Song by simple plan
*I relate to this song alot...i think everyone does*

[Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
and no one understands you.]



[Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming].




[Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
before your life is over?]



[Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
while deep inside you're bleeding]



[No one ever lied straight to your face.
And no one ever stabbed you in the back.
You might think I'm happy,
but I'm not gonna be ok.]




[To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life]

Album: Kerosene
Title: I Wanna Die

You know it's so complicated, first you love then you hate it
Someone's laughing, someone's crying, someone livin', someone's dying
Sombody always looses and we still play the game
And the fire will always burn you and we still light the flame
Let's make it up baby, cause I aint gonna fight
If you're the death of me darlin', I wanna die

You always say that you love me and there is no one above me
Never giving, always takin', never bending, always breaking
I know you aint a liar but you don't tell the truth
And you're walkin' on a wire wearing someone else's shoes
If you're handing out misery I'll be the first in line
If you're the death of me darlin' I wanna die

Tear it up, break it down
Put my heart on your sleeve and wear it all over town
I know you're a player but you don't play by the rules
And I'm just another in a long line of fools

Yeah it's so complicated, I love then I hate it
I'm laughing, you're crying, you're livin', I'm dyin'
Somebody always looses and we still play the game
Yeah the fire will always burn you and we still light the flame
Let's make it up baby, cause I aint gonna fight
If you're the death of me darlin', I wanna die

Tear it up, break it down
Put my heart on your sleeve and wear it all over town
I know you're a player but you don't play by the rules
And I'm just another in a long line of fools

Yeah it's so complicated, I love then I hate it
I'm laughing you're crying, you're living, I'm dyin'
I know you aint a liar but you don't tell the truth
And you're walkin on a wire wearing someone else's shoes
If you're handing out misery I'll be the first in line
If you're the death of me darlin' I wanna die
OHHHH I wanna die
Tear it up Tear it up
um um um

My theraphist gave me a pamplet on cutting and this is what it said......

......The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can't express - such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or depression. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them. A person might cut because of losing someone close or to escape a sense of emptiness. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief, or the only way to express personal pain over relationships or rejection.......

~*~*~*~*~ I DO NOT cut because of a certain person, just the feelings they give me. i cut because of friends talking about me, my ex and crystal,not being comfortable with my body, my problem with bulimia (yes,i have bulimia and im getting help),and felling so empty. I DO NOT cut for attention i just wanted to put this up here so ppl will stop making my problem about them,its my problem because its my feelings and u just gotta stop bitching and maybe Help me?!?! that seems like a smart idea!!!

                 Jill

 
What I wrote to my ex. He's dating a slut and ... well, it's a long story.... Bitch him out for me: [mr_blizzard]



 I heard you got a new girlfriend?.... and I also heard her name was fucking Crystal, you bastard!!!! You lied to me, I knew it! I hope you have fun with your Slut and I hope you have a good life raising your bastards of children. You liar, you fucking liar. I hope you just pack your things one day and leave GOBLES forever. No one likes you here, NO ONE, except the whores that want to get down your pants, like Crystal. You told me you don't date girls twice. You better think of the ways a lie can backfire on you before you use it for a shitty break-up line. Well ... bite this!!! I'm going to get someone so good he'll treat me like a queen, and you will be there to watch it, just like im here watching you and your whore, feeling it tear at me. Every kiss - think of this - I was your first kiss, every blow-job - think of the one who first gave it to you - me. I hope you burn in hell with me for the things we did. You used me and I hate (not strongly dislike) I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING LIAR! YOU BROKE MY HEART TWICE. WHEN IT FINALLY MENDED, YOU BROKE IT AGAIN WITH THESE LIES! I hope u feel so bad when you see me happy, in another guy's arms. You, dirrty liar you.

Ugh. God. Even just the thought of you gives me that feeling of total nauseating disgust; the feeling of wanting to vomit from every orfice and pore of my body.


                Jill

A girl and guy were speeding, on a motorcycle, over 90 mph on the road..





Girl: Slow down. I’m scared.





Guy: No, this is fun.





Girl: No, it’s not. Please, it’s too scary!





Guy: Then tell me you love me.





Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!





Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.





*Girl hugs him*





Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It’s bugging me.





(In the paper the next day)





A motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it, butonly one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his
breaks broke, but he didn’t want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved
him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even
though it meant that he would die.
*is you love someone this much put this on you'r site*

I LOVE ALARY!!! *KISSES&HUGS*

hey loser i am in your diary bitches!!! hahahaha well guess what i love you and evan very muches. my boyfriend is a chess club wrestling loser but hes a hottie gotta love him!!!

Blood kissed lips with
scars on her wrists *
youd never thought
it'd come to this '

I tried to say good bye,
but i couldnt....i just broke down and cried,
all the words just came out wrong,
i cant tell you how i feel in this one song,
i know it would take way too long.

i know your so far away,
i havent talked to you for a month and a day,
i know your there, your just not here,
it seems you like to disappear,
it seems that things will never be clear.

i know your stressed,
you always used to say you'd do your best,
i said i loved you and you said you loved me too,
but baby if u loved me, u woulda stayed true,
you dont know what im goin through.

everyone said i couldnt see you no more,
my heart had never felt that way before,
so i called you up, you said baby why you cryin,
i said i cant talk to you no more, thats when my heart started dyin,
you said everything would be just fine and we'd never stop tryin.

then you said you had to go,
i never felt so low,
i wondered why and then fell asleep,
i only thought about what you said, it only made me weep,
i wonder why my dad was such a fcukin creep.

the next day i didnt getta talk to you,
everything was on a different point of view,
one thing just led to the next,
thats when you became my ex,
thats why i write this complicated text.

baby if only you knew how much i still think of you,
it might make you think about what you gotta do,
i want you back,
i still have your words swimming in my head, but its you i still lack.
cuz everything in my world is just so black.

(just something that i thought of before i went to sleep, its not that great and the rhyme scheme is weird but i had to get it out.)
 

Just this once, I need a miracle to happen…I’ve gotten myself way to wound-up to be disappointed to this extent; it would literally kill me…

FUCK FUCK FUCK why can't i be happy for one fucking day without a little black cloud raining on my parade God please just kill me my ex got a new gf and i know it shouldn't bother me but it does cuz i'm still fucking attached to him i don't know why but i loved him and i still do but i don't have enough guts to tell him and even if i did he would just say i'm over reacting and i need to let go but i daon't want to i want the good feeling back i want his strong arms back that would heal my pain and bruises and his funny jokes and the way he could make me feel good and how i felt beautiful around him even though i probally wasn't and he says he dosen't care and i don't want to beleive that i want to beleive he feels the same way i do but he doen't i know and no words can eveb describe how i'm feeling and all i want to do is just run up to him and have him hug me and protect me like he used to but im on my own now and i hate it
I
JUST
WANNA
DIE

Friends Forever!

Written with a pen
Sealed with a kiss
If you are my friend please anwser this;
Are we friends or are we not?
You told me once , but i forgot.
So tell me now and tell me true ,

So I can say I'm here for you.
All of the friends I've ever met,
You're the ones i won't forget.
And if i die befor you do,
I'll go to Heaven
and wait for you

I'll give the angels Back their wings and Risk the loss of everything
Just to prove my friendship is true
I'm thankful i have a friend like you.
 
-even though i did not write it this is to my friend.


My Childhood

My childhood was full of tears
But I refused to let anyone see me cry.
So I bottled my pain for so many years
Along with many prayers that I would die.

Each harsh word tore at my soul
But I refused to show my hurt.
So I kept quiet and endured the abuse
And let them continue to treat me like dirt.

The pain of my childhood still affects me
Even now as I've grown older.
How I would have loved someone to let me cry on their shoulder!

I still hide a lot of my pain
And have a hard time showing my emotions.
I'm so afraid of being rejected
That I can't let myself show total devotion.

And deep in my heart, I guess I still believe
Some of the hurtful things that were said:
That I wasn't worth enough to have friends,
That I would be better off being dead.
-jill

I WANT TO BE A POOPSMITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't know whats wrong with me
i just wanna be happy again every time i think about him or anything eles thats going on i start crying and i can't seem to be truely happy i got this sick feeling in my stomache and it won't go away I FEEL LIKE DYING but every day I wipe away the dried tears cover up my cuts and brusies and smilie as i walk out the door and to school just to get kicked down when i see him fawning over her it opens that wound a little more and i wish he still cared or at least someone cared i just want some one to take me in there arms and let me ball my eyes out and understand what i'm going though because i feel so alone and i hope someone i know is reading this and will take a hint that i'm not happy and everyday i wake up its just a let down cuz all i want to do is die and i know why and its killing me litteraly

i just found out i'm annoying,boaring and rude
what a wonderful thing to be


P.S Guys suck ass

nop that guy was a dick thats wonderful he brolke up with me after using me how stupid i must have been to belive it when he said i love you but he said it like he ment it hurt when he broke up with me i cried for days fuck i'm crying right now and its been 4 days i cut myself overdosed on some of my moms sleeping pills then woke up in this really nice hospital that smells good were i am writing this diary entry from my wrists hurt i'm so fucking stupid and i'm sick to my stomach cuz even though he broke my heart i still love him well like him but i should probably should listen to my own advice and just give up on men an dturn into a lezbo or sumthin well gtg eat, cry ,cut,then cry some more bye

I got a Boyfriend and i know what i said about Men in my other diary entrie but thats about the JERKS out there cuz for once in my life i feel like he actuly likes me and care and that it dosen't matter what i look like just as long as i'm there and hes the only one to melt my heart a little bit but don't get me wrong I still hate men but this guy could posibly change things. Just as long as what happened the other two times with my ex's dosen't happen. I don't wanna find out hes cheathing on me or three months into the realationship find out hes just a basket full of kittens and muffins

                   Wish me Luck!!!...i guess?!?!?!

"Give Me Novacaine" :Green Day

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling, that’s alright
Jimmy says it's better than here,
I’ll tell you why

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine

Oh Novacaine

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine

Quiz results
*What kind of love are you?- You are innocent love. You long for someone to spend your days with, most of all a best friend. You do not want to rush things, and you like marks of affection that are "cute".

*What kind of angel are you?-Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure Angels always appear when a child is born, when a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and show their love to everyone in the world.


*What classic pin-up are you?- Marilyn Monroe: You are Marilyn Monroe, an archetype and an enigma. You represent all that it means to be sexy, but sometimes your true self gets lost.embrace your beauty and yourself, and you are a force that must be reckoned with. You are woman.

*a good friend will bail u outta jail but a best friend will be sitting next 2 u saying damn that was fun*

i hate men all men in general, i just hate em i don't know why. there so insenstive they don't care. so nethier should i. i'll treat them like they deserve to be treated by beaten the shit out of them. i know some of them are ok but the ones i know aren't they hit me and call me names, they put me down, cheat on me, break my heart. i don't see how some of you girls are so dependent on them you think there your protectors well there fucking not they'll leave you when ever they have the chance for some hotter girl leaving you to feel like shit and go on a diet for the 750 time to make yourself one size smaller, one cup bigger cuz the media says the only atractive woman is a skinny one with big tits and it wouldn't be that way if there wern't men out there that thought sex appeal was everything and they're the same ones that go home every night to beat there wives or girlfriends or daughters cuz there not what he expected or wanted i say we woman need to stop worshiping them and be our protectors and rescue ourselves for once I say I can have a life with out a man by my side 24/7 free to dress how i want, look how i want without given a flippen fuck what guys think....can you say the same? 

my boyfriend broke up with me . i'm just not good at this relationship thing you know its not gonna last forever and someones going to have ta break up with someone but it dosen't take the hurt away i tried so hard not to be shy or seem not intrested but i just freeze and don't know what to say or do cuz i'm afraid that he'll be put off by me. by the way i look and act and do everything. i'm a nice,pretty girl at least thats what people tell me i just wish i could see it.
        

I love this crazy/tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life