What a love I have lost
What a woe I have gained
What a burden it is that holds me down now!
Pain, thy name is woman
yet woman, why must you know my heart so?
Like each word exchanged added demons to break my mind
The key to my being is in your firm grasp, and you chose to make my end untimely
It's best simply to enjoy the presence of friends, nothing further
Those who fall in love sell their souls and dance with the reaper
And those who survive are changed forever
and it is rare that they change for the better
so sweet sorrow goodbye, bittersweet thorn in my life
a pain ridden corpse now left empty.
Phoned in July, 2002
Met in January, 2003
Loved in February, 2003
Official on April 23, 2003 (about 4:00 PM)
Distanced on March 22, 2004
Silenced in late June, 2004
Seperated July 20, 2004 (10:54 PM)
455 days.
15 months almost exactly.
and 6 hours and 54 minutes.
Goodbye, Nohemi.
Finally, my fan movies are available to the general internet public. Took friggen long enough. anyway, here they are:
I had it all worked out
Had everything planned in my mind
And everything was going
perfectly.
But then I met you
And you made your presence in my life
which is why I now hate you
for loving me
Why do you mistake me
For the things that I am not?
Reminding me so plainly
of what I am
Why is it you've saved me
from this living hell I've earned?
Why protect me from the pain
that I deserve?
I have a dream
and in it I am happy
there's no such thing as pain
and in it I am laughing
cause in truth, we're all the same
I have a dream
and in it I'm surrounded
by people that I love
and lost until I'm found by
the people that I trust
And I wake up and now my eyes
know just how dark this life can be
and no matter how I try
I can't retrieve my fantasy
within my dreams, locked away in vain
hopeless ideals trembling and searing through my brain
Maybe if things had turned out differently, joy would be alive
and Maybe if you had just said the right thing, things would be alright
but Maybe the blood and the pain is something more than it seems
for no matter your troubles,
your trials,
your struggles
the pain that you've had to bear..
remember a Broken Heart
never cries
alone
and know that the sun still shines
above the storm
believe that the love you hold
is worth
the tears
and see that the rain that falls
helps the red
roses grow
remember a Broken Heart
never cries
alone
and know that the sun still shines
above the storm
no matter how long the night (Believe that though the night is long)
It is near the end
tomorrow the sun will rise
And life will begin again
Total slaughter
total slaughter
I won't leave a man alive
A La de da de dai
Genocide
La de da de duh
an ocean of blood
let's being the killing time...
1 1 1 * 1 = 1
2 3 2 * 1.5 = 3
3 6 3 * 2 = 6
4 10 4 * 2.5 = 10
5 15 5 * 3 = 15
6 21 6 * 3.5 = 21
7 28 7 * 4
8 36
9 45
10 55
11 66
12 78
13 91
14 105
15 120
16 136
17 153
18 171
19 190
20 210
x*[(x-1)/2+1]
21*11=231
not the equation for factorals, because that's 5!=1*2*3*4*5, whereas this is 1+2+3+4+5...
however, since the equation works, I'm going to keep it.
You know what? I don't even fucking care anymore. If you want to kill yourself, that's your shit. Honestly. You meant something to me, but you will not hurt me by this. I will not be friends with the dead. So if you kill yourself, then you are not my friend, and I will not grieve over you. I will become that heartless bitch you met originally. Misery loves company, and you'll not take me down with you. If you are not online tomorrow, I will forget you forever. Then you may have your wish. Then you will not exist. You'll be nothing to me. You hear that? Fucking NOTHING.
Now, if you are online tomorrow, fine. We shall continue as friends. If you are not, then I do not know you. You are some stranger. No different from the millions of other nameless faces or faceless names that show up on obituaries and in morgues everywhere.
So, while you are alive, I will say this: Goodbye, my friend. But when you are dead, I will say nothing.
Motha fuckin A!
Fuckin ace!
HELL YES! I WANT A MOTHAFUCKIN HELL YEAH!!!! GIMME A MOTHAFUCKIN HELL YEAH!
My computer works. I just fixed it. When it works, this computer owns all. 1600x1200.... it takes so much work to get from one end of the screen to the other... HELL YES!!!!
O Fortuna!
velut luna
Statu variabilis!
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem
egestatem
potestatem
dissolvit ut glaciem
Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
obumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris
Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper en angaria
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite
quod por sortem
sternit fortem
mecum umnes plangite!
Sun May 23, 2004 5:01 pm
So many intruiging games coming out. This is why I love the gaming industry. There's always something to look forward to.
And now, a new development: cross-media gaming. Introducing Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Strangely enough, there is a game called Advent Children introduced at E3 that has absolutely nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII, although it looks interesting in its own right. Regardless, FF7:AC is going to be a movie, a DVD film event, and it is going to be fucking awesome.
No other way to say that, really, it's just going to be fucking amazing. Anyway, it takes place 2 years after the ending of the films namesake, and it seems to somehow include both Cloud and Sephiroth. How it will include Sephiroth, I don't know - and neither does anybody else, it would seem. But the graphics look awesome, better than the previous Final Fantasy movie, which was, to say the least, amazing as well. The fight scenes are some of the best I have ever seen, easily matching anything you may ever see from action films such as the Matrix or other entertainment bombs. It is going to be awesome.
Problem is, the whole thing is very Hush-Hush. Very little is known about it, although I have seen a 47 second trailer. A trailer I watched no less than 312.5 times (yes, I watched it half a time before somebody came and closed it on me. I was upset.). It really is simply that amazing.
Rumors are coming that, based upon the success of the movie, they may or may not remake FF7. Other theories say this is just a marketing ruse to get the audience worked up again so that when it does come out, the market will be all ready and willing to buy their merchandice by the bundle. If that is the case, it's working. Still others say that there will be no remake: rather, there will be a sequel. Some hope for a sequel, whereas others do not. I simply fail to see how any sequel could anything but dissappoint after FF7. I want a remake. But that's just me.
I know I'm looking forward to it. I dare you to try to beat me to the front of that line, though: I'm bringing Mr. Strife's sword.
Fri May 21, 2004 3:24 pm
Well, it's been another day, and you all know what that means: Yet another overblown divine expectation! This time I present to you a brand new and impressively original idea. The game: The movies. By Activision and Lionhead Studios, which should be more than enough to get your attention. The graphics look awesome (it is a sim game, though, so how much credit can you actually give the graphics?), where you get to make your own studio, raise your own stars, and make your own movies. Awesome. What it is doing, it is also doing well. Build your own sets, design the studio lot, and tentative promises to buy/sell/trade actors, lots, and movies over the internet. Of course, as your stars get bigger, they get pickier, and it takes more to keep them happy and ON the set, and if you let them, they get BIGGER, and nobody wants to see a 300 pound leading man. Unless, of course, it is in an Ed Wood movie. You can have special effects, and it also goes through the history of cinema, starting with black and white and graduating through research into what we have now. It looks like it is going to be awesome.
But none of this is the best part. NONE of it. Sure, it's all well and good, but so what, right?
So, without starving your curiosity longer, here is the best part: The developers PARTICIPATE in their own forum! The LISTEN!!!!! God, I love Lionhead.
Wed May 19, 2004 5:26 pm
Now, I'm sure I've gone off on this one before, but Peter Molyneaux is a God. Or will be, when he pulls this off. Both of his projects look like sheer works of absolute genius. Black & White 2, which is working hard to fix the problems from the first game, seems to be succeeding, with awesome graphics, more city and culture oriented gameplay, and a smarter creature. The creature part they basically got right in the first game, but now they are adding civilization into the mix: brought to you by the same man who gave you Populous. It promises to be a Civilization or SimCity-esc control over your cities.
Meanwhile, Fable simply looks friggen awesome. Following some of the revolutionary technology of Black & White 2 (tentatively stated, as it has, thus far, revolutionized nothing outside of itself), every choice you make affects the future in what look sto be the most ambitious RPG project ever attempted. The missions are completely open-ended, as you can even choose your side every battle. Case in point: You can go to pick up a mission to protect the mercahnt from the dangerous robbers, or whatnot, and, if you're good, you can save the merchants. Or, if you're bad, you can slaughter the merchants and loot them long before the robbers get there. It's all up to you. What you look like, the way people react, everything. Of course, you might want to start off being somewhat good, so you can woo yourself a pretty lady and get married before you give her the finger and set her on fire. You can save a village or slaughter it. You can even kick peoples chickens. I don't know why, but apparently, it's an evil thing to do. But you can do it.
Mon May 17, 2004 4:01 pm
I have proof now that Half-Life 2 will own everything. I was recently watching some trailer footage of it. Never before has a games graphics actually taken my breath away. Sure, it's been said aplenty, but never in referance to a literal occurance. I couldn't breathe.
The environments look so realistic that there were times I thought it was a video camera. The only things that look even the slightest bit unrealistic is the people, and even then, those are some sexy beasts. I have a new standard of awesome.
In addition, the amazing physics of the game engine allows for infinite replay-ability
A problem which was completely accidental, but which needed solving just like any other. In all likelihood, you would never need to solve this particular problem, as it is not a part of the game. The point that takes the kill, however, is that you just might.
The story oriented gameplay continues in the great tradition set forth by Half-Life, but with the additions of awesome graphics, physics, and, perhaps most impressive, destructabilit
This has reminded me why I want to make games. Long live team Valve.
The rest of the new half-life 2 clips.
http://www.gam
http://www.gam
http://www.gam
http://www.gam
http://www.gam
I have decided to do my Divine Expectations "column" here as well, for the benefit of all of you who may be gamers. Anyway, here is the first issue:
you really have to love the way people work.
Really. I have been blamed for the pain of someone else, when in fact I had very little to do with it. I have been hated for being nice.
And now I feel I must argue.
So, I will.
Firstly, where is the wrong in being nice? And if there is such a wrong, is there goodness in being mean? I have been nice, only so I could be mean later. Except that I have yet to be mean. but i am mean because i made her trust boys again. which i did by being nice. therefore, i am mean because I am nice. which means that I must be nice, otherwise I would not be able to be mean by being nice. And therefore, since she was mad at me because I am mean, she is mad at me because I am nice. How do you like them apples, eh?
Even so, she was wronged by someone else, and was merely taking here anger out on me. Because something happened, which, by the way, she refused to tell me about, despite the fact that there is NO possible way I could already know what had happened. But it's apparently my fault, anyway.
So, she is more than willing to hate me for what is not my doing, yet she is not willing to blame me for everything. Because there are a lot of things in here life that are not my doing. Therefore, since it is acceptable to blame me for what other people do. Funny ol' world, innit?
I am hated
I am despised
I am hunted
It is all my fault
All your pain and your hate
For giving you water
in this barren land of waste
For showing you shade
As the sun burned you back
For helping you change
And to gain what you lack
I've offered you life
And you've chosen your death
You hate me. You hate me.
I'm me, so you hate me.
I was good to you, so you blame me
That the world isn't like me
You hate me because I'm not like you want
When you had accepted your pain
I brought you along
To this place where for the first time in so long
You've actually been happy. Not a face
not a mask, not a lie, not an act
Not the falsehood you had grown to depend on
But the truth, and you saw how your pain hurt
But you left and you claim that it's my fault
Now you know there is something better
And now you have thrown it away
And now you aren't happy in your gutter
and you need someone else you can blame
Someone wronged you, and that's sad
indeed, lamentable enough,
but for you to then say that I made it?
When it's either you or he who brought pain.
Maybe you're right. Maybe I am mean and evil
Maybe I was just taunting you with lies.
I have given food to the hungry, so hate me.
I have offered relief to the pained
I have comforted sickly, unhappy, and grisly
so yes, for this I'm to blame.
But the thirsty have water and hesitate to drink it
fearful of the dangers of trust
But some of them yet dare to find that it's clean
and it's pointless to mention the rest
Those who dared now go out and remembered clean water
But in truth, have forgotten what it looks like
So they guess for another place for their supply
And are wronged because they though it was healthy
When in fact they were full, they were filled
I had already given them water
But their greed sends them further, and ill has remembered
that gluttony is level with traitors
Positions of Authority.... I like the way my plans are going so far.... I am going to switch over to an established game engine, probably Unreal Tournament.