well i never thought i'd write in this one again, especially after my last diary entry. unfortunately i only reserve sad stories for elftown diary. plus side is it took 3 years before coming back so thats a good thing, right??? anyways i was with this girl since april 26th 2007 and we broke up may 26 on our anniversary. i don't know what she was thinking when she picked the date but it wasn't about us! so much details i don't wanna go into and i'm trying to get back with her so if she reading this i don't wanna disclose private information that can ruin my chances of "us" so sorry people. alot of things happened between then and now and one things for sure: we both learned what it takes to survive a relationship going down the hard road from the beginning. i think we did pretty good...until i fucked up by taking 2 jobs working 6-8 days a week 17 hours a day that we didn't spend enough time together that ultimately was a serious downfall to our relationship. i severely fucked up and i said a few things "promises" that i didn't fulfil while we was togther and i'm hoping that if i can do these while we on a break i can win her love back to show that i'm trying and want a better future for both of us. shes mostly worried about finding a guy and ending up struggling like her parents did and she don't want that. she's a model, dancer, photographer, and in retail so she multitasks quite efficiently. i'm proud of her ability to do that. unfortunately, i don't have that ability and i was too lazy to take off work to get my GED and a few other things i said i would look into that actually mattered to the beneficial growth of our relationship and future developments. i gave up on life and also some time at the end of "us" that i didn't fulfil my loving, compassionate, understanding role as a boyfriend much less as a fiance so i'm wondering why she took this long to get rid of me!?! i'm surprised we lasted this long but neither one of us communicated as well as we should have. she actually moved out little by little while i was working both jobs before i realized what was going on!!! not a phone call or visit or anything for almost 4 days!!! she's going to another state later on today as a matter of fact for a week so i didn't think anything of it at the time. i thought she was preparing for her trip til i went to watch TV in the bedroom and it wasn't there. i don't know where she stashed her stuff at or was staying while she was away but i knew where she wasn't and needed to be! anyways we broke up and it tore me up inside. after 5 days i can still hardly sleep much less eat. i had maybe a hamburger yesterday and that was it since we broke up. i try to eat and i get sick and throw it up. i really miss her and want her back. i never realized how much i needed her in my life til just last week. "You don't know what you got til its gone." she says she needs "time and space to herself" and hopefully things will come back together. i've been told that before and it's crap women make up to not make the guy feel worse than he already does about getting dumped and leaves the guy hanging on by a leash wrapped around one hand and with his balls in her other hand. i don't know if i should just A)realize that this will be going nowhere and she's laughing behind my back with me thinking i'm gonna get another shot in hell with her and stay in pain and misery til i hurt so much for losing her or B)tell my brain to fuck off and listen to my heart and believe that shes not like all the other women that if i do "give her time and space" that we can work things out and try to live happily ever after..... i'm in a tight place because after hearing her say this i wanted to laugh and say "just be honest...there is no hope for us ever again because you're not the only one who's said those words to me" but something is making me complelled to see if she really is like all the other woman or a completely different one that really means "give me time and space" and we could actually work on becomming a couple once again. i know if we do then alot of things i took advantage of before i will be eternally grateful to have again to possess. it's like the puppeteer and the puppet. i think of myself as the puppet's shoe in this analogy lol. contrary to popular belief its taken me all the way up to this point to be sociable and write or talk to people after our break up. i didn't say shit to anyone for 3 days. we're talking up to this point and i think its going ok so far. i'm going for my GED in 2 weeks and truck driving the same week so i'm working up to what i said i'd do and i'll see if she's like all the other or not. i'll sit back quietly and watch what she does. i'll see how long it takes her to come back around. i think i been doing pretty good with respecting her wishes and giving her space. i love her but i can't wait around forever and chase an empty relationship. i won't say what i would do if i was her but if she loved me as deep as she says she does then she wouldn't let this break up be the end of us. too much history and feelings to let this come between our happiness and i'm changing alot of "what i would do differently if given another chance" redoes. i love her more than any other but a guy can only take so much anexation before snapping out of the love spell. its a dangerous game and someone always ends up getting hurt. i'm willing to take the risk and "sacrifice" my dignity and self-respect to prove to her that i really want to get married and assume a better life for the both of us. hopefully we can both win and i won't be the one with the broken heart...
Good news people. I'm back with my gf! WOOHOO!!! i went over to the house with a do-or-die attitude (meaning either come home today (Do) or me get the rest of my shit and leaving for good (Die)). I siked myself out all week so I wouldn't get "emotional" and start crying or tearing up if she said "leave." Anyways, turns out that she's forgiven me (long story so don't ask for details) but says there's one small problem-her father. She said that he said that if she takes me back he's gonna repo the truck he gave her (he still holds the title), stop giving her money when she wants it, and disown her as is daughter (he's already done it to 2 of his other children). NICE FATHER ISN'T IT?! Anyways bottom line is that he's an asshole with alzheimer’s and he's gonna get his way once again. I'm 20 yrs. old and my gf is 28 yrs. old w/4 kids so she's dependant on him. No money income for both of us so we relied heavily on mom&dad support. Unfortunately, we gotta give in but we're doing it like the teen yrs. I mean the whole "sneaking out of the house" thing and say "we're talking to somebody else when it's really me on the other end of the phone" and the drama like that. GOD! WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO WHEN YOU'RE 28 YRS. OLD, GOT YOUR OWN PLACE, HAVE 4 KIDS, AND STILL LIVING BY DADDY'S RULES!?! Fucking sucks cock is what I gotta say about it. Anyways this is the only good news I got all week. We're gonna start "sneaking around" Monday. i can't come over on the weekends cuz the kids have big mouths and blab on her for everything to mom&dad so i'm gonna come over after they get on the bus and leave before the bus gets back at 2:30pm. When parents come over I am to hide in bedroom closet until they leave. When she goes to parents house I am to stay at the house. When family comes over I am to hide as well cuz they talk. CAN YOU SAY DRAMA 15X'S FAST AND ANNOYING!?!?!?