Today has been just awesome! Yesterday I let Ten read my journal, and she wrote something in it. Its so sweet it almost makes me teary. It put a smile on my face for the whole day. Y'know not many people can do that but she's just talented that way.
To sum today up in one word, I'd say... YAYAYAYAYAYAYA
I bought her a rose today. Its in my fridge. Y'know... to keep it fresh... Its really pretty... Tomorrow morning I'll give it to her. ^^ YAY!
Something i stole from someones house (but i filled it in with my info):
~*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU*~
Smiled: I'm smiling now
Laughed: When I was with [Caomh] after school she was like "Five ohhh my heeecks! OH MY HECK!"
Cried: uh... i cant remember... im shocked O.O
Bought something: Yesterday I bought a pack of twizzlers nibs from the school vendors
Danced: If swaying counts, it was at lunch.
Were sarcastic: heh like five minutes ago...
here ill show you:
Life is a dream we are dreaming says:
I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THE FROG!!!!!!! NOW YOU SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF THE EXCESSIVE GREEN QUESTION MARKS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!
Life is a dream we are dreaming says:
!!!?!??!?!?!!!
j00 d3d f00... says:
oh. save me.
Life is a dream we are dreaming says:
lol
j00 d3d f00... says:
im horrified.
Kissed someone: New years day... I kissed Nick for the last time I'll ever kiss him... -sigh-
Talked to an ex: I talked to him a coup,e nights ago on MSN
Watched your favorite movie: I dont have a favourite movie
Had a nightmare: I cant remember
~*A LAST TIME FOR EVERYTHING*~
Last book you read: Mars 13 (YAY!)
Last movie you saw: Uh... Labyrynth
Last song you heard: Depeche Mode - Strange Love
Last thing you had to drink: er... chocolate milk
Last time you showered: Last night
Last thing you ate: a blueberry candy cane.
~*DO YOU*~...
Smoke: Nope.
Do drugs: Not unless love counts (yeah im a hopeless romantic)
Have sex: No... maybe when im a little older...
Sleep with stuffed animals: ... what is this question implying?!
Live in the moment: nope
Have a boyfriend/girl
Have a dream that keeps coming back: Nopes
Play an instrument: I played Clarinet in 6th grade, and I can play my voice really well... (oh really)
Believe there is life on other planets: duh, people!
Remember your first love: please dont bring him up... it makes me cry.
Read the newspaper: For the comics... and anything that happens to catch my eye... but i dont buy it every sunday
Have any gay or lesbian friends: WELL DUH! HOMOSEXUALS AND BISEXUALS ARE THE COOLEST! HAVNT YOU FIGURED THAT OUT?!?
Believe in miracles: strongly.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever: No... not forever... forever is such a long time...
Consider yourself tolerant of others: maybe TOO tolerant
Consider love a mistake: sometimes...
Like the taste of alcohol: wine coolers
Have a favorite candy: no
Believe in astrology: of coarse.
Believe in magic: m'hmm
Believe in God: gods and godesses
Pray: Sometimes... but I meditate a lot
Go to church: nope
Have any secrets: doesnt everyone?
Have any pets: A rat, Sora
Do well in school: sometimes...
Go to or plan to go to college: i dont know yet
Talk to strangers who instant message you: yup
Wear hats: not usually...
Have any piercings: One in each ear, but I want my eyebrows
Have any tattoos: No
Hate yourself: sometimes
Have an obsession: Many... Manga, Uh... a girl, blood... thats only naming a few...
Have a secret crush: not anymore
Do they know yet: yeah... thats why i dont have one anymore because... they like... know
Collect anything: thoughts. I keep them in my puddles of despair O.o
Have a best friend: Em is mad at me for some reason
Wish on stars: a lot lately...
Like your handwriting: sometimes
Have any bad habits: i bite my nails
Care about looks: not really but sometimes
Boy/girlfriend
Believe in witches: I am one
Believe in Satan: no
in ghosts: yup
Grave digger, when you dig my grave, will you dig it shallow so I can feel the rain?
This is a song which is really really cool.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Its by The Cure, but 311 dide a remake... they did alright but I think the origional is better. The cure with a reggae beat just doesnt sound... right.
Anyway... Love Song reminds me of everything I live for and will ever live for. It's cool
THE CURE ROXORZ!
Today was extreamly tiring, confusing, and great. Somehow it was great. I really don't understand why it was.
Debate class is somewhat fun, but boring at the same time. People say I might make a good lawyer someday if I decide to (which has a 1% chance of happening). I actually signed up for drama but for some reason they put me in debate. I don't know... maybe its destiny or something. -shrug-
I drew an awesome pic of an angel yesterday and as soon as i can get my paws on a scanner, i think i may scan it.
I'll decribe the angel as best as i can:
A side view of the angel is shown on a piece of paper. Her eyes are gently shut, and her mouth is curled into a somewhat amused, but at the same time confused smile. her wings are folded inward, one on each side, shielding her. Her wings are big and feathery. framing the picture is a drawing of a ribbon. Her hair is very short.
I dare not show it to Inari, because it resembles her greatly and I don't know what she'd say or think or do if she saw. It's hanging in my locker, though, and if she sees it, so be it.
Anyway ive got to get going now. toodles.
I feel strange. Awkward. I'm losing myself totally. I thought I was one person and now I'm another. I look at myself two years ago and say "Man I was dumb and closed minded..." but if I looked at myself this year from last year's point of view, I'd probably hurl all over the floor.
Its unbelieveable how much I've changed scince Jan 19th, 2002. My vocabulary has broadened. I've changed my religion. I broke up with nick which devistated me. I now have 9 scars which will probably never heal unless I buy some of that special cream for. I know more scars will appear. I've changed my sexual preferance. my favourite colour is no longer sky blue, but black. That's nearly opposite...
If I walked out on the street and told someone I used to be a sweet little innocent Christian girl, they'd laugh and make fun. I don't know why all these changes have occured... Maybe I'm just discovering myself more.
Enough sob story.
I still quiver from two nights ago. I've never felt this nervous feeling before. I'm not one to feel this<i> nervous.
I feel guilty as well... I think I should have waited until she was at least over him. I've confused her. I don't know how she'll act tomorrow at the ice skating rink. I'm excited, yet I dread it.
My feelings are all mixed up right now. I think I don't know how to feel. I feel so much... I'm in overload. If one more feeling thing comes up, I might shut down. But what is the definition of "feelings"?
Feeling
a : an emotional state or reaction <had a kindly feeling toward the child> b : plural : susceptibility to impression : SENSITIVITY <the remark hurt her feelings>
I see... But I still don't understand why.
Missing: </i>
Okay... Here I am... I'm going to do something very very very very very (maybe) dumb... but its easier for me to let her read this than for me to have to tell her stright up. I don't know if this is worth writing here... I don't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want her to act differently around me. So Ten, I'm sorry... but I think... I like you. You know those boys always gathered around you during English? I don't blame them for wanting to be with you... You're funny, smart, nice, pretty, a great artist, and everything else that I can't be and never will be... Its hard to hide my feelings for you. I'm not the type of person who would hide feelings from someone she cared for... But it was different this time. You're straight. When I first met you, I was somewhat confused. I asked inside my head "Is she an angel?" Over the last year, I've gotten to know you. I've answered the question which changed my sexual preferance in october of last year. "Yes" was my answer. A simple word could only mean so much if it has feelings behind it. If you don't feel the same way about me, I understand fully. This might have come as a shock to you, or maybe you've read me better than I think you have. Heck... Maybe you have feelings for me, too...
I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't (and I still don't) know what your reaction will be. I figure this: You're open minded and definately not homophobic, so why not give it a shot? Look at me... babbling on and on... I know I'm lame. I'd better let you ponder...
The truth can harm
The truth can heal
But what am I to
Carry it's message?
What am I to harm?
To heal?
What am I?
A lie.
A lie so thick
you can taste it.
A lie so soft
you can feel it.
What stories do I speak?
What wars have I caused?
I murdur.
I kill.
Such a lie
as myself
is not made
for healing.
or hurting.
but covering.
not revieling.
I'm small
and white.
But I'll grow.
watch me.
I'll grow
to be big
and black,
I will.
But once
I was told
"what hurts
can also heal"
So I must have some sort of use...