I put on a brave face in the face of all that has happened in the past months, but inside i'm nothing more than a frightend child, crying out for someone to love her... I feel lost inside myself, like i'll never be the same as i was...i'm a ghost. Some days i'm alright, but others i see the faces of all the poeple who look right through me, like i'm not even there...like i'm not real. I know i'll heal and find the light again, but it will take quite some time i think...i need a wish or geenie or something to take me back to when things were simple and happy...but that won't happen...still, i could really use a wish right now...

I got a hair cut today..Well i got one yesterday and went back in today to get it fixed/finished...whichever. I feel like i dont know myself sometimes. It can be quite confusing to look into the mirror and not recognise the person looking back out at you. Confusing and disconcerting. I have no consort, no love, no hope for happiness at the moment. I don't know how to live without my heart and i CANNOT live with out my soul. it's emptiness that stretches out before me now. An ocean of heartache and pain that i must swim across and back before i am alowed to rest, and the boiling, churning waters threaten to pull me under before i have even struck out from the shore...but i'll be okay. this grief, this sadness will pass just as all things do, and one day i will be able to look into my own eyes and see someone worth having around. Someone who can smile and be loved...Until then, i must simply grit my teeth and bear it, for that is all any of us can do in order to keep our heads above the surface and prevent ourselves from drowning.