I'm sick of beeng deprest, I can't even remember how it's to live with a true smile on my face.

And the worst part of it, is people telling me how sorry they are for me, and how much they understand..
It makes me sick, I don't want comfort, I want people around me to act normal, so I might have a chance to be to..

My greatest wish in the hole world, and something I culd sacrefase everything for, is one day without hating myself and smile a true smile..

why is it always like this:?
evry time i got a bf, it's hided.. he dusent tell annybody or show annybod that we are together, end i've never getn anything from anny of my bf's, but right after he gets a new gf and shows her to evryone and gives her all she wants... am I so much less wourth then avryone elce? I know I'm not beautiful, but if they are dating me, why do dey? since it dusent mean annything to them after all..?

It's 6 years since my grandpa' died, and I'm still crying about it, I miss him so badly, and and evrytime I'm thinking about him it like my life is faling together, and I'm dreaming to a place where I'm with all those that i miss..
It's ofen that i cry myself to sleep, cus that is the only way I can sleep... I hope someone out there understand how i got it...

Well, i still cant deside what I shuld do. If i send him a mesage, he might belive that i like him, and that cant happend,
but i want to ceep being hes friend, it might be that he want be friend with me, I'm not that fun to bee with.
But it seams like he want to be my friend, he said that if annyone bother me ab being hes friend, he wuld take cear of it.
Bnd if i wanted to try something, he culd take cear of that to(I mean drugs and stuff, I dont think that i will try it).
and he is realy cool, and not mean like other people think, but he is a "bad guy", he use drugs and arent friends with the police, but if you are nice to him, he's nice to you..
so, what do you think i shuld do?

I got this new friend of mine. he's realy nice, lol, he almoast became my bf ones, but that just dident happend, well, we was out for a tripp yester day, we sat on a bech and talked for houers!
ab evrything, what we likes, and the place we are living, cus you cant go arund on town with a girl/boy befour they think you are dating, and all this.
it was so nice to do that, but I dont know if I shuld send a mesage to him now, and say that i had a good time, maby he will think that I like him then, and that wuldent be right... well, I think I will figer out something..