Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
The list:
Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.
My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.
Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.
Not allowed to join the communist party.
Not allowed to join any militia.
Not allowed to form any militia.
Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.
God may not contradict any of my orders.
May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.
May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
Must not taunt the French any more.
Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'
Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
Not allowed to wake an Non-Commission
Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
(Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-Americ
Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
I do not have super-powers.
'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message.
Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
I am not the atheist chaplain.
I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.
I am not authorized to fire officers.
I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.
Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.
Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.
Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.
'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.
An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.
The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'
The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerun
May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
'The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command.
If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean 'I have been promoted three more times than you'.
It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
There is no 'Anti-Mime' campaign in Bosnia.
I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
I may not line my helmet with tin foil to 'Block out the space mind control lasers'.
May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.
I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
No military functions are to be performed 'Skyclad'.
Woad is not camouflage makeup.
May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
"Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification
I may not call block my chain of command.
I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
May not form any press gangs.
Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
Must not use military vehicles to 'Squish' things.
Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the 'field of honor'.
If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
Must not refer to 1st Sgt as 'Mom'.
Must not refer to the Commander as 'Dad'.
Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony 'Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate.
Nerve gas is not funny.
Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
'Redneck Zombies' is not a military training aid.
Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not 'Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'
A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
Vodka, green food coloring, and a 'Cool Mint' Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD.s.
Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
When saluting a 'leg' officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".
There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from 'Full Monty' every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
Crucifying mice - bad idea.
Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
I cannot arrest children for being rude.
An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
I should not use government resources to 'waterproof' dirty magazines.
Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
'No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages' does not imply that a Jack Daniel's ® IV is acceptable.
"Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
The Microsoft ® 'Dancing Paperclip' is not authorized to countermand any orders.
'I'm drunk' is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
Shouting "Let's do the village! Let's do the whole fucking village!" while out on a mission is bad.
Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
Even if my commander did it.
Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove 'The Pen is Mightier than the sword'.
'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.
I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
'K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free' is not an authorized uniform.
I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'
The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
I should not assign new privates to 'guard the flight line'.
Shouldn't treat 'piss-bottles' with extra-strength icy hot.
Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
I will no longer perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform.
If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
The revolution is not now.
When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.
No part of the military uniform is edible.
Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
Take that hat off.
There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
I do not get 'that time of month'.
No, the pants are not optional.
Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'
Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.
On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide.
I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).
We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.
Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
I am not to refer to a formation as 'the boxy rectangle thingie'.
I am not 'A lesbian trapped in a man's body'.
On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'.
Nor is it 'Secretariat, in the third'.
Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
There is no FM for 'wall-to-wall counseling'.
My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something 'I saw in a cartoon'.
My name is not a killing word.
I am not the Emperor of anything.
Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'.
Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.
Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'.
The Masons and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
I am not allowed to give tattoos.
I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again.
Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.
I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
Not allowed to get shot.
The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civlians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...t
Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.
Hamlet's father is the true cause of the death of the royal family. His exceptionally unscrupulous appearance to Hamlet, and his subsequent conversation, if you can call it that, have an immediate and very drastic effect on Hamlet's mental well-being, which is then the cause of the unfortunate and untimely ends of each of the court members. Hamlet acts rashly and impulsively when he talks with Gertrude and "accidentally" kills Polonius. This death, along with his uncouth interactions with Ophilia, invoke a madness upon her that leads to her drowning, an end that seems to have come to her no more maliciously than the "flowers" she hands to her brother in an earlier scene. The death of Ophilia and Polonius couples together to be more than enough to send Laertes into a fit of rage, which leads him to conspire with Claudius against Hamlet, a plot which directly leads to the deaths of Hamlet, Claudius, Gertrude, and Laertes himself. All of this is to ignore the bit about Rosencratz and Guildenstern, sent to die in an act of malificience which gives Hamlet a strange twist as a cold and cruel character.
First off, Shakespeare makes very clear the change in Hamlet, and he does show the full effect that the ghost has had upon Hamlet's fragile psyche. In Act 1, Scene 4, Hamlet is waiting with Horatio, Marcellus, and Barnardo. Then, Hamlet experiences the little father-son talk in Act 1, Scene 5, a chat which occupies the whole of that scene. The interesting thing here, though, is that when Hamlet returns to Horatio, and Marcellus, his attitude towards them has suddenly very muched changed, but not in a positive way. He has become extremely paranoid. In Scene 4, Hamlet speaks a total of 67 lines, of which 14 are spent in telling the others that he will follow the ghost, while the rest is spent in idle banter (7) or gossip (26) or awed wonder (19). It is clear by both the quantity and quality of Hamlet's words that, at this point, he is a rather agreeable individual, all things considered, and he is not in any real way stand-offish. However, as soon as he has returned from the ghost, he spends 24 lines being very suspicious of his former companions, believing that they cannot be trusted with secrets. Out of a total of 66 lines after the ghostly confrontation, Hamlet spends 32 lines just making Horatio and Marcellus swear to never relate to anyone what they have seen and/or heard, even going so far as to ask them to swear 7 times, 4 of which he specifies "upon my sword", to which they agree 5 times and then cease to speak completely. The ghost also decides to throw in his six-pence by telling them to swear 4 times as well, and he becomes so persistant in his participation that his orders that the others swear seems to completely eclipse any chance they had of complying. This is a lot of numbers which at first may not seem to mean very much, but there are a few of these numbers which are especially significant: for example, I find it difficult to believe that it could be an accident that Hamlet's 67 lines of rational and reasonably friendly talk from beforehand compare so closely and contrast so directly with his 66 lines of paranoia and suspicion afterwards. Shakespeare is illustrating, in the very length of the lines, as well as the words, the change and deteroration in Hamlet's persona as a result of the confrontation. The one test which I elected not to do was to count syllables, to see how this would all affect the time the lines require to say, as a more accurate measure of how much time is given to which: the reasoning behind this choice was that I do not know the extent to which the text has been translated, and so cannot interprete Shakespeare by syllables he didn't necessarily write.
The effect of the visit does not end here, however. Not at all. Upon his return, he unleashes his new-found paranoia upon Ophilia, with harsh emotional consequences. She notices the deteroration of Hamlet's control over himself ("Oh, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!...
This much is made clear by the next arrival of Ophilia ("Where is the beautious Majsty of Denmark?"; Act 4, Scene 5, Line 26), who is at this point very much stark raving mad. She leaves, and Laertes enters ("Where is this king? -sirs, stand you all without"; Act 4, Scene 5, Line 122), already in a considerably bad temper which was caused by Hamlet's temporary insanity, courtesy of his father, which leads him to kill Laertes' father. However, it is not until Laertes encounters his deranged sister ("O heat, dry up my brains!..."; Act 4, Scene 5, Line 178), again, courtesy of Hamlet, courtesy of the ghost, that Laertes really loses it (Later explicitly illustrated in Act 5, Scene 1, line 262, where he jumps down into Ophilia's grave). It is enough to make Laertes succinctly drop his grudge against Claudius and take up a grudge against Hamlet, and in so doing sets out the plan that would end up with plenty of additional ghosts to keep Hamlets father company. Hamlet's plague, as it were, is brought to its end with Gertrude, the character who suffered it least despite her contact with it. However, her disobedience to Claudius over such a little thing as drinking ("I will, my lord; I pray you pardon me."; Act 5, Scene 2, line 318), shows that Hamlet did indeed have an effect upon her, and once again, it leads to her death ("The drink, the drink! I am poisoned."; Act 5, Scene 2, line 341).
Ultimately, all the death was caused by this domino effect, as started by the ghost himself. Had he not imposed himself upon Hamlet's life, or perhaps waited some time longer to go about doing so, all of this would have turned out very differently. Hamlet himself starts off seeing the ghost as a frightful thing, something which can mean no good to anyone. All of these are Hamlet from Act 1, Scene 2: "Tis very strange...(233) ...this troubles me...(237) Armed, say you?(240) What, looked he frowningly?(246)". Clearly, Hamlet is less overjoyed at this knews than he is shocked and fearful. Horatio sets the foreshadowing very well when he says that the ghost might "deprive your soverignty of reason and draw you into madness", or "what if it tempt you to the flood, my lord? Or to the dreadful summit of the cliff... and there assume some horrible form" (Act 1, Scene 4, Line 77). It ends up being that Horatio, the only one who really listened to his own advise here, is the only member of the court left alive at the end of the play.
Hamlet's father is the true cause of the death of the royal family. His exceptionally unscrupulous appearance to Hamlet, and his subsequent conversation, if you can call it that, have an immediate and very drastic effect on Hamlet's mental well-being, which is then the cause of the unfortunate and untimely ends of each of the court members. Hamlet acts rash and impulsively when he talks with Gertrude and "accidentally" kills Polonius - "accidentally"
First off, Shakespeare makes very clear the change in Hamlet, and he does show the full effect that the ghost has had upon Hamlet's fragile psyche. In Act 1, Scene 4, Hamlet is waiting with Horatio, Marcellus, and Barnardo. Then, Hamlet experiences the little father-son talk in Act 1, Scene 5, a chat which occupies the whole of that scene. The interesting thing here, though, is that when Hamlet returns to Horatio, and Marcellus, his attitude towards them has suddenly very muched changed, and not in a positive way. He has become extremely paranoid. In Scene 4, Hamlet speaks a total of 67 lines, of which 14 are spent in telling the others that he will follow the ghost, while the rest is spent in idle banter (7) or gossip (26) or awed wonder (19). It is clear by both the quantity and quality of Hamlet's words that, at this point, he is a rather agreeable individual, all things considered, and he is not in any real way stand-offish. However, as soon as he has returned from the ghost, he spends 24 lines being very suspicious of his former companions, believing that they cannot be trusted with secrets. Out of a total of 66 lines after the ghostly confrontation, Hamlet spends 32 lines just making Horatio and Marcellus swear to never relate to anyone what they have seen and/or heard, even going so far as to ask them to swear 7 times, 4 of which he specifies "upon my sword", to which they agree 5 times and then cease to speak completely. The ghost also decides to throw in his six-pence by telling them to swear 4 times as well, and he becomes so persistant in his participation that his orders that the others swear seems to completely eclipse any chance they had of complying. This is a lot of numbers which at first may not seem to mean very much, but there are a few of these numbers which are especially significant: for example, I find it difficult to believe that it could be an accident that Hamlet's 67 lines of rational and reasonably friendly talk from before compare so closely, and contrast so directly, with his 66 lines of paranoia and suspicion from after. Shakespeare is illustrating, in the very length of the lines, as well as the words, the change and deteroration in Hamlet's persona as a result of the confrontation. The one test which I elected not to do was to count syllables, to see how this would all affect the time the lines require to say, as a more accurate measure of how much time is given to which: the reasoning behind this choice was that I do not know the extent to which the text has been translated, and so cannot interprete Shakespeare by syllables he didn't necessarily write.
The effect of the visit does not end here, however. Not at all. Upon his return, he unleashes his new-found paranoia upon Ophilia, with harsh emotional consequences. She notices the deteroration of Hamlet's control over himself (Act 3, Scene 1, line 163) - in essence, his sanity - and her observation of this is the door through which she later slips through herself to madness (Act 3, Scene 1, line 175), and thusly to drowning. This is not the only instance of his acting out upon others. However, the others, which generally involve his interaction with actors, or Rosencratz and Guildenstern, are primarily insignificant, doing little more than sustaining the sense of instability - the anal retentive attitude towards the method of acting (Act 2, Scene 3, Line 9), or the self-distresse
This much is made clear by the next arrival of Ophilia (Act 4, Scene 5, Line 26), who is at this point very much stark raving mad. She leaves, and Laertes enters (Act 4, Scene 5, Line 122), already in a considerable bad mood which was caused by Hamlet's temporary insanity, courtesy of his father, which lead him to kill Laertes' father. However, it is not until Laertes encounters his deranged sister (Act 4, Scene 5, Line 178), again, courtesy of Hamlet, courtesy of the ghost, that Laertes really loses it (Later explicitly illustrated in Act 5, Scene 1, line 262, where he jumps down into Ophilia's grave). Enough so that he would succinctly drop his grudge against Claudius and take up a grudge against Hamlet, and in doing so set out the plan that would end up with plenty of additional ghosts to keep Hamlets father company. Hamlet's plague, as it were, is brought to its end with Gertrude, the character who suffered it least despite her contact with it. However, her disobedience to Claudius over such a little thing as drinking (Act 5, Scene 2, line 318), shows that Hamlet did indeed have an effect upon her, and once again, it leads to her death (Act 5, Scene 2, line 341).
Ultimately, all the death was caused by this domino effect, as started by the ghost himself. Had he not imposed himself upon Hamlet's life, or perhaps waited some time longer to go about doing so, all of this would have turned out very differently.
Hamlet's father is the true cause of the death of the royal family. His exceptionally unscrupulous appearance to Hamlet, and his subsequent conversation, if you can call it that, have an immediate and very drastic effect on Hamlet's mental well-being, which is then the cause of the unfortunate and untimely ends of each of the court members. His rash and impulsive actions when he talks with Gertrude and "accidentally" killed Polonius - "accidentally"
In Act 1, Scene 4, Hamlet is waiting with Horatio, Marcellus, and Barnardo. Then, Hamlet experiences the little father-son talk in Act 1, Scene 5, a chat which occupies the whole of that scene. The interesting thing here, though, is that when Hamlet returns to Horatio, and Marcellus, his attitude towards them has suddenly very muched changed, and not in a positive way. He has become extremely paranoid. In Scene 4, Hamlet speaks a total of 67 lines, of which 14 are spent in telling the others that he will follow the ghost, while the rest is spent in idle banter (7) or gossip (26) or awed wonder (19). It is clear by both the quantity and quality of Hamlet's words that, at this point, he is a rather agreeable individual, all things considered, and he is not in any real way stand-offish. However, as soon as he has returned from the ghost, he spends 24 lines being very suspicious of his former companions, believing that they cannot be trusted with secrets. Out of a total of 66 lines after the ghostly confrontation, Hamlet spends 32 lines just making Horatio and Marcellus swear to never relate to anyone what they have seen and/or heard, even going so far as to ask them to swear 7 times, 4 of which he specifies "upon my sword", to which they agree 5 times and then cease to speak completely. The ghost also decides to throw in his six-pence by telling them to swear 4 times as well, and he becomes so persistant in his participation that his orders that the others swear seems to completely eclipse any chance they had of complying. This is a lot of numbers which at first may not seem to mean very much, but there are a few of these numbers which are especially significant: for example, I find it difficult to believe that it could be an accident that Hamlet's 67 lines of rational and reasonably friendly talk from before compare so closely, and contrast so directly, with his 66 lines of paranoia and suspicion from after. Shakespeare is illustrating, in the very length of the lines, as well as the words, the change and deteroration in Hamlet's persona as a result of the confrontation. The one test which I elected not to do was to count syllables, to see how this would all affect the time the lines require to say, as a more accurate measure of how much time is given to which: the reasoning behind this choice was that I do not know the extent to which the text has been translated, and so cannot interprete Shakespeare by syllables he didn't necessarily write.
The effect of the visit does not end here, however. Not at all. Upon his return, he unleashes his new-found paranoia upon Ophilia, with harsh emotional consequences. She notices the deteroration of Hamlet's control over himself (Act 3, Scene 1, line 163) - in essence, his sanity - and her observation of this is the door through which she later slips through herself to madness (Act 3, Scene 1, line 175), and thusly to drowning. This is not the only instance of his acting out upon others. However, the others, which generally involve his interaction with actors, or Rosencratz and Guildenstern, are primarily insignificant, doing little more than sustaining the sense of instability - the anal retentive attitude towards the method of acting (Act 2, Scene 3, Line 9), or the self-distresse
This much is made clear by the next arrival of Ophilia (Act 4, Scene 5, Line 26), who is at this point very much stark raving mad. She leaves, and Laertes enters (Act 4, Scene 5, Line 122), already in a considerable bad mood which was caused by Hamlet's temporary insanity, courtesy of his father, which lead him to kill Laertes' father. However, it is not until Laertes encounters his deranged sister (Act 4, Scene 5, Line 178), again, courtesy of Hamlet, courtesy of the ghost, that Laertes really loses it (Later explicitly illustrated in Act 5, Scene 1, line 262, where he jumps down into Ophilia's grave). Enough so that he would succinctly drop his grudge against Claudius and take up a grudge against Hamlet, and in doing so set out the plan that would end up with plenty of additional ghosts to keep Hamlets father company. Hamlet's plague, as it were, is brought to its end with Gertrude, the character who suffered it least despite her contact with it. However, her disobedience to Claudius over such a little thing as drinking (Act 5, Scene 2, line 318), shows that Hamlet did indeed have an effect upon her, and once again, it leads to her death (Act 5, Scene 2, line 341).
Ultimately, all the death was caused by the domino effect, the original source of which is the ghost himself. Had he not required imposed himself upon Hamlet's life, or perhaps waited some time longer to go about doing so, all of this would have turned out very differently.
When you left me
the universe was emptied
and the stars fell out of the sky
and the moon bled away
and sun refused to rise
over the desolate country
and night descended on my days
At the start, I only felt empty
but then it grew and I began to doubt my self-worth
and it was then, as I picked up the pieces
that I realized that you had stolen away all my words
I could not speak
I could not express
the feeling screaming wretching tearing away at my chest
and as I struggle to stand under the weight of my afflictions
and I struggled to breathe in my sea of misery
...
to be continued
Exclusive Religion
One of the most influential elements of human history is religion. Time and time again, people have been raised up, torn down, driven out, and rounded up, all based strictly on their religion. It has been strongly tied to culture, and there has yet to be a nation without a religion; that would be a nation without a culture, a nation without a people. It isn’t likely that there ever will be such a nation, either. And yet, for all its impact on history, the world, and the people living in it, religion itself is a somewhat vague notion. After all, what is religion? Whatever it is, it must not be particularly restrictive, if only for the large numbers of drastically different religions throughout the world. But no matter how broad its definition, there must be some way to distinguish religion from all other parts of life.
Strictly speaking, religion is nothing more than a set of beliefs. To this degree, religion is a given, the safe assumption that no matter what somebody believes, they do believe in something. How could they function in such a world if they didn’t? But we are searching for a definition of religion that is exclusive, as there are clearly things in life that are not religion, and how could the definition be exclusive and all-encompassi
Religion is a guiding sector of ones life, pushing towards certain goals governed by conscience, necessity, and charity. As a general rule of thumb, religions that are officially considered to be such exhibit a common push away from material desires and wealth and toward a heightened state of nobility, of enlightenment. Once again, these goals are shared by all members of the religion, which can be seen as something of a “safety in numbers” mentality, even in religions that stress personal development. Another portion of religion commonplace everywhere religion is “religion” is the belief in some higher truth, be it an entity, multiple entities, or a blanket state; each is a form of god, though the third is characterized by a distinct “lack of god”, though that by conceptual definition renders the heightened state of life or death as god. Most seem to support the concept of the soul, some entity in people that gives biology life. Few religions support the idea of ultimate perishability*
So it would seem that religion, as we know it to be, is a shared set of structured beliefs revolving around the relationship between oneself and the universe, including a connection to a higher truth that is humanly incapable of being attained. But, really, how does that narrow it down? After all, everyone associates with the world around them, and that is the universe, as far as they’re concerned. Everyone automatically constructs a relationship between themselves and their surroundings, no matter what else they believe. Everybody who believes in their own existence believe in some plane above the one they currently inhabit, with the possible exception of those who don’t believe in their own existence, who have bigger fish to fry anyway. But even then, they believe in an existence somewhere, and that they then stem from that. Is this not religion? So the only thing that actually separates a person from themselves being a religion is that they are not written down as a religion is, into a hierarchy and structure. But even then, religion is only ever found in oneself, so there must its definition remain – an exclusive part of all of us.
*if it’s not a word, it should be one. (The computer contends that it isn’t a word but is, in fact, two words. But then again, it is Microsoft, so what does it know, anyway?)
I'm crying inside
as my soul pours out through cedar tinted eyes
....
and yes, there is more, but it's stilll developing, so you don't get to see it yet XP. But that's my favorite line. It's the single best embodiement of where I am right now of all the lyrics I've written.
Incomparable
For the longest time, people have been telling me that I can’t compare apples and oranges. Well, damned if I’m not going to try. I mean, how hard could it be? They have to have some thing in common. And yet I can see us – you and me both, dear reader – attending Virgil to the answer.
And indeed, the first layer of hell is the physical, the quintessential element integral to both entities, as necessary as existence itself. Both objects are tangible, real to all sense that I know how to use, and as such follow the rules of reality. Were on inclined to drop an apple and/or an orange from the top of a 140-stories tall building, one would find considerably less apple and/or orange in the apple and/or orange, and considerably more on the sidewalk. As physical objects that exist without exceptions, they exhibit a shape. The form of an orange, the simplicity of its spherical shape, easily trumps the complexity and irregularity of its competitor. Meanwhile, its monochromatic appearance is no match for the colorful spectrum yielded by apples. Both are fruit, both designed by nature to house seeds and produce their respective trees, a birthing place they hold in parallel.
Tied in the world of shadows and backlit parapet silhouettes, form follows function, and so the matter of utility must be accounted for, as well. Both can be made into a tasteful beverage, though the apple once again finds variety in its favor, this time in both production and delivery; orange juice tastes better cold, but does not benefit heat the way apple cider does. I’ve yet to hear of an “orange pie”, while apple remains a staple of the American home-cooked meal, even in a time when few home-cooked meals have an entrée of apple pie. “Bobbing for oranges” doesn’t quite have the same ring as it does with apples. Meanwhile, I’ve yet to find an apple that makes for good tea, while oranges are among the simpler flavors – chamomile, lemon, orange, raspberry, yet no apple. The rinds of an orange find use in considerably more recipes than apples, which tend to find their culinary calling restricted to dishes evincing it in name.
The texture of apples varies little, while an orange has varying degrees to its skin and texture. Seedless oranges can be grown, an idea that can only be mendaciously applied to apples. Oranges range in size, whilst applies arrive in a sort of “2 or 3 sizes fits all” arrangement. Apples range in flavor, whatever that means, whereas one orange is more or less enough to know the taste of an orange, assuming it isn’t a nectarine or some other cockamamie hybrid scheme like that. Both are grown domestically and in profitable rural agriculture, both may be found in an orchard, and both are more or less ready to eat straight from the tree, granted that one knows how to choose a ripe member, and layers of insecticide aren’t an issue.
It would seem the popular saying has unfairly estranged both parties, as I see no real lack of comparative aspects here. Makes you wonder about the other things those people say can’t be done.
music connects the performer to the audience
and all I want is just to give them something great
how many sleepless nights to conjure up importance
when I've no higher purpose than to entertain
I'm not crazy I'm ok and my mommy says I'm all right and I know she would never lie to me cause I'm her only baby so if someone ever tells me I'm not fine they're trying to trick me and I know to put them on my list of people out to get me.
(Yes, that is one line. It spans 4 full measures. Yes, I can sing it, but barely; I run out of breath aroung "put them on my list", so the last words sound sort of desperate, which gives a weird effect that I sorta like.)
Don't talk to me
cause strangers are bad people
If I don't know you then you must be evil
and evil that would meet me must be against me
Plotting viscious thoughts of violence
I don't like pain, it hurts when I'm bleeding
but nothing good could ever be this painful
so I think that it's the blood that's evil
And yet it's inside us all
a conspiracy, if ever I heard one!
but that means there is a cure
that your only bad cause your blood is!
I'm not crazy, I'm ok, but mommy says I'm getting out of hand and I should stop trying to help the people stuck with bad blood in them making them all evil even though they try not to be and I know that I can make it all better if they just let me.
But the bad ones are closer now.
They're drawing ever nearer to me.
I can feel them lurking all about;
bad intentions are burning
but I have my friends here, so I'm ok.
and though they may not move much, you should hear them talking
they use the most deliciously long words
"...expidentia
intrinsic tastes of the masses as a whole.
Incindiary values take their precidence in heirarchy
as spontaneaous combustion runs amok."
They never go home, they just stay here at my house.
They don't ever really leave the basement.
They seem to like it here, now that I've helped them to be good.
I'm not crazy I'm ok but mommy says I've gone too far and I can't choose to help them rid their lives of evil that's inside them but I know that mommy means me well it's just her blood that hates me cause I know how to defeat it so mommy don't be afraid
Everything's quiet now nobody wants to talk.
My friends downstairs are all mad at me
and refuse to respond
I don't understand what did I do but save them from evil
But now there's someone new here
I talk to him sometimes
but our talks aren't as good as the ones my friends would have
he's really very bossy, he's often rude
and he rarely gives me reasons for what he tells me to do
but finally I realized that its my own blood that still haunts me
so I know how to fix this at last
so here we meet again
and I don't have to listen anymore
I can win, let go of my arm!
I will be rid of you
get out of my head
get out get out Get Out Get Out
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Out of my head
out of my head
out of my...
Now I'm sleeping safe and sound and I'm so comfortable that I could stay like this forever and not care if I don't wake up cause I like it here its peaceful and so warm that I can't leave it and I'm all alone in here but life is so much better for it....
Life is a journey
and nobody is ever really alone
so many paths diverging
a moment shared before they go on
Love is a yearning
A desire to become who you really are
all the while learning
and by the end, you'll know how to start
To love is to know
an understanding bond between heart and mind and soul
To love is to live
for a life left without love isn't living
To love is to grow
be so much more than you ever were on your own
To love is to stand
to stand up for your right to stand together
To love is to fight
and destroy anything that comes between you
To love is to die
to die to yourself to fulfil the other
To love is to see
to see beauty and perfection in their faults
To love is to feel
apathy and love don't mix very well
To love is to breathe
the most comforting sound when there's no words left to say
To love is to hope
to not loose sight of tomorrow and its happiness
To love is to hold
to comfort and support and protect from the world
To love is to cry
to open up your souls completely to each other
To love is to be
to become more you than you ever were before
To love is to forgive
to let things go when they don't even matter anymore
To love is to concede
to give up room for them to live without you
To love is to yield
to let things by when it won't hurt
To love is to persist
to never give up no matter how hard things get
To love is to ignore
and pay no attention to unmeant words
To love is to grieve
to stay on through trials and tribulations
To love is to give
to give your everything for their happiness
To love is to recieve
to take care of what they've entrusted you with
To love is to build
to build upon each other to make something great
To love is to complete
to fulfill the other with whatever it takes
To love is to forget
to forget all the mistakes along the way
.....
same upcoming song, different part, and it's two parts sung, so it really does fit, it just overlaps a little.
Jimmy, get me a female.