I CAN SEE PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIIIIIGHT!

Ok so Mike just explodes into my life on sunday.
And then I can't get him out of my head.
What do I do?
So confused.

Everything is about being an individual
Life is nothing if you can't realise who you are supposed to be
We become teenagers so that we can develop into the balanced, incredible adults we evolve into
Individuality is an integral part of the learning curve
How can you enjoy what's laid out before you if you dont experience it as a unique and seperate person?
You can share almost anything, but you can never share a life.

Life is a gift
You have to live it as you.

My dearest grandmamma has pneumonia and is going to die.
She has alzheimers.
She doesn't know who I am.
Who my brother is.
Who her own daughter is.
She can't talk.
She can't move.
She can't breathe.
She is in so much pain they put an 82 year old on huge amounts of morphine.
She has an unhealing gash in her leg.

And they say euthanasia is cruel

COOKIE I THINK YOU'RE TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME
TAAAAME
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME

oh how do you do, young willy mcbride
do you mind if i sit here down by your graveside
and rest for a while in the warm summer sun
i've been walking all day, and im nearly done
and i see by your gravestone you were only nineteen
when you joined the great fallen in 1916
well i hope you died quick
and i hope you died clean
oh willy mcbride, was is it slow and obscene

[did they beat the drums slowly?
did they play the fife lowly?
did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
did the band play the last post and chorus?
did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?]

and did you leave a wife or a sweetheart behind
in some loyal heart is your memory enshrined
and though you died back in 1916
to that loyal heart you're forever nineteen
or are you a stranger without even a name 
forever enshrined behind some old glass pane
in an old photograph torn, tattered, and stained
and faded to yellow in a brown leather frame

[did they beat the drums slowly?
did they play the fife lowly?
did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
did the band play the last post and chorus?
did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?]

the sun shining down on these green fields of france
the warm wind blows gently and the red poppies dance
the trenches have vanished long under the plow
no gas, no barbed wire, no guns firing now
but here in this graveyard that's still no mans land
the countless white crosses in mute witness stand
till' man's blind indifference to his fellow man
and a whole generation were butchered and damned

[did they beat the drums slowly?
did they play the fife lowly?
did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
did the band play the last post and chorus?
did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?]

and i can't help but wonder oh willy mcbride
do all those who lie here know why they died
did you really believe them when they told you the cause
did you really believe that this war would end wars
well the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame
the killing and dying it was all done in vain
oh willy mcbride it all happened again
and again, and again, and again, and again

[did they beat the drums slowly?
did they play the fife lowly?
did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
did the band play the last post and chorus?
did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?]

I've got a book of matches
I've got a can of kerosene
I've got some mad ideas involving you and me
I don't blame you for walking away
I touched myself at thoughts of flames
I shat the bed and laid there in it
Thinking of you wide awake for days
Wide awake for days

And I found you tongue-tied ;my twisted little brain
You couldn't crack a smile
I didn't catch your name
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
In four short steps we can erase this

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop off at Edgebrook Creek and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one
One by one...

I'm like a broken record
I've got a needle scratching me
It injects the poisons of alcohol I.V.
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
I swear to God it's not contagious

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Lake Michigan and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one

This could be love - love for fire
This could be love - love for fire
This could be love for fire for evermore

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Berkeley Marina and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one
One by one

Aha.
Yes.
Teh Leeds Fest.
Rawked.
FUCK YEAH!
Many, many stupid moments.
Many, many good bands.
Many, many guys pulled.
*grins*
16, to be precise.
On Sunday night.
...I rawk.
Al and Phe did their share too.
Lol.
We so rawked the joint.
And we were SO wasted.
*beams*
Oh yes.
We are gods.

This has been a horrible horrible day.
Me and dearest mamma had a mass bust up.
She said that I don't care that my nana's dead.
I was mortified.

I was upstairs for a while
then I heard Carey and mum shrieking at each other.
I looked out of my room and they were hitting each other
at the top of the stairs.
I was so scared.
I turned my music up as loud as it would go
and I could still hear them yelling.
After a while
I couldnt hear anything.
I turned off the music and I could just hear Carey
crying his heart out.
I swear, i've never seen my big brother so upset.
He was so distressed.
I never wanted to hurt her more than i did then.
Just like she hurt him.

Then she started getting at me again
Nagging, knawing at an invisible bone
Like it was my fault that she'd argued with Carey.
She was so angry, and she took it out on me.
She's so vicious
So selfish
So cruel.

I never want to see her again
Never want to be around her.

I used to think she was just weird
But she's horrible
Really, truly horrible.
She's a nasty woman.

She then accused my Carey of having something wrong with his
head.
That's why they argue, apparently.




I went round to Als afterwards.
Phe was there.
We ate ice cream and watched American Beauty.
=)
I love my friends so much.

Sarah: I need to get your mobile number because my phone deleted them all.
Me: You want my number?
Sarah: No, not really...

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.


I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.


I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.


We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.


I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.


I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.


I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.


I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.


We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.


I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.


I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.


I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.


I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.


I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.


I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.


I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.


I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.


I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.


I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Well.
Nana's dead.
Now we're just waiting for Grandma to die.

I saw Nana on Wednesday.
She was so small
So thin
So changed.
She was an incredible woman.
Powerful and strong and independent.
She never needed anyone else.
And then the alzheimers hit.
It hurts so bad to see someone you love
Wasting away.
It hurts so bad...

†
R.I.P Jean Davies.
I'll miss you.
I'll never forget you.
I love you
†

Break me with your kisses
Heal me with your hate
Make my shadowed, hurt-filled mind
Into and ever open gate
You can trample all my thoughts to bits
You can feed on all my fears
You can shatter all my dreams
And you can laugh at all my tears
"Break my body, Hold my bones"
Like the pixies said
How about break my soul aswell
And hold my mind instead.

Ok...
Something I didnt tell you.
Lolo's worried about the amount I drink.
And she may be right,
She told me that she understands that im a teenager and i'm going through the whole teenage rebellion thing, but she pointed out the paracetamol thing in December.
What she was saying was that
My liver's weak.
Weaker than most other peoples.
And I'm more likely to die of alcohol poisoning.




Great.

well... i just got a load of ancient photos developed, and i found a load of stuart, i also just found out that my other grandma's dying. so, now i have 2 dying grandmas and a load of photos of my ex boyfriend who refuses to speak to me.






Life's a hobo.