welp, i came back from moosejaw. yes i went to visit me old friends and it was fun. i wish i didnt have to leave. everyone where i live dont give a shit anyways. i have nowhere to go, i have no friends, and im taking a break from THE relationship. gasp. yeah, i realized that boyfriend said he loved me because he jus wanted me to stay with him. he hates rejection and all that shtuff. we;re young, we dont know what love is unless you'd do anything, like ANYTHING for the person, like not pressuring someone or something like that. i dont know who i am talkin to riite now, but love isnt something to toy with oO;
Yaaaay i got Noir dvd number five today! i should watch it and get my mind off stuff and things like yeah things. im bored. yes. and my sis is talking to some weird guy that i swear wants to stalk her o_o oh well. LOL. hes such a flirt...well practically every guy on my msn flirts O_o except the ones that arent super desperate..*SI
wOOt well i didnt dissect the heart, i was the recorded...woo
wheee, now boyfriend is ignoring me and shit. oh well i guess i deserve it or something. ...>> i realized that ppl talk to me more when im single..weird!
Welp im listening to Dir En Grey. any j-rock fans you have to love them. they sooth my pain..well the slow songs about suicide and sad stories about how one is dead and waiting for the other to meet him at the hilltop where they first met.. *sniffles* ergh. Im so confussled. Now me and kevin barely talk. the only time we do its about the relationship and its mostly me complaining. ergh >< geeeeze he still wont admit he likes other chicks, even tho he told me to my face that he does lie about things like that because it was "etched into his mind". DOES EVERYONE REALLY THINK IM STUPID OR SOMETHING?!?!!
Wheeee...hoeee and such! o.o; why are there things to edit old diary entries? oh well. well i have to talk to the school counsellor once a week and i tell her i feel all happy and stuff now and she's layin off... xD! way to be!! go me! anyways.. yes.. its jus fun to type and stay awake for no reason really.. anywho. well i guess i feel a bit happier but im still getting weird vibes from everyone. i cant help it. im impulsive tho.. i do stupid things i sometimes dont even wanna do...erm.. im gonna stop here o.o;
BLAH. Thats about the gist of my real mood. I think im going to the doctors today so maybe they can help me more than whatever ive beeen trying to get help from.. actually nothing is working. im out of coping resources and stuff.. yes, when you are suicidal (but im depressed) you resort to stupid things because your pain outweighs your coping resources. So yeah.. anywho, dear imaginary computer people in Computer Land, I want out of this pain.
I have a boyfriend and i cant even trust him. i know he loves me and stuff, but its hard to trust him when all the other guys ive dated jus wanted me for one thing. A few of em even cheated on me.. like stupid wayne. he cheated and jenn told me riite aways. yeah ppl whoever's reading this dont know of, but thats okay. Then Will had some mark on his neck and told me he didnt know where it was from. hmmmm. so then i got pissed at him because he wasnt even talking to me and such. one time he almost admitted he was fuckin someone else since he said that there was this other girl he liked, but didnt wanna ruin us. yeah we broke up and on new years he was dating the chick.
So now i saw a mark on my boyfriend's neck that looks JUUUSTTT like one i seen on Will. what the fuck am i to think?!?!?!?!? someone help me out here x_x stupid shit. wow this is really long oh well. Anywho, well.. theres a lot of things leading to that girl he tutors. two years actually isnt that bad for fack's sake. She's cute, talkative and prolly has boobs. and HE also said that his brother was bugging him about her but he wouldnt tell me what his bro was even saying because "it wasnt important"....
fuck a duck people are something else. who the hell reads my diary anyway?!?!?! oh well. anywho, yeah today is fucked. for some reason im getting annoyed at everything and its a bitch, just like me! I cant help it, im easily agitated and maybe paranoid. okay this dont really sound like a diary entry! xD! hehe i made my new pic today and ppl thought i actually painted on myself! BWAH behold the power of computers! o.o;
BLARG, i know by the end of this school year i wont have any friends at the rate im goin! im getting really annoyed with everyone, even tho im sure theyre more annoyed of me. wow does this ever feel good to vent off on imaginary ppl ^^
blarg. thats what i mostly have to say o_o ummm im bored. lol. i shoulda went to stupid boring gym class where we play gay games and have to wear shorts HAHA
i feel icky today. i dont know what the point is of umm writing in here, but oh well. i guess splurging to a computer is always good... and all... i wish i knew what was wrong with my drawings x_X'
I am in the peak of my pooish mood this month. Does every single boyfriend i have have to check out every other girl around me:?! okay if by chance any guy reads this, its really annoying to do that. So yeah, i did tha same back to him, but was with a guy O_o and i didnt see him after schoo. i dont think thats why im poopy, but i still hate myself for never holding onto friends >< every friend i date or something i hate after! well...atleast for six months. LOL!
I cant draw for some reason x_x why do i have to have no talent.. x_x! stupid diary! make me feel better!! *beats it with stick*
oy, just had my final math exam thingy, and my friend said he'd meet me here once i was done and he's not here!!! *looks under toilette lid* nope, hes not here. hm, well i guess that shows me for trusting ppl! >:\
i feel ugly and fat today O_O *goes and works out*
I hate people now. LOL< well maybe some. Its seems that i am ugly and its gross when i date ppl!! maybe i took what these ppl said tha wrong way.. ERGH! i hate brooks!! WAAHHH!!!! i wanna move with my moosefriends!!
wOOt!! OMG, dont even dare people to do things with a webcam.
wheee, in spare again. I think this is the only time i actually fill this out. OMG deviant art hates me x_x i dont think anyone has seen any of my quote unquote art cuz i keep doing something wrong. First of all I put a drawing in the wrong category, then i made a wallpaper that they dont want anymore or something.. blah. oh well.
ARGH i am typing a thingy in school and this guy keeps moving around and shaking the table thingy @ the library. *jumps and kicks guy in head; stabs Chloe style*
Wow, I think elftown is actually maybe better than deivantart because ppl actually kinda LOOK at my pics O_o lol. Im tired and icky still. I drew a bunch of new pics, but i just reallty like the red haired one on my main page. it just looks good. lol
WOOT i forgot i had this diary Oo does anyone even bother readin these things? LOL. well im sick and icky and i missed shopping for my mom and have to do laundry! oh well. Im listening to GeneShaft music, (anime) its pretty cool! Why hasnt anyone ever heard of geneshaft or noir.. *sighs* oh well ^_^ yaay for christmas!
*listens to Ayumi Hamasaki* umm so what is so great about elfwood chat i may ask.. hummmm... i went on there and ppl just ignore O__O i think they need more chat rooms with different subjects and stuff. meh.