[og_ghost]'s diary

311169 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-08-05
Written: (7392 days ago)

Next in thread: 314161

[og_ghost]:
nah. I think I'll stick to hate and unhappiness. :D

[The Naiad]:
That's not good.

[og_ghost]:
but it's at least pain I know.

[The Naiad]:
yeah... but pain isn't good.

[og_ghost]:
why not?
It comes around anyway. Maybe pain, like death, isn't to be feared or avoided... maybe it's to be embraced and cherished for what it is; inevitable and unchanging.

[The Naiad]:
You should never embrace death, for you would be living a life without living.
Much the same you should never embrace pain - yes it is almost inevitable during life, but that does not mean you should embrace that you will feel pain through your life, then you will just wait for pain to come and go. Just don't dwell on either - move on from pain and fear, and become happy.

[og_ghost]:
The embrace of Death is not the neglect of Life.... on the contrary, fear of death is what deprives one of life. There is comfort in knowing that death will come, and that it will come only once. It is among the few constants in an ever changing world. Besides, everything is relative. Time itself is relative. And just as light can be the base for comparison of time, death can be the base for comparison of life. Think: I know what death is. How better, then, to know what life is? Life is all that contradicts death.

Furthermore... there is a kind of bitter joy to be drawn from pain. And know that I am no masochist, or some irrational being; i know quite well what I say. People have a tendency to take things for granted. But how can happiness be taken for granted amidst so much pain? Any and all is welcomed. When hunger has taken you to the brink of starvation, a thoughtful sandwhich can mean more than all the riches the world over.

The focus on happiness is the focus on self-indulgence. Many a well known and appreciated scholar has warned of the dangers of indulgence such as this. To accept pain and happiness, sorrow and joy, and embrace both equally... how can one fail to gain? Necessity is the mother of invention.... laziness is the mother of necessity... but further, luxury is the mother of laziness. All focus should be toward betterment of oneself, in whatever terms that may apply, with consideration of others. If everyone swept his own doorstep, the entire world would be clean. This is true. But if everyone swept their own AND their neighbors.... clean pales in comparison. It is not war that is to be desired, but nor is it peace. Symbiotism is my goal. To help myself and help others. Peace is just a collection of viruses that, lacking proper host, feed off each other. Each steals a little life from the others for itself, constantly depleted and refilled. However, each time, a little life is lost, and soon they all die. So tell me: when did peace ever help anyone? War is not the answer. But neither is peace.

This applies to pain, death, and many other similar "unpleasant" conditions. And if happiness can be drawn from pain and fear, who, then, has suffered loss?

303090 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-07-29
Written: (7400 days ago)

PROMPT:
The first chapter of Ecclesiastes, a book in the Bible, concludes with these words: "For in much wisdon is much grief, and increase in knowledge is increase of sorrow."
Write a carefully reasoned, persuasive essay that defends, challenges, or qualifies this assertion. Use evidence from your observation, experience, or reading to develop your position.
TIME ALLOWED: 40 minutes.

It has often been said, by fools and wise men alike, that "ignorance is bliss." Though it is rarely given any real or profound thought, it is true. Teh better understood the pain is, the more acutely the pain is felt. Knowledge can therefore be seen as the true origins of pain.
Take the bible, that same resource that produced this quote; particularly, the Garden of Eden. Though less well known and understood by mass society today than in older days, the fall of man is an important illustration of the happiness in ignorance. True, the fall itself was from disobedience to a direct and clear mandate from God. However, the forbidden fruit came from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Knowledge. The fall of man, and all his subsequent suffering, it was all to knowledge. When Adam and Eve's eyes were opened after eating the fruit, the first thing they saw was their nakedness, and they made clothes. So knowledge brought discontent and the desire to "improve" conditions. Cain would continue the legacy of sin by the knowledge that God favored Abel, and thus jealousy was born. This jealousy led Cain to murder his own brother, making tangible the sorrowful effect of knowledge.
The idea of pain in understanding is not exclusively found in the bible, though. One classic story, Flowers for Algernon, comes to mind. The character, Charlie, starts as a happy, though somewhat moronic individual. After he starts to become more aware, gain more understanding, his happiness fades away. Jealousy, anger, paranoia, all afflictions that did not haunt huim in his ignorace, become a basic part of his core persona when he became knowledgeable.
The pain is also not limited to direct causality; anxiety is another form. Any child who has ever known a Christmas has known a tortured, long, and sleepless Christmas Eve. Even the expectations of good things can drive a child mad. Even with the faint sweetness of future happiness is laced with bitter, though subtle, contempt for the present. The anticipation, likewise, is painful, but impending doom is more fearful than impending salvation. Every moment of sadness is understood and experienced beforehand, with no solace to be found elsewhere.
"What they don't know can't hurt them." To tell someone of a danger, particularly a minor or unlkely danger, can cause undue worry in an otherwise solid emotional constitution. Worry causes stress, and stress ahs been shown to lead directly to pain. Yet, if the danger is imperceptible, the pain it can cause is contained within that moment, rather than dragged on through time, increasing the unhappiness. To know the circumstances of ones own death is enough to drive one to the grave - pun intended, sorry. The entire life will then center around their death, which otherwise would only be felt once.
The grief and sorrow of an individual are, therefore, directly proportional to wisdom and knowledge.

... score: 8.... that's so cool... oh, let me show what an 8 means:

24/20

:D
That means I'm cool.

299327 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2004-07-26
Written: (7402 days ago)

Next in thread: 299347

What a love I have lost
What a woe I have gained
What a burden it is that holds me down now!
Pain, thy name is woman
yet woman, why must you know my heart so?
Like each word exchanged added demons to break my mind
The key to my being is in your firm grasp, and you chose to make my end untimely
It's best simply to enjoy the presence of friends, nothing further
Those who fall in love sell their souls and dance with the reaper
And those who survive are changed forever
and it is rare that they change for the better
so sweet sorrow goodbye, bittersweet thorn in my life
a pain ridden corpse now left empty.

294242 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2004-07-21
Written: (7407 days ago)

Next in thread: 296483

Phoned in July, 2002
Met in January, 2003
Loved in February, 2003
Official on April 23, 2003 (about 4:00 PM)
Distanced on March 22, 2004
Silenced in late June, 2004
Seperated July 20, 2004 (10:54 PM)

455 days.
15 months almost exactly.
and 6 hours and 54 minutes.

Goodbye, Nohemi.

281708 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2004-07-10
Written: (7418 days ago)

Next in thread: 281928, 281971

Finally, my fan movies are available to the general internet public. Took friggen long enough. anyway, here they are:

http://scarredions.com/other/movie/Goodbye.wmv

My very very first music video fan movie. I was quite proud of it at the time, though I suppose i could have done better... oh well. I'm still proud of it.

Oh, and girls seem to like it more than guys.

http://scarredions.com/other/movie/TRIGUN.WMV

my, uh, very second music video fan movie. I am more proud of this one, that I actually pulled it off right. I also enjoy watching this one a bit more.

And this one guys seem to like more than girls.

UPDATE:::: If the video doesn't load Windows Media Player automatically, then refresh the window.

278827 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-07-08
Written: (7421 days ago)

Next in thread: 280091, 280512

I had it all worked out
Had everything planned in my mind
And everything was going
perfectly.
But then I met you
And you made your presence in my life
which is why I now hate you
for loving me

Why do you mistake me
For the things that I am not?
Reminding me so plainly
of what I am
Why is it you've saved me
from this living hell I've earned?
Why protect me from the pain
that I deserve?

275633 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2004-07-05
Written: (7423 days ago)

Next in thread: 339673

I have a dream
and in it I am happy
there's no such thing as pain
and in it I am laughing
cause in truth, we're all the same
I have a dream
and in it I'm surrounded
by people that I love
and lost until I'm found by
the people that I trust

And I wake up and now my eyes
know just how dark this life can be
and no matter how I try
I can't retrieve my fantasy
within my dreams, locked away in vain
hopeless ideals trembling and searing through my brain

272723 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2004-07-02
Written: (7427 days ago)

Maybe if things had turned out differently, joy would be alive
and Maybe if you had just said the right thing, things would be alright
but Maybe the blood and the pain is something more than it seems
for no matter your troubles,
your trials,
your struggles
the pain that you've had to bear..

remember a Broken Heart
never cries
alone
and know that the sun still shines
above the storm
believe that the love you hold
is worth
the tears
and see that the rain that falls
helps the red
roses grow

remember a Broken Heart
never cries
alone
and know that the sun still shines
above the storm
no matter how long the night (Believe that though the night is long)
It is near the end
tomorrow the sun will rise
And life will begin again

263834 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2004-06-23
Written: (7435 days ago)

Total slaughter
total slaughter
I won't leave a man alive
A La de da de dai
Genocide
La de da de duh
an ocean of blood
let's being the killing time...

246594 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-06-06
Written: (7452 days ago)

Next in thread: 273669

1 1 1 * 1 = 1
2 3 2 * 1.5 = 3
3 6 3 * 2 = 6
4 10 4 * 2.5 = 10
5 15 5 * 3 = 15
6 21 6 * 3.5 = 21
7 28 7 * 4
8 36
9 45
10 55
11 66
12 78
13 91
14 105
15 120
16 136
17 153
18 171
19 190
20 210

x*[(x-1)/2+1]
21*11=231

not the equation for factorals, because that's 5!=1*2*3*4*5, whereas this is 1+2+3+4+5...
however, since the equation works, I'm going to keep it.

237041 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-05-27
Written: (7462 days ago)

Next in thread: 243909

You know what? I don't even fucking care anymore. If you want to kill yourself, that's your shit. Honestly. You meant something to me, but you will not hurt me by this. I will not be friends with the dead. So if you kill yourself, then you are not my friend, and I will not grieve over you. I will become that heartless bitch you met originally. Misery loves company, and you'll not take me down with you. If you are not online tomorrow, I will forget you forever. Then you may have your wish. Then you will not exist. You'll be nothing to me. You hear that? Fucking NOTHING.

Now, if you are online tomorrow, fine. We shall continue as friends. If you are not, then I do not know you. You are some stranger. No different from the millions of other nameless faces or faceless names that show up on obituaries and in morgues everywhere.

So, while you are alive, I will say this: Goodbye, my friend. But when you are dead, I will say nothing.

232661 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2004-05-24
Written: (7465 days ago)

Motha fuckin A!
Fuckin ace!
HELL YES! I WANT A MOTHAFUCKIN HELL YEAH!!!! GIMME A MOTHAFUCKIN HELL YEAH!

My computer works. I just fixed it. When it works, this computer owns all. 1600x1200.... it takes so much work to get from one end of the screen to the other... HELL YES!!!!

231764 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7466 days ago)

O Fortuna!
velut luna
Statu variabilis!
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem
egestatem
potestatem
dissolvit ut glaciem

Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
obumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper en angaria
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite
quod por sortem
sternit fortem
mecum umnes plangite!

231733 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7466 days ago)

Sun May 23, 2004 5:01 pm
So many intruiging games coming out. This is why I love the gaming industry. There's always something to look forward to.

And now, a new development: cross-media gaming. Introducing Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Strangely enough, there is a game called Advent Children introduced at E3 that has absolutely nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII, although it looks interesting in its own right. Regardless, FF7:AC is going to be a movie, a DVD film event, and it is going to be fucking awesome.
No other way to say that, really, it's just going to be fucking amazing. Anyway, it takes place 2 years after the ending of the films namesake, and it seems to somehow include both Cloud and Sephiroth. How it will include Sephiroth, I don't know - and neither does anybody else, it would seem. But the graphics look awesome, better than the previous Final Fantasy movie, which was, to say the least, amazing as well. The fight scenes are some of the best I have ever seen, easily matching anything you may ever see from action films such as the Matrix or other entertainment bombs. It is going to be awesome.
Problem is, the whole thing is very Hush-Hush. Very little is known about it, although I have seen a 47 second trailer. A trailer I watched no less than 312.5 times (yes, I watched it half a time before somebody came and closed it on me. I was upset.). It really is simply that amazing.
Rumors are coming that, based upon the success of the movie, they may or may not remake FF7. Other theories say this is just a marketing ruse to get the audience worked up again so that when it does come out, the market will be all ready and willing to buy their merchandice by the bundle. If that is the case, it's working. Still others say that there will be no remake: rather, there will be a sequel. Some hope for a sequel, whereas others do not. I simply fail to see how any sequel could anything but dissappoint after FF7. I want a remake. But that's just me.
I know I'm looking forward to it. I dare you to try to beat me to the front of that line, though: I'm bringing Mr. Strife's sword.

231721 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7466 days ago)

Fri May 21, 2004 3:24 pm
Well, it's been another day, and you all know what that means: Yet another overblown divine expectation! This time I present to you a brand new and impressively original idea. The game: The movies. By Activision and Lionhead Studios, which should be more than enough to get your attention. The graphics look awesome (it is a sim game, though, so how much credit can you actually give the graphics?), where you get to make your own studio, raise your own stars, and make your own movies. Awesome. What it is doing, it is also doing well. Build your own sets, design the studio lot, and tentative promises to buy/sell/trade actors, lots, and movies over the internet. Of course, as your stars get bigger, they get pickier, and it takes more to keep them happy and ON the set, and if you let them, they get BIGGER, and nobody wants to see a 300 pound leading man. Unless, of course, it is in an Ed Wood movie. You can have special effects, and it also goes through the history of cinema, starting with black and white and graduating through research into what we have now. It looks like it is going to be awesome.

But none of this is the best part. NONE of it. Sure, it's all well and good, but so what, right?

So, without starving your curiosity longer, here is the best part: The developers PARTICIPATE in their own forum! The LISTEN!!!!! God, I love Lionhead.

The links for The Movies:
http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_movies_e3_2k4.wmv
http://www.themoviesgame.com/
And that's all I can think of now. You can get to the forum yourself.

231720 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7466 days ago)

Wed May 19, 2004 5:26 pm
Now, I'm sure I've gone off on this one before, but Peter Molyneaux is a God. Or will be, when he pulls this off. Both of his projects look like sheer works of absolute genius. Black & White 2, which is working hard to fix the problems from the first game, seems to be succeeding, with awesome graphics, more city and culture oriented gameplay, and a smarter creature. The creature part they basically got right in the first game, but now they are adding civilization into the mix: brought to you by the same man who gave you Populous. It promises to be a Civilization or SimCity-esc control over your cities.
Meanwhile, Fable simply looks friggen awesome. Following some of the revolutionary technology of Black & White 2 (tentatively stated, as it has, thus far, revolutionized nothing outside of itself), every choice you make affects the future in what look sto be the most ambitious RPG project ever attempted. The missions are completely open-ended, as you can even choose your side every battle. Case in point: You can go to pick up a mission to protect the mercahnt from the dangerous robbers, or whatnot, and, if you're good, you can save the merchants. Or, if you're bad, you can slaughter the merchants and loot them long before the robbers get there. It's all up to you. What you look like, the way people react, everything. Of course, you might want to start off being somewhat good, so you can woo yourself a pretty lady and get married before you give her the finger and set her on fire. You can save a village or slaughter it. You can even kick peoples chickens. I don't know why, but apparently, it's an evil thing to do. But you can do it.

231719 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7466 days ago)

Mon May 17, 2004 4:01 pm
I have proof now that Half-Life 2 will own everything. I was recently watching some trailer footage of it. Never before has a games graphics actually taken my breath away. Sure, it's been said aplenty, but never in referance to a literal occurance. I couldn't breathe.
The environments look so realistic that there were times I thought it was a video camera. The only things that look even the slightest bit unrealistic is the people, and even then, those are some sexy beasts. I have a new standard of awesome.
In addition, the amazing physics of the game engine allows for infinite replay-ability. Because the game responds in every way to your actions, it is possible to end up having to solve puzzles not set forth by the creators. Case in point: http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_halflife2_e3_2k4_cam2.wmv
A problem which was completely accidental, but which needed solving just like any other. In all likelihood, you would never need to solve this particular problem, as it is not a part of the game. The point that takes the kill, however, is that you just might.
The story oriented gameplay continues in the great tradition set forth by Half-Life, but with the additions of awesome graphics, physics, and, perhaps most impressive, destructability.

This has reminded me why I want to make games. Long live team Valve.
The rest of the new half-life 2 clips.
http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_halflife2_e3_2k4_cam1.wmv
http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_halflife2_e3_2k4_cam3.wmv
http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_halflife2_e3_2k4_cam4.wmv
http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_halflife2_e3_2k4_cam5.wmv
http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_halflife2_e3_2k4_cam6.wmv

231716 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7466 days ago)

I have decided to do my Divine Expectations "column" here as well, for the benefit of all of you who may be gamers. Anyway, here is the first issue:

Thu Apr 22, 2004 10:08 pm
Ah, the wonders of the modern world. Particularly the new games coming out. Eventually. Erg.

Anyway, I'd first like to say that, assuming it ever gets released, Half-Life 2 will own everything with a motherfucking wrench. And perhaps a sword or two. Anyway, that is assuming it ever gets released (two dissappointments there, so far)

The only competition I can see, as far as physics and graphics is concerned, is S.T.A.L.K.E.R., and I will not rest until I find out what the fuck that stands for. The acronym is bugging the shit out of me. But the physics looks promising. Not as promising as Half-Life 2, but close enough for government work. Wait, let me rephrase that: reasonably close. Considering government work these days......

Metal Gear Solid 3 of course warrents the expectations of all, except that now, it is outside. Whether the entire game takes place outside or if it's simply a major part of it has yet to be seen, but the landscape is definitely an interesting change of pace. The interactivity that has been promised to us, though, should prove satisfying... to say the least. Regardless, Konami has a tendency not to dissappoint.

Doom 3, in my personal divine opinion, is going to be a major market player only because of it's namesake. "Oh look! Another doom! Maybe this one will be good!" Now, do not misconstrue this to mean anything against the originals: Jesus doesn't love those heretics. What it does mean, however, is that when you consider the other games coming, Doom 3 shouldn't really stand a chance. Unfortunately, since it is a Doom, it will make money. Despite the obvious fact that Doom 3 has better graphics than, say, Unreal Tournament 2004 (GREAT game, by the way), it seems to me that it lacks most of the character, most of the attitude that made the game so much fun.

Painkiller looks like monotonous fun, and an enjoyable waste of time. Nothing much else to be said about that.

Hitman: Contracts hit stores yesterday, and while I haven't had time to check it out, my expectations are extremely high. In this regard however, I must admit to being biased. I love the series, and I will personally assassinate the ass-whore cunt-hound that fucks it up. Hmph. It boasts improved graphics (not true, as far as i can see, but that's never really been the main point of the game anyway.... so whatever), improved environmental interactivity, EVEN MORE CHOICES (god I love eidos), more open-ended missions, and more ways to get your shit done right.

That ones goin in the pants, I gaurantee it.

191718 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-04-11
Written: (7508 days ago)

you really have to love the way people work.
Really. I have been blamed for the pain of someone else, when in fact I had very little to do with it. I have been hated for being nice.
And now I feel I must argue.
So, I will.

Firstly, where is the wrong in being nice? And if there is such a wrong, is there goodness in being mean? I have been nice, only so I could be mean later. Except that I have yet to be mean. but i am mean because i made her trust boys again. which i did by being nice. therefore, i am mean because I am nice. which means that I must be nice, otherwise I would not be able to be mean by being nice. And therefore, since she was mad at me because I am mean, she is mad at me because I am nice. How do you like them apples, eh?

Even so, she was wronged by someone else, and was merely taking here anger out on me. Because something happened, which, by the way, she refused to tell me about, despite the fact that there is NO possible way I could already know what had happened. But it's apparently my fault, anyway.

So, she is more than willing to hate me for what is not my doing, yet she is not willing to blame me for everything. Because there are a lot of things in here life that are not my doing. Therefore, since it is acceptable to blame me for what other people do. Funny ol' world, innit?

The logged in version