These are the lyrics to a song my brother and i wrote together...


If saved you, would you save me?
And if i played you, would you play me?
If i paid you to stay way from me, would you do it?
Could you do that for me?

Cause i told you i loved you,
and you told me you loved me.
And i told you i loved you,
and you know that it's true.

If i asked you for something more than friends
And you didn't feel the same,
Would you just pretend?
If i asked you,
if you could love me too,
What would you say?
I want to know just what you'd do.

Cause i told you i loved you
And you told me you loved me
And i told you i loved you
And you know that it's true.

Well we tried to do everything we could.
And we held hands
Just like they said we should,
But it didn't turn out the way we planned.
And now i'm standing here doing everything i can,

Cause i told you i loved you,
And you told me you loved me.
And i told you i loved you,
And you know that it's true.

Yes i told you i loved you
And you told me you loved me
And i wish you still loved me
Cause i have eyes only for you!

i wish my sister wasn't such a fuckin doormat! her roommate is trying to force her to choose between having me come up there and babysit while my sister is doing her baby/doctor stuff or letting his tweeker ass mom sit at HER house...so now she's making all these excuses to try to manipulate me into feeling bad and coming out there...

i'll heed your advise in all other situations but not in this...i care not for what happens to me...

so i think i may have lost my friend his little girl...i didn't know he was still with her mom and we started to get involed. Now he's told her and they
ve been fighting and will probabl;y break up, but he might loose his daughter as a result. I'm horrible. I can't believe this is all because of me! I'm not worth losing achild over. Pleasse God, fix this!

I put on a brave face in the face of all that has happened in the past months, but inside i'm nothing more than a frightend child, crying out for someone to love her... I feel lost inside myself, like i'll never be the same as i was...i'm a ghost. Some days i'm alright, but others i see the faces of all the poeple who look right through me, like i'm not even there...like i'm not real. I know i'll heal and find the light again, but it will take quite some time i think...i need a wish or geenie or something to take me back to when things were simple and happy...but that won't happen...still, i could really use a wish right now...

I got a hair cut today..Well i got one yesterday and went back in today to get it fixed/finished...whichever. I feel like i dont know myself sometimes. It can be quite confusing to look into the mirror and not recognise the person looking back out at you. Confusing and disconcerting. I have no consort, no love, no hope for happiness at the moment. I don't know how to live without my heart and i CANNOT live with out my soul. it's emptiness that stretches out before me now. An ocean of heartache and pain that i must swim across and back before i am alowed to rest, and the boiling, churning waters threaten to pull me under before i have even struck out from the shore...but i'll be okay. this grief, this sadness will pass just as all things do, and one day i will be able to look into my own eyes and see someone worth having around. Someone who can smile and be loved...Until then, i must simply grit my teeth and bear it, for that is all any of us can do in order to keep our heads above the surface and prevent ourselves from drowning.