1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape
of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Devon.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."
20. Put this in all of your profiles.
«Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo,
santificado sea tu Nombre;
venga a nosotros tu reino;
hágase tu voluntad en la tierra como en el cielo.
Danos hoy nuestro pan de cada día;
perdona nuestras ofensas
como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden;
no nos dejes caer en la tentación,
y líbranos del mal.
Amén.»
Our Father who art in Heaven,
hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy Will be done,
On Earth,
As it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
[For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.]
Amen.]
HIMNO NACIONAL MEXICANO
Letra: Francisco González Bocanegra
Musica: Jaime Nunó
CORO
Mexicanos, al grito de guerra,
el acero aprestad y el bridón,
y retiemble en sus centros la tierra
al sonoro rugir del cañón.
ESTROFA I
Ciña ¡oh Patria! tus sienes de oliva
de la paz el arcángel divino,
que en el cielo tu eterno destino
por el dedo de Dios se escribió.
Mas si osare un extraño enemigo
profanar con su planta tu suelo,
piensa ¡oh Patria querida¡, que el cielo
un soldado en cada hijo te dio.
CORO
ESTROFA II
En sangrientos combates los viste
por tu amor palpitando sus senos,
arrostrar la metralla serenos
y la muerte o la gloria buscar.
Si el recuerdo de antiguas hazañas
de tus hijos inflama la mente,
los laureles del triunfo tu frente
volverán, inmortales, a ornar.
CORO
ESTROFA III
Como al golpe del rayo la encina
se derrumba hasta el hondo torrente
la discordia vencida, impotente,
a los pies del arcángel, cayó.
Ya no más, de tus hijos la sangre,
se derrame en contienda de hermanos
sólo encuentra el acero en sus manos
quien tu nombre sagrado insulto.
CORO
ESTROFA IV
Del guerrero inmortal de Zempoala
te defiende la espada terrible,
y sostiene su brazo invencible
tu sagrado pendón tricolor.
El será del feliz mexicano
en Ia paz y en la guerra el caudillo,
porque él supo sus armas de brillo
circundar en los campos de honor.
CORO
ESTROFA V
i Guerra! i Guerra sin tregua, al que intente
de la patria manchar los blasones !
i Guerra, guerra ! Los patrios pendones
en las olas de sangre empapad.
i Guerra, guerra ! En el monte, en el valle
los cañones horrísonos truenen,
y los ecos sonoros resuenen,
con las voces de ¡Unión! ¡Libertad!
CORO
ESTROFA VI
Antes, Patria, que inermes tus hijos
bajo el yugo su cuello dobleguen,
tus campiñas con sangre se rieguen,
sobre sangre se estampe su pie.
Y tus templos, palacios y torres,
se derrumban con hórrido estruendo,
y sus ruinas existan diciendo:
de mil héroes la patria aquí fue.
CORO
ESTROFA VII
Si a la lid contra hueste enemiga
nos convoca la tropa guerrera,
de Iturbide la sacra bandera,
mexicanos, valientes seguid.
Y a los fieros bridones les sirvan
las vencidas enseñas de alfombra;
los laureles del triunfo den sombra
a la frente del bravo adalid.
CORO
ESTROFA VIII
Vuelva, altivo, a los patrios hogares
el guerrero a contar su victoria,
ostentando las palmas de gloria
que supiera en la lid conquistar.
Tornáranse sus lauros sangrientos
en guirnaldas de mirtos y rosas,
que el amor de las hijas y esposas
también sabe a los bravos premiar.
CORO
ESTROFA IX
Y al que al golpe de ardiente metralla
de la Patria en las aras sucumba,
obtendrá; en recompensa, una tumba
donde brille, de gloria, la luz.
Y, de Iguala, al enseña querida
a su espada,sangrie
de laurel inmortal coronada,
formara, de su fosa, Ia cruz.
CORO
ESTROFA X
i Patria ¡ ¡ Patria ! tus hijos te juran
exhalar en tus aras su aliento,
si el clarín con su bélico acento
los convoca a lidiar con valor.
i Para ti las guirnaldas de oliva i
¡ Un recuerdo para ellos de gloria i
¡ Un laurel para ti de victoria !
i Un sepulcro para ellos, de honor ¡
CORO
----REJECTED CHILDRENS BOOKS----
Pop goes the hamster, and other microwave games
The kids' guide to hitchhiking
Why Mommy and Daddy lock their door
You Are Different and That’s Bad
Dad’s New Wife Robert
Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
Top 20 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your coworkers.
9) The word ''commitment'' doesn't scare off chocolate.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
6) You can have chocolate in front of your mother.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
2) ''If you love me you'll swallow that'' has real meaning with chocolate.
1) You can get chocolate when you want.
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...somethin
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
15 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW OR THOUGHT ABOUT
1) AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD LOVE YOU SO MUCH THEY WOULD DIE FOR YOU.
2)AT LEAST 15 PEOPLE LOVE YOU IN SOME WAY.
3)THE ONLY REASON ANYONE WOULD EVER HATE YOU IS BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.
4)A SMILE FROM YOU CAN BRING HAPPINESS TO ANYONE, EVEN IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU.
5)EVERY NIGHT, SOMEONE THINKS ABOUT YOU BEFORE THEY GO TO SLEEP.
6)YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO SOMEONE
7)IF NOT FOR YOU, SOMEONE MAY NOT BE LIVING
8)YOU ARE SPECIAL AND UNIQUE
9)SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW EXISTS LOVES YOU
10)WHEN YOU MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER, SOMETHING GOOD COMES FROM IT.
11)WHEN YOU THINK THE WORLD HAS TURNED ITS BACK ON YOU, TAKE A LOOK: YOU MOST LIKELY TURNED YOUR BACK ON THE WORLD.
12)WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF GETTING WHAT YOU WANT, YOU PROBABLY WON'T GET IT, BUT IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, PROBABLY, SOONER OR LATER, YOU WILL GET IT.
13) ALWAYS REMEMBER THE COMPLIMENTS YOU RECEIVED. FORGET ABOUT THE RUDE REMARKS.
14)ALWAYS TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM; YOU WILL FEEL MUCH BETTER WHEN THEY KNOW.
15)IF YOU HAVE A GREAT FRIEND, TAKE THE TIME TO LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE GREAT.
THE REASONS WHY GUYS LIKE GIRLS
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end makes it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out side
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later you will be arguing about something
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. Actually ... ! ! just the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt . (even though we don't admit it)!
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Ye
Elvis Presley- Can't Help Falling in Love
Wise men say
only fools rush in
but I can't help
falling in love with you.
Shall I stay
would it be a sin
if I can't help
falling in love with you.
Like a river flows
surely to the sea
darling so it goes
somethings are meant to be.
Take my hand
take my whole life too
for I can't help falling in love with you.
For I can't help falling in love with you.
1. NAME: Alice
2. AGE: 15
3. DATE OF BIRTH: 4/10/90
4. SIBLINGS: James, Fabby, Peter
5. SCHOOL: Locke!
7. GPA: Something high, I guess! ^-^
8. WHAT ARE YOU LABELED:?
9. CITY YOU LIVE IN: Los Angeles...
10. PETS:@ dogs: Sasha and Sasho, Lotsa fish, 2 birds
11. HAIR COLOR: brownish blackish
12. EYE COLOR:black? dark brown?
13. HEIGHT: shortish tall
14. FINGERNAIL COLOR: depends
______________
FAVORITES
15. COLOR: green and black!
16. MOVIE: Plenty! :D
17. FOOD: PIZZA!
18. RESTRAUNT: Domino's Pizza?
19. STORE: Robinsons May
20. MALL: I've only been to one...
21. ANIMAL: Panda!
22. ACTOR: none
23. ACTRESS: none
24. PARENT: Neither; they're both weird
25. BAND/SINGER:to
26. RADIO STATION: 105.1 KMZRT
27. TV SHOW: Spongebob Squarepants
28. DAY OF THE WEEK: Wednesday
29. SONG: Too many!
30. NAME BRAND SHOE: Don't got one
31. TOOTHPASTE: Colgate
32. QUOTE: "If you say so"
33. LETTER: K! 'Kause K is kool!
34. NUMBER: 4
35. CUSS WORD: fuck
36. COOKIE: Dunno
37. SODA: Pass
38. CHANNEL: The Cartoon Network and the Discovery Channel
39. SHAMPOO: Trese`mme
40. CANDY BAR : Does this include chocolate?
41. BRAND OF ICE CREAM: Sherbert
42. FUNNIEST MEMORY: This might take a while...
43. LAST WORD YOU HEARD: Esperate
44. LAST THING YOU SAID: Fine
45. LAST THING YOU ATE: Granola Bar
46. LAST THING YOU DRANK: Pineapple juice
47. LAST SONG YOU HEARD: In my head or on the radio?
48. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO: In reality or on the 'net?
49. LAST SHOW YOU SAW: Some soap opera
50. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW: Exorcist the beginning
51. BEST FRIEND(s): Don't got one
52. FRIENDS: ^
53. WHO IS THE SMARTEST: Me!
54. FUNNIEST: ?
55. TALLEST: Dunno
56. SHORTEST: Me!
57. CRAZIEST: Depends
58. LOUDEST: Depends
59. QUIETEST: Depends
60. SHYEST: Depends
61. CUTEST: ?????????
62. SWEETEST: Depends
63. BEST AT KEEPING SECRETS: None
64. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE FRIENDS WITH THAT YOU ARENT FRIENDS WITH: No one
65. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET TO KNOW BETTER AND BE FRIENDS WITH: Who cares?
______________
HAVE YOU EVER...:
66. BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE: Yuppers
67. EATIN A WORM: No!
68. BEEN TO THE OCEAN: Yuppers
69. HIT A STRANGER FOR NO REASON: No!
70. SCREAMED IN PUBLIC: Yuppers!
71. FLICKED OFF A STRANGER FOR NO REASON: Yuppers!
72. USED A PILLOW CASE AS A BLANKET BECAUSE YOU WERE TO LAZY TO GET A BLANKET: No
73. CUSSED OUT YOUR PARENTS: In my head, yuppers
74. GOTTEN A MAJOR SURGERY: Yuppers! (Appendix)
75. BEEN ARRESTED: No
76. SKIPPED SCHOOL: Definitely
77. GOTTEN HIGH: Don't think so.
78. BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY: Yuppers
79. BEEN TOILET PAPERING: No
80. BEEN IN A CAR CRASH: Let's hope never
______________
WHICH ONE:
81. HARD LIQUOR/BEER: How about none?
82. CHICKEN/TURKEY
83. WHITE CHOCOLATE/REGU
84. 7-UP/SPRITE: Neither
85. CAKE/ICE CREAM: Cake, with milk.
86. NECKLACE/CHOKE
87. FIRE/WATER: Water
88. LIGHTER/MATCH: Lighter
89. ELEVATOR/ESCAL
90. TAPE/CD: Both
91. FAST DEATH/SLOW DEATH: Neither
92. CHAINS/BALLS: Chains
______________
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THIS:
93. SPIKES: Owch!
94. SAFETY PINS:Bigger owch!
95. DEATH: Black
96. STALKERS: Weirdoes
97. CHEESE: Yum!
98. MONKEY COSTUMES: Ooooh!
99. THE DARK: Scary
100.CHAP STICK: What flavor?
101.POCKET KNIVES: No way.
______________
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
102.ALIENS: Duh!
103.OTHER PLANETS: C'mon!
104.SPACE: .....
105. GOD: Yup
106.SATAN: Yup
107.GHOST: Could happen
108.DEMONS: Maybe
109.LIFE: Obviously
110.VAMPIRES: Dracula?
______________
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE BANDS/SINGERS:
146.KoRn: Sucks
147.PAPA ROACH: Sure
148.HANSON: Fags
149.MARILYN MANSON: PSYCHO!
150.NSYNC: Whatever. Pass.
151.INCUBUS: Pretty good
152.LIMP BIZKIT: Yeah
53.BACKSTREET BOYS: Whatever. Pass.
154.LINKIN PARK: Can go to hell
155.BRITNEY SPEARS: Blonde trash!
156.JESSICA SIMPSON: Blonde trash!
157.TOOL: No?
158.KITTIE: No?
159.SLIPKNOT: Pass
160.DISTURBED: Pass
161.RICKY MARTIN: He's ok...
162.PINK FLOYD: :)
163.THE OFFSPRING: Sure?
164.BEASTIE BOYS: Thumbs up
165.GWEN STEFANI: Sure
166.EVE: Ewww
167.NELLY: Ewww
168.PUFF DADDY: Sorta eww
169.JA RULE: Ewww
PhoneSpelling.
....traeh ym fo lla htiw ayotnoM yddE evol I
writebackwards
Ewww.... I wonder why guys scratch their balls all the time? Do they have a rash or lice or something?
Note to all girls and germophobics: NEVER buy fruit from a guy 'cause they scratch their balls and sell you the fruit without having washed their hands. Pigs.
Science- System of A Down
Making two possibilities a reality,
Predicting the future of things we all know,
Fighting off the diseased programming
Of centuries, centuries, centuries, centuries.
Science fails to recognize the single most
Potent element of human existence
letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith.
Science has failed our world
Science has failed our Mother Earth.
Science fails to recognize the single most
Potent element of human existence
letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith.
Science has failed our world
Science has failed our Mother Earth.
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith
letting the reigns go to the unfolding
Is faith, faith, faith, faith.
Science has failed our world
Science has failed our Mother Earth.
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Spirit-moves-t
Science has failed our Mother Earth.
Forest-System of A Down
Walk with me my little child,
To the forest of denial,
Speak with me my only mind,
Walk with me until the time,
And make the forest turn to wine,
You take the legend for a fall,
You saw the product,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
Walk with me my little friend,
Take this promise to the end,
Speak with me my only mind,
Walk with me until the end,
And make the forest turn to sand,
You take the legend for a fall,
You saw the product,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
Take this promise for a ride,
You saw the forest, now come inside,
You took the legend for its fall,
You saw the product of it all,
No televisions in the air,
No circumcisions on the chair,
You made the weapons for us all,
Just look at us now,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.