[og_ghost]'s diary

231716 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7488 days ago)

I have decided to do my Divine Expectations "column" here as well, for the benefit of all of you who may be gamers. Anyway, here is the first issue:

Thu Apr 22, 2004 10:08 pm
Ah, the wonders of the modern world. Particularly the new games coming out. Eventually. Erg.

Anyway, I'd first like to say that, assuming it ever gets released, Half-Life 2 will own everything with a motherfucking wrench. And perhaps a sword or two. Anyway, that is assuming it ever gets released (two dissappointments there, so far)

The only competition I can see, as far as physics and graphics is concerned, is S.T.A.L.K.E.R., and I will not rest until I find out what the fuck that stands for. The acronym is bugging the shit out of me. But the physics looks promising. Not as promising as Half-Life 2, but close enough for government work. Wait, let me rephrase that: reasonably close. Considering government work these days......

Metal Gear Solid 3 of course warrents the expectations of all, except that now, it is outside. Whether the entire game takes place outside or if it's simply a major part of it has yet to be seen, but the landscape is definitely an interesting change of pace. The interactivity that has been promised to us, though, should prove satisfying... to say the least. Regardless, Konami has a tendency not to dissappoint.

Doom 3, in my personal divine opinion, is going to be a major market player only because of it's namesake. "Oh look! Another doom! Maybe this one will be good!" Now, do not misconstrue this to mean anything against the originals: Jesus doesn't love those heretics. What it does mean, however, is that when you consider the other games coming, Doom 3 shouldn't really stand a chance. Unfortunately, since it is a Doom, it will make money. Despite the obvious fact that Doom 3 has better graphics than, say, Unreal Tournament 2004 (GREAT game, by the way), it seems to me that it lacks most of the character, most of the attitude that made the game so much fun.

Painkiller looks like monotonous fun, and an enjoyable waste of time. Nothing much else to be said about that.

Hitman: Contracts hit stores yesterday, and while I haven't had time to check it out, my expectations are extremely high. In this regard however, I must admit to being biased. I love the series, and I will personally assassinate the ass-whore cunt-hound that fucks it up. Hmph. It boasts improved graphics (not true, as far as i can see, but that's never really been the main point of the game anyway.... so whatever), improved environmental interactivity, EVEN MORE CHOICES (god I love eidos), more open-ended missions, and more ways to get your shit done right.

That ones goin in the pants, I gaurantee it.

191718 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-04-11
Written: (7530 days ago)

you really have to love the way people work.
Really. I have been blamed for the pain of someone else, when in fact I had very little to do with it. I have been hated for being nice.
And now I feel I must argue.
So, I will.

Firstly, where is the wrong in being nice? And if there is such a wrong, is there goodness in being mean? I have been nice, only so I could be mean later. Except that I have yet to be mean. but i am mean because i made her trust boys again. which i did by being nice. therefore, i am mean because I am nice. which means that I must be nice, otherwise I would not be able to be mean by being nice. And therefore, since she was mad at me because I am mean, she is mad at me because I am nice. How do you like them apples, eh?

Even so, she was wronged by someone else, and was merely taking here anger out on me. Because something happened, which, by the way, she refused to tell me about, despite the fact that there is NO possible way I could already know what had happened. But it's apparently my fault, anyway.

So, she is more than willing to hate me for what is not my doing, yet she is not willing to blame me for everything. Because there are a lot of things in here life that are not my doing. Therefore, since it is acceptable to blame me for what other people do. Funny ol' world, innit?

191701 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-04-11
Written: (7530 days ago)

I am hated
I am despised
I am hunted

It is all my fault
All your pain and your hate
For giving you water
in this barren land of waste

For showing you shade
As the sun burned you back
For helping you change
And to gain what you lack

I've offered you life
And you've chosen your death

You hate me. You hate me.
I'm me, so you hate me.
I was good to you, so you blame me
That the world isn't like me
You hate me because I'm not like you want
When you had accepted your pain
I brought you along
To this place where for the first time in so long
You've actually been happy. Not a face
not a mask, not a lie, not an act
Not the falsehood you had grown to depend on
But the truth, and you saw how your pain hurt
But you left and you claim that it's my fault
Now you know there is something better
And now you have thrown it away
And now you aren't happy in your gutter
and you need someone else you can blame

Someone wronged you, and that's sad
indeed, lamentable enough,
but for you to then say that I made it?
When it's either you or he who brought pain.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I am mean and evil
Maybe I was just taunting you with lies.
I have given food to the hungry, so hate me.
I have offered relief to the pained
I have comforted sickly, unhappy, and grisly
so yes, for this I'm to blame.

But the thirsty have water and hesitate to drink it
fearful of the dangers of trust
But some of them yet dare to find that it's clean
and it's pointless to mention the rest

Those who dared now go out and remembered clean water
But in truth, have forgotten what it looks like
So they guess for another place for their supply
And are wronged because they though it was healthy

When in fact they were full, they were filled
I had already given them water
But their greed sends them further, and ill has remembered
that gluttony is level with traitors

182368 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2004-03-31
Written: (7541 days ago)

Positions of Authority.... I like the way my plans are going so far.... I am going to switch over to an established game engine, probably Unreal Tournament.

139775 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-02-08
Written: (7593 days ago)

Next in thread: 139795

Against Me

I wish I could hate you
despise you, forsake you
I wish I could say you weren't worth my time
I wish I could free you
just forget you and leave you
I wish I could claim that you aren't worth my life

I wish I could love me
forgive me and trust me
I wish I could say that I was once worth your time
I wish I could see me
as i was, before me
I wish I could claim that the fault isn't mine

I have spoken words to you
words that betrayed my intentions
and were not said how I meant it
I have done things to you
Unthinking and foolish
Insulting and boorish

I have hurt you, and i despise me
And so I run, and I try to hide me
Because I hate the truth I know inside me;
All my pain against me was once cause by me.

139773 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-02-08
Written: (7593 days ago)

Invisible Tears

a tear falls from its perch by your eyes
and rejoices in its liberty
and it dances, plays, and sings
until its end is brought from below

But the tear isn't there, and the pain stays inside you
and I see nothing but what you won't let your eyes show
But I know you better than that, and I see the tears
though they may be welled up behind mahogany blinds

Why do you hide it from me? What is it you fear?
I take no pleasure in the flow of your tears.
So why do you keep them locked away in your soul?
You hold the acid in to dig on deeper through your heart.

139767 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-02-08
Written: (7593 days ago)

Next in thread: 140194

To Those

To those who cry
To those who hurt
To those who die
To those who search
To those who leave
To those who stay
To those who scream
To those who strain
To those who flee
To those who fight
To those who see
and those still blind
For those who fly
And those who falter
To those who try
And those who squander
To those who earn
To those who steal
To those who learn
To those who feel
To those who win
To those who flaunt
To those who sin
To those who stop
To those who lie
To those who don't
To those who find
To those who won't
To those who still
To those who would
To those who will
To those who could
To those who did
To those who should
To those who quit
To those who stood

To those who were and are no longer
To those who fall and stand up stronger
To those who love and those who hate
To those who rush and those who wait
To those who want and those who need
To those who hunger and those who feed
To those who thirst and those who drink
To those who speak and those who sing

To all of those who have ever felt
that life is something more
Remember what I tell you now:
Yourself is what you are.

127974 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-01-18
Written: (7614 days ago)

EUREKA! I HAVE FOUND IT!
Note to self: Next time I can't find or get rid of some annoying fuzz, check the peak meters. The annoying fuzz that we've had for like the past 4 or 5 weeks came from the unactive wireless mic picking up the speakers. Why it was on, i dunno, but that's where it all came from. So, now that I have turned that off, everything is all better now. Which is very encouraging. :D

126244 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2004-01-14
Written: (7618 days ago)

OK. i might end up using this diary here less for literary or even individual purposes, but merely for exploratory purposes.

Firstly, I need to come up with a much easier way to control my objects. I think new and linked lists would help with the polygon draw function, each with a list of links to draw between. of course, once I've done that, i have NO idea how i would map a skin onto it.

meanwhile, however, i should at least be able to do this wireframed. i really should. perhaps a link would do it. have, say, a hand object, a forearm object, elbow object, bicep object, and shoulder object, rendering the need for at least 4 points, but probably 5. At each point link to an object and then move to the next point, allowing the points to handle movement and the objects to handle the real visuals. so that they can draw themselves. but how could I link like that?

123992 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2004-01-10
Written: (7623 days ago)

Dude, this week won't end! It's still Friday! It was Friday before! It was friday this morning! And that was forever ago!
Now, I have all this homework to do. Arg.
And she's gonna be angry if I don't mention her, so I'll mention that I enjoyed playing for her today.

110146 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2003-12-08
Written: (7656 days ago)

yesterday, I got my nohemi her build a bear. It was actually a lot of fun, surprisingly. It was a weird fun. Like... i dunno, but I enjoyed making it for her. And I know she is going to love it sooo verymuch when she gets it... *proud!*

105892 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2003-11-28
Written: (7665 days ago)

Next in thread: 105998

Me = Meg
You = Deg/Du
You = Dere
Us = Oss
We = Vi

Him = Han
Her = Henne
It = Det

forskjell = Difference
forskjellig = Different
forskjellen = the difference
forskjellene = the differences

105066 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2003-11-26
Written: (7668 days ago)

It's over. All of it. Forever. Dead and gone. That isn't cool. I have lost everything that I am, or rather, everything that once was. So now, I am not who I was. But, if I am not him, who am I now? I don't even know me anymore. I have no credibility. I have.... I have.... nothing.

100976 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2003-11-16
Written: (7677 days ago)

And another possible location for my Nohemi. Damn, the things I do for that woman.

Hollywood and Highland
6801 Hollywood Blvd. Suite 200
Hollywood, CA, 90028

Telephone:
(323)461-6105

Fax:
(323)461-6197

Hours:
Sunday to Thursday 10am to 7pm
Friday and Saturday 10am to 10pm

100975 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2003-11-16
Written: (7677 days ago)

IMPORTANT!

Don't be an idiot and forget like you always do

Build-A-Bear location for my Nohemi:

Westside Pavilion Shopping Center
10800 West Pico Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA, 90064

Telephone:
(310)446-3290

Fax:
(310)446-3291

Hours:
Monday-Friday: 10 am-9 pm
Saturday: 10 am-8 pm,Sunday: 11 am-6 pm

100974 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2003-11-16
Written: (7677 days ago)

Nope. Still don't feel like it.

97623 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2003-11-10
Written: (7684 days ago)

YES!!! I just found my famous CAHSEE essay! I will put it in here sometime soon.

94188 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2003-11-03
Written: (7690 days ago)

Learning Norwegian:

er = is
vakker = beautiful
Filurkatten = Chershire Cat
katten = cat
hei = hello
mitt = my
navn = name
god natt = good night
god = good
natt = night
(Learned from [Evakulator])

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