[Shishiru]'s diary

1013858 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2008-02-23
Written: (6117 days ago)

Next in thread: 1014569

Someday-

Someday you're gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere
Even if I can’t

I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it wont take long
Wont take long

Cuz', Someday someones gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someones gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You'll see, I won’t even miss you
Someday someday

Right now I know you can tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I wont have to cry,
sweet goodbye

Cuz', Someday someones gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someones gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You'll see, I won’t even miss you
Someday
(I know someone's
gonna be there)

Someday someones gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someones gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You'll see I won’t even miss you
Someday someday ..

1013837 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2008-02-23
Written: (6118 days ago)

Next in thread: 1014156

[H-Holy hell guys!! i thought hell would freeze over long before this would ever happen!!]

Lee, the beautiful lady I met at Ohayocon, just asked me to be her first girlfriend.. Of course, I said yes.. She is so beautiful, I don't understand it. She was always so nice, and she had a sweet smile, why would she like someone like me?

All I know is, I can feel everything slowly starting to lighten up, I feel great, whole, like I used to..It's only been but a few moments since she asked me, but I can already say I feel like it's been hours, when it hasnt even been five minutes..

I feel like I'm floating!!

1013124 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2008-02-19
Written: (6121 days ago)

[All out sorrows] By me.

I watch closely as your body sways
the music is taking you away
light as a feather, spinning on air
my lovely beauty, how you shine

Please come and take my hand
Together our dance shall never end
Here with you i'm here to stay
until all our sorrows have been danced away

Your arms hold me close
your skin touching mine
your eyes catch hold of my soul
I feel like I'm going out of control

The moon reflects your soft porcelin skin
your eyes match your dress
your dress matches your shoes
how could I have held someone so perfect?

Suddenly, the run arises
My eyes open up
tangled in the sheets, a tear escapes
amd I'm left to wait another day

You slipped away once again
Oh beauty of my dreams
but I'll keep you close within my memory
our bond shall never fade

Please come and take my hand
Together our dance shall never end
Here with you i'm here to stay
until all our sorrows have been danced away

all our sorrows will soon be danced away.

~~~

what do you think?

1010713 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2008-02-10
Written: (6131 days ago)

Song: "Better Than Me"
Artist: Hinder

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I wouldn't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had a closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

1010339 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2008-02-08
Written: (6133 days ago)

My music is evil... XD

I was sittin here, minding my own business, and all of a sudden, a song I was downloading opens by itself--the song starts loud, and my speakers were turned up, so it's like "lalaladrawinglala...!!!!*scribbles on paper*"

Evil I tell you, evil!

1009687 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2008-02-05
Written: (6135 days ago)

I stolded it! :3

1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes I would

2. How many girlfriends/ boyfriends have told you they loved you?
Two or Three

3.Longest relationship?
Two years...? Rachel.

4. Do you hate your last boyfriend/girlfriend?
No, I would never.

5. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt?
Yes I have, but I never spoke to them about my feelings.. I still havn't.

6. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend mad?
I upset her alot... must to my dismay...

7. Are you happier single or to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I'm okay with being single, I just miss her alot.

8.Ever dated some one with a STD?
No, I havn't.

10. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I've accidentally broken two of my closest friend's hearts...

11. Think any of your ex's feel the same about you?
doubt it..

12. Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
I've been told I am, and that I'm not, but I don't think I am.. Not yet..

13. Have you dated people who were not good to you?
Yeaaah, but not souly on purpose..

15. Have you dated someone older than you?
I...Don't remember...

16. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
I do..

17. Do you believe in love at first sight?
sometimes

18. Do you want to get married?
Yes I do..

19. Does heart break really feel as bad as it’s said to be?
It really does..

20. Would you believe your ex if she/he said they love you?
I would, because I know she would mean it, she isn't the kind to toy with other's hearts..

21. Would you date your best female/male friend?
I have..

22. Have any of your ex's called you by a nickname after the break up?
no, she stopped.. which is probably what hurt the most, because my friends at school call me by the same nickname..

23. Do you regret any of your relationships?
I never will

24. Are you in a relationship right now?
No..

25.Do you like anyone?
Yeah.. *blush*

26.Wanna date anyone?
Maybe,,

27.Who posted this?
I stole it from [Erubeus] :3

28.Think anyone else will post it?
Perhaps..

1009497 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2008-02-04
Written: (6136 days ago)

I was just sitting, home alone, minding my own business when it all started...

My microwave started itself twice, than when I went to turn it off, my moms dresser of wedding dresses fell over, so i grabbed my dogs and ran into my roomand locked my door.
Than, the dogs outside on all three sides of my house started barking all at once, and my bedroom light blew out, than the mirror outside my bedroom door fell, but sounded like something slammed into my door.. than, I panicked..

Thank you, big brother and Vex-sama for being there to help me!

1009495 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2008-02-04
Written: (6136 days ago)

You're from Toledo Ohio IF:

You get tired of hearing about Katie Holmes.
You have gotten or almost gotten a ticket in Ottawa Hills.
President Bush came to your school
You refuse to call it Westfield Shopping Center, because we all know it
is really Franklin Park Mall.
You freeze your butt off walking around The Toledo Zoo at 10 degrees
because you want to see Christmas lights.
You know how to drive in snow, rain, and hail.
You know what Meijer is.
If you see a driver that is driving erratically you automatically check
for the Michigan licence plate.
You know what Magic Wok is.
Visiting Cedar Point is a tradition dating back to the elementary school
years.
You have a favorite room in The Toledo Art Museum.
You know who Jamie Farr is.
Cosi was a yearly class field trip.
You graduated at the Stranahan.
You know what Krogering is.
You felt cool going to Ohio Skate on weekends as a kid.
When you can pick one of five Krogers to drive to, all in a 10 minute
range of each other.
You know where the nearest Tim Hortons is.
Your school was cancelled because of the 7 inches of snow you got during
the night.
You know who says 'Turtle'.
You remember when Toledo didn't HAVE any Wal-Marts.
"Everybody's Zooing It" means something to you, and you can sing the
song, weird accent and all.
You've driven to Gibbs Bridge to try to see the ghost.
Seeing a giant, neon-colored, plastic frog sitting on the sidewalk is
nothing unusual.
You can drive down any major road and have access to 100 different
restaurants within 5 min of travel.
You're so used to driving in construction that you feel odd driving
where you can't see orange barrels.
You know where the original Tony Pacos is at and you know what type of
food famous people sign on the walls.
You've been to a Mud Hens game.
Your mayor decides to change the fire hydrant color.
You get stopped by a train almost daily!
You'd take Beaners over Starbucks any day, and you use your Beaners card
religiously.
Your mayor has gotten into almost-fist-fights with people.
You know all the words to the Erie Street Market jingle.
You can drive from one end of your city to the other in 30 minutes.
You still have no idea what a Mudhen is, or if you do know, people think
you're making it up.
At least one person you know works for Jeep.
You know of two ways to pronounce the street name "Nevada."
You know that Smurf Ice Cream is the only flavor worth eating at Mr. G's
Barn.
You think snow days are a big deal, even if they don't apply to you
anymore.
You think having four all-girls and boys catholic high schools is
normal.
It takes you 15 minutes to get to work.
You've ridden an elephant, a panda, a buffalo, and a turtle at the zoo.
You've seen Ferdos burn down at least 16 times.
You'd rather drive an hour to Detroit than fly out of Toledo Express.
You get into a legal jam and call Sam Boloton.
You go anywhere and see at least 2 people you know, and one you
recognize from somewhere random.
You've been to Meijer's at 2am, just for the hell of it.
You've ever been to Children's Wonderland at the Lucas County Rec
Center.
You hate the Blade, but read it anyway.
You live in a suburb, but say you're from Toledo.
You've eaten at Tony Packo's. (Bonus points if you can say it
correctly.)
You survived the North Toledo Riots of '05.
Your basement, yard, porch, driveway, ditches, and malls flooded from
June-August '06.
You know where to get the best Mexican/Chinese/Italian/Pizza, but still
proclaim Toledo is running out of good restaurants.
You've ever been sledding at Fort Meigs.
You can finish this Banner Mattress commercial: "No gimmicks, no tricks
till 200_"
You got confused when they added onto the mall.
The last time you went to the art museum was in 4th grade.
You agree Toledo is "a great place to raise a family," but you want to
get the hell out now as soon as possible.
You're torn between rooting for BG or UT.
You've smoked a hookah at Maxwell's.
You know of at least 3 clubs downtown, but are too afraid to go to any
of them.
You know where Katie Holmes lives and don't care.
You know Major Magic's was way better than Chuck E. Cheese's.
You know what Q-Zar is and have a favorite team color.
You judge people by what Kroger's they go to.
You have at least one Race for the Cure T-Shirt.
You know who Opal Covey is, and want her to run for mayor again just so
you can watch the debate.
You've had a Rudy's Hotdog, and have concluded with the rest of Toledo
that it's really not that great.
You know where the only White Castle in Toledo is.
You remember the tunnel that used to go to the zoo and have jumped on
the metal hatch at least 6 dozen times.
You've ever ridden the bike at Cosi. Extra points if you know what Cosi
stands for.
You've ever been to the Holiday In French Quarter for a birthday party.
Your idea of a "family vacation" is a weekend trip to Cedar Point.
You know who Mr.Atomic is, and you want his car.
Your mom has at least one Garden Smiles by Carruth somewhere in the
house.
It's not mini golf. It's putt-putt.
You know what a walleye is.
You have four network tv news stations, but you only take two of
themseriously
You remember the FOX Kids Club rap, and you know who Freddy Fox is.
You know your choice in colors on OSU vs. Michigan day cuts out any
decent conversation with half of your friends, because unlike most of
Ohio towns Toledo is 50% Michigan fans 50% Ohio State fans. (Nickole's
Note: Thank You Alicia Glatt for this one. I am an OSU student and I can
honestly say NO ONE outside of TOLEDO understands what real OHIO STATE
vs. MICHIGAN rivalry is. See up in Toledo Michigan fans fight back! And
Every year on that date the town is divided. Also Another side note: Go
Bucks!)
You can actually say the word Michigan unlike the rest of the state.
You go to Michigan regularly and enjoy it even if you hate the team.
You become mulch literate.
You have ran (or rolled) down the hill at Maumee Bay.
You realize that layers are our friends.
You use the excuse that you love snow when you can't afford to spend the
winter in Florida.
You have had Green bean casserole.
You are used to food festivals (German, Polish, Irish, Hungarian , Greek
and every other festival) and go to them even if you aren't of the
nationality.
You can explain snow and every other weather pattern.
You can't drive anywhere without seeing something named after Martin
Luther King, Jr.
The only thing to do when it's not football season is go to the movies.
You drive around Sylvania cuz you know the neighborhoods have the best
Christmas lights!
You know why Toledo is known as the "Glass City".
You went to High School with a radio D.J.
You have ate at Dominics and wonder what happened to all the autographs.
You remember when a guy from Boys || Men got married to a girl from
Toledo.
The only schools that are good in football are Catholic schools.
Mentioning Telegraph Road conjures images of adult bookstores and strip
clubs.
You know that no Republican will ever win the mayorship of your city.
You've been to AT LEAST five concerts/ shows at the Sports arena.
You realize that one of the most important battles ever to take place on
the North American continent was the Battle of Fallen Timbers, yet they
want to make the ground into another stupid mall.
You can pronounce Maumee correctly.
You realize that the town of Oregon and the state of Oregon are
pronounced differently.
You know of a zillion different restaurants of all different cuisines,
but your favorite is a typical steakhouse (Outback, Longhorn, Texas
Roadhouse).
You know the best place in the world to buy cakes is Wixey's Bakery.
You know what speed to drive on the Trail at night so that you never
have to hit the brakes.
You know who Blizzard Bill is.
Your mayor addresses residents' complaints about airport noise by
proposing that the city moves all the deaf people near the airport.
You overheard at least one panicked conversation after the 9/11 attacks
about how Davis-Besse was going to get blown up.
Even though O-I has moved out to Levis, you still work in One SeaGate...
alone, just you and the rats. And they've gotten big. Really big.
You returned to Rudy's after the disappointing dog to discover: equally
mediocre Chili-Mac. Man, how does this place break even?
You don't question the continued construction of new houses for a
shrinking population. You rent!
The President comments on how bad the streets are yet the potholes don't
phase you anymore.
You miss the drug stores that seem 5 STEPS away from each other.
You know and can explain what a buckeye is.
Ending up in Michigan after taking a wrong turn does not incite panic
because it's like going across the street.
You remember Southwyck BEFORE it fell apart and became empty and crappy.
Or you've even HEARD of Southwyck.
You will always call MUO "MCO" and your parents will always call UT "TU"
You like spending your Sundays at the Anderson's and you aren't afraid
to admit it.
You wouldn't eat a fish from the Maumee river, and you wouldn't EVER
swim in it!
You're completely cool with paying 10 bucks for a movie because there's
nothing to do in your damn town
You can list 100 different Chinese restaurant within a 10 mile radius.
The majority of which begin with the word "magic" and end in some sort
of flower.
No matter what the story is whether its about a man from japan or a
tornado in Oklahoma, the news stations always find someone in Toledo who
can relate or has been effected by it.
You know what the hell the street signs mean when they refer to "speed
bumps."

1007380 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2008-01-25
Written: (6146 days ago)

i just beat the hell out of our container of biscuits XD

it's one of those rolls whre you peel it, and it pops open.. well, I peeled it, and it didnt open, so we tried stabbing it, it didnt open, so I pick it up, and try twisting it, it doesnt open... so I hit it on the counter... didnt open, so i started to smash it against the counter, screaming "damn you!! give me my damn biscuits!
than my mom stabbed it, and it popped open...

...damn biscuits..

1006790 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2008-01-23
Written: (6148 days ago)

It all happened so quickly..

I'm sitting here, as perfect and content as ever.. than it hit me. I fels like I was being crushed, I felt like my heart had just exploded in my chest. I couldnt breath, I couldnt stop shaking, I was skahing so badly I couldnt type. I managed to grab my phone, and call for help..

Thank you, Michelle, for coming to my rescue.. It wasnt that bad of a panic attack, but I've never shaken like that before in my life.. I'm still a bit shaky..

Something I'm sure you're all aware of had caused it.. but it's okay, I have help.. No, I'm still not over..

1005796 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2008-01-19
Written: (6152 days ago)

Hmph.. What a night...

It's 7:50 A.M saturday morning... Ive been awake since 10:00 AM friday...Thats almost a full twenty four hours... but the night before friday, thursday, I didnt get to bed until 3AM friday...im suprised I'm not falling asleep sitting here... I dont think I could, my back hurts sitting here for so long, I really should go lie down..

Alot of things have been rushing through my mind, keeping me from sleep.. I look at my bed, and even think about sleeping, and my heart feels heavy.. I'm not feeling it so much anymore, so I think I'll just take a nap later on in the day, or just drink alot of coffee, than sleep ll night saturday.. or just sleep now, and wait for someone to wake me up..

I'm not so sure how I'm feeling right now, so I cant really say I'm 'good'. I'm more neutral than anything... No emotions what-so-ever.. Thats pretty much how I've always been in times like this. Eh, but it's no big deal..

I'm feeling this heavy weight on my shoulders, and it's slowly becoming more and more harsh on me.. I guess it's all the stuff I've been having to deal with.. Family (Ugh), School, money, friends.. even girlfriends.. things of that nature.. I can feel this light pinch on my heart, that tells me something isnt quite right, so I'm on my toes constantly.

My foots starting to hurt more than usual... For those of you who dont know, I have a bump on the bottom of my heel that feels like it stabs me whenever I walk on it. My mother thinks it might be glass.. All I know is I cant get into the doctors until February, which sucks because now, mroe recently, I've been in a hell of alot more pain, but I dont let anyone see it. I've only told my mother when it was bugging me, so she knows to keep herself reminded about my doctors appointment..

Well, I'm done rambling for now.. Later..

998446 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2007-12-12
Written: (6190 days ago)

Next in thread: 998449, 999537

This world will never be what I expected...

992318 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2007-11-14
Written: (6218 days ago)

http://www.kongregate.com/games/AlexMatveev/3d-logic-2-stronghold-of-sage

OMG!!! THIS IS SO FREAKING FUN!!!

985892 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2007-10-23
Written: (6240 days ago)

Next in thread: 988160, 989011

Song to express my thanks:

"Because You Live"

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice calls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it though every storm
What is life, what's the use if you're killing time
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive

Because you live, I live, I live

[cyberhavok], thank you, I love you Lei!!! o>.<O
[HellHathNoFury]- You're awesome! <3
[†|Ðĭ§ŧø®tëd Äηgē£|†]- You're so fun xD lawl!!
[Axyris*] I HEART YOU!!

984874 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2007-10-19
Written: (6244 days ago)

I'm so mad!! I dont wanna go back to class!! >.<

I dont have any other choice though, sadly... it's tenth period, and I gotta get back to TenEycks... *sigh*

Todays been... rather interesting for me, I dont wanna say why though, it's ust been the thoughs going through my mind that are wierd, and Ive sorta wierded myself out... ah well!! CLASS TIME!!

~Shi-Chan. <3

~Nobody else can help. I need that special you to survive. I cannot believe in myself, but you can.

983210 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2007-10-12
Written: (6251 days ago)

Well, the school day sucks...

I atleast know I have Matt and Casey to back me up...

I'm so fucking confused, I know what I want.. But I dont want it because of the outcome it will have on others... I really need to stop thinking of others before myself, dont I?

All of my friends tell me that.. "You're too nice, you need to start worrying about yourself more" or even "Why do you care so much about what your friends or family are thinking or think about you? Do what makes you happy, instead of what makes them happy"

The truth is, it's a self-conscience thing... I dont want to feel left out by,per say, not knowin gwho a certain celebrity is, who my friends admire...I will litterally go home, and do research on these people,because I dont want to be left behind again... not again...

983115 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2007-10-12
Written: (6252 days ago)

Next in thread: 983126

I have realized what Ive wanted, but it's hard to think about it.

I hate this, I know what I want, but I just cant bring myself to say it. People will laugh, people will become upset, people will think im fuckign CRAZY! and most of all, what will my mother think? she would most likely throw me out into the streets.. I dotn blaim her, I'm not exactly straight in the head...not like the others...

If onyl Rachel was here, I could talk to her about this, she owuld ocmfort me, because I know she would listen, and understand where I'm coming from...

am I fucking insane? isn there something wrong with me? I just want to go somewhere and cry, cry for hours. Im scared, but I know it's what would make me happy, but yet I am disgusted all the same! someone tell me WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME GOD DAMNIT!!

Now im REALLY going to need those hugs... and this is when my friends show me thier real love, because I will need real friends ot help me through this... I am sorry if you guys are worried... I might not seem like myself in school tomorrow, but I'll try my best ot put on a smile. Thank you guys, I love you all.

982386 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2007-10-08
Written: (6255 days ago)

I have been facing an internal struggle with myself..so if you happen to notice that I am not acting like myself, I will just need a hug..

Ive been in deep thought lately about myself, and who I am, and what I want out of life, and I have come to the conclusion that I am far from the person I want to be..and I dont mean emotionally or mentaly.

Anyways, it's dinner time, and ive got capri sun orange juice waiting for me that my mommy bought me!! =D!! Later!!

980440 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2007-10-01
Written: (6262 days ago)

I really dotn knwo whats going on, but I'mnot going to pass judgement until I can get both sides of the story.

My friends are falling out--it's scary. I mean, first, Rachel goes from my best friend, to a total Bitch, and now wont even talk to me, and then yells at me when I try to ask for a chance to be her friend...

Next, Norm starts to put pressure on me by sayign crap like 'I dont think she likes us anymore' when I ask to go to my friend Tori's house on saturday..

And now this. Amber and Leila, my two best friends in all of fucking Ohio, are colliding like the fucking sea and shore during a storm! what the hell is going on! I'm not going to throw myself into the middle of this, and risk being killed (figure of speech) but I am going to investigate on these things, and try and find out whats happened... I mean, without them, I'd have nothing! >< I wouldnt have met all these amazing people I've come to adore! liek Sophia, and Matt and Brittany... I mena, it was Amber who got me talking to Matt last year for the first time, and Leila who was sitting with Sophia the first day I met her, because they were friends.

I care about all of my friends too much to let anymore of these things happen. All of my friends throughout my life(even those who hate me now and may want me dead) are all still an important factor of my life, and my childhood. Any person who has impacted my life, and anyone I have ever made memories with, I cherish, no matter what... So I am going to try my best to get this straightened out... and if it ends with me losing another friend, I will still love them. Even if it ends with me choosing sides, I will refuse, and probably get left behind again, but hey, this is how I choose to life my life, so yeah, get over it! *headdesk*

But for now... MAAAAN! I'M SO HUNGRY!! I cant wait for lunch!! :D
(it's 3rd hour..Lunch is 6th hour, after 4/5th hour... T^T)

977877 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2007-09-21
Written: (6272 days ago)

Real story:

[cyberhavok]- *lookign at [Axyris*]'s house*
Mr.Shepard: (school librarian): *walks by, and glances at comp screen, but keeps walking*
[cyberhavok]- O-O;; oh sh-...

977876 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2007-09-21
Written: (6272 days ago)

*flail*
i
want

YAOI!

...Damn...

The logged in version