At this point I'm fully convinced,
That if this love did not persist,
I'd give love it's goodbye kiss,
And commit to life without bliss.


God do I love her. I guess i finally just managed to move on. I never thought I really would...but I guess I sort of had to. I can't be ruled by my past forever...Sam's right. I don't know why I hang on to everything the way I do. Everyone else keeps moving, and forgets me and everything we shared. But I always remember. It never goes away. If I don't think about it it haunts my dreams. Why? Sam says it's a good thing I remember. I just wish I knew how to forget.

That upsets her and I don't understand why. She says if it wasn't for how badly Nicole treated me, I wouldn't be the person she loves now. I suppose she's right. I'm not the same person I was back then...

*sigh* If only I could get Nicole to see that. I just want my best friend back.

And Nicole's going out with someone else now. Don't know why that matters to me. But it does. *sigh* I guess I'm just pathetic. I might cling to y past, but that doesn't mean I still want her...Not that anyone seems to understand that.

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
(All the time)
Time together is just never quite enough,
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
WE need time, only time!
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
(All the time, All the time!)

For sale, one broken little heart,
Broken down-been around-
A little bloody-looks pretty cruddy-
Lost in a storm-needs to be reborn-
Tired of being alone- prob'ly made of stone-
Yours for just a dollar-
I don't want it any longer-
It just goes
bumpity-bump-bumpity-bump
Like the pallbearers-
Getting their long walk in the fresh air

I think it's time for a name change for me too. The Star that is as lost as the people who follow it no longer represents me. N longer do I hide light under a veil of weakness. I am not the moon. I have become the sun, and I will burn bright that maybe my world may come to be.

You can't change a world, but you can start by changing yourself. Done, and done. So, It's time for a change. Solaris am I, now.

Baby, It's fact
Hellogoodbye

ust in case they're wondering
They've got us pinned terribly
They don't believe our love is real
Cause they don't know how real love feels

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
Oh it must be true
And They'll believe us too soon

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The word black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

They may say some awful things
But there's no point in listening
Your words are the only words
That I believe in afterwards.

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
So it must be true
And they'll believe us too soon

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

It's true
Oh oh oh
It's true
Oh oh ohhh
It's true
Whoa oh ohhh

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love
Our love is true

I guess it is at this point hmm? If there was anyone in the world who could displace the spectre of my past, I guess It must be you.

At least you fight to make it that way XD. See if I ever let you in a room with Nicole, sheesh.

I guess that's where I'm at. The Dreamer was abandoned for something that is nothing more then a dream. Thus what is left for me but to return to my own pleasant dreams? To a love that could never really of ended. Insane? Yes. Misguided? Probably. Wrong? Certainly not.

You silly little girl, I look away and you grow up. Well so did I, and maybe this time we can really make it all work.

1,2,3,4
Plain White T's

1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.
(i love you)
give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you
(i love you)
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
(i love you)
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
(iloveyou)
i love you
(i love you)




I need new music.

Fairytale
SARA BAREILLES


Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here
Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood
For shame she says
None for you dear prince, I'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

[Chorus:]
'cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried about the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause
What else can you do
With seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and calls up a friend
Says will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says
Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

[chorus]

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

[chorus]

I don't care
I don't care
Worry bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb
Appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No no I don't want the next best thing

You'll be loved
Death Cab for Cutie

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved




I wish I truly believed that. Who's but a dream and who is what I should hold to the end. I know what was only a dream, at least in part, now. You lied to me and yourself about it all, didn't you? Well, I'm over it now too.

The question is, will I ever be over her? Especially now that she's back in my life?

I'm happier then I've been in a long time, but I still must ask...what now?

Someday
The Afters

Ready or not the years are blurring
Running away the mind is turning
Skip to the end to find the meaning
Thoughts are fading, yet I wonder still
Like it or not your eyes are open
Playing around, the circles going
Face of a child, your mind is old
The clock ran down before I could begin

[Chorus:]
I wish we all could win
I wish we all could smile
I wish we all could make our mothers proud

Want it or not you just can't leave it
Throw it away, I can't believe it
Walking for days, I know you'll see that
Times are changing, soon we'll be the same

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Someday, someday, someday
You'll come around
Someday, someday, someday
Your time will come
There's nothing more that I can do
I know we all can make it through
I hope that someday you will see

[Repeat chorus and bridge]



I guess that's really my highest ideal, isn't it?

I'm glad that for you, at least, that day has come.

While I wonder if I ever can win without making someone lose...

Hate this and I'll love You
Muse

Oh I am growing tired,
Of allowing you to steal,
Everything I have, you're making me feel,
Like I was born to service you,
But I am growing by the hour.

You left us far behind,
So we all discard our souls.
And blaze through your skies,
So unafraid to die.

Cause I was born to destroy you,
And I am growing by the hour.
I'm getting strong in every way, yeah. Yeah.

You led me on, you led me on, you...

Oh, and I'm getting strong in every way,
yeah, Yeah


I hate this, but I guess I don't love anyone. Just keep plodding along you pathetic loser that everyone hates, You'll get there eventually.

Or maybe your asthma will kill you first.

But you want to die anyways, so who really cares.


Now accepting sign-ups for romantic tragedy #3. I'll do anything for you, then you can feel free to exploit me in any way while leaving me either for someone else or for no adequately explained reason. I'm really past caring, I'm just glad someone finds this funny.

And people wonder why I sympathize with broken things...

No one can see the pain that we hide,
They're happy for us to keep it inside,
Our fear is our own; they don't want to know,
Why should we involve them; why should it show.

You live your whole life in confusion and fear,
The need to feel something unbearably near,
Half of you living, Half of you gone,
And inside you know what your doing is wrong.

The thing's that can help, the thing's that may heal,
Are the flame or the blade and the sting of the steel,
The destruction of skin means the death of your soul,
But there's nowhere to run when your living alone.


It's....getting to that point.

Map of your Head
Muse

I'm sick of feeding my soul
to people who'll never know
just how purposeless and empty they've grown.
Because their language confuses
like computers refuse
to understand how I'm feeling today.

I'm freezing.
And losing my way.
I don't need another map of your head.
I am freezing.
And losing my way.
I don't need another map of your head.

I saw a liquid control.
That gives life to us all.
I hit my head on it
and woke up to know.
That I was all alone.
Wearing just socks and a phone.
Someone screaming like their world might explode.

Yeah. I'm freezing.
And losing my way.
I don't need another map of your head.
I'm freezing
and losing my way.
I don't want another map of your head.

Freeeeezing.
And losing my way.
I don't want another map of your head.
I'm freeeeezing.
And losing my way.
I don't need another map of your head.
Yeah...



Might start writing the Albireo story soon, probably over spring break. I've finally figured out what to do with my characters, and stopped villainizing a few of them (Nicoh particularly xD)

Or maybe not. Really depends on what I manage to get done with Amy and Nicole...

God you women make life so difficult.

Roadside
Rise Against

Tell me what I'm supposed to do,
With all these left over feelings of you;
'Cause I don't know

And tell me how I'm supposed to feel,
When all these nightmares become real;
'Cause I don't know

And I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don't know how we separate the lies here from the truth;
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry;
So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry.

And I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you;
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry;
So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry.

'Cause I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do,
Exactly what to do.




Pray for me. This problem has haunted me too long. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not going to run away. This has controlled my life for far too long, and now I'll see whether good or evil will come of it. I've loved you since the day I understood what love was, and now it's time to settle those feelings.

Something was bound to go right sometime today,
all these broken pieces fit together to make a
Perfect picture of us

It cold and dark and slowly rained,
It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing that we could
see for miles and miles,

And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth,
When you held onto me like I was your little lifraft
Please know, that you were mine as well

Drops of water hit the ground like God's own tears,
Spread out in the shape of salad bowls and raisins,
And buckets for bailing out the flood.

A Perfect Tourniquet
Anberlin

I'm not sure
If you can call this romance
You see we've changed since the start
Even together
We're distant lonely and apart
But we both look the other way
Pretend we still believe it
When they say

I guess that's why they call this love
Sadly unpredictable
And I guess that's why they call this love
Fate and fatal

My heart doesn't beat
As fast as it once did
I would sever these ties
But you're the perfect tourniquet
Tell me darling
Should we look the other way
When they say

And I guess that's why they call this love
Sadly unpredictable
And I guess that's why they call this love
Fate and fatal

Its getting hard to stay
But even harder to let go
And tell me now darling
Is this how we thought love was meant to go

Viva, viva communique
Donde, donde estas? Donde se fue?

And I guess that's why they call this love
Sadly unpredictable
And I guess that's why they call this love
Fate and fatal

Sing for Absolution
Muse

Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful

Tip toe to your room
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
And falling from your grace
ooh

There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth burns deep inside
And will never die

Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace

yeah

Our wrongs remain unrectified
And our souls won't be exhumed

Naive Orleans
Anberlin

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
When my heart's lost in New Orleans
Dreams come clever
Hearts now severed
Difference of forever
And I am lost there

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud, yea

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud

Autobahn
Anberlin

And we're driving just as fast as we can
And we're racing to outrun the wind
It's just me and you and you and me
So wild and so young, bright-eyed and free

And we're trying to get out of here
As a small town romance draws ever near
And I swear we're in the movie's
The highlight comes when you kiss me

And the stereo sings our song
And we don't hesitate to sing along

Drive to dream to live we could see the world tonight. hear the hope tommorow we could see the world.....

And we're miles from the middle of nowhere
And neither of us seems to care
And that's why I love you so-o-o
Shut your mouth girl no one has to know
And times seems to drip like Dali
And neither of us has a place to be
So once and forever tell me all, tell me all of your dreams

And the stereo sings our song
And we don't hesitate to sing along

Drive to dream to live we could see the world tonight. hear the hope tommorow we could see the world.....

Drive to dream to live we could see the world tonight. hear the hope tommorow we could see the world.....

And we're driving just as fast as we can
And we're racing to outrun the wind
And the stereo sings our song
We don't hesitate to sing along

Drive to dream to live we could see the world tonight. hear the hope tommorow we could see the world.....

Drive to dream to live we could see the world tonight. hear the hope tommorow we could see the world.....

Tell me what I'm supposed to do,
With all these left over feelings of you;
'Cause I don't know

And tell me how I'm supposed to feel,
When all these nightmares become real;
'Cause I don't know

And I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don't know how we separate the lies here from the truth;
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry;
So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry.

And I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you;
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry;
So leave me at the roadside,
And hang me up and out to dry.

'Cause I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don't know how we woke up one day and somehow thought we knew
Exactly what we're supposed to do,
Exactly what to do.

Some Trust
The Fray

So you fake you're full and you feel tomorrow
Coming and you gotta do what you can do to get
Away with everything you want and still get what you need.
So you're slowing down cause you've done it before,
You look at the floor and you wonder when it's gonna
Come on up over your head so you can get some rest.

Some trust in love and some trust in hatred
Some trust in fear and some in violence
Some trust in faith and some trust in fortune
Some trust in God and some just get away.

Swear to God I'm going to get it right
Stay down tied until I get my fill.
So I take it all but it's falling through
Done it before so maybe a little bit
More will make it easier to get on through the door.

Some trust in pain and some trust in pleasure
Some trust in union, some in innocence
Some trust in fear and some trust in fortune
Some trust everyone and some just get away.

Call it security,
Call it your purity.
Call it the words we pray,
Call it the sins we say
You never wanted it this way

Some trust in God and some trust in country
Some trust in love and some in violence
Some trust in diamonds, some trust in devils
Some trust in fear and some just get away

Get away (x3)