its a bitch to come to find out that after you opened yourself up and truly trusted someone to always tell you the absolute truth, that they lied to you all along. what she seems so oblivious to is that i beat myself up from the first time i felt like i "pressured" her to kiss me the 2nd day we were dating to the night on my moms floor, i hated myself all this time because i felt responsible, and what did she do? she told me, looked me in my f*cking face and told me i didnt pressure her, i had nothing to do with her decision, it was she wanted. wtf. in a way i feel used, betrayed and down right hurt. to know u trusted someone with your life, your f*cking LIFE.and then you find out they lied to you about something as simple as not wanting to kiss or touch or whatever. how can i move on, knowing that her mom was right all along? knowing that every horrible thing she said to me, was what her daughter felt all along just never seemed to have the nerve to say to my face.
is saying "i dnt want to" the say thing as saying no? because if it is then why didnt he listen... if it isnt then it is my fault
wtf... Gulan now Austin... wtf this is crazy... as soon as i got the news my heart stopped... i cant believe this... as much as austin and i fought, he pushed me to do my absolute best in school and in my relationship..
so its another day, but it feels like yesterday. i woke up feeling the same way i did yesterday. i went through the same motions as yesterday. i think ive hit a point in my life where im going through the motions without much thought.
yeah,,, its my my bday!!! but to me its just another day... i mean, im not doing anything, im not having a party, im not having anyone over, no cake, no presents, just me sitting in architecture of the world... i mean i know that once u get to a certain age, bdays arent that important anymore, but have i really reached that age already? i feel so.... idk the right word but i know i dont like the feeling... this sucks... i feel like a little kid when their parents forgot their bday... oh well.... like i said its just another day