Weird feelings...argh!! Not fair. ::whimper:: I mean..well...I don't know how to put this into words without making it sound really bad...darn it!!! ::sigh::

I have newly realized two things:

1. My sun-burned face + Martin's mustache = NOT GOOD AT ALL

2. I'm an inch or so taller then him. o.O

.....

I'm going out with him...

::blush::
^___________________^

NoTE:: I just realized I don't have his phone number..TT-TT im an idiot..

nother NOTE:: I'm actually willing to stop obsessing over Gackt for him, I mean, of course, I LOVE Gackt, but I'm not going to talk about him or the yaoi~ness type things he's done or pics I've seen around Martin. Wow, never had that before either..

glee~~~~!!
Dear friends, I am smitten! ^.^
..he's so amazing..and its not even a physical attraction, I mean, I do believe, and I will admit, that a lot of my previous pursuits have been due to a physical attraction...and he's not ugly, but I mean, that's not why I liked him in the first place, you know? In every other crush I've had, in the course of EVER liking someone, I've always asked myself,
"Is it simply because he likes me?"
"Is it just because he's pretty?"
"Is it just because I've gotten comfortable being with whom I'm with?"
I've questioned every attraction I have ever had, again and again... Except this one. Even just typing this, my heart flutters, and yeah, I'm gonna type that no matter how cliched it is. So shut up with your deragatory thoughts...I know you're having them! =_= Anyway, I have honestly never felt this way before...I've never liked anyone this way before, and it throws off everything I thought was love...not that I'm saying this is love, but it definitely proves that what I thought was love was most definitely not. He's funny, he so original, and he's...ah, I don't know!! But I find myself always wanting to see him, I can't even describe this adequately without simply repeating myself... This is indeed something different..
oh, and about that guy that had a crush on me, that guy in my new school? Forget that. ^_^ He's a great friend, but he simply latches onto whatever new girl there is, just as Sara and Emily thought. ^_^;;However, like I said, a good friend. But this guy...goodness..

ok!

GACKT RANT TIME!

I feel weird..like I'm missing something. I feel like there's something I want, but I can't figure out what it is...hmm..strange~day I guess..Must be why I feel so odd...whatever. On yet another note, guess what!! I found a friend who is as shonen-ai obsessed as I have become. Life is good. -^.^- (Well, another friend. can't count out Ari, specially since she's like the Otaku-Sensei...lets just say I'm excited to have met someone who actually likes yaoi in my new school.)Hmm...I can't think of anything too important to write down right now..oh! My dear friend Joey called me! It made me so happy, I didn't realize how much I missed him, I guess. ^_^;; Oh, just a little note for all my friends back in my old school, I'm gonna try and go to you guys'es Homecoming, so I hope I'll see you there. ^_^ I just need to make sure I've got someone to invite me. ^_^;;;

Woo-hoo! Fun Dream! In this one, for some reason, I had a katana...and *someone* (jeez, some people, eh?) was standing in front of me saying certain things, and just generally mocking me...and asking me stupid questions. Things happened in this order:
1. I blinked
2. Smiled
3. Laughed...
4. Decapitated him...

and I woke up smiling. ^____^

I think I know~I don't think I know~I don't think I think.....
          --Radical Edward
nope, not me, per se, you know what I mean. But anyway, thats a pretty good description of just how I've felt lately...more weird dreams, these however have involved people and the such that actually exist..these also confuse me greatly...more weird feelings, thoughts....::frustrated sounds:: (i couldn't really figure out how to spelll any specific frustrated sound...)

ok, i guess all of these diary entries are just me making up for lost time on here...
I have realized three things while watching the Live video I downloaded of Gackt performing "Vanilla" on stage:

1. I can actually do the little dance he does...yes, I know, sad...but immensely fun.

2. I adore his legs... o.o
scratch that. I just watched another video. Mirror. Make that his legs and his torso. scratch that too. Gackt is perfection.I mean, seriously, look:(even tho you can't see his legs..you can see other equally important..parts)

::wanders off in a daze, little gackt bodies dancing around her head::

3. I love Vanilla. Despite the super perverted lyrics. I loves it and nothing and no one could dissuade me! Such energy! Such passion! Such....pervertedness! ok, so thats a big part of the song...((and the performance ::winkwink::)) but anyway, its one of my favorites, just so fun. ^_^

Its hard to tell the difference between what I'm feeling and what's actually happening...

For those I have not yet told..I got my eyebrow peirced.. In fact, it was my uncle and his girlfriend Katya that took me to go get it done. We ended up having to go to 4 different places..It was supposed to be a surprise for me, I had mentioned it earlier in the week, and we were coming home from the beach house we had been staying in (I came back in the car my uncle was driving, obviously) and he pulled into this parkinglot and was like "Little Tip" tho he said it in German..so iwas lost at first...(he had been talking to Katya, shes german, tho yes, she does speak English, she's cool. ^_^) anyway, he goes "Little tip, you're my daughter." we got out of the car and they're both like "Surprise! oh..crap." The place was closed. The next place wouldn't do it cause I'm a minor, the next place's peircer wasn't in, then we went to Tidewater in Elkton finally and I got it done. ^_^ I loves it. I can constantly see it..sparkly.. It didn't really hurt, less then a shot, though it hurts now, when I have to turn it, and being angry hurts..^_^;;

The next dream was scary; not frightening, but twisted...I can't really explain the dream itself really well, but there was this man...and I wasn't myself. What I mean when I say that is that, I wasn't me. I was someone else, a small child, though the dream progressed until this person was almost an adult. This man..he was the twisted one..He made the child kill a rat with his own hand, but the kid was willing to do it if it meant staying with the man, if it meant that the man would allow him to live in his house and learn from him and stay by this man's side...The man must have been evil, I have no doubt of that in my mind..well, almost no doubt..because of the other horrible things that man did, though like I said, the whole dream is just a blur of events...At one point, the small child, a bit older then when the dream started, was going to be drowned by this group of men...There was a little girl there too, and I think, though once again I'm not quite sure, that that was where she died, for she didn't appear again, and like the boy, she had always been at the man's side. But just before the boy was drowned and gone, the man showed up and killed all of the others, all of the ones that were trying to do the killing....it was a very, very strange dream, and I had it a while ago, about a month ago, i think. I'm sure it makes me sound strange or something, but I can't determine what dreams I have, now can I? ^_^

That man...I want to draw him. But I don't think it'll turn out quite right..

more weird dream-ness....two of them in fact..
(I want to copy them down, lest I forget them)
   In the first one, I was in the yard of the house my grandparents lived in before my grandfather died..I was standing next to the rose bushes..and there were other people ther, but they were the sort of people that are always in dreams; the shadowy, faceless masses. Anyway, there were shouts, and I looked up from the rose I was staring at and there was this enormous fox, perfectly groomed, clean as anything; its fur wasn't ragged like a normal fox's fur would be, the fur was the same length all around its body, giving it a rather round appearance, and like i said, it was enormous, a little bigger then a great dane, really..The people around me were freaking out, pointing, and it looked up and saw me and started walking toward us. It jumped both fences (my grandparents yard was placed so that if you wanted to enter the yard from the road beside their house, you had to go up a pathway, over one fence, and then get over the fence in their yard) anyway, it jumped both fences, and weaved its way through the people, who had frozen in their spots, I don't think they moved for the rest of the dream...It stopped beside meand just kind of stared at me for a while, it was the brightest red orange I have ever seen, honestly..it was a sort of melon-ly red orange too..and its eyes were rimmed with black..it was so pretty i just sort of stared back for a while. Then it moved, and i got out of its way, and went over to the rose bush, nosing around in the soil underneath. It stopped, and pointed a paw at the ground, whining a little bit. I went to dig with my hands where it pointed, but I stopped, not quite sure that I should dig with my hands. I saw a pen sitting nearby and dug with it. After a little while I pulled out this big flat stone, and I thought that that was what it had wanted, but it motioned for me to keep digging, so I did. After a little while longer, I unearthed berries. Honest to god, a handful of various berries...I offered them to the fox, and it just sort of stared at me with those black rimmed eyes..it's irises were gold..it stared for a while, then bent its head down and ate them. But it didn't seem satisfied, in fact I think it actually said something at this point it the dream, and I said something back, but I can't remember what it was..I wish I could..anyway, i went and got an icetray, and (apparently the gathering we were having was some kind of barbeque..) filled three (it was only two rows of three, another strange thing) of one side with pale ground hamburger, which I then doused with water, (again, I have no idea why) but that didn't seem enough, so I grabbed some of the bright red strips of beef from the small fridge (which was, btw, outside as well) and filled the other side with them, folding them up, speaking to the fox the entire time. I returned to where the fox was, and watched him eat it all..i dont remember, he may or may not have thanked me, and then i woke up.
     The second dream was very strange indeed, and I don't think I was even in it..I shall post it in another diary entry, this one is pretty long..nah, Ill just add it here later..its getting fuzzier and fuzzier..

I keep having the same dream over and over again, I haven't really told anyone about it before now, either...The thing is, i never remember having had the dream before then until I'm having it again, and I can never remember it fully...its got some kinda meaning, I know it must, or I wouldn't be having it so often..i can only remember bits of it..tests, not written or anything, but sort of tasks...one of which was rather scary...something about foxes..rather, one fox...it was white...

I also went to one of the best parties I've been to in a long time yesterday. When I first got there, I was a little aprehensive, I was afraid there wouldn't be a lot of people I knew. Anyway, by the time I got there (only 15 minutes late) the band was setting up, and I didn't see anyone but Alice, [Ally Girl] that I really knew. I gave her her present, yada-yada-yada, (-^_^-) saw Ariana [IT'S A BOY] and Star, and talked to them for a while. Brittany got there, [Brit.], and we talked, laughed, blahblahblah..it was fun. I was used as a human sheild for a while, cause Ari's afraid of dogs and there were three of them. I was actually thrown in front of a dog as Ariana LEAPT over a car... then, ariana took it as her personal duty to free me of my inhibitions, you can just imagine how well that went. I ended up screaming "BOBBY!! ... COCK!" across the yard, and three people were trying to pull my shirt off me.. I was more or less maliciously "touched" for a while by several people, and at one point unexpectantly kissed on the cheek. hmm...what else?I found out that I can carry Star, I was mooned by Mike, (several others were also victims of the grevious event) during his "Construction-worker-with-a-machine-gun act...Ari and I were attacked by a small child. While I was out, lying on the grass with Ari and waiting for the storm to start(everyone else had gone inside, save for Ari, me, this one girl,and a couple..oh! and the little kid) , she sat on me, quite suddenly, took the breath outta me. ^_^;; I threw her off, and that was when the child attacked her. It was hilarious really..she was screaming her head off..then he came for me, and of course, i was screaming..its a scary sight, a small boy running toward you screaming when your lying on the grass and can't get up. It was even worse when he flung himself on me. Anyway, we migrated over to the swingset, but we heard thunder. Under protests from Ari ("but im dead~! CAN'T YOU SEE THE DEATH IN THESE EYES?!?!") I dragged her inside off the giant lighting rod, under the promise that the dogs would be taken upstairs. The band started to play, and i was just standing there..listening..Ariana turned around to me, screamed "You have to move!! (she had to scream, the band was v. loud...) Look like an idiot! They need that!! Trust me!" So, laughing, i actually danced, moshed...at one point the small child was crowd surfing..By the time the band stopped for a break, it smelled like an italian sub in there, and we all (band included) went out into the rain, which has lessened, to play dodgeball. When that was over, (my team lost horribly) most people went back inside, some people stayed out longer...the party kind of calmed a bit after that and my mom came and picked me up. It was great too, soon as I got in the car, she said "You are SO lucky" Why? said I. " 'cause I almost sent your father to come and get you....rough crowd.." >.<

I had a very very strange dream last night..
it was something about a book, i can't remember the details, but it was scary...there was some scientist, and she was talking about testing some theory from a book about some sunken boat with a shark, but we couldn't get a shark or a real boat, so we used a scale model and bought some really deadly tiny fish that had a needle-like protrusion on its face...Anyway, we got one of those fake sunken ships, like you put in an aquarium, you know? and we put the fish in the aquarium, and suddenly we were all really small, i don't know how, but everyone just took it in stride like "Duh, of COURSE we're small.." like people in dreams always are. Then three guys showed up, three older guys with beards and the such, dressed kind of like people in meidevil times, but really in a cool way, know what i mean? i can't remember there names, but they were really important, the names i mean, and i recognized them from somewhere. Anyway, they were supposed to swim into the ship without getting stabbed by the fish and get some treasure. So they swam in and the fish was released after they had swum somedistance down into the tank (to give them a chance or something) but something went terribly wrong, and the first two guys got out, but the third guy was stuck in the tank, he couldn't get up the ladder out of it, and the fish was stabbing him in the back of the neck..there was blood and I was screaming his name..Rab something..Rap-I don't remember!! Anyway, he got out, and somehow, he wasn't hurt, but the fish somehow got out of the water and was flying around the room, it looked like a mosquito, it was attacking the walls, bouncing against them like a mosquito does, and it was coming closer and closer to us, not intentionally apparently, but then the scientist moved and it noticed us and started to fly toward us. But it landed on the wall beside us first, like it was trying to see which one of us it wanted to kill..and none of us could move. Then suddenly, one of the guys just reached forward and smashed it with his finger. then, like nothing had happened, the scientist walked over to a nearby table and starting talking about doing the experiment again, but this time, why didn't we use a different kind of fish, something not so deadly, but something that was still going to come after us, to replicate the idea of a shark.. And then, there I was, and where normally I would have been screaming my head off, I was suggesting that we use a goldfish, because they would go after us if we were small enough, but i f they got us ,what could they do? they were goldfish, right? and everyone just kind of looked at me like i was stupid, and laughed, but in a kind way, and i laughed, and then..I woke up. >.<

there it was...under the curb...I walked past it, but stopped (in the middle of the road, mind you) i thought "What if thats the one pencil i needed to be able to draw again? And I just walked past it.....well, now it has to be...it'll either be a magic pencil or a cursed pencil...better go pick it up...at which point I turned around and picked it up. and then walked back across the road at the van that was waiting for me on the other side..

This is from DNAngel...hehehe...

Keiji:Well then, lets get down to business. Daisuke, UNDRESS.


Daisuke:WHAT? Are you kidding me?! No way! Forget it!


Keiji: I can't tell with your school uniform on. Funabashi, if you please.


Funabashi: (Holding Daisuke's arms back) Excuse me.


Daisuke: Hey!! Ahh! Stop it! Prevert!


Keiji:Be quiet and take it like a man!


Daisuke: What are you doing to me?!? NOOOOOO!!


Keiji:Relax! It only seems weird at first!


Funabashi:Sir...may I ask why you're undressing..?


Keiji:I'm not! Uh...its just loose...heehee!..All right, Let's try
again shall we?


Daisuke:Why..Why me?


Henchmen 1:(outside the door) there he goes again...


Keiji:Oh ho! This is on pretty tight! Ha ha! This too! C'mon! Off, off off!


Henchman 2: He sounds like a dirty old man..


Keiji: There! What do you think?

i JUST MADE $20! woo hoo...^_^

This happened to me today..
at school...walking...yeah, ok, so just read it.
Every time I'm walking that length of concrete my mind goes complelety blank..I can't help it, it just does...so anyway, this was my thought process..
::singing:: I feel good, really good..dont know why but i feel really good..::singing continues in the background::
nother voice: must think of something to say...must think...THINK THINK THINKTHINKTHINK!! stop singing!!
::singing continues::
::other voice continues to ramble::
nother voice: I like those trees...they're pretty...I wonder what kind of tree they are?
yet another: I dunno..
why not?
cause i dont..
YOU SHOULD!
DONT YELL AT ME!
TREEEES!!
Ask someone!
They wont know either!
::that second voice stops rambling:: it would be something to talk about..
no, no..that won't do at all..
WHAT KIND OF TREES ARE THOSE?!?!
I DON"T KNOW DARN IT!!
::still singing::
...at which point I started to laugh outloud..