[og_ghost]'s diary

182368  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2004-03-31
Written: (7519 days ago)

Positions of Authority.... I like the way my plans are going so far.... I am going to switch over to an established game engine, probably Unreal Tournament.

139775  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-02-08
Written: (7571 days ago)
Next in thread: 139795

Against Me



I wish I could hate you
despise you, forsake you
I wish I could say you weren't worth my time
I wish I could free you
just forget you and leave you
I wish I could claim that you aren't worth my life


I wish I could love me
forgive me and trust me
I wish I could say that I was once worth your time
I wish I could see me
as i was, before me
I wish I could claim that the fault isn't mine


I have spoken words to you
words that betrayed my intentions
and were not said how I meant it
I have done things to you
Unthinking and foolish
Insulting and boorish


I have hurt you, and i despise me
And so I run, and I try to hide me
Because I hate the truth I know inside me;
All my pain against me was once cause by me.
139773  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-02-08
Written: (7571 days ago)

Invisible Tears



a tear falls from its perch by your eyes
and rejoices in its liberty
and it dances, plays, and sings
until its end is brought from below


But the tear isn't there, and the pain stays inside you
and I see nothing but what you won't let your eyes show
But I know you better than that, and I see the tears
though they may be welled up behind mahogany blinds


Why do you hide it from me? What is it you fear?
I take no pleasure in the flow of your tears.
So why do you keep them locked away in your soul?
You hold the acid in to dig on deeper through your heart.
139767  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-02-08
Written: (7571 days ago)
Next in thread: 140194

To Those



To those who cry
To those who hurt
To those who die
To those who search
To those who leave
To those who stay
To those who scream
To those who strain
To those who flee
To those who fight
To those who see
and those still blind
For those who fly
And those who falter
To those who try
And those who squander
To those who earn
To those who steal
To those who learn
To those who feel
To those who win
To those who flaunt
To those who sin
To those who stop
To those who lie
To those who don't
To those who find
To those who won't
To those who still
To those who would
To those who will
To those who could
To those who did
To those who should
To those who quit
To those who stood


To those who were and are no longer
To those who fall and stand up stronger
To those who love and those who hate
To those who rush and those who wait
To those who want and those who need
To those who hunger and those who feed
To those who thirst and those who drink
To those who speak and those who sing


To all of those who have ever felt
that life is something more
Remember what I tell you now:
Yourself is what you are.
127974  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-01-18
Written: (7592 days ago)

EUREKA! I HAVE FOUND IT!
Note to self: Next time I can't find or get rid of some annoying fuzz, check the peak meters. The annoying fuzz that we've had for like the past 4 or 5 weeks came from the unactive wireless mic picking up the speakers. Why it was on, i dunno, but that's where it all came from. So, now that I have turned that off, everything is all better now. Which is very encouraging. :D

126244  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2004-01-14
Written: (7596 days ago)

OK. i might end up using this diary here less for literary or even individual purposes, but merely for exploratory purposes.

Firstly, I need to come up with a much easier way to control my objects. I think new and linked lists would help with the polygon draw function, each with a list of links to draw between. of course, once I've done that, i have NO idea how i would map a skin onto it.

meanwhile, however, i should at least be able to do this wireframed. i really should. perhaps a link would do it. have, say, a hand object, a forearm object, elbow object, bicep object, and shoulder object, rendering the need for at least 4 points, but probably 5. At each point link to an object and then move to the next point, allowing the points to handle movement and the objects to handle the real visuals. so that they can draw themselves. but how could I link like that?

123992  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-01-10
Written: (7601 days ago)

Dude, this week won't end! It's still Friday! It was Friday before! It was friday this morning! And that was forever ago!
Now, I have all this homework to do. Arg.
And she's gonna be angry if I don't mention her, so I'll mention that I enjoyed playing for her today.

110146  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-12-08
Written: (7633 days ago)

yesterday, I got my nohemi her build a bear. It was actually a lot of fun, surprisingly. It was a weird fun. Like... i dunno, but I enjoyed making it for her. And I know she is going to love it sooo verymuch when she gets it... *proud!*

105892  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-11-28
Written: (7643 days ago)
Next in thread: 105998

Me = Meg
You = Deg/Du
You = Dere
Us = Oss
We = Vi

Him = Han
Her = Henne
It = Det

forskjell = Difference
forskjellig = Different
forskjellen = the difference
forskjellene = the differences

105066  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-11-26
Written: (7646 days ago)

It's over. All of it. Forever. Dead and gone. That isn't cool. I have lost everything that I am, or rather, everything that once was. So now, I am not who I was. But, if I am not him, who am I now? I don't even know me anymore. I have no credibility. I have.... I have.... nothing.

100976  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-11-16
Written: (7655 days ago)

And another possible location for my Nohemi. Damn, the things I do for that woman.

Hollywood and Highland
6801 Hollywood Blvd. Suite 200
Hollywood, CA, 90028

Telephone:
(323)461-6105

Fax:
(323)461-6197

Hours:
Sunday to Thursday 10am to 7pm
Friday and Saturday 10am to 10pm

100975  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-11-16
Written: (7655 days ago)

IMPORTANT!

Don't be an idiot and forget like you always do

Build-A-Bear location for my Nohemi:

Westside Pavilion Shopping Center
10800 West Pico Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA, 90064

Telephone:
(310)446-3290

Fax:
(310)446-3291

Hours:
Monday-Friday: 10 am-9 pm
Saturday: 10 am-8 pm,Sunday: 11 am-6 pm
100974  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-11-16
Written: (7655 days ago)

Nope. Still don't feel like it.

97623  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-11-10
Written: (7662 days ago)

YES!!! I just found my famous CAHSEE essay! I will put it in here sometime soon.

94188  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-11-03
Written: (7668 days ago)

Learning Norwegian:

er = is
vakker = beautiful
Filurkatten = Chershire Cat
katten = cat
hei = hello
mitt = my
navn = name
god natt = good night
god = good
natt = night
(Learned from [Evakulator])

94117  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-11-03
Written: (7668 days ago)

Candlelit Eyes:



With piercing face and furrowed brow
A lit candle eyes do thus reflect
And, though it small, tis slow to bow
Before it's choice doth thus elect

This tiny flame atop its wick
And perched over a grand candle
Where it sleeps, stands, dances, sits
Looking over its wax made castle

Devoid of pathos, serene, but free
Even whilst held captive in its tower
And, though confined, still woe to thee
Who underestimates its power

And if it be thought petite, or weak
Or spoken, jests of its device
Because, while it is small, ‘tis meek
Then best to heed me this advice

Leave not that flame alone to wait
and Allow no patrons thus to come
No allies in this cause to aid
To gather in as all for one

For when combined, their rage grows dear
Grows size and heat each added friend
Consuming all that dare draw near
And all the while, base descends

Despite its rage, Despite its might
Despite its wrath, it's drunken state
Ignores all reminders of its plight
And stumbles blindly to its fate.

And when it fills, as full is forced
When hunger grew too large to keep
So that, when all had run its course,
‘Twas nothing left on which to feed

And thus it dies, all changed to worse
And in its wake lies desolation
And of them all, itself most hurt
Existence lost in isolation

So here no stands, this corpse left hollow,
A soul strewn to the elements
And blind to blind, the other follows
But in him find no recompense

Keep straight the path, and walk the light
Commit to mind, lest ye forget
To keep the end and means in sight
Be wary what thine eyes reflect.

93970  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-11-03
Written: (7668 days ago)

I think I'm gonna do something. Something drastic. These are drastic times, and they call for drastic measures. I will destroy my school. Not literally, of course. I do not mean to take a bag of molotov's to school and leave a federally offensive fellon. I intend to destroy my school politically.

My principal is an incompetent cow-whore, to say the least. I got to school at 4:30 this morning, so as to sign up for the intersession class of my choice without any problem. I stood for 4 hours. And I still didn't get my classes. They started a weird system using tickets to allow you in the line, and the tickets were given in another line. These tickets were given out at the back of the line. This means that my friend who got there at 6:30 got all his classes. And I did not. I am quite perturbed by all of this.

I plan to make a student union. Because I am not alone in my plight. The school has been threatened by the state to improve its Stanford 9 test scores, or whatever they call it now; it's still the same test. Regardless, my friends and I are the schools saviors. If we decide to bomb the test, the school will get comandeered by the state. That is probably the best way for that school anyway.

Stupid school. They need to stop treating it as an administration, and start treating it as a business. Businesses do not waste their money on frivoless pursuits, and they do not repeat their mistakes. Arg.

93549  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-11-02
Written: (7669 days ago)

Wherefore whence the willow came
now leaves, its branches hanging there
Though each denied it's right to name
Still whispers soft through christened air

And here, echos of voices past
do tell the tale and end to yet
The one and other, both the last
the like to each, and neither dead

But live! As living can be more
A loss than gain, so can it give
More than it takes, now keeps in store
The most it has, because it lives.

And in the darkness, far away
From loft, and light, it drifts and shies
From fro and to, and moves to stay
Three back and fourth, to gain the prize

In this dark there does reside
a spritely nymph to raise a mischeif
Disguised in cloth that here confined
Does not haste to speak of grief

That is felt, forever secret
Held evermore so deep inside
In vain hopes to fend off hatred
and keep it safe from prying eyes.

93532  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-11-02
Written: (7669 days ago)

Wherefore whence the willow came
now leaves, its branches hanging there
Though each denied it's right to name
Still whispers soft through christened air

And here, echos of voices past
do tell the tale and end to yet
The one and other, both the last
the like to each, and neither dead

But live! As living can be more
A loss than gain, so can it give
More than it takes, keeps in store
The most it has, because it lives.

And in the darkness, far away
From loft, and light, it drifts and shies
From fro and to, and moves to stay
Three back and fourth, winning prize

(Once again for transportation. My main problem this time is meaning. There is no meaning. But it sounds the way it should. Now for the really hard part.)

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