What day is it today? Oh yeh Wednesday... I think *scratches head and looks up blankly* yeah anyways Monday was kool, it sure was there was no school so I went to Llandudno and I had to get up at 9am but I didn't sleep much that night. I think I got about 4 hours sleep and when I woke up it looked like I had two black eyes

(Best pic I could find which isn't too big) I went there with my Dad, two Brothers and my Sister and I usually hate the UK but after this trip I thought to myself it isn't too bad I used to always go places with my family because I love travelling so I guess that kinda opened me up a bit. There was a huge fair there and a parade!!! I love parades so much I wanna join them I was standing there Saluting heheh. We later met up with my Cousin Lee and his Dad Derek (My Dads twin) OH and I seen the original Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Car I was like whoa I wanted to mug the old guy and fly away in it. What a great movie! I don't like that guy with the huge nose who caches kids though he really freaks me out sometimes I think he's gonna come for me =o

Hmm I can't think of much to say about it now but I remember on the day I had such a great time. I finally got a ring well, I was at some shop for about an hour talking to the girl working there she was a really nice and I think she enjoyed my company ^^ we stopped at Colwyn Bay too for a bit they had a huge fair thier too which was pretty kool but I was soo tired and I felt sick afterwards. My little bro Jordan was being a pain in the ass as usual in the car throwing a football around and stuff like that.

When I got home I went on the internet for a bit but everyone was like Go to bed so I did!

The next day Kerry was supposed to be going to Greece for about 6 months but she had a panic attack and an Asthma attack or something so the airport ripped up her ticket so I guess she's not going anymore

Sooo tired! right after I finished writing my last entry Tiff came on so I was really like yay and I was talking to her until 4 then I walked around through ally's and stuff to go to my Dad's and I got a face full of web I was like what the fuck is it trying to catch me? Lol. When I got there I had a really annoying ringing in my head which wouldn't go away so I started bashing at my head which actually helped. It's hard to explain but even though I'm alot unhappier like how I am now I understand everything alot more. I was up until about 5 watching movies then I woke up at 4:30pm and now it is so damn hot.


Oh yeah I added Tiff's ex (Curtis) onto Msn and started having a go at him loads then it ended up being his Dad lol then when Curtis eventually came on I bitched at him and he said he's gonna get his Dad to shoot me because he's a cop and they know where I live which is on the other side of the Ocean ROFL what a dumbass I so badly want to go to Canada now to kick his ass. I've been talking to Tiffs little sister Magen too recently and she's really kool


Well I'm gonna go to Robs later cos we're gonna be up all night again having a laugh. I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of this Diary now

Once again I didn't get up for school today, well... not until about 11:30 then I went in really tired. Joseph had a fucking megaphone and put it right next to my head then yelled down it what a cunt.

My little Brother Jordan has been really stressing me out today and I don't know if I can handle it anymore plus my Sister (Kerry) has been being a real bitch too me because she's ill or something aww I'm really sorry to hear that BUT DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME YOU SLAG. Oh well no worries she's moving to Greece for a couple of months to be a holiday rep I bet she's gonna miss me heh. She leaves on my Dads Birthday which I think is next week... ooh which reminds me I have to buy him something I have no idea what so I'll just ask Terry.

My Mum has been cleaning the house today and moving everything around again. I swear my house completely changes every week, she must get really bored around here not that I'm surprised I know how she feels actually same at my dads house too because I've been sleeping downstairs at my dads house for awhile now... maybe a few years even though I have a bedroom at both houses. I guess it's because at my Mums house I'll be woken up by Jordan and at my Dads... well my room there is small and I'm a really bad insomniac most nights I stay up all night just thinking to myself yeah because I think to myself alot like if I'm with my friends I'll just stop and won't know what there talking about because I'll be in my own little world which happens all the time but I can only get a good sleep if I'm really tired and fall asleep by myself when I'm watching tv or something. From tonight... well it's 2:40am here now so I guess it's from this morning I'm gonna start sleeping in my room at my dads again that's why my Dad and Terry have cleaned up because they were taking my crap from my mums and putting into my room at my Dads like posters and stuff.

I heard from Laura that she phoned Lee and now he's not talking to Gemma but I've just been speaking to Rob and he said that Lee doesn't know anything about it so whatever. Oh and apparently Gem was crying in her school because Laura was having a go at her ROFLMFAO

Someone's just said to me that they think writing poems is alot better than self-mutilation so later on when I go to bed I'll watch some videos then try writing a poem. It will probably end up crap but if not then I might post it up on Elftown.

Heheh this has ended up being pretty big I guess it's becuase I'm really bored! I'm going to stay on until around 3:15 to see if Tiff come's on because I really want to talk to her but if not I'll go back around to my Dads house

Missed school again today I didn't wake up till 1:30 I would have got up earlier but I WAS ASLEEP! I stayed in bed staring at the exact spot for about an hour then finally got up to put some music on. When I came on the net someone was trying to cheer me up and said:

"There is still beauty in the world if you take into account that your dreams are part of the aura of the world, which makes it beautiful. Everyone has dreams they hold onto, like change in their pocket, and their hopes make this world beautiful"

Oh shit! that is so fucking stupid what a load of bullshit do you know what your actually talking about?

Damn everything is just too fucking shitty here's the song Bullets by Creed which I can really relate to

Walking around I hear the sounds of the earth seeking relief
I'm trying to find a reason to live
But the mindless clutter my path
Oh these thorns in my side
(Oh, these thorns in my side)
I know I have something free
I have something so alive
I think they shoot cause they want it
I feel forces all around me
Come on raise your head
Those who hide behind the shadows
Live with all that's dead
LOOK AT ME
At least look at me when you shoot a bullet through my head
Through my head
In my lifetime when I'm disgraced
Jealousy and lies
I laugh aloud cause my life
Has gotten inside someone else's mind
Look at me
At least look at me when you shoot a bullet through my head
Through my head
Hey all I want is what's real
Something I touch and can feel
I'll hold it close and never let it go
Said why, why do we live this life
With all this hate inside
I'll give it away cause I don't want it no more
Please help me find a place
Somewhere far away
Yes I'll go and you'll never see me again

Well I was in a good mood earlier which lasted for about 5 minutes before that wore off Laura told me that Gemma has been cheating on Lee with James it made me laugh so damn hard then about an hour later James came around my house asking to borrow Dracula 2001 it's really funny how the only time he ever knocks for me is when he want's something

Somethings happened to me lately but I don't know what the reason is because I've come to remember how fucked up my Life really is and has been and now I've started to completely changed who I usually am which is a really humorous guy which is just a cover so I don't hurt any of my friends or family which now that I think about it is a really scary thought because no one really knows me but I kinda stepped out of myself and seen how depressing my life is and how unhappy I really am with myself so now like I said before have changed myself to someone who really doesn't give a shit anymore about anything especially Life so I just want it to end so I won't be hurt or unhappy anymore. I really feel like killing myself or atleast hurting myself in ways which aren't new like awhile ago when I was really sad about my best friend dying and I really hated myself so I took a kitchen knife went into the garages that where behind my old house and I cut right down my forearm but I always told everyone that I fell off a fence and landed on glass but now I'm not bothered who knows so I apologize to all of you who think I've turned into a complete dick but I can't handle the boredom *sigh*


I started my 8 hour art exam on Monday and I have Art for two hours on Monday and three hours on Thursday so it's gonna be on for two weeks I guess. I'm doing a large poster for 'The Crow' which looks really kool as a pencil drawing but I'm not too sure how it will turn out when I Ink it


It's 10:35pm now and I'm eating a full English breakfast :p

Oh shit I made another entry in here awhile ago but it's not here anymore what the fuck happened to that? Anyways I was at home and I was supposed to be getting kicked out at 8 because my Mum was having an Anne summers party and I managed to stay on the computer but they had pink inflatable chairs with dildo's hanging out from there and they were gonna rip me apart so I took the Pizza and ran for it lol

Had a pretty kool time at my Nan's 70th except for the music they were playing great food though ^_^

When I was going to my dads house about a week ago I seen the Police and CIA next door so I was wondering what happened there for awhile but finally when I forgot about it I seen sirens flashing so I thought they were still there but when I went outside the car had exploded or something and there was a fire enguine about 5 minutes before that I heard my older brother Terry running out because he's a part time fireman so I don't know how he missed the damn fire O.o

Just old my Mum that I might dye my hair black and blonde underneath kinda like Chris Amott from Arch Enemy and she said something that pissed me off so I said something back like "Ok you fucking wacko" lol she looked really surprised but I had to say it I'm really stressed

I think it was last sunday that Me and Gemma got back together but didn't see her much because I was going the Cinema to see "Welcome to The Jungle" on Monday, she went to stay with her dad until Wednesday and on Friday I went to the Movies again, this time to see "Shaun of the Dead" which was so damn funny. I was having a great time until on the way home Rob got a txt saying that Gemma had split up with me because we hadn't seen much of each other for the last week so fair enough that's her choice but then She's flirting with Lee loads infront of me which made me so pissed off. Later on I get into a fight with two guys which is what I needed I guess


I was planning on crashing over at Robs on Saturday and Sunday so I was gonna go over to hos at 4 until Gem's friend Laura tells me that Gemma wants to meet me at the Bus stop after she finished work at 6 so I'm waiting at this bus stop for 45 minutes then she walks past and says she didn't want to talk to me about anything... *sigh* Had a huge laugh at robs though watching Friends and some crazy japanese show called Takeshi's castle. It was Light outside by the time we fell asleep but ever since Monday I have had the worse headaches ever so back to the good 'ol pills I go >_<


Now Gemma is telling me she still likes me and I think she wants to get back together once again but I knew it would'nt last the second time so I don't see the point. Also she's completed changed the way I think about her after she was flirting with Lee infront of my own face and so I used that as a reason why I didn't want to get back with her and then she denies it even though I WAS THERE! It's kinda my fault because if I hadn't finished with her in the beginning none of this would have happened


I feel so shitty but I guess I can hold on for a little longer...


Well here's the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank which is what I recognize as how I'm feeling now


I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know


I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you


I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

ERK I never cook because whenever I do something goes wrong like I break the cooker and I even melted a fish once so theres very little I can do so I decided I'd make noodles but got bored so I added an egg and chopped up crab stick (Like a pro :p) and forgot to put the powder stuff in so I just asked my mum if I could eat that seperately or would it kill me lol I tried it anyway and nearly choked so I gotta mix it in with the noodles. I would make such a great Chef =p

Yesterday was the longest day of my life it was so damn slow and I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about Gem so at about 3:30 in the morning I went for a walk then stayed out for an hour. Now Lee is saying loads of crap behind my back but it's funny how he is such a pussy to my face.. I just can't wait to see him again

Well yesterday SUCKED, I broke up with Gemma and now I feel like a dick mainly cos of lee being a twat and then today he's flirting with her loads like he's proper rubbing it in and making me really want to hit him but I promised Gem I wouldn't do anything like that. It really hurts cos I still really like her... FUCKING PRICK!!! -stabstabstab-

I started goin out with Gemma on Monday which is kool because I really like her and ever since then I've just been hanging out with my mates having a laugh everyday. Went to town last night to watch Starsky and Hutch and there was some really annoying guy laughing through it but it's all good after the film when I stood up I had sweat all down my back cos I couldn't move because Gem was leaning on me HA and Kev was sitting all by himself I think it was because Carly kept touching him up but I think everyone had fun

Last Saturday went really quick. James woke me up at about 4pm even after I shouted "F*ck Off!!!" he kept knocking so I had to get up. He got kicked out cos he punched his step dad well way to go Jim and I've got loads of party's coming up so whooo.


Yesterday was kool I had to go to Manchester for a lecture. Before we left Rob stole some milk what a fool he could have got me something like Dr Pepper bah stupid Rob. On the way there I was just listening to music sprawled about the coach and when we got there I was roaming around having a laugh with my mates for a few hours, found a cool shop that sold framed pictures that have been signed like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and loads more. I wanted to get one of the Crow signed by Brandon Lee but I don't think they had it... probably would have been about £200 anyways. Later on we decided to head back and we found Stokoe, Mozz, Gaz and all those. They were all getting pissed in the damn street I'd love it if they got caught I'd be like "Ha, in your face". Me and Stokoe tried running up on some Escalators that went down and I nearly fell down them lol and we were gonna run down the ones that go up but screw that so we went back down sitting on them and I nearly got sucked under. When we went to the G mex (place where the seminars were.. heheh Mozzer was trying to say seminar but came out with senemar) I decided I'd just collect loads of booklets on all the different Universities around the UK and I was gonna apply for the army... I applied for something but I have no idea what

Hmm I've suddenly got a craving for Birthday cake :s


Well today started about 10 minutes ago for me cos I just got up and I'm usually jittery when I wake up but today is like really bad I'm shaking loads. Later on I'm off to a party which I have to be on a damn guest list to get into now so I better sort that out.

It finally snowed last night, the really real snow and about time too. I walked out about 2 in the morning and thought wow whats all this white crap then seen Lee having a snow ball fight so I got a hand full, went back in and pounded Terry with it then watched American Pie 3. Heheh I love that movie now I couldn't stop laughing through the whole film Stifler is so damn funny roflmao. Rob says I missed a really cool snow fight between the whole school grrr I shouldn't of went home early I was full of aggression so I could have caused some real damage like earlier on today we all started trashing the common room and Rob made another hole in the wall.... Stokoe made a fucking hole in my leg the twat, he shot a bouncy ball at me and Ste broke my foot. What a cocksucker. I'll get him back but until then...

This is like the biggest entry in my journal so far woot!

Well it's Valentines day and I've been listening to Marilyn Manson - "Valentines day" all day. I might go to unchained if it's on but it sucks that I can't be with Elyse today... IT REALLY SUCKS

Yesterday started slow but ended with some guy puking everywhere. I went to a Wine testing XD
Well todays Friday the 13th but nothings really happened... YET

Today was FUN!!! I had 3 hours of art then had a laugh with my friends in the common room and been listening to Jack Off Jill the rest of the day I'm getting really addicted to thier songs, especially Vivica I love the chorus to it "The apple falls far from the trees she's rotten and so beautiful". I got to bruise Kev by throwing a rugby ball at him so that made my day gnehehe

Today has gone by really slow and been so boring. I got up at about 9:10 for an hour of I.C.T. (Information Computer Technology) then came back home and I've been sitting on my computer ever since. I'm thinking of going on a horror movie spree... yeah, I'll start with the Nightmare on Elm street series n.n

Just joined and still trying to get used to Elftown although this is not my first time visiting. I guess I can't think of much to write I'll read some other poeples untill I understand it more then I'll tell you about fun things that happen in my life