Missed school again today I didn't wake up till 1:30 I would have got up earlier but I WAS ASLEEP! I stayed in bed staring at the exact spot for about an hour then finally got up to put some music on. When I came on the net someone was trying to cheer me up and said:

"There is still beauty in the world if you take into account that your dreams are part of the aura of the world, which makes it beautiful. Everyone has dreams they hold onto, like change in their pocket, and their hopes make this world beautiful"

Oh shit! that is so fucking stupid what a load of bullshit do you know what your actually talking about?

Damn everything is just too fucking shitty here's the song Bullets by Creed which I can really relate to

Walking around I hear the sounds of the earth seeking relief
I'm trying to find a reason to live
But the mindless clutter my path
Oh these thorns in my side
(Oh, these thorns in my side)
I know I have something free
I have something so alive
I think they shoot cause they want it
I feel forces all around me
Come on raise your head
Those who hide behind the shadows
Live with all that's dead
LOOK AT ME
At least look at me when you shoot a bullet through my head
Through my head
In my lifetime when I'm disgraced
Jealousy and lies
I laugh aloud cause my life
Has gotten inside someone else's mind
Look at me
At least look at me when you shoot a bullet through my head
Through my head
Hey all I want is what's real
Something I touch and can feel
I'll hold it close and never let it go
Said why, why do we live this life
With all this hate inside
I'll give it away cause I don't want it no more
Please help me find a place
Somewhere far away
Yes I'll go and you'll never see me again

Well I was in a good mood earlier which lasted for about 5 minutes before that wore off Laura told me that Gemma has been cheating on Lee with James it made me laugh so damn hard then about an hour later James came around my house asking to borrow Dracula 2001 it's really funny how the only time he ever knocks for me is when he want's something

Somethings happened to me lately but I don't know what the reason is because I've come to remember how fucked up my Life really is and has been and now I've started to completely changed who I usually am which is a really humorous guy which is just a cover so I don't hurt any of my friends or family which now that I think about it is a really scary thought because no one really knows me but I kinda stepped out of myself and seen how depressing my life is and how unhappy I really am with myself so now like I said before have changed myself to someone who really doesn't give a shit anymore about anything especially Life so I just want it to end so I won't be hurt or unhappy anymore. I really feel like killing myself or atleast hurting myself in ways which aren't new like awhile ago when I was really sad about my best friend dying and I really hated myself so I took a kitchen knife went into the garages that where behind my old house and I cut right down my forearm but I always told everyone that I fell off a fence and landed on glass but now I'm not bothered who knows so I apologize to all of you who think I've turned into a complete dick but I can't handle the boredom *sigh*


I started my 8 hour art exam on Monday and I have Art for two hours on Monday and three hours on Thursday so it's gonna be on for two weeks I guess. I'm doing a large poster for 'The Crow' which looks really kool as a pencil drawing but I'm not too sure how it will turn out when I Ink it


It's 10:35pm now and I'm eating a full English breakfast :p

Oh shit I made another entry in here awhile ago but it's not here anymore what the fuck happened to that? Anyways I was at home and I was supposed to be getting kicked out at 8 because my Mum was having an Anne summers party and I managed to stay on the computer but they had pink inflatable chairs with dildo's hanging out from there and they were gonna rip me apart so I took the Pizza and ran for it lol

Had a pretty kool time at my Nan's 70th except for the music they were playing great food though ^_^

When I was going to my dads house about a week ago I seen the Police and CIA next door so I was wondering what happened there for awhile but finally when I forgot about it I seen sirens flashing so I thought they were still there but when I went outside the car had exploded or something and there was a fire enguine about 5 minutes before that I heard my older brother Terry running out because he's a part time fireman so I don't know how he missed the damn fire O.o

Just old my Mum that I might dye my hair black and blonde underneath kinda like Chris Amott from Arch Enemy and she said something that pissed me off so I said something back like "Ok you fucking wacko" lol she looked really surprised but I had to say it I'm really stressed

I think it was last sunday that Me and Gemma got back together but didn't see her much because I was going the Cinema to see "Welcome to The Jungle" on Monday, she went to stay with her dad until Wednesday and on Friday I went to the Movies again, this time to see "Shaun of the Dead" which was so damn funny. I was having a great time until on the way home Rob got a txt saying that Gemma had split up with me because we hadn't seen much of each other for the last week so fair enough that's her choice but then She's flirting with Lee loads infront of me which made me so pissed off. Later on I get into a fight with two guys which is what I needed I guess


I was planning on crashing over at Robs on Saturday and Sunday so I was gonna go over to hos at 4 until Gem's friend Laura tells me that Gemma wants to meet me at the Bus stop after she finished work at 6 so I'm waiting at this bus stop for 45 minutes then she walks past and says she didn't want to talk to me about anything... *sigh* Had a huge laugh at robs though watching Friends and some crazy japanese show called Takeshi's castle. It was Light outside by the time we fell asleep but ever since Monday I have had the worse headaches ever so back to the good 'ol pills I go >_<


Now Gemma is telling me she still likes me and I think she wants to get back together once again but I knew it would'nt last the second time so I don't see the point. Also she's completed changed the way I think about her after she was flirting with Lee infront of my own face and so I used that as a reason why I didn't want to get back with her and then she denies it even though I WAS THERE! It's kinda my fault because if I hadn't finished with her in the beginning none of this would have happened


I feel so shitty but I guess I can hold on for a little longer...


Well here's the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank which is what I recognize as how I'm feeling now


I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know


I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you


I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

ERK I never cook because whenever I do something goes wrong like I break the cooker and I even melted a fish once so theres very little I can do so I decided I'd make noodles but got bored so I added an egg and chopped up crab stick (Like a pro :p) and forgot to put the powder stuff in so I just asked my mum if I could eat that seperately or would it kill me lol I tried it anyway and nearly choked so I gotta mix it in with the noodles. I would make such a great Chef =p

Yesterday was the longest day of my life it was so damn slow and I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about Gem so at about 3:30 in the morning I went for a walk then stayed out for an hour. Now Lee is saying loads of crap behind my back but it's funny how he is such a pussy to my face.. I just can't wait to see him again

Well yesterday SUCKED, I broke up with Gemma and now I feel like a dick mainly cos of lee being a twat and then today he's flirting with her loads like he's proper rubbing it in and making me really want to hit him but I promised Gem I wouldn't do anything like that. It really hurts cos I still really like her... FUCKING PRICK!!! -stabstabstab-

I started goin out with Gemma on Monday which is kool because I really like her and ever since then I've just been hanging out with my mates having a laugh everyday. Went to town last night to watch Starsky and Hutch and there was some really annoying guy laughing through it but it's all good after the film when I stood up I had sweat all down my back cos I couldn't move because Gem was leaning on me HA and Kev was sitting all by himself I think it was because Carly kept touching him up but I think everyone had fun

Last Saturday went really quick. James woke me up at about 4pm even after I shouted "F*ck Off!!!" he kept knocking so I had to get up. He got kicked out cos he punched his step dad well way to go Jim and I've got loads of party's coming up so whooo.


Yesterday was kool I had to go to Manchester for a lecture. Before we left Rob stole some milk what a fool he could have got me something like Dr Pepper bah stupid Rob. On the way there I was just listening to music sprawled about the coach and when we got there I was roaming around having a laugh with my mates for a few hours, found a cool shop that sold framed pictures that have been signed like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and loads more. I wanted to get one of the Crow signed by Brandon Lee but I don't think they had it... probably would have been about £200 anyways. Later on we decided to head back and we found Stokoe, Mozz, Gaz and all those. They were all getting pissed in the damn street I'd love it if they got caught I'd be like "Ha, in your face". Me and Stokoe tried running up on some Escalators that went down and I nearly fell down them lol and we were gonna run down the ones that go up but screw that so we went back down sitting on them and I nearly got sucked under. When we went to the G mex (place where the seminars were.. heheh Mozzer was trying to say seminar but came out with senemar) I decided I'd just collect loads of booklets on all the different Universities around the UK and I was gonna apply for the army... I applied for something but I have no idea what

Hmm I've suddenly got a craving for Birthday cake :s


Well today started about 10 minutes ago for me cos I just got up and I'm usually jittery when I wake up but today is like really bad I'm shaking loads. Later on I'm off to a party which I have to be on a damn guest list to get into now so I better sort that out.

It finally snowed last night, the really real snow and about time too. I walked out about 2 in the morning and thought wow whats all this white crap then seen Lee having a snow ball fight so I got a hand full, went back in and pounded Terry with it then watched American Pie 3. Heheh I love that movie now I couldn't stop laughing through the whole film Stifler is so damn funny roflmao. Rob says I missed a really cool snow fight between the whole school grrr I shouldn't of went home early I was full of aggression so I could have caused some real damage like earlier on today we all started trashing the common room and Rob made another hole in the wall.... Stokoe made a fucking hole in my leg the twat, he shot a bouncy ball at me and Ste broke my foot. What a cocksucker. I'll get him back but until then...

This is like the biggest entry in my journal so far woot!

Well it's Valentines day and I've been listening to Marilyn Manson - "Valentines day" all day. I might go to unchained if it's on but it sucks that I can't be with Elyse today... IT REALLY SUCKS

Yesterday started slow but ended with some guy puking everywhere. I went to a Wine testing XD
Well todays Friday the 13th but nothings really happened... YET

Today was FUN!!! I had 3 hours of art then had a laugh with my friends in the common room and been listening to Jack Off Jill the rest of the day I'm getting really addicted to thier songs, especially Vivica I love the chorus to it "The apple falls far from the trees she's rotten and so beautiful". I got to bruise Kev by throwing a rugby ball at him so that made my day gnehehe

Today has gone by really slow and been so boring. I got up at about 9:10 for an hour of I.C.T. (Information Computer Technology) then came back home and I've been sitting on my computer ever since. I'm thinking of going on a horror movie spree... yeah, I'll start with the Nightmare on Elm street series n.n

Just joined and still trying to get used to Elftown although this is not my first time visiting. I guess I can't think of much to write I'll read some other poeples untill I understand it more then I'll tell you about fun things that happen in my life