What can I say? There is nothing left inside of me, other than him. I love him to death, yet no one sees this. I don't know if this love is unrealistic, nor impossible. All I know is that I am willing to give him all that I can and I'm willing to change so much for him. I am willing to face everyone and oppose everyone just for him. I don't know why. But this love, this whole thing is so different from everything else. It's like one of those natural phenomenas that you can't quite grasp nor understand. All I know is that I am finally happy with someone and that is Eddy Frank Montoya, the man of my hopes and dreams. I can't love another, not the way I love him. That's quite impossible and unrealisitc, just like so many other things are. And I don't care on what the world says, because I love him. I love you Eddy and that's something that no one can change, not even me. I can't change it, I won't change it, not for anything or anyone in this world. Te amo.

I miss him like crazy... maybe not as bad as before, but still... it's like a longing to be with someone so deep and strong that you can't help but feel hopelessly lost...

Www.ask.com



Jeeves is a nice guy.

Tinky, too.

It's 10:54 And I Have No Idea On What Time We're Supposed To Get Outta Here. It's A Banked Day... Whoopee... But I Am Feeling Down, Instead OF Being Happy. I See Him So Happy Without Me... Eddy Came To School Today, Which Is Weird, But Nice. But I Saw Him With Friends. Boy, Was He Happy. And He Wasn't Even Going To Come! He Was Gonna Go To H/P With His Nice Little Buddies To Buy Guitar Crap. I Don't Know If I Should Be Mad Or Happy. My Life Sucks.

The Ten Commandments For Teens
1.Thou shall not sneak out while parents are asleep. (Why wait?)
2.Thou shall not steal from Kmart.(Everyone knows Walmart has bigger selections.)
3.Thou shall not get arrested for profanity.(We all know destruction has a bigger affect.)
4.Thou shall not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer.)
5. Thou shall not steal money from Mom. (Grandma has more.)
6.Thou shall not get into fights.(Why not start them?)
7.Thou shall not think about having sex.(Like Nike says, "Just do it!")
8.Thou shall not strip in class.(Hooters pays more.)
9.Thou shall not use the finger for profanity.(Two fingers look better.)
10.Thou shall not skip class.(Just take the whole day off.)

Wow.... month numero dos... Me and Eddy have been together for two months now. And he's not here to celebrate it with me! (stupid termites! damn bastards!) :( This day has been going so slow and dull... I don't know what to make of it. I mean, it's like everything's so wrong... and I miss Eddy so much... I'm going crazy here! I never knew that this was how it felt to love and miss someone... I am so foreign to this feeling, it's so new. ::sighs:: Me so lonely...

Hey baby, I am so sorry about the phone call thing please forgive me it's 3:19 am and I can't sleep so I'm gonna write about how much I love you why?..... well, maybe cause you ask me, so I'm going to try my best to tell you Okay? Okay Alice, there are times when I think I'm not worth your time because you are like a flower and I'm just a thorn, your life and your values are more important than my own life because no one can make me as happy as you do sometimes I can't show it, but I am grateful to be with you my lady, no one else can calm me down or set me free only you, only you can make the remaining days of my life valuable cause in the end I will know that I had the greatest soul next to me and that no one else can grasp. It doesn't matter if I get in problems with others as long as I'm good with you because I'm yours, your slave, your everything.
    Whatever happens I will always love you even if one day your love that you gave to me starts to drift away, if you fall for another I will know that it is for a reason my fault who will know but all I want from him is to treat you the way I would love to do. Give everything that you wish anything from Love, to the majestic sun. I'm not saying I don't want to, but maybe there will be one thing you really want and it will kill me to see that I can't give that item to you. I'm willing to let you go, I'm willing to sail to the sea, I'm willing to catch the sun and to hold the moon, I'm willing to drown in my own mist, I'm willing to walk the remains of the earth, I'm willing to fall in complete darkness where the shadows crawl, I'm willing to suffer the greatest pains because I love you and no one can change that.
    Though sometimes I seem to be afraid of everyone taking you away from me the times I felt that maybe it was to good to be true you came for me and made me feel wanted, needed, made me feel like an important piece of existence, told me things that I thought no one would tell me and that's why I hope that no one can make you feel the way I make you feel because then I know that it would be all over. Maybe the only thing I can give you is my heart but I'm really going to try and give you the best that I can give and I'm sorry if I fail in anything or if I make you blue and I know I sometimes seem selfish but having someone like you my love I would love to keep you in a place where only I can go just you and me I know I'm not as fun as others like your friends and if you get tired of me when we get married I would understand I know I'm not exciting or out going all I can say I'm sorry if I'm not Price Charming, I Love You Alicia Mejia. Now and Forever, I promise because Forever DOES exist.
     From your Eddy .

BATMAN!!!

Happy Saint Patricks Day!

Today is the beginning of a new school year. I refuse to ditch anymore.Friday was an o.k. ditching day, but I just think that it could've been funner. I missed Elena, but being with Beto and Eddy made the day nice. I am still shocked about what Beto told me... it went something like this: "If I wasn't so stupid and if it weren't for Eddy, I'd go out with you.... you're cool and you're not bad-looking." Can you belive it? 'Cause I sure can't! I mean... at some point, yes, I did like Beto. Not a lot. Just enough to perhaps cry for him. I mean, everyone knew; I made it pretty obvious... (Raul said, "Yeah... you were always looking at him...") l guess I never said anything because I was scared he would say "no." When I told him that Jessica liked him, he said, "I don't date anyone that is my sister's age or younger." His sister is, I think, 16.... It's hard to imagine what would happen if we were going out... It probably wouldn't have lasted... I see Beto as a brother, not a boyfriend. I am forever grateful that he sees me as a good buddy... he's awesome and I'll always appreciate what he's done for me. It was thanks to him that me and Eddy are together... and that's something that will always be with me. Because Eddy is the love of my life and there's no one on Earth like him... and that's what I love about him, that he's so different from everyone else... I hate everyone else, I hate humans... but he's not one of them...

Whee, today is Sunday! :) That means that tomorrow I will be able to see Eddy!!!! HOORAY!!!! ::huggles herself:: I cannot believe this... yesterday (well, more like today) me and Eddy were on the phone from 12:45 am until 4:45 am!It was nice. And, before that... he had sent me the most amazing email ever! And with a song to download, too! ("Lento" by Julieta Venegas) ::sighs:: I got the pick of the bunch! ::sings::
*ser delicado y esperar/dame tiempo para darte todo lo que tengo.../

Te amo, Eddy!

Okay, I only have 4 minutes before lunch time... yes, I know that I said that I was going to try to write in here everyday, but the thing is that I am working on a wiki page right now.... For The Man I Love.... it's just for Eddy 'cause I absolutely love him with all of my heart and I can't be without him.... uh, mental note... the notes that are on this diary for 3-9-05 were typed during 5th period... we were late for 5th <me and eddy> and he had a computer pass, so we came here, to Mrs. Ramirez class, and started typing to each other, pretending to be working on our reports for beavers... ::sighs:: I don't think I'll ever get over this, the whole relationship I mean... i'ts so different and special. I think that I've found the love of my life.... and I am forever grateful....

I am so sorry about yesterday,
Why?
Cause…. I don’t know why I reacted the way I did… hmm… how to explain???? L I guess I was hurt when u told me that…:(
Thing is I JUST DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO BE THAT WAY LIKE THE THING AROUND THE ROSY THING
I’m still confused… what do you mean?!?! And no, I WILL NOT FORGET IT!!!!
Like it seemed like fun but I just wasn’t happy I was with you but you seemed so far away I don’t know. It was like I was trying to fit in or something that was weird EDDY.
So what are you trying to say…. Were you uncomfortable there or what…? Porque Beto told me that you didn’t want to be there ‘cause of all the people that were there, or something like that… is that what it was???? (p.s. yes, that WAS weird…)
I was but that wasn’t it, it’s always people that has fucked me up but no I just didn’t seem there I felt lost or something
Well, I’m not really referring to that, I’m talking about when you said that you were not happy…. :)… I mean, are you talking in general or are you referring to us….????
General
That includes us, you know…
I guess but I feel like I have to learn how to be happy even though it sounds weird I just never felt that and if I did I don’t know what to do.
Yeah, but it really sounds like I am not making a difference, and if that’s the case, well then…
No because I’m learning how to be at least but I don’t know
So… are you mad at me?
For?
For being S-T-U-P-I-D???
You are not stupid and no cause after I felt like I was lying to you
About…?
Like when you would tell me if I was happy I said yes cause I thought it was but I don’t know if it really is happiness not because I’m not or whatever but because I have never known what happiness is
Well… I have like three things to show/tell you about that MIGHT make you happy, but I’m not sure, seeing as how you’re hard to please…
In the sack not in public lol
:) Very funny, Mr. I-Am-Such-A-Funny-Guy… no, two of them are in my backpack, one’s on the Internet…
Oh yeah I wonder what could it be
:)IT’S A THINGY GIFTY SORTA THING!!!! (Tee-hee… aww, nuts, she took the candy…)
Sounds promising
I am hoping that’s a good thing… watch, I’ll show you… just don’t say anything… not yet… that’s what I’ve been working on these past few days…
And I LOVEEEEEEEE you for it
You misspelled love. Lol
Alright

I am so sorry about yesterday,
Why?
Cause…. I don’t know why I reacted the way I did… hmm… how to explain???? L I guess I was hurt when u told me that…L
Thing is I JUST DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO BE THAT WAY LIKE THE THING AROUND THE ROSY THING
I’m still confused… what do you mean?!?! And no, I WILL NOT FORGET IT!!!!
Like it seemed like fun but I just wasn’t happy I was with you but you seemed so far away I don’t know. It was like I was trying to fit in or something that was weird EDDY.
So what are you trying to say…. Were you uncomfortable there or what…? Porque Beto told me that you didn’t want to be there ‘cause of all the people that were there, or something like that… is that what it was???? (p.s. yes, that WAS weird…)
I was but that wasn’t it, it’s always people that has fucked me up but no I just didn’t seem there I felt lost or something
Well, I’m not really referring to that, I’m talking about when you said that you were not happy…. J… I mean, are you talking in general or are you referring to us….????
General
That includes us, you know…
I guess but I feel like I have to learn how to be happy even though it sounds weird I just never felt that and if I did I don’t know what to do.
Yeah, but it really sounds like I am not making a difference, and if that’s the case, well then…
No because I’m learning how to be at least but I don’t know
So… are you mad at me?
For?
For being S-T-U-P-I-D???
You are not stupid and no cause after I felt like I was lying to you
About…?
Like when you would tell me if I was happy I said yes cause I thought it was but I don’t know if it really is happiness not because I’m not or whatever but because I have never known what happiness is
Well… I have like three things to show/tell you about that MIGHT make you happy, but I’m not sure, seeing as how you’re hard to please…
In the sack not in public lol
J Very funny, Mr. I-Am-Such-A-Funny-Guy… no, two of them are in my backpack, one’s on the Internet…
Oh yeah I wonder what could it be
J IT’S A THINGY GIFTY SORTA THING!!!! (Tee-hee… aww, nuts, she took the candy…)
Sounds promising
I am hoping that’s a good thing… watch, I’ll show you… just don’t say anything… not yet… that’s what I’ve been working on these past few days…
And I LOVEEEEEEEE you for it
You misspelled love. Lol
Alright

Dear Diary,
   Hmmm.... I'm in my 4th per. class... (AP Computer Programming/Dig) and it is not as rushy as before! I turned in all of my assignments and I'm so glad. I hope to keep my 4.0 g.p.a 'cause I love the number four! Ha ha ha... j/k... anyway... well, let's see. What's on my mind?? Hmmm.... it's 11:37 p.m., 4th period for me, 1st lunch for Elena, Jessica, Felipe, and countless of other losers... My lunch time begins at... uh.. soon? :) I am so happy... well, more like pleased... Eddy went over to my house on Saturday... and it was nice. REALLY nice. REALLY REALLY nice! ;) ::evil laugh:: Only I know what that means, mwuahahaha!

Go join, go!

I have about 3 minutes beofre my lunch time.... yummy! Hmm, I should start writing in here everyday from this day forward. Well, right now I have a swarm of butterflies in my tummy because I think Eddy is mad at me and I'm about to see him but I don't know if I should and I think I'm going crazy and what if we break up I hope we dont I really do and god my tummy is killing me and I cant belive Im typing so fast and stupidly I apologize to any readers and I have about 30 secoonds, so bye!

Hmmm.... long time no write to in this thing..... lets see... update: I LOVE EDDY MONTOYA WITH ALL OF MY HEART