I am freaked out of my mind... I am scared to death and I don't know what to do... my mind seems like a blur and everything else in it seems so weird, like a tornado that is lost. I hate myself.
What a wonderful weekend... from one simple action, to a bucket full of worriness and guilt... whatever God wants. That's all I have to say.
http://hush.im
DOWNLOAD MANGAS!
What GALS really mean when they type in....*
- Blue -- I'm feeling' HORNY
- Pink -- SEXY!
- Red -- I LOVE YOU!
- Green -- Feelin' a little CRAZY!
- Orange -- I'm HAPPY
- Yellow -- SAD!
- Purple -- Feelin' Girly
- Aqua -- Moody
***What she REALLY means when she says...
- I don't like you. (But she still flirts with you) -- I LOVE YOU!
- Call ya tomorrow. -- I AM NEVER CALLING YOU AGAIN!
- Like the shirt. -- It would look better on my boyfriend.
- Don't leave me. -- I WANT YOU!
- I like your new hair-cut. -- YOU ARE TOTALLY HOTT!
- I like your pants. -- I'd rather be in them with you.
***What she means when she touches you...
- On the Leg -- I want you bad!
- On the face -- I want to make-out!
- The Arm -- Hold My Hand!
- The Neck -- I want a kiss!
Wow.... Monday is here... whee! Let's see.... I am quite happy with the fact that I'm here and that Eddy is too. <Luv him> I am so happy... and I keep reading his most recent letter...
<On the outside>
To:My Vieja
From:Your Viejo
<Inside>
4/4/05
Hi baby,
Um... I really don't know what's gonna happen on your Birthday. You said that you wanna tell your parents... are we? Cause to tell you the truth, I'm scared. I have nothing to hide, really, but I really want them to accept me and I don't want them to say that if you got late to your house or you do something wrong I don't want them to say that I'm the influence upon that. Your friends, too. I don't think they will like me, don't know why but meh. If you want to tell them, tell me how we are gonna tell them ok, baby? I missed you so much, it was boring and I felt lonely and I hate my hair. I hope your weekend was much better and the pictures were nice. I really feel like I haven't been there for you and if it is that way, I'm so sorry. I wish things could be better. I just think that as time goes on when we aren't together our love will fade and one day there will be someone else and I don't want that. I don't want to lose the best thing in the world. I'm sorry; I'm just being stupid. We'll talk about your parents, well, if you want to, ok? Well, baby, I'm in my 1st period right now so I have to go.
From your Eddy.
I love you.
What can I say? There is nothing left inside of me, other than him. I love him to death, yet no one sees this. I don't know if this love is unrealistic, nor impossible. All I know is that I am willing to give him all that I can and I'm willing to change so much for him. I am willing to face everyone and oppose everyone just for him. I don't know why. But this love, this whole thing is so different from everything else. It's like one of those natural phenomenas that you can't quite grasp nor understand. All I know is that I am finally happy with someone and that is Eddy Frank Montoya, the man of my hopes and dreams. I can't love another, not the way I love him. That's quite impossible and unrealisitc, just like so many other things are. And I don't care on what the world says, because I love him. I love you Eddy and that's something that no one can change, not even me. I can't change it, I won't change it, not for anything or anyone in this world. Te amo.
I miss him like crazy... maybe not as bad as before, but still... it's like a longing to be with someone so deep and strong that you can't help but feel hopelessly lost...
Www.ask.com
Jeeves is a nice guy.
Tinky, too.
It's 10:54 And I Have No Idea On What Time We're Supposed To Get Outta Here. It's A Banked Day... Whoopee... But I Am Feeling Down, Instead OF Being Happy. I See Him So Happy Without Me... Eddy Came To School Today, Which Is Weird, But Nice. But I Saw Him With Friends. Boy, Was He Happy. And He Wasn't Even Going To Come! He Was Gonna Go To H/P With His Nice Little Buddies To Buy Guitar Crap. I Don't Know If I Should Be Mad Or Happy. My Life Sucks.
The Ten Commandments For Teens
1.Thou shall not sneak out while parents are asleep. (Why wait?)
2.Thou shall not steal from Kmart.(Everyone knows Walmart has bigger selections.)
3.Thou shall not get arrested for profanity.(We all know destruction has a bigger affect.)
4.Thou shall not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer.)
5. Thou shall not steal money from Mom. (Grandma has more.)
6.Thou shall not get into fights.(Why not start them?)
7.Thou shall not think about having sex.(Like Nike says, "Just do it!")
8.Thou shall not strip in class.(Hooters pays more.)
9.Thou shall not use the finger for profanity.(Two fingers look better.)
10.Thou shall not skip class.(Just take the whole day off.)
Wow.... month numero dos... Me and Eddy have been together for two months now. And he's not here to celebrate it with me! (stupid termites! damn bastards!) :( This day has been going so slow and dull... I don't know what to make of it. I mean, it's like everything's so wrong... and I miss Eddy so much... I'm going crazy here! I never knew that this was how it felt to love and miss someone... I am so foreign to this feeling, it's so new. ::sighs:: Me so lonely...
Hey baby, I am so sorry about the phone call thing please forgive me it's 3:19 am and I can't sleep so I'm gonna write about how much I love you why?..... well, maybe cause you ask me, so I'm going to try my best to tell you Okay? Okay Alice, there are times when I think I'm not worth your time because you are like a flower and I'm just a thorn, your life and your values are more important than my own life because no one can make me as happy as you do sometimes I can't show it, but I am grateful to be with you my lady, no one else can calm me down or set me free only you, only you can make the remaining days of my life valuable cause in the end I will know that I had the greatest soul next to me and that no one else can grasp. It doesn't matter if I get in problems with others as long as I'm good with you because I'm yours, your slave, your everything.
Whatever happens I will always love you even if one day your love that you gave to me starts to drift away, if you fall for another I will know that it is for a reason my fault who will know but all I want from him is to treat you the way I would love to do. Give everything that you wish anything from Love, to the majestic sun. I'm not saying I don't want to, but maybe there will be one thing you really want and it will kill me to see that I can't give that item to you. I'm willing to let you go, I'm willing to sail to the sea, I'm willing to catch the sun and to hold the moon, I'm willing to drown in my own mist, I'm willing to walk the remains of the earth, I'm willing to fall in complete darkness where the shadows crawl, I'm willing to suffer the greatest pains because I love you and no one can change that.
Though sometimes I seem to be afraid of everyone taking you away from me the times I felt that maybe it was to good to be true you came for me and made me feel wanted, needed, made me feel like an important piece of existence, told me things that I thought no one would tell me and that's why I hope that no one can make you feel the way I make you feel because then I know that it would be all over. Maybe the only thing I can give you is my heart but I'm really going to try and give you the best that I can give and I'm sorry if I fail in anything or if I make you blue and I know I sometimes seem selfish but having someone like you my love I would love to keep you in a place where only I can go just you and me I know I'm not as fun as others like your friends and if you get tired of me when we get married I would understand I know I'm not exciting or out going all I can say I'm sorry if I'm not Price Charming, I Love You Alicia Mejia. Now and Forever, I promise because Forever DOES exist.
From your Eddy .
Today is the beginning of a new school year. I refuse to ditch anymore.Friday was an o.k. ditching day, but I just think that it could've been funner. I missed Elena, but being with Beto and Eddy made the day nice. I am still shocked about what Beto told me... it went something like this: "If I wasn't so stupid and if it weren't for Eddy, I'd go out with you.... you're cool and you're not bad-looking." Can you belive it? 'Cause I sure can't! I mean... at some point, yes, I did like Beto. Not a lot. Just enough to perhaps cry for him. I mean, everyone knew; I made it pretty obvious... (Raul said, "Yeah... you were always looking at him...") l guess I never said anything because I was scared he would say "no." When I told him that Jessica liked him, he said, "I don't date anyone that is my sister's age or younger." His sister is, I think, 16.... It's hard to imagine what would happen if we were going out... It probably wouldn't have lasted... I see Beto as a brother, not a boyfriend. I am forever grateful that he sees me as a good buddy... he's awesome and I'll always appreciate what he's done for me. It was thanks to him that me and Eddy are together... and that's something that will always be with me. Because Eddy is the love of my life and there's no one on Earth like him... and that's what I love about him, that he's so different from everyone else... I hate everyone else, I hate humans... but he's not one of them...
Whee, today is Sunday! :) That means that tomorrow I will be able to see Eddy!!!! HOORAY!!!! ::huggles herself:: I cannot believe this... yesterday (well, more like today) me and Eddy were on the phone from 12:45 am until 4:45 am!It was nice. And, before that... he had sent me the most amazing email ever! And with a song to download, too! ("Lento" by Julieta Venegas) ::sighs:: I got the pick of the bunch! ::sings::
*ser delicado y esperar/dame tiempo para darte todo lo que tengo.../
Te amo, Eddy!