I dont know why but i dont feel anything anymore. I just want to leave this planet, i want to leave everyone behind...but now isnt the right time. I cant even be a decent friend or anything, i have to pretend to be happy.. i really wish i could just wipe myself of the face of the earth. i cant even be friendly to people around me that i dont know because i feel like some sort of beast. maybe thats why i dont have many friends where i live now... I have to stop hating myself before i stop hating other ppl...but its fuckin hard. i dont feel like livin anymore but thats so stupid.... why am i so stupid...>>* ?!
Wellllp Im reading this weird web comic manga thingy, and its SOO funny! its about gay guys, (not very cool ...ew...lol) but its hilarious!! :D!! hahaa!
but... i feel kinda cruddy still..nothing will fix it either x.x; teh only thing left for me to do is drain some and let my fuzzy vision lead me to a nice sleep for another night...
I feel kinda shitty today. Its so hard for me to make friends as is, but now its even worse....gah..
GAH i heard maybe art classes are gunna be stopped at my school!!!!!!!!
Im ready to go on strike about that, seriously. Im sure there can be a strike, since so many ppl are against it! *picks up signs and makes shirts to hand out to ppl in stores* LOL. we cant really walk down the streets and hand it to ppl, since like three ppl walk around after school. lol.
Wellll its like nine thirty and i have to go to a golf course for gym in like ten minutes..wee heee ....>> well i duno if we're gunna go since its snowing like erm.. well i cant really say HELL....><...
MEH my big fish is dead. i had one small black moor and one big one.. i THINK the big one is dead. he was so cute too...-_______
MEH! I think im gunna keep complainin until next class starts >>; i swear i hear ppl talkin from my class i have now..aahh theyre near! im gunna get caught -- meh who cares? My nose got elbowed in i dun remember how..and not it wont stop botherin me. its all stuffy n shit and it kinda hurts..but its not broken since my eyes arent black...GAAAAA
wow i feel happy ish today. some ppl can be so nice, and it jus makes life a little more better, dont it, imaginary internet land ppl? ^^ hehe. i mean sure some ppl are jus fake and not really nice, but who cares? its still nice...*floats happily on some random cloud* number nine....hehehe
Hm I wonder why nobody has voted for Kyo-sama in my poll...lol. welp, i got my fishies for my b-day, wheee!! and a dvd from boyfriend *heheheheeeee CHLOE!* and two shirts...so far oO
the fish i got are so tarded...they like crash into eachother and cant even swim to the top of the water! OMG lol. i feel kinda cruddy today. im so confused hard core about lotsa things agian...meh! well...stupid classes....stu
OMG another guy i iknow is like every other guy oO OGLA's boyfriend isnt bothering with her anymore cuz she fucked him, he met her friends and is running around the place with them...that SUCKS. what an ass!!!
meh.. well i've decided i want to go partial goth. seeing this one chicks pants (that were super cool!!) made me want to do that xD!! yes. if anyone asks, it was some random chicks pants influence!
people are stupid fucks! ^^
Wow its five in the morning and i should just stay awake..its really hard though.. blah.. I was asked to go out tomorrow but i dont think i will. i dont want to jus go there and see something else that'll prolly piss me off. i dont see why he keeps wanting to stay with me..or maybe he jus thinks he cant get any better...meh.
BLACK MOOR FISH!!! im gunna get my fish, i know it!! Koi got the tank (bless 'im) and i dont know how to pay him back..hm. but sadly, we're on our third fighter fish betta thingy. first it was a dark blue one, then a red one, then now its a silvery blue one.. they arent lasting long... i wonder why.. i really ralllyyy do oO;;;;;;
Im scared. i got a 65 in a biology test (which is better than the 48 i got before..) and im freakin out. i HAVE to do good in that class .. i just HAVE TO. i even gave my number to my lab partner just in case i dont see him online to send him some pics to print...hahaha
I can go on talkin for hours riite now. i need to splurge to something...we
Feh. for some reason im kinda happy today. i realized i have some sort of talent in drawing in paint n shit...xD!! i was drawing some pics for biology, and these ppl were asking me where i found the pictures...hah
but yesh, i am tired and gunna sleep...prolly FOR EVER mua ha ha haa...days of our lives is pissin me off soo much, stupid soap opera...bluh.
hmm.. another partially cruddy mood riite now. im tired of tha same old shit time in time out.. i need a change, i really do >< oh well, i cant change that stuff. i should jus focus on school, thats the only thing going for me right now....
I hate how things are going right now. I cant trust anyone, since they just lie to me anyways. keeping secrets.... lying...taking me for granted...life is depressing -_-
NOTHING SOLD! WAAHH! no money.
AAAUUGGHH i hope i sell my three pics that im trying to sell at tomorrow's art show....>< !! im selling my best for 160, jus because it got lotsa recognition and stuff (preps SWARMED around me! aahh!) im excited. my frog pic, a little less impressive, im sellin for 130. and then a smaller one for llike.. 75 bucks. i dunno, it seems kinda high, i hope i get SOME MONEY!! ><!
Today i feel weird. I took two tylenol three pills from a chicky and i got tired...then hyper...then inbetween for the rest of the day... i mean.. not even inbetween..jus floatin there i dunno whats happening in my head ><!!! and then ppl are being snooty...BLAH. it makes me feel moderately bad since i want to be nice to everyone, but they (preps!!!!!!) make it HARDER!
WHEEEEE im all happy now for some reason...xD! in bio we were dissecting the fetal pig...EWIES...
i feel sick. too much stress, even tho thats what i was trying to AVOID with the breakup and all that...><
Diaries are fun oO well.. im kinda confused riite now. i dunno why. actually i do.. i hate being confused. BLAH. POOOOOOPY. anywho....... my basement smelled like cat piss, and i found out my old man cat is pissin on shoes...EW! not so fun. and today i had a super mushy experience oO im not sure what to think. kevin was pissed and kinda evil-creepy-de
UGH, thats all i can say about now.
Why do ppl make their lives sound SOOO bad, when they really want to be mad? Why do people pine for things they can never have? Because we want to... humans are so complex, but so simple minded, I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'm beginning to pack my things..if only I had a place to go...Where could I go? If only I had an adress, a destination...
*massages head* calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean....ARASH