OMG another guy i iknow is like every other guy oO OGLA's boyfriend isnt bothering with her anymore cuz she fucked him, he met her friends and is running around the place with them...that SUCKS. what an ass!!!

meh.. well i've decided i want to go partial goth. seeing this one chicks pants (that were super cool!!) made me want to do that xD!! yes. if anyone asks, it was some random chicks pants influence!

people are stupid fucks! ^^

Wow its five in the morning and i should just stay awake..its really hard though.. blah.. I was asked to go out tomorrow but i dont think i will. i dont want to jus go there and see something else that'll prolly piss me off. i dont see why he keeps wanting to stay with me..or maybe he jus thinks he cant get any better...meh. 

BLACK MOOR FISH!!! im gunna get my fish, i know it!! Koi got the tank (bless 'im) and i dont know how to pay him back..hm. but sadly, we're on our third fighter fish betta thingy. first it was a dark blue one, then a red one, then now its a silvery blue one.. they arent lasting long... i wonder why.. i really ralllyyy do oO;;;;;;

Im scared. i got a 65 in a biology test (which is better than the 48 i got before..) and im freakin out. i HAVE to do good in that class .. i just HAVE TO. i even gave my number to my lab partner just in case i dont see him online to send him some pics to print...hahahaa! (ok 25 marks are THAT important! ><) 

I can go on talkin for hours riite now. i need to splurge to something...well i;d rather talk on here to imaginary ppl. hey how are ya all doin? oO; Planet Ladder looks like a neat manga.. its weird, the story sorta (barely) reminds me of my stories, and i jus read the plot like a week ago! *screams* theres the part with the gurl not remembering anything past a younger age, and then the part with the world transportage in my other story...hmm.. thats about it. and one of the characters is jus like one i have oO aahh! i wonder how long i can make this diary entry...hmm...*ponders* i wish i wasnt really so lazy. i'll never finish my story that way oO i need to change some things around...but maybe i'll jus wait until summer. i always do that stuff during the summer, since theres usually NOTHING TO DO!! (unless i make lots of friends in like, a month and a half...lol!) i used to go out lots. its jus not the same as the first year of high school where everyone thinks ur cool and wants to be your friend...then theres really nothing to do and you cant go out much so there's really nothing there...BLAH! oh well...college...just wait for college...yes... well...then again i'd have to pass math 30pure (smartest math x.x) so get into a good art school...dont that suck? thats probably for all the liney ruler drawings we'll have to make... well... if i go to that one in calgary.. i can stay with colin or ashley..(non elftowners) woohoo! edmonton is just too far away...blarg.

Feh. for some reason im kinda happy today. i realized i have some sort of talent in drawing in paint n shit...xD!! i was drawing some pics for biology, and these ppl were asking me where i found the pictures...hahaha! and they're so cruddy and funny lookin!! oO;

but yesh, i am tired and gunna sleep...prolly FOR EVER mua ha ha haa...days of our lives is pissin me off soo much, stupid soap opera...bluh.

hmm.. another partially cruddy mood riite now. im tired of tha same old shit time in time out.. i need a change, i really do >< oh well, i cant change that stuff. i should jus focus on school, thats the only thing going for me right now....

I hate how things are going right now. I cant trust anyone, since they just lie to me anyways. keeping secrets.... lying...taking me for granted...life is depressing -_-

NOTHING SOLD! WAAHH! no money.

AAAUUGGHH i hope i sell my three pics that im trying to sell at tomorrow's art show....>< !! im selling my best for 160, jus because it got lotsa recognition and stuff (preps SWARMED around me! aahh!) im excited. my frog pic, a little less impressive, im sellin for 130. and then a smaller one for llike.. 75 bucks. i dunno, it seems kinda high, i hope i get SOME MONEY!! ><!

Today i feel weird. I took two tylenol three pills from a chicky and i got tired...then hyper...then inbetween for the rest of the day... i mean.. not even inbetween..jus floatin there i dunno whats happening in my head ><!!! and then ppl are being snooty...BLAH. it makes me feel moderately bad since i want to be nice to everyone, but they (preps!!!!!!) make it HARDER!

WHEEEEE im all happy now for some reason...xD! in bio we were dissecting the fetal pig...EWIES...its eyes werent even opened oO i pulled them open and they were white...ewies..xD! anyways, yes... i thought i was gonna get sick and leave, but my partner (who was all high and mighty saying it would be FIIIINE) left sick!! haahhaah!!! funny stuff. he came back..but he looked kinda green i swear. lol.

i feel sick. too much stress, even tho thats what i was trying to AVOID with the breakup and all that...><

Diaries are fun oO well.. im kinda confused riite now. i dunno why. actually i do.. i hate being confused. BLAH. POOOOOOPY. anywho....... my basement smelled like cat piss, and i found out my old man cat is pissin on shoes...EW! not so fun. and today i had a super mushy experience oO im not sure what to think. kevin was pissed and kinda evil-creepy-depressed from his whole fucked week (im not sure what was all fucked though) and he said he was leaving at the end of the year for sure (though i found out his mom didnt really mean it) and all that.. so it dug at me and bothered me.. i dunno. he really didnt need me to be bitchy at him along with all the other things (that i dont know, lol) thats going on. and THEN theres the jokin about uhm.. his guy friend doing things to him...i mean when ppl mean it but try to sound like they lie they stutter and laugh a lot..oh well >>; ... LMAO, it scares me, lets jus say that. the end!

UGH, thats all i can say about now. 

Why do ppl make their lives sound SOOO bad, when they really want to be mad? Why do people pine for things they can never have? Because we want to... humans are so complex, but so simple minded, I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'm beginning to pack my things..if only I had a place to go...Where could I go? If only I had an adress, a destination...well, that's my life in short.. nothing is so sure, planned and happening, nothing is perfect...but who's to say anyone else is different? Having problems is one thing that keeps life changing all the time, having pain and spewing blood can only make a psycho's mouth water...or is it only the psycho?

*massages head* calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean....ARASHI!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! she has a sword....GAHHHHH >>; i want a sword. not really. i wish ppl in the real world had magic powers.. yes...radio active man to the rescue! uhm anywho...yes.... >> i LOVE how i did my nails.. i wish i could take a pic of them they so FAIYN!! *watches x/1999, tried to keep calmness*

GAH for breakin off with a boyfriend who sez i shouldnt dwell on him he sure keeps bringing stuff up oO..... welp, i have to think of some art stuff to do to sell.. and i need some ideas...BLAH. i think i like this one person in my class cuz i want to draw the person o_O yes people thats how i see things!! PIECES OF FRIGGIN ART! if only i had the courage to ask o_O no, not to fuck them or "go for them" and some certain ppl have said...ugh. they have no clue who this person is (well except a few non-elftowners! hahahahahaaa >>) or how i feel *tears*

downloading x/1999 anime is fun, imaginary person, and i really recommend you watch it out there in imaginary land. do imaginary landeers have kazaa? lol. arashi is my new hero because she (dont read this any non x completists! lol) kills herself because the one she loved was dead...well thats what i read o_O; it makes me feel bad, but hey, i bet i'd do the same thing.

welp, i came back from moosejaw. yes i went to visit me old friends and it was fun. i wish i didnt have to leave. everyone where i live dont give a shit anyways. i have nowhere to go, i have no friends, and im taking a break from THE relationship. gasp. yeah, i realized that boyfriend said he loved me because he jus wanted me to stay with him. he hates rejection and all that shtuff. we;re young, we dont know what love is unless you'd do anything, like ANYTHING for the person, like not pressuring someone or something like that. i dont know who i am talkin to riite now, but love isnt something to toy with oO;

Yaaaay i got Noir dvd number five today! i should watch it and get my mind off stuff and things like yeah things. im bored. yes. and my sis is talking to some weird guy that i swear wants to stalk her o_o oh well. LOL. hes such a flirt...well practically every guy on my msn flirts O_o except the ones that arent super desperate..*SIGH* argh, i hate people. why are they the way they are?! why do they do things the way they do?!?!??! why can't i be something else?! i dont wanna be a human anymore.. i wanna be ...erm.. a...uh.. cat..naw thats not fun. well i wish i could go on a vacation and think thing through about ...everything! sure im 16 im stupid and just bored.. but that dont mean i dont need to get away. school is dull most of the time, home is alriite, and i go out sometimes, but thats not enough.. i want A LIFE!

wOOt well i didnt dissect the heart, i was the recorded...wooohooo. >>; anyways. blarg. im bored. im tired. i complain more than anything else. maybe thats why im so miserable, loolz. welp, i almost got him admittin he watches porno! lmao!! i should stop. he's prolly gonna plot me death soon or atleast TRY not to show he's ready to kill meh ^^ (yes, you should all know who HE is, lol)                               but.. how do ppl date on the net?!!? someone fill me in here! o___O cuz this one guy asked me out, but then i was like "im taken" and he said he was joking and shit? o_O and ppl tell me im a catch..yeesh ppl scare me xD

wheee, now boyfriend is ignoring me and shit. oh well i guess i deserve it or something. ...>> i realized that ppl talk to me more when im single..weird!! guy OR girl!! o_O whats wrong with ppl?? well im disecting a cow heart next class so i hope im cutting.

Welp im listening to Dir En Grey. any j-rock fans you have to love them. they sooth my pain..well the slow songs about suicide and sad stories about how one is dead and waiting for the other to meet him at the hilltop where they first met.. *sniffles* ergh. Im so confussled. Now me and kevin barely talk. the only time we do its about the relationship and its mostly me complaining. ergh >< geeeeze he still wont admit he likes other chicks, even tho he told me to my face that he does lie about things like that because it was "etched into his mind". DOES EVERYONE REALLY THINK IM STUPID OR SOMETHING?!?!!?!?!??  And then this other chik i really hate was askin me if i was gonna hit her for touching kevin, and umm.. i never said i would..except for the time i told KEVIN i'd fuckin hit her if she touched him! and thats another thing!! I tell him one thing i told him not to tell her and he must have told the bitch something. Cuz she wouldnt say i'd hit her unless he told her something. GAWD IN HEAVEN im never telling anyone anything again!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                       and NOW i found out one of my best friends was lying to me....>< UUGGHHH!! fuck, im never trusting anyone ever again. all they do is lie to me and im fucking sick of it. *runs to anime*

Wheeee...hoeee and such! o.o; why are there things to edit old diary entries? oh well. well i have to talk to the school counsellor once a week and i tell her i feel all happy and stuff now and she's layin off... xD! way to be!! go me! anyways.. yes.. its jus fun to type and stay awake for no reason really.. anywho. well i guess i feel a bit happier but im still getting weird vibes from everyone. i cant help it. im impulsive tho.. i do stupid things i sometimes dont even wanna do...erm.. im gonna stop here o.o;