I need my cat
I want to be free
I've felt more genuinely wanted recently than I have in a long time, especially after these past few months.
It's such a liberating feeling.
I don't feel the need to be wary, despite feeling like I have to guard whatever's healed in me thusfar. But I'm happy again. Driving my car is a safe-space again, glad to have moved past the period of time where it did not feel safe; I did not trust myself.
I was afraid mentioning 'trans' would turn people off, I was guarded and scared and all my faith in people had been painfully ripped out of me- instead, I feel genuinely wanted and I can't even say how good that feels.
I was afraid of the lovely word, 'entitlement' that had been etched on my mind with a bloody fucking knife. I was scared anything that I did would be followed with the people I care about being hurt. That by caring about someone, I had some entitled alterior motive. Because that is what I was convinced of.
I'm still scared about a lot of things in my life And I'm basically going on the flight that everything that should happen, will. Every event, every moment has it's purpose. Without purpose there is no reason, and without reason there is no motive for cause.
But I haven't felt these things here. There isn't fear here.
So I can dream on about reasons,
And I'm going to allow myself to be happy now.
Today is one of the days where I actually feel really good and am excited about the day!
My chest hurts because it isn't correct.
I'm
fine
Being