored half the time. So I have to find something to fill the spare time. Eh. I can't wait til its 5:30. Cuz that's when we're gonna meet at the park and hang around til the movie starts. I wonder if Alex is gonna see through me messing with him. Maybe. And I told Stacey to show up at 5:40. So I'd have 10 minutes alone with Alex. But I doubt it'll be 10 full minutes. I wonder what Amber's up to. She said that she was goin to Cedar Point. But eh. I don't know. I'm bored still. I'll talk to you later with the details on the night. Byebye.
Meghan the Evil Plotter

Dear Diary,
July 1st, 2009 Wednesday 7:03 P.M.
Yeah, my computer has been retarded lately. It doesn't wanna charge worth a damn. But anything that's mine doesn't do what it's supposed to do. Eh. The movie, we didn't end up going. We ended up playing basketball at J.C. Park. It was fun. And Alex was totally pissed. Which shows me how much of a good boyfriend he would make. And before we went to play basketball, he and I made a bet that he couldn't tame me and make me want to go out with him and make me love him. He backed out that same night. SO I FUCKING WIN BITCHES!!! It was prolly cuz Stacey and I were totally dissing on him and shit. Cuz he wanted to "do stuff" in the movie theatre. Eh. Don't want him then, don't want him now, don't want him ever. Don't know what to do about Jay either. He said that he might be going back into the military and shit. I really don't want him to go. But I have no say in the matter. He's gonna do whatever the hell he wants to anyway. And I told him that I loved him last night and he didn't say it back. Said he has to think about it. What is there to think about? Either he loves me or he doesn't. It's as simple as that. Eh. Guys suck ass. Hate em all. Shoot em all. Wishful thinking there. Eh. Nothing happening here. I can't wait til college. Cuz I hope that things change. But I really doubt it. I don't know. Anything can happen. Bored. I'm gonn go now. And hopefully something awesome happens. Chances for that? Slim, almost none. Ttyl. Byebye.
Meghan the extremely bored

Dear Diary,
June 2nd, 2009 Thursday 9:42 P.M.
Really bored. Nothing to do here. Just watching random movies. Right now it's Mel Brook's Blazing Saddles. There's nothing else to do. Eh. Bored outta my mind. Stacey's a dumbass. She was told something by Amber and was told not to tell and she told. And Amanda told Amber about Stacey telling Brian Barr. Eh. She's a whore. Don't like her. I don't like how she thinks that everyone likes her and wants to fuck her. And then she turns around and tells people things that people tell her in confidence. Eh. Bored. Wanna kill her. And stuff. Bored still. Alsdfkhoaifjrhasd8gipjskfdkj! I'm gonna go now though. Ttyl. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 23rd, 2009 Tuesday 8:25 P.M.
Today I went to Holland with mama and dada. Jay called me while we were at Dairy Queen. And I told him that I was eating ice cream. And he's like I'm gonna hang up. So I said ok. And he did. And he hasn't called back since then and I'm not gonna end up calling him. I'm done with this shit. I deserve better. So I think of myself as single. It works for me. Cuz I really don't care anymore. I think I'm just gonna go after Pongo no matter what. Amber should be over him by now. And I don't care about the goddamn unwritten rule of dating a best friend's exboyfriend. It doesn't even matter. I just wanna be happy. And I don't know what that is yet. But I'm gonna eventually get there. I hope. Who knows with my luck as it is. I haven't been online in ages. And it really sucks. I miss talking to people. I haven't talked to Otto in forever. And I haven't talked to katy or lindsey. Or Nancy. Yeah. Anyway, I didn't end up going to bed until 4:30. Wasn't tired. Was bored outta my mind. Eh. I just tried to get on the internet here. But I don't know the passwords to any of the things. So I'm stuck with no internet forever! So bored. Feel like calling Jay and telling him that I'm done with his bullshit. But I think he's expecting that. And wanting that. But I'm so lost. And I kinda wanna yell at someone. Eh. Bored. I'll ttyl. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 24th 2009 Wednesday 7:58 P.M.
I talked to Otto today. And he said that he still likes me. "Becuz of what he did." Meaning sex. I don't know what to do about boys. I hate em. Just wanna kill em all and find a way to create life by myself. Internet is pissing me off. At the library. I'll be able to be online for about 5 minutes. And then it'll kick me off. Cuz the Allegan Public Library network doesn't work. And I have to use some piss poor thing. So yeah. I wanna talk to Otto more but I don't remember his number. And I'm not walking to him house. Don't think so. But I should get going. I have to be to Village Market at 8:30. And I wanna take my time getting there. So I'll ttyl sometime. Byebye.
Meghan The Man Hater

Dear Diary,
June 24th, 2009 Wednesday 9:46 P.M.
Mom is really starting to piss me off. She had pain management today. And it's not managing anything from my point of view. She's yelling at me and stuff. And I don't like it. And she wonders why I'm always trying to get out of the house away from her and dad and Amanda. They all piss me off for doing stupid shit and yelling at me. They can say, Hey can you please move the t.v? instead of, Move the fucking t.v. now! Just once I would like them to understand that I don't like people yelling at me and I don't function the best when they do it. They all piss me off. And I told Otto earlier that I don't really want a boyfriend. But I lied. I really do want one. It's just that I want one that loves me and doesn't just want me for the sex and one that understands me and loves me for who I really am. One that takes me out places. He doesn't have to pay for everything. But somethings. Even take me shopping every once in a while. But I doubt I'm ever gonna even find a guy that loves me or would try to make me happy. Cuz I want to be happy and I want that person to be happy too. I kinda want a guy like Otto. But he didn't take me out places really. But he understood me. And I need that. I don't know. Jay is an ass. He called me and said that he wasn't mad at me. And that it was just a joke and that he thought I was gonna call him right back. When I didn't call him right back, why didn't he call me then and tell me that he was just joking with me and not really mad at me? I don't understand him at all. And that really sucks. He's not the Jay I fell in love with a long time ago. But I don't think I'm the same person either. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I will end up with or if I will end up with someone. I don't know what I want to do with my life. But I do know that Jay's an asshole and I don't wanna be a teacher or have kids. Eh. Otto told me today that I will end up getting my powers back. It's been silent here. And I'm not really bothered with it. If they come back, they come back. And I'll deal with them then. But for now, I'm good. It's weird. In my last entry I said that I hadn't talked to Otto in ages and I talked to him today. Weird. I don't know. Maybe I was supposed to talk to him today for some reason. Stupid Fate. Likes to me with me. Eh. I don't have anything else to say for now. So I'll talk to you tomorrow prolly. Byebye.
Meghan The Angry And Confused
P.S. I hear mom inside yelling at dad. So I don't plan on going inside for a while. Later!

Dear Diary,
June 21st, 2009 Sunday 7:35 P.M.
Today has been a pretty slow day. Nothing much to do. Dad had a pretty good father's day. Really fucking warm though. Kelly my future roomie texted today. And she and her parents want to get together and have a dinner. So that's cool. And she wants to go to Michigan's Adventures. Been there. It's ok. But not the best part ever. Disney is so much more koolier. But I can't wait for school to start. I think I'm gonna have so much fun. I also think that Ian is gonna end it with Amanda on a random turn of thoughts. Cuz he and Amanda aren't really talking. And he got his jeep like he wanted. So that's what I think. And that's what I hope. He isn't even good enough for Amanda. But that's just what I think. And she thinks the same thing about all the guys that I date. Which reminds me that Jay didn't call me back. But that really doesn't surprise me. I think he's waiting for me to end it again. Or something. I don't really know. Maybe I should just ask him. He said that he wanted to start all over with me. But I really don't believe him. This is the best damn basis for a relationship that I've ever seen! NOT! I don't know what to do when it comes to Jay anymore. ACK! So damn confused all the time. And I'm totally a kluts. I run into everything. I skined my bad leg. I skinned my other leg. I skinned my middle finger. Flip people off and be like I have a boo-boo. Hehe. Nothing bad has happened today. So that's a good thing. Who knows when that will stop. I ended going to bed at 2 this morning. I watched Eagle Eye. I love that movie. Shia Labouf (spell check!) is so hott! But right now mama is playing Mario Party 8 on the WII and I have the music going. So it's pretty cool. But I'm bored now. I'm gonna play Clue and listen to music. I doubt Jay will call tonight but I don't know that for a fact. I'll ttyl. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 23rd, 2009 Tuesday 12:32 A.M.
Yesterday, since that's what it technically is, Stacey, Amber, and I went and saw Up. It was ok. A little weird. But it was a little kids movie from Disney, so what should I really expect. But it was fun. Cuz afterwards we went to the park and prank called Jay and he answered. It was funny cuz Amber was acting like a Chinese women and she's like "Ching Chang Chong. Me want food." And then she hung up. Jay was like WTF! before she hung up though. We started laughing like crazy. And Stacey is prolly gonna end up breaking up with Josh cuz he doesn't call her ever and she cheated on him and plans to do it again. She's such a whore. At least I don't have sex with more than one guy at a time, I just date them at the same time. But I haven't done that in a while. So good me. Yeah. I'm gonna go to bed now though. I'm gonna go with mom and dad later to Holland for mom's physical therapy on her back. And maybe out to eat. But I doubt it. We have no money. But ttyl. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 19th, 2009 Friday 4:20 P.M.
Amanda's at Ian's for the weekend. So I have relative peace here. But Monday the war will more than likely start up again. Mom's in pain, dad's an ass, I'm bored, Amber still likes me which is weird, Amanda's a vindictive bitch which reminds me that my mom told me that I was also one in my own way, Ian's a stupid asshole bastard fucking fatass, and Jay doesn't love me I don't think and doesn't ever call me and when he does it's for like five minutes and he has to go. So my life is really weird. I like Pongo (Ryan) and he's off limits cuz of Ber Bear. I like Alex but he likes someone else in the army. I like Otto but last I knew, he has a girlfriend. And I doubt we would work out. I just don't know what the hell to think. Or to do. Cuz I'm so confused. I just wish life would be awesomely easy. I'm listening to Get Low. And it reminds me of Alex so much when we used to be at his house all the time listening to music. Eh. I'm just gonna stay away from guys. I'll answer the phone to Jay but I don't plan on talking about sex or us loving each other or anything like that. I just wish that life was like last summer. It was easier. Even with the court case. That I could handle. I don't really wanna grow up. Too many damn problems. I don't know. Mama wants me to come down. So I gotta go. I'll talk at you later. Byebye.
Meghan The Confused.

Dear Diary,
June 19th, 2009 Friday 9:19 P.M.
Bored as hell. It's supposed to storm really bad tonight like this morning. It was kool. I'm watching Alvin and the Chipmunks. It's cute. I'm still really bored. And it's totally crap that he had his stuff out in the rain and it still worked. But that works for me I guess. I will talk to you later I guess. Bye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 20th, 2009 Saturday 11:18 P.M.
Jay called me earlier. And he was being a complete jackass. It's like he's totally changed. And I don't like it at all. But I don't know what to do about it. Cuz I don't really wanna break up with him again. Cuz I wanna see if it will work. But I don't know if I should bring up the subject or how I would. It's just a touchy subject I think. Weird. And he has changed with saying he loves me and thinking about sex. I will give him props for that. But he could at least act like he wants to talk to me and that he likes me at all. But yeah, that's what I get. For some reason, I get the feeling that he's just trying to get back at me for breaking up with him all those times. I did what I thought was right. But I don't think he understands that. And I'm not about to explain my feelings to him. I shouldn't have to. I'm so bored. And it hurts to type. So I'm gonna call it a night. At least for now. Who knows when I'm gonna end up going to bed. Byebye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 10th, 2009 Thursday 6:17 P.M.
I'm really freaking bored. There's nothing to do. Summer sucks. And I wish Ryan or Alex would ask me out. Yeah. I doubt that's gonna happen. Wow. Bored. Family Guy is kinda weird. I'm gonna go now becuz I'm so damn bored. Meow.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 12th, 2009 Friday 10:34 P.M.
Today was "Becoming A Scot Day" at Alma. And it was ok. It had some brain melting stuff to talk about. But I made two new friends. Which doesn't normally happen. And not with girls. But it did today. Kelly, my new roommate, and her friend Christina. Kelly was a lot more friendly. And she's completely like me. She looks a little preppier. But she'e just as clumsy as me. And she was telling me a fun story about how she ran into a cow in the middle of the night. She's really funny. And we hit it off really well. So we decided to be roommates. It was kool. But I'm gonna go. I'm watching Space Buddies. I don't know why. Cuz it's pretty lame. But I'll talk to you later. Byebye.
Meghan the Freshman

Dear Diary,
June 18th, 2009 Thursday 10:41 P.M.
Had a huge war today in theTaylor household. Manda got pissed off at me for making a simple sugestion. And then later on, she was talking about Amber. And I didn't like it. So I told Amber about it. And Amber went to Amanda and Ian. Cuz he was talking about her too. And I totally didn't like it. And I told Amber not to tell Amanda that I told her that stuff. But she did. And then Amanda told mama in an enraged phonecall. And I got my ass reamed. But so did Amanda apparently. But I didn't actually hear it. But it was like a bomb went off in the house. And mama was fighting with Uncle Dave too. So it was a grand day all in all. Oh, I forgot about Eric talking to me again. And wanting sex. And I said no. Like always. And he called me a whore and said that he wanted to know what Alex and I did. And I told him that is was Alex's and my business. But he kept wanting to know. But today has really sucked ass. So I'm gonna go to bed now. I'll talk to you later. If I have anything interesting and good things to report. And there won't be any. So yeah. Night and bye.
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 8th, 2009 Monday 9:00 P.M.
See? I'm back. I'm talking to Alex. And I do like him. And Amber said that I should talk to him more and maybe ask him back out. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore though. So that could be it. But I don't know. He's hurt me a lot in the past. And I'm not even sure that he likes me anymore. I mean, he's talking to me but that doesn't mean that he likes me enough to try this all again. I'm not sure that I want to either. I haven't even broken up with Jay. And I'm pretty sure that he's not gonna let me go again without some sort of fight. Though he was the one that broke up with me the last time. Which I still don't understand. I have problems and I didn't break up with him over them becuz I didn't know what to do to solve them. But that's what he did. I think he cheated on me. But I have no proof. And mom said that I shouldn't date Jay again. And that Ryan is better than Jay. And I think she's still trying to control my choices. Not that I make the greatest ones. Hence me getting my ass suspended. But that was fun as hell. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm afraid of the big bad world out there after high school. It's weird. I just wanna stay young forever. I wish Peter Pan was real and that he'd wisk me off to Neverland. That would be nice. Young and no responsibilities. That's the dream. Maybe I'll be a writer or something for little kids or something kool like that. But I don't know. I like gym and music. I could teach those too. But I'm not sure where I would go to do that. Cuz I want out of Michigan. But that's were my parents are. And I don't think they're gonna be together much longer anyway. Cuz mama's unhappy, dad always yells, manda doesn't care about anything, and I'm generally the bad news, weird, anti-social one of the group. And that effects the whole family. And Uncle Dave is in love with mama and manda doesn't like it, and I'm not sure what to think about it. He's like family. But dad's in the picture. And dad doesn't know. And mama hides the fact that she loves Uncle Dave too. And it is just really weird here in the Taylor household. So the only things getting me by are music (mostly shinedown) and hanging out with my weird but loveable friends. And I left this alone for a few minutes. And when I left, I left the screen almost completely closed. I got back up here and it's all the way open. And my dad got up after I left my computer. So he had to have read at least this entry before I go back up here. Becuz he didn't come down right after his alarm went off. He was five minutes behind the clock. And I know it doesn't take that long to get his ass up. So I'm fucking pissed right now. And I don't know what I was gonna say before I left. So I'm just gonna listen to my music and then go to bed I guess. And hopefully I sleep. But I doubt it. So yeah. I'll talk to you when somehthing interesting happens. Which will be never. But I'm talking to Alex. I know, I've said that. But I think that I'm gonna make him want me back. Cuz he said that he likes me only as a really close friend. So I'm gonna do everything in my power to make him want me back. It's gonna be fun. Plot with you later.
Love,
Meghan

Dear Diary,
June 9th, 2009 Tuesday 9:52 P.M.
Back again. With nothing to report. Listening to music again. Just got done watching Zoom. I love the hot guy Dylan in it. Yummy. I'm so bored. Jay hasn't called me in like two days. So what does that say right there? That I was right and that he only wants to date me becuz of the sex. And that's not what I want. Like I said. But I'm not gonna call him. I'm gonna wait til he calls me and then tell him that I think that he wants me becuz of the sex and that I don't really wanna be with him anymore. Then I'll make my move on either Alex or Ryan. I'm thinking Alex though. He says he's normal now but I'm not so sure of that. But we'll find out. My college sign up for classes is Friday. And I don't know what to do! It's scary. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Someone save me! "Two from the right and straight on til morning" That's were I'm goin. I wish there was a Fall Out Boy concert that I could find and go to. Cuz I'm listening to them right now and I love them to death. "I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me." Yay. I'm so bored. Maybe I should be an actress. Yeah, I know that I've never done any musicals or anything. I did the sixth grade musical. So I guess that counts. But I would love to act. I've always wanted to act. Ever since I was little. And I would have the chance to be someone that I'm not. Which would be kool. I don't know if they have any classes for that at Alma. But I could see if they do. I think mama would think I'm crazy. But I think she already does. Cuz I've never been the normal calm un-powered kid. Always had feelings and hunches beyond what other people I know have. Weird. And I surround myself with others like me. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one that is different. "Fuck ya'll, All ya'll, If ya'll don't like me." I think I'm just gonna go watch another movie. Don't know what one cuz I've seen all the ones that we have a million billion times over again. Does that make any sense. Cuz I'm not sure that it does. I don't know anything anymore. So confused and lost and feeling alone. But that may change. I don't know. I think that I need to start taking my Lexapro again. I'll talk to you later when I'm all better and less depressed and confused and stuff. I don't know. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meghan