SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
What is death?
Where do you go?
When you die do you become a ghost?
Do you go to 'Hell' or 'Heaven'?
Are you just reborn?
How can you say death is better?
Expecially when you can't remember your own?
I just converted out of Christianity because I saw how ironic it was that god created us as flawed creatures and expects us to thank him for saving us from our flaws.
- Me
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Ninth Level of Hell - Cocytus!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level | Score
Purgatory | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Moderate
Level 2 | Very Low
Level 3 | High
Level 4 | Very Low
Level 5 | High
Level 6 - The City of Dis | High
Level 7 | High
Level 8- the Malebolge | Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus | High
Level descriptions: http://www.4de
Take the test: http://www.4de
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
sugar is sweet
and so are you.
The roses are wilted,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl is empty,
and so is your head. -Kayla
Destiny music & lyrics: Heather Alexander
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I can't cleanse my soul
From the truth we cannot hide
From this battle won, and blood dried stain
I cannot stay by your side
For to cross this bridge I must pay it's toll
You will have to let me go
With the price of pain
Knowing all that I now know
I must take what comes
Secrets we both have a few
And defy despair's dark evil wraith
This one I have told to you
For until I hear of my enemy's drums
Salt and loam, hearth and home
I must keep my faith
Will give to me life anew
Will it all be worth it?
Rock and water, fish and tree
Will it all mean more than just for me?
Calling for me
Will it come to form a more perfect pattern
Where I'll be blessed
I'm only just one man
Insh'Allah
At home within the New Northwest