I want to stop dreaming about the girl who defined what it I love, and start figuring out hopw to just forget about her.

Is such a thing even possible? What do I become without her memory? How much of what I've become becomes invalidated at that point?

I'm selfless because her leaving me taught me to be worthless. I'm loving, because for a time to her I was the world. I write because she inspired me to. Hell, I even play magic just to forget all about her and everything else fucked up in my life for a just a few minutes...

What else is there?


And Sam's parents didn't...react quite as well to our relationship as I might of hoped. We've been forbidden to talk and that's that.

I don't know what to do. When I fight to keep the people I love, I just hurt them, and thus myself. Would t he true act of love here not be letting her go and just starting again?

But wasn't what this was all supposed to be? Starting again?

Welcome to the Masquerade

Vs 1/
We’ve got the fire, who’s got the matches?
Take a look around at the sea of masks/
And come one, come all, welcome to the Grand ball,
Where the strong run for cover,
And the weak stand tall/

Take off your masks,
And lets let it all out,
Release what’s undercover,
‘Till the truth comes out/
Cause there’s no other way,
We can formulate change,
And unmask the lion, from it’s,
Rusty cage/

Pre Chorus/
I’m not one to scatter ashes,
But there’s some things that’ll,
Melt the plastic/
Try and dig down deeper, if you can../

Chorus/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed, I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k.,
Welcome to the masquerade/

Vs 2/
We’ve got the power,
Who’s got the action?
Break it down,
‘Till there’s nothin’,
But a mere fraction/
…Out of the fire,
Rise from the ashes,
Re-ject ..ya doubt,
And ..re-lease the passion/

Let’s get on it,
Believe, if you want it,
Step into the realm,
Where the real one’s flaunt it/
Come, back, re-wind,
Another time on it,
Reach out, take that,
One off, step on it/

Pre Chorus/
I’m not one to scatter ashes,
But there’s some things that’ll,
Melt the plastic/
Try and dig down deeper, if you can../

Chorus/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed, I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k.,
Welcome to the masquerade/

Bridge/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame….,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed,
I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k…..,
Welcome to the masquerade/
…..Welcome to the masquerade/

Pre Chorus/
I’m not one to scatter ashes,
But there’s some things that’ll,
Melt the plastic/
Try and dig down deeper, if you can../


Chorus/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed, I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k.,
Welcome to the masquerade/

We Are One Tonight

Switchfoot

Tonight!

Tonight!

I'll rise
I'll fall
I'll fail you all

We built these cities to stand so tall
We've lost our walls

I don't want to lose it, coming down
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

Two eyes
One tongue
I've come
Undone

I'm no victim
I paid these dues
I came to lose

I don't want to fight about it now
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in, now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

I don't want to lose a common ground
With the whole world upside-down
I don't want to fight about it now
And the world was burning out

Let's slow the evening down
Slow it down
Slow down
Please slow down
Down
Down

The stars are comin' out!

We are one
We are one
We are one
We are one tonight
We are one tonight
And were singing it out
We are one tonight
And were dreaming out loud
And the world is flawed,
But these scars will heal!

If loving you makes me crazy, then Yes Nicole Dinisi, I suppose I will always be crazy. Deal with it.

Racing on a faultline
Bracing for a landslide
Conscious of every move getting harder
Has the race gone underwater?

I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
To convince me
It's still far from over, oh

We are still far
We are still far
We are still far from over



Sam, I know it's been hard recently, and I know there's alot of questions and I don't have many answers, but I know that I'll figure it out one day.

I can only stall out so many times.

Two Weeks in Hawaii

Hellogoodbye

You've got your airplane
And I've got the plain air of here
You're gone and I've gone insane
Oh when will you reappear
I'm just some new kid
Who can't get his mind off of you
And I know that it's stupid

Cause you've got Hawaii
And I've gotten no letters from you
I should stop whining
Cause its only been a day or two...
I don't know what you did
But you got me to fall for you
I know its stupid

Your families rad and I
Wish that they were here today
But they're thousands and thousands of miles away
I felt so bad when your mom
Caught us eating ice cream in your
Room at three in the morning

'Cause id hate for her
To not want me around her daughter cause my heart stops everytime

You've got Polaroid
And you even know how to rhyme
Id be overjoyed
If we could just hang out sometime
I don't know what you did
But you got me to fall for you
And I know that its stupid
But you know that I try

Your drawing's rad and I
Put in on my wall and I made
Sure it wouldn't fall cause if it did
My straw wrapper might tear
And there would be no knot and I would
Feel like id been shot right through the heart

And id fall apart but id remember how
My heart stops everytime

You are so special
I just hope that we can be friends
I'll wait forever
But I guess that it all depends
On you and yours
So come on and dance with me
Cause you are so special

I hope that this makes you smile
And you might stay that way for a while
Cause you deserve every grin that you get
And you'll get em a lot from me
Uh ho, uh ho

You are so special
I just hope that we can be friends
I'll wait forever
But I guess that it all depends
On you and yours
So come on and dance with me
Cause you are so special

And my heart stops every time

Yes, even League of Legends. Nothing is sacred, everything is permitted.

And of course, the obligatory song:

She Cries
East West

Won't you come away with me tonight?
We can fly past the moon and the starlight.
It doesn't matter where you've been before
On a night like this
It doesn't matter where you've been before
I'll love you like this
(And she cries, she cries, yeah)

Can't you see, I won't leave
But you have to open your eyes
Here I stand, take my hand
Let go of the fear that you hold

Don't throw your pearls to the swine tonight
Don't let them take your innocence
Just remember the times that I held your hand and kept you close
Remember the times I held you up and now
(She cries, she cries, yeah)

Can't you see, that I won't leave
But you have to open your eyes
Here I stand, take my hand
Let go of the fear you hold

Number of people who know this is really my favorite song...?

Like 2

And a bonus, one I just remembered. Appropriate I suppose:

Vulnerable

Secondhand Serenade

Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
isn't that a song already
I get a B in originality
and it's true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

slow down girl your not going anywhere
just wait around and see
maybe I am much more you never no what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone I can be anything
just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone anything I promise I can be what you need

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

Untitled 3 (A poem for music, perhaps)

He was a different boy, he just liked to live on,
Followed his heart like his own sun,
He was a dreamer, with star-croseed eyes,
Who always hated yet always told lies.

He was a loner boy, always by himself,
And no one seemed to care just how he felt,
He spent his life fighting off his heart,
But always lost one, never finished liked his start.

And she was a simple girl, she just liked to have fun,
Always opened her heart to just about any one,
But she cried that she was just so plain,
but he was just the same, and they still loved right on.

She always worried that she was just too far,
but she lived in his heart, right from the start,
She said she didn't know why, Couldn't justify,
but he loved her more then the sky, and never cared why.

Maryl: And how do you now Miss Maryanne could of done it?

Vash: Because form the moment I saw the look in her eyes I knew she had a beautiful heart

Maryl: You're the easily deceived type who cries himself to sleep every night?

Vash: *Tch* Thanks alot, sister.

Lol.

At this point I'm fully convinced,
That if this love did not persist,
I'd give love it's goodbye kiss,
And commit to life without bliss.


God do I love her. I guess i finally just managed to move on. I never thought I really would...but I guess I sort of had to. I can't be ruled by my past forever...Sam's right. I don't know why I hang on to everything the way I do. Everyone else keeps moving, and forgets me and everything we shared. But I always remember. It never goes away. If I don't think about it it haunts my dreams. Why? Sam says it's a good thing I remember. I just wish I knew how to forget.

That upsets her and I don't understand why. She says if it wasn't for how badly Nicole treated me, I wouldn't be the person she loves now. I suppose she's right. I'm not the same person I was back then...

*sigh* If only I could get Nicole to see that. I just want my best friend back.

And Nicole's going out with someone else now. Don't know why that matters to me. But it does. *sigh* I guess I'm just pathetic. I might cling to y past, but that doesn't mean I still want her...Not that anyone seems to understand that.

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
(All the time)
Time together is just never quite enough,
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
WE need time, only time!
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
(All the time, All the time!)

For sale, one broken little heart,
Broken down-been around-
A little bloody-looks pretty cruddy-
Lost in a storm-needs to be reborn-
Tired of being alone- prob'ly made of stone-
Yours for just a dollar-
I don't want it any longer-
It just goes
bumpity-bump-bumpity-bump
Like the pallbearers-
Getting their long walk in the fresh air

I think it's time for a name change for me too. The Star that is as lost as the people who follow it no longer represents me. N longer do I hide light under a veil of weakness. I am not the moon. I have become the sun, and I will burn bright that maybe my world may come to be.

You can't change a world, but you can start by changing yourself. Done, and done. So, It's time for a change. Solaris am I, now.

Baby, It's fact
Hellogoodbye

ust in case they're wondering
They've got us pinned terribly
They don't believe our love is real
Cause they don't know how real love feels

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
Oh it must be true
And They'll believe us too soon

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The word black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

They may say some awful things
But there's no point in listening
Your words are the only words
That I believe in afterwards.

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
So it must be true
And they'll believe us too soon

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

It's true
Oh oh oh
It's true
Oh oh ohhh
It's true
Whoa oh ohhh

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love
Our love is true

I guess it is at this point hmm? If there was anyone in the world who could displace the spectre of my past, I guess It must be you.

At least you fight to make it that way XD. See if I ever let you in a room with Nicole, sheesh.

I guess that's where I'm at. The Dreamer was abandoned for something that is nothing more then a dream. Thus what is left for me but to return to my own pleasant dreams? To a love that could never really of ended. Insane? Yes. Misguided? Probably. Wrong? Certainly not.

You silly little girl, I look away and you grow up. Well so did I, and maybe this time we can really make it all work.

1,2,3,4
Plain White T's

1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.
(i love you)
give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you
(i love you)
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
(i love you)
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
(iloveyou)
i love you
(i love you)




I need new music.

Fairytale
SARA BAREILLES


Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here
Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood
For shame she says
None for you dear prince, I'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

[Chorus:]
'cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried about the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause
What else can you do
With seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and calls up a friend
Says will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says
Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

[chorus]

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

[chorus]

I don't care
I don't care
Worry bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb
Appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No no I don't want the next best thing

You'll be loved
Death Cab for Cutie

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved




I wish I truly believed that. Who's but a dream and who is what I should hold to the end. I know what was only a dream, at least in part, now. You lied to me and yourself about it all, didn't you? Well, I'm over it now too.

The question is, will I ever be over her? Especially now that she's back in my life?

I'm happier then I've been in a long time, but I still must ask...what now?

Someday
The Afters

Ready or not the years are blurring
Running away the mind is turning
Skip to the end to find the meaning
Thoughts are fading, yet I wonder still
Like it or not your eyes are open
Playing around, the circles going
Face of a child, your mind is old
The clock ran down before I could begin

[Chorus:]
I wish we all could win
I wish we all could smile
I wish we all could make our mothers proud

Want it or not you just can't leave it
Throw it away, I can't believe it
Walking for days, I know you'll see that
Times are changing, soon we'll be the same

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Someday, someday, someday
You'll come around
Someday, someday, someday
Your time will come
There's nothing more that I can do
I know we all can make it through
I hope that someday you will see

[Repeat chorus and bridge]



I guess that's really my highest ideal, isn't it?

I'm glad that for you, at least, that day has come.

While I wonder if I ever can win without making someone lose...

Hate this and I'll love You
Muse

Oh I am growing tired,
Of allowing you to steal,
Everything I have, you're making me feel,
Like I was born to service you,
But I am growing by the hour.

You left us far behind,
So we all discard our souls.
And blaze through your skies,
So unafraid to die.

Cause I was born to destroy you,
And I am growing by the hour.
I'm getting strong in every way, yeah. Yeah.

You led me on, you led me on, you...

Oh, and I'm getting strong in every way,
yeah, Yeah


I hate this, but I guess I don't love anyone. Just keep plodding along you pathetic loser that everyone hates, You'll get there eventually.

Or maybe your asthma will kill you first.

But you want to die anyways, so who really cares.


Now accepting sign-ups for romantic tragedy #3. I'll do anything for you, then you can feel free to exploit me in any way while leaving me either for someone else or for no adequately explained reason. I'm really past caring, I'm just glad someone finds this funny.

And people wonder why I sympathize with broken things...

No one can see the pain that we hide,
They're happy for us to keep it inside,
Our fear is our own; they don't want to know,
Why should we involve them; why should it show.

You live your whole life in confusion and fear,
The need to feel something unbearably near,
Half of you living, Half of you gone,
And inside you know what your doing is wrong.

The thing's that can help, the thing's that may heal,
Are the flame or the blade and the sting of the steel,
The destruction of skin means the death of your soul,
But there's nowhere to run when your living alone.


It's....getting to that point.