[og_ghost]'s diary

317995 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2004-08-13
Written: (7407 days ago)

Next in thread: 319643

The Life Left Unlived

Life is, in reality, little more than one's experiences, and though it is true that there is no shortage of bad experiences that await each of us, life is full of experiences that can only be described as amazing. However, the cheif failure of man, and by far the most pitiable, is that so much is left unfelt by so many.
I know people who have never seen the ocean, never stood and gazed upon the flat horizon just beyond the waves. They have never heard the water roll along the beach as if the ocean were purring, the water itself happy and content with its lot in the world. They have never basked under the hot sun and felt the intimacy of its rays when all the sting of the heat has been stolen away by the cool ocean breeze. They have never sat on the sandy beach at night, when the water turns black and unseen in the darkness, leaving behind the sound of the dancing shore and the lights of the sky reflected on the waves, a band of light that marches forward in a silent, steady, and undending procession.
I know people who have never been truly alone, never been left without disturbance for any real period of time. They have never heard "nothing", never known the brief but powerfully total silence in the moments of transition between when the world ceases to make sound and when one's own existance takes its place as the loudest noise in the universe. They have never known the full extent of their thoughts for all the outside distractions. They have never felt the stillness when not even the air moves and the waters grow quiet. They have never seen empty streets, devoid of all life and movement, as if all of life were being lived in an instant, but time itself was never allowed to move on, as if the soul had been lpaced inside a picture. They have never seen a world without motive, without good or evil, or without the discontent that comes from lack of change.
I know people who have never really known the sky above them. They have never felt the blistering heat of the sun or the bright cold of the snow. They have never seen a snowflake, truly the at of heaven, fall before them, land upon their skin, and dissappear in an instant, taking the secret of its existence with it. They have never seen the night sky as it truly is, the round of the atmosphere somehow apparent and the number of the stars impressive. They have never stood and gazed upwards in awe, filled with a sense of insignificance at the size of the universe. They have never seen rain clouds beneath them and sunny sky above, and never thereby sensed the heavenly permanence of the light beyond the darkness.
I know people who have never known the pure bliss of creation, the fulfillment one finds in one's own accomplishments, the freedom of art. I know people who have never tasted the joy of victory or the sweet simplicity of wild berries, picked and eaten with a sense of frivolity and luxury, never seen the life of a forest or the bleak of a desert. But what's worse: I know people who have all of these, adn do not care. They take it all for granted, fail to appreciate all they've been given for what it really is. This is life! How can it be anything trivial? And yet the sad truth is just that. They ignore the wonder of nature, reject it in the facade of daily life, and in doing so neglect the very existence they have worked so hard to preserve. As for the rest of us, our fate is the same: so much to live, so little life to live it with.

315266 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2004-08-09
Written: (7410 days ago)

First draft of my descriptive essay

Life is, in reality, little more than ones experiences, and though it is true that there are plenty of bad experiences that await each of us, life is full of experiences that can only be described as amazing. However, the chief failure of man, and by far the most pitiable, is that so much is left unfelt by so many.
I know people who have never seen the ocean; never felt the spray of sea foam, never heard the might of the water against the rocks; never smelled the salty ocean air; never even known its vastness and it’s wonderful acceptance. People who have never basked under the sun in the everlasting ocean shade that takes the sting out of even the hottest of days. People who have never sat down on the sand at night, to think and watch as the sounds of the soothing surge of water fills the ears and the ocean itself, black as the void of space, rolls forth in waves of scattered light, in a steady procession of stillness.
I know people who have never been truly alone, never been without disturbance for any real period of time. People who have never heard nothing, that silence that fills everything with a consciousness that is both disturbing and empowering. People who have never seen empty streets, devoid of life and movement, as if all of life were being lived in an instant, but time itself was never allowed to move on, as if the soul had been placed in a picture.
I know people who have never really known the sky, never felt the blistering heat of the sun or the bright cold of snow. People who have never seen the night sky as it truly is, studded with the massive artwork of the universe. People who have never seen rain clouds beneath them and sunny sky above, sensed the heavenly permanence of light beyond the darkness.
I know people who have never known the bliss of creation, the freedom of art. I know people who have never tasted the bliss of victory or the sweet simplicity of wild berries. But what’s worse: I know people who have all of these, and do not care. People who take all of this for granted. This is life! How can it be seen as anything trivial? And yet the sad truth is just that. As for the rest of us, our fate is the same: so much to live, so little life to live it with.

313861 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-08-08
Written: (7412 days ago)

spider man 2 sucked. straight out. it had 2 redeeming factors about it. TWO... well, by my count.
1: The fight scene(s) between Spiderman and Doctor Octopus... awesome and fun to watch. Very well done. No stupid lines, either.
2: "Go get em, tiger."

That's IT.

That gives Spider-Man 2 the WORST MOVIE SINCE LOTR:ROTK AWARD. Congratulations, you ratcatchers.

311169 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-08-05
Written: (7414 days ago)

Next in thread: 314161

[og_ghost]:
nah. I think I'll stick to hate and unhappiness. :D

[The Naiad]:
That's not good.

[og_ghost]:
but it's at least pain I know.

[The Naiad]:
yeah... but pain isn't good.

[og_ghost]:
why not?
It comes around anyway. Maybe pain, like death, isn't to be feared or avoided... maybe it's to be embraced and cherished for what it is; inevitable and unchanging.

[The Naiad]:
You should never embrace death, for you would be living a life without living.
Much the same you should never embrace pain - yes it is almost inevitable during life, but that does not mean you should embrace that you will feel pain through your life, then you will just wait for pain to come and go. Just don't dwell on either - move on from pain and fear, and become happy.

[og_ghost]:
The embrace of Death is not the neglect of Life.... on the contrary, fear of death is what deprives one of life. There is comfort in knowing that death will come, and that it will come only once. It is among the few constants in an ever changing world. Besides, everything is relative. Time itself is relative. And just as light can be the base for comparison of time, death can be the base for comparison of life. Think: I know what death is. How better, then, to know what life is? Life is all that contradicts death.

Furthermore... there is a kind of bitter joy to be drawn from pain. And know that I am no masochist, or some irrational being; i know quite well what I say. People have a tendency to take things for granted. But how can happiness be taken for granted amidst so much pain? Any and all is welcomed. When hunger has taken you to the brink of starvation, a thoughtful sandwhich can mean more than all the riches the world over.

The focus on happiness is the focus on self-indulgence. Many a well known and appreciated scholar has warned of the dangers of indulgence such as this. To accept pain and happiness, sorrow and joy, and embrace both equally... how can one fail to gain? Necessity is the mother of invention.... laziness is the mother of necessity... but further, luxury is the mother of laziness. All focus should be toward betterment of oneself, in whatever terms that may apply, with consideration of others. If everyone swept his own doorstep, the entire world would be clean. This is true. But if everyone swept their own AND their neighbors.... clean pales in comparison. It is not war that is to be desired, but nor is it peace. Symbiotism is my goal. To help myself and help others. Peace is just a collection of viruses that, lacking proper host, feed off each other. Each steals a little life from the others for itself, constantly depleted and refilled. However, each time, a little life is lost, and soon they all die. So tell me: when did peace ever help anyone? War is not the answer. But neither is peace.

This applies to pain, death, and many other similar "unpleasant" conditions. And if happiness can be drawn from pain and fear, who, then, has suffered loss?

303090 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-07-29
Written: (7422 days ago)

PROMPT:
The first chapter of Ecclesiastes, a book in the Bible, concludes with these words: "For in much wisdon is much grief, and increase in knowledge is increase of sorrow."
Write a carefully reasoned, persuasive essay that defends, challenges, or qualifies this assertion. Use evidence from your observation, experience, or reading to develop your position.
TIME ALLOWED: 40 minutes.

It has often been said, by fools and wise men alike, that "ignorance is bliss." Though it is rarely given any real or profound thought, it is true. Teh better understood the pain is, the more acutely the pain is felt. Knowledge can therefore be seen as the true origins of pain.
Take the bible, that same resource that produced this quote; particularly, the Garden of Eden. Though less well known and understood by mass society today than in older days, the fall of man is an important illustration of the happiness in ignorance. True, the fall itself was from disobedience to a direct and clear mandate from God. However, the forbidden fruit came from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Knowledge. The fall of man, and all his subsequent suffering, it was all to knowledge. When Adam and Eve's eyes were opened after eating the fruit, the first thing they saw was their nakedness, and they made clothes. So knowledge brought discontent and the desire to "improve" conditions. Cain would continue the legacy of sin by the knowledge that God favored Abel, and thus jealousy was born. This jealousy led Cain to murder his own brother, making tangible the sorrowful effect of knowledge.
The idea of pain in understanding is not exclusively found in the bible, though. One classic story, Flowers for Algernon, comes to mind. The character, Charlie, starts as a happy, though somewhat moronic individual. After he starts to become more aware, gain more understanding, his happiness fades away. Jealousy, anger, paranoia, all afflictions that did not haunt huim in his ignorace, become a basic part of his core persona when he became knowledgeable.
The pain is also not limited to direct causality; anxiety is another form. Any child who has ever known a Christmas has known a tortured, long, and sleepless Christmas Eve. Even the expectations of good things can drive a child mad. Even with the faint sweetness of future happiness is laced with bitter, though subtle, contempt for the present. The anticipation, likewise, is painful, but impending doom is more fearful than impending salvation. Every moment of sadness is understood and experienced beforehand, with no solace to be found elsewhere.
"What they don't know can't hurt them." To tell someone of a danger, particularly a minor or unlkely danger, can cause undue worry in an otherwise solid emotional constitution. Worry causes stress, and stress ahs been shown to lead directly to pain. Yet, if the danger is imperceptible, the pain it can cause is contained within that moment, rather than dragged on through time, increasing the unhappiness. To know the circumstances of ones own death is enough to drive one to the grave - pun intended, sorry. The entire life will then center around their death, which otherwise would only be felt once.
The grief and sorrow of an individual are, therefore, directly proportional to wisdom and knowledge.

... score: 8.... that's so cool... oh, let me show what an 8 means:

24/20

:D
That means I'm cool.

299327 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2004-07-26
Written: (7425 days ago)

Next in thread: 299347

What a love I have lost
What a woe I have gained
What a burden it is that holds me down now!
Pain, thy name is woman
yet woman, why must you know my heart so?
Like each word exchanged added demons to break my mind
The key to my being is in your firm grasp, and you chose to make my end untimely
It's best simply to enjoy the presence of friends, nothing further
Those who fall in love sell their souls and dance with the reaper
And those who survive are changed forever
and it is rare that they change for the better
so sweet sorrow goodbye, bittersweet thorn in my life
a pain ridden corpse now left empty.

294242 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2004-07-21
Written: (7430 days ago)

Next in thread: 296483

Phoned in July, 2002
Met in January, 2003
Loved in February, 2003
Official on April 23, 2003 (about 4:00 PM)
Distanced on March 22, 2004
Silenced in late June, 2004
Seperated July 20, 2004 (10:54 PM)

455 days.
15 months almost exactly.
and 6 hours and 54 minutes.

Goodbye, Nohemi.

281708 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2004-07-10
Written: (7440 days ago)

Next in thread: 281928, 281971

Finally, my fan movies are available to the general internet public. Took friggen long enough. anyway, here they are:

http://scarredions.com/other/movie/Goodbye.wmv

My very very first music video fan movie. I was quite proud of it at the time, though I suppose i could have done better... oh well. I'm still proud of it.

Oh, and girls seem to like it more than guys.

http://scarredions.com/other/movie/TRIGUN.WMV

my, uh, very second music video fan movie. I am more proud of this one, that I actually pulled it off right. I also enjoy watching this one a bit more.

And this one guys seem to like more than girls.

UPDATE:::: If the video doesn't load Windows Media Player automatically, then refresh the window.

278827 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-07-08
Written: (7443 days ago)

Next in thread: 280091, 280512

I had it all worked out
Had everything planned in my mind
And everything was going
perfectly.
But then I met you
And you made your presence in my life
which is why I now hate you
for loving me

Why do you mistake me
For the things that I am not?
Reminding me so plainly
of what I am
Why is it you've saved me
from this living hell I've earned?
Why protect me from the pain
that I deserve?

275633 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2004-07-05
Written: (7446 days ago)

Next in thread: 339673

I have a dream
and in it I am happy
there's no such thing as pain
and in it I am laughing
cause in truth, we're all the same
I have a dream
and in it I'm surrounded
by people that I love
and lost until I'm found by
the people that I trust

And I wake up and now my eyes
know just how dark this life can be
and no matter how I try
I can't retrieve my fantasy
within my dreams, locked away in vain
hopeless ideals trembling and searing through my brain

272723 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2004-07-02
Written: (7449 days ago)

Maybe if things had turned out differently, joy would be alive
and Maybe if you had just said the right thing, things would be alright
but Maybe the blood and the pain is something more than it seems
for no matter your troubles,
your trials,
your struggles
the pain that you've had to bear..

remember a Broken Heart
never cries
alone
and know that the sun still shines
above the storm
believe that the love you hold
is worth
the tears
and see that the rain that falls
helps the red
roses grow

remember a Broken Heart
never cries
alone
and know that the sun still shines
above the storm
no matter how long the night (Believe that though the night is long)
It is near the end
tomorrow the sun will rise
And life will begin again

263834 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2004-06-23
Written: (7457 days ago)

Total slaughter
total slaughter
I won't leave a man alive
A La de da de dai
Genocide
La de da de duh
an ocean of blood
let's being the killing time...

246594 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-06-06
Written: (7474 days ago)

Next in thread: 273669

1 1 1 * 1 = 1
2 3 2 * 1.5 = 3
3 6 3 * 2 = 6
4 10 4 * 2.5 = 10
5 15 5 * 3 = 15
6 21 6 * 3.5 = 21
7 28 7 * 4
8 36
9 45
10 55
11 66
12 78
13 91
14 105
15 120
16 136
17 153
18 171
19 190
20 210

x*[(x-1)/2+1]
21*11=231

not the equation for factorals, because that's 5!=1*2*3*4*5, whereas this is 1+2+3+4+5...
however, since the equation works, I'm going to keep it.

237041 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2004-05-27
Written: (7484 days ago)

Next in thread: 243909

You know what? I don't even fucking care anymore. If you want to kill yourself, that's your shit. Honestly. You meant something to me, but you will not hurt me by this. I will not be friends with the dead. So if you kill yourself, then you are not my friend, and I will not grieve over you. I will become that heartless bitch you met originally. Misery loves company, and you'll not take me down with you. If you are not online tomorrow, I will forget you forever. Then you may have your wish. Then you will not exist. You'll be nothing to me. You hear that? Fucking NOTHING.

Now, if you are online tomorrow, fine. We shall continue as friends. If you are not, then I do not know you. You are some stranger. No different from the millions of other nameless faces or faceless names that show up on obituaries and in morgues everywhere.

So, while you are alive, I will say this: Goodbye, my friend. But when you are dead, I will say nothing.

232661 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2004-05-24
Written: (7488 days ago)

Motha fuckin A!
Fuckin ace!
HELL YES! I WANT A MOTHAFUCKIN HELL YEAH!!!! GIMME A MOTHAFUCKIN HELL YEAH!

My computer works. I just fixed it. When it works, this computer owns all. 1600x1200.... it takes so much work to get from one end of the screen to the other... HELL YES!!!!

231764 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7488 days ago)

O Fortuna!
velut luna
Statu variabilis!
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem
egestatem
potestatem
dissolvit ut glaciem

Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
obumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper en angaria
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite
quod por sortem
sternit fortem
mecum umnes plangite!

231733 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7488 days ago)

Sun May 23, 2004 5:01 pm
So many intruiging games coming out. This is why I love the gaming industry. There's always something to look forward to.

And now, a new development: cross-media gaming. Introducing Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Strangely enough, there is a game called Advent Children introduced at E3 that has absolutely nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII, although it looks interesting in its own right. Regardless, FF7:AC is going to be a movie, a DVD film event, and it is going to be fucking awesome.
No other way to say that, really, it's just going to be fucking amazing. Anyway, it takes place 2 years after the ending of the films namesake, and it seems to somehow include both Cloud and Sephiroth. How it will include Sephiroth, I don't know - and neither does anybody else, it would seem. But the graphics look awesome, better than the previous Final Fantasy movie, which was, to say the least, amazing as well. The fight scenes are some of the best I have ever seen, easily matching anything you may ever see from action films such as the Matrix or other entertainment bombs. It is going to be awesome.
Problem is, the whole thing is very Hush-Hush. Very little is known about it, although I have seen a 47 second trailer. A trailer I watched no less than 312.5 times (yes, I watched it half a time before somebody came and closed it on me. I was upset.). It really is simply that amazing.
Rumors are coming that, based upon the success of the movie, they may or may not remake FF7. Other theories say this is just a marketing ruse to get the audience worked up again so that when it does come out, the market will be all ready and willing to buy their merchandice by the bundle. If that is the case, it's working. Still others say that there will be no remake: rather, there will be a sequel. Some hope for a sequel, whereas others do not. I simply fail to see how any sequel could anything but dissappoint after FF7. I want a remake. But that's just me.
I know I'm looking forward to it. I dare you to try to beat me to the front of that line, though: I'm bringing Mr. Strife's sword.

231721 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2004-05-23
Written: (7488 days ago)

Fri May 21, 2004 3:24 pm
Well, it's been another day, and you all know what that means: Yet another overblown divine expectation! This time I present to you a brand new and impressively original idea. The game: The movies. By Activision and Lionhead Studios, which should be more than enough to get your attention. The graphics look awesome (it is a sim game, though, so how much credit can you actually give the graphics?), where you get to make your own studio, raise your own stars, and make your own movies. Awesome. What it is doing, it is also doing well. Build your own sets, design the studio lot, and tentative promises to buy/sell/trade actors, lots, and movies over the internet. Of course, as your stars get bigger, they get pickier, and it takes more to keep them happy and ON the set, and if you let them, they get BIGGER, and nobody wants to see a 300 pound leading man. Unless, of course, it is in an Ed Wood movie. You can have special effects, and it also goes through the history of cinema, starting with black and white and graduating through research into what we have now. It looks like it is going to be awesome.

But none of this is the best part. NONE of it. Sure, it's all well and good, but so what, right?

So, without starving your curiosity longer, here is the best part: The developers PARTICIPATE in their own forum! The LISTEN!!!!! God, I love Lionhead.

The links for The Movies:
http://www.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/t_movies_e3_2k4.wmv
http://www.themoviesgame.com/
And that's all I can think of now. You can get to the forum yourself.

The logged in version