Fuck you...

I fucked it up.

I fucked it up big time.

I am so stupid...

My heart feels like it's shards of broken glass.

It's a bit on the emo side but I'm allowed to be.

I don't know what to do about anything.

I'm very confused.

I am forced to stay away from the people that I cherish since the power is being cut-off until late. This means you, Mira, Julie, Blake, Alex...

This is especially stressful since I just did a confession thingy and it's going to drive me crazy thinking of it.

I wish... I wish for everything to work out right.

This is going to be a hard day.

I hope I make it through alright.

People are so interesting once they loosen up and trust each other. There is so much knowledge and inspiration and hope and memory that you can learn from a single person's life.

Even though the popular teenage saying is 'Don't Categorize Me, I'm an Individual' *Laughs wildly at the notion*, I for one try to analyze and put into a statistic or a stereotype, and I still am, but even if you are one of the masses that have the same problem, every case is different because it's hundreds of different people that react in different ways each time. Because of the tiniest thing, the outlook is different.

I'd like to think that I'm apart from the mold. I've been working so hard to make myself someone that will be proud presenting myself to the world, which I am, which I hide... I choose characteristics that I value the most and hone them down to a precise art. I've changed so much... I like to think of myself as honorable of intention and deed. I just want to make people happy because when they are the happiest, you get to know the most about them. Plus they value you on a different scale rather than just the crying shoulder.

Fascinating I tell you.

I completely forgot what I wanted to write in here.

Oh yeah, I'm practically eating my chaptstick cause my lip is split and dry.

Ow.

That is all.

I have decided that being nice to people is totally unrewarding.

I choose the prettiest of people to try and pursue as friend's. I automatically think (Possibly because of my habit of making main character's beautiful inside and out) that because the outside is beautiful that the inside will be too.

There are too few of them.

Or possibly it's because the inside, which could be beautiful, is distrorted and wrong. Something has manipulated it into hiding. I wish people weren't so afraid to show their beauty. It would make me feel a lot better.

I tend to attract the people that see me inside and out unintentionally. When I pursue something, it turns out wrong. They turn out wrong.

I have figured it out! In my past life, I was a tree. I dun know what kind of tree yet but I think I really was.

I have a strange connection to the forest. I can't watch nature programs on the clear-cutting of forests or the devastation of the rain forest.

It makes me so sad.

A friend of mine after I told her about my connection said that in past lives if you're truly a nice person, then you are re-encarnated as a tree. I wonder if that's true.

I hope I was a tree.

I hope I will be a tree again.

It makes sense though.

I cannot explain it at the moment.

I dun feel like it.

Let's just say that all indications point to yes.

Gah! Why do I have todo this always?

I commit myself to a wrong goal. To THE wrong goal really.

I am so sad...

*Clutches head sadly*

I am so twisted up inside. No, I dun mean my intestines are tangled. I mean that I have severe affections.

Severe I tell you.

So severe that I feel like begging money off of people or hitch-hiking or something.

Being...... dangerous.

Of course I'd carry with me my giant blade of death which I love immensely. I even had it sharpened for use.

I'm vair sad. Not depressed, just sullen I suppose.

I am frustrated with people.

I attract the attentions of the unwanted and am not noticed by those I am attracted to.

Except in certain cases, such as you Blake, if you're reading this.

There is something wrong with people.

I've realised as I have countless time and again that people are morons. Absolute morons.

Not in the sense that they are dumb, it the choices they make.

The interactions that they do.

Absolute idiots I tell you.

If you're a moron and you're reading this, improve yourself will you?

YAAY! My diary is sad and empty. I've been trying to make it so all day. That makes me happy all over. 

I've been told I'm gifted in the tongue department. And before all you perverts jump in and scream, I mean linguistically.

I am quite the linguist.

Yes. It makes me happy all over. Like right here... *Plays with belly button*.

Mmm.... my fascination as of late and still will be for who knows how long is such a spectacular example of the beauty of genetics. And for you religious types, God. She is, as she always has been, fantastic. A Poem of Flesh.

Beautiful words describing beauty beyond comparison that has been molded into a human being. 

On a lighter note....

I oft lay wond'ring at night what my fate shall be. There are so many choices, decisions, to be made that will decide my future. Such as, if I run off after high school, leaving all former ties behind, and travel the world as a nameless face and then end up settling down to become uber bohemian chick. Or joining the circus.... I would love to follow around Cirque de Sole as a circus roadie. Contortionists are so very cool. I could very well end up being a wife and mother by the time I'm thirty *Feels horror*. With luck, that won't happen.

I am Roxxy, I am very lucky.

Hmm, my name does not seem to fit here on Elftown anymore. I have become Tok in my own right. *Feels immense pleasure*.

My one desire right now is to go and see the object of my affection. My heart's desire. My inspiration. And for some reason it is in Oregon. How lucky for me. ^^

I need a car and money for gas. Anything beyond that and I don't care. I dun care if I have to walk half-way. It would all be worth it in the end. I dun care if I have to sleep in a gutter or anything. I really dun care.

Would you?

No. No you wouldn't.