hahaha wow i guess changing my "mood" gets ppls attentions. o well though, I WANT A MOHAWK it wuold be so sweet. not for the attn, but just cuz i like how it looks,. tho some girl told me it doesnt work for girls...scru that.
music - transplants; academy flight song (or so they say)
mood - bored and bored and a lil hopeful
hmmmmmmmm lots of ppl are givin me comments on my hair <3 its great, i cant wait to get the 'hawk. and my eyebrow piercings... i want some more ear ones too, and maybe something weird like a collar bone. xDD sweet. i would love it, if i wasnt allergic to so much metal.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
o well, i just wanna die doing what i love... like gettin hit by an airplane while playing music, or getting hit by a semi while drawing on my lawn or something. hahahaha. good stuff.
im gettin so bored of life! arghhhh!!!!!!!
speaking of love... love sucks. haha im glad i dont feel anything anymore. like anything. not happy, sad, lovey, hateful, nothing. im like a chunk of lint.
i want a mohawk. =)
ergh i feel like shiat. :3
well today was my last chance, the last day. nothing. except seein the back of her car. whatever! FUCK IT ALL ahahahaha im fine really. goin to see fireworks and i feel sick and tired but im going anyways. whatever seriously god!!!
so bout the guy thing and wanting back i duno anymore imaginary people, i think i lost it with all the excuses and the convos just died right aways. oh well, that's life. if u dont show interest, im gunna lost interest people! yep. out--
Music: fire whispers - stutterfly
Mood: excited!
im sittin here waiting to win a bid on a sexy drumset! of course im gunna add onto it when i get a job and get more sexy cymbols and shit but YESSSSSSSS im so excited hehe it'll fix everything :3
Mood: missing people!
Music: feel good Inc - gorillaz (YAH MAN!!!!!!!)......like anyone reads this haha o well my personal vent! :3
"don't doubt me, don't walk away from me........ im on your side." these are the words i heard. i heard my name from your lips and turned around........ that was the day i finally got to hold you in my arms for a split second.
...........
..............
..............
. . . . . . . . . . .
..............
.......
....
...
.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
(becca misses the emo crush days somewhat)
well i have a coffee date <3 nothing sexual.just chillin with this one girl i was bored all summer with on msn. hahaha. it should be okay. yeah thats about it. chiao imaginary people :3
Song - Dilated by Atreyu
Mood - i duno o_o
welllllp. i duno what to say. kinda iffy. this summer is really boring though. i cant wait to see my girly friend though shes sooo funny. yeah i was supposed to go to mel's birthday party and all that? naw. i didnt feel like hanging around her work buddies and her friends from school that i disliked......
other than that.. iduno im still thinkin about stuff with things and the guy then theres the girl and all that. aaugh! well okay in like five days my crush for the past like year is gone forever. then like i wont see the other one ever again (but he doesnt really care) and i duno if im over him i feel like i am but i dont know. i still miss the old stuff and i know i wont find that anywhere else. o well i kinda not good enough anymore i dont think. but bout the girl im iffy too since other ppl say shit bout what she says bout me (why would she talk about me in the first place) and the whole emo drama of july was terrible. the worst time of my life.
rambling has persisted for the night ~~~~~
Mood: annoyed
Music: this celluloid dream by AFI
holy shit hi people! havent been on here for a while and sorry if i havent replied ill get back to you guys some day. *has like a million messages* but yeah.
so as for the summer it was pretty kewl with goin to warped with my asshole of an ex. *trust me this isnt just bitterness here* it was awesome!! igot a pic with the singer from atreyu and saw almost all my fave bands there except a few that were playin the same time the GUY wanted to see thrice... *slaps him silly*
thats about it. well see ya all later u emo bastards!
Music:: None
Mood:: ...None xD
Im bored. i have a week off school and not sure what to do besides hang with friends. it's all good though.
Music: Garbage - Push It
Mood: Bored
I am bored. >_>.... what else to say hummm.. not much. I wish I could drive. Apparently there are parties like every weekend and damn if I could I would go. Not for the people, but for the booze! MUAHAHAAAA naw jk. I don't know, but lately I've just been sick of some people around where I live. They're BORING!! AUGH. Like really, I wish I had more interesting friends sometimes. Maybe some that would do things more often too. I'm a social person, but I guess I'm not meant to be.. since I LIKE being around lots of people, but sadly have like three friends where I live. It SUCKS HARD CORE!!!!!!!!
I can't wait to move.. but then something is holding me back.. as usual. lol. I'm out. Too bored. haha.
Music: the Used - I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes)
Mood: Happy, Unsure, A Lil Breathless.. >_>
K, today was one of the worst Fridays ever. School started shitty. I was alone ALL class. Then again I didn't bother talking to anyone either so yeah. Oh well. Then I got kinda down from that.. and went to choir to laugh for a little, then had double art, in which I was miserable the whole time, though surrounded by friends. Then lunch came and it was alright. I'm gunna be in a play... Macbeth! I hope I do good. I should take a cool role. I just loved English when I made everyone laugh. I wonder if I could do it again. tee hee. anywho. so then the rest of lunch I spent alone on a computer complaining elsewhere on the net. It SUCKED! then the rest of the day went by basically the same... SUCKY!!!
Then I got home and talked to a few people here and there. I talked to my crush.... aaaaaaaahh hehehe. So my msn name was something about giving up on someone and something about "I won't see you after June anyways!" and the person asks me who it's about. I was an emotional wreck so I'm like "do you even care?!" and shit. I'm such a bitch sometimes LOL but then it kinda winded down to talking about who I like and stuff, and then the person's like "I understand now.. you have a crush on ME!" .....AAAAHH! hahaha. I wanted to die right there XD! I can't get into it toooo much, but seriously, I feel a lil better, but a lil not. Confused! CONFUSED!! AAAUGH. Anyways, leaving. -out-
Music: Jenniffer Lopez - Get It Right (OMG stuck in my head!!!!)
Mood: What's the mood for missing somebody?
Ahhhhhh, was talkin to someone about someone else I miss too much... and I can't say anything without being attacked in a dark alley by his gurl or something... PATHETIC!!! I'm pathetic >_< It took sooo long to feel this way. I was happy without him.. now I kinda think about all the weird things we had that I had with NOBODY else... Some kinda connection... but then again I was paranoid he was just lying to me the whole time.. so I constantly interrogated him e_e AAUUGGHHH! IM STUPID! He's happy, I should be happy... but I can't. I just wonder if he really did love me.. or if he just felt like he had to or something.. I DONT KNOW. I'm scared to ask. I can't ask... I'm messed up...
Music: The Black Maria - Mirrors and Cameras
Mood: Frustrated, frustrated indeed.
SOOOOO now that I just wanted to save my hair dye I found in Edmonton so I can use it again, and want to be original, my sis won't talk to me. It frustrates me A LOT how she must be thinking worse things out of me just wanting to save the rest of my hair dye e_e. She can be mad, she has the right to, but it just FUCKIN frustrates me. I LOOKED for her hair dye. I even remembered to get her manga book... >.> ...this shouldn't matter too much, but I guess in her world it does. I wish she wouldn't stress so much. It makes my mom keep trying to guilt trip me and AUGH I hate when sides are taken in any case. Whatever though, I'm just glad school is tomorrow so they won't have to see me as much and I won't stress them out.
Music: the Used - Hard To Say
Mood: .. sorta a lot of things (I'm running outta vocab here..)
....AUGH. So this one guy, that's like, 23 or so, is upset about the fact he might have a disease, that might kill him (I can't word things any gentler right now) and everything I say to him seems to just bounce off. He just won't listen to what I'm saying. All he says is "yep/ I know I know/ ok" and I just wish he'd fucking LISTEN!! I WANT to be here to help people, but it seems I'm only a resort when some are bored or something. When I say things, they are for a REASON. Like, he's down about the chance of having a disease, and I'm sure another relationship problem.. but... I've been through it too. It's okay to be upset, but I mean.. GIVE ME A CHANCE TO LET YOU KNOW UR NOT ALONE! UGH! Seriously, when I was twelve, I was told that I had the CHANCE of having seizures for the rest of my fucking LIFE. That's like anhurisms and pissing ur pants and passing out and bloody noses and shit whenever the fuck they wanna come along. All I did was cry once and live on. I didn't go on about it.. I am alone a lot too. I do complain about it.. But I learnt that I just gotta SUCK IT UP and move on. Keeping an open mind REALLY helps. I've been shot down so many times, I should just give up.. but I haven't yet.. I won't yet. I can't give up on that... someone.......
Love... SUCKS. But it's okay to feel the pain of loss and the pain of longing, and the pain of rejection.. it'll just make you be more happy with what you get later on...or atleast make you stronger...
......
Is this even gettin thru to anyone? lol...... I should really read back on this shit when I'm whiny and depressed. Ok, enuf soap-box prattling for toniite. *grabs pillow*
Music: Seether ft. Amy Lee - Broken
Mood: Happy, yet miserable and girly.
Well I had fun in Edmonton with me friend matt. he's so funny! We threw pennies at bald men and their kids.. and yelled at kids, and tried on little kid clothes and SO many insane things! OK the first day at the hotel in the West Edmonton Mall we all got "keys" that are really cards or whatever for our rooms.. and matt, his sister andrea and i all forgot our room number.. so we tried every room down the hall, and some old people yelled at us! it was SO funny! we just ran away. haha. Then on the last night our entire room smelled like POT. that was.. interesting.
Note to everyone out there that has been to West Edmonton Mall or want to go there: DONT EAT TEH GREEN TEA ICE CREAM!! It's hellish and tasted like fish!
Other than that... I think it's safe to say.. I might have fallen in love.. AGAIN! o_o; like, seriously. ok i had a crush a while back, and i might have thought i woulda fallen for that "person" but..HELL NO! This is totally different... a totally different person... that I can't stop thinking about. I feel the connection... I just wish I could be there... be the comfort the person needs... I KNOW I could do it too... I just can't stop aching over it all... I've cried too... It sucks SO bad. The one day I cried over this all, the person comes to me and talks.. makin it worse but better at the same time! I'm SO confused.. but I have to say something... this person means -so- much to me.. over such a short period of time... Ok once i SAW the person i was in denial of liking the person immediately.. but it was there.. then the person came to me first... talked to me first... and I realized so many things we shared... there IS something there.. I know it.
Like this one time, the person thought that I thought something about 'em that was TOTALLY wrong.. and stopped talking to me for a while (which bothered me a LOT) and then we cleared that up.. and the person denies caring what people think.... but isn't that proof right there that they care?! >_<! IM SO CONFUSED!! I just can't wait to talk to them again... damn being so far away.......... I guess I have to wait for holidays to end before doing anything....
Music: Rise Against - Give It All
Mood: Happy xD
Heheheee, I'm going away for a few days till weds. IM SO HAPPY TO BE OUTTA HERE! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Music: Rise Against - Paper Wings
Mood: Disappointed
AUUUGHHH!! I wish one of my friends wouldnt pretend that she liked the music i like. really really really wanna go to that concert in april, but if she doesnt go, none of us can because 1. we dont have another car 2. we dont know anyone else who knows calgary T_T 3. I have to find more people to go with! AUGH!!! I mean, this one chick wants to go too, but i swear, she just thinks she's too good for me, that lil... *mutters* anywho. but yeah, apparently the girl might be working. what sorta excuse is that?! she could book the fuckin day off! AUGH!! *steals car and gets lost in calgary*
SO i emailed ex-koi today. I wonder if he'll wanna be friends still, too. He did end the relation a while back though.. lol. Or would it be outta pity if he even responds?? would he even respond?!?!?? *worried somewhat* I'm paranoid somewhat. Ive calmed down over the year though. I still have the feeling he hates me. and i really still wonder if he still things im the ugliest girl he's dated. LOL. anyways. im fine, really. *smacks forehead in shame*
I gotta go shower tho. -out-
Music: Deftones - Knife Party
Mood: Confused with some things, content with others.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO
But then, there's the confused to hell things now! K, i have this one person on msn that confused me a lot somewhat. When I attempt to talk and stuff, I feel like I am being a bother, so I just give up, riite? I just dont bother talkin, and then the person comes to me and talks and all that. AUGH! Most of the time on msn, i always say hi or whatever, and now that i dont, we dont even talk. It's weeeirrrrdd.. like really, she mustn't talk to people first very often, cuz now that i dont say hi and stuff, she's barely online. AAUUUUGGGGGGGG
EEEE I can't wait for the week off. I'm goin to calgary, edmonton and maybe even moosejaw! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Ok, I screamed enough for a while now. -out-
Music: My Chemical Romance - Helena
Mood: Alriite
I just woke up two hours ago. Whee for sleeping away my weekend! Well there's nothing better to do half the time. I'm goin out tomorrow though, so it's all good. It's better to have a few really tight friends than to have a shit load of distant ones eh. EH. EEEHHHH. *canadian*
SOO my friend Matt was all drunk last night and talking on msn. It's interresting how I actually got into his brain for a while there. He's reallt upset about how he used to have lots of friends in jr.high but now he doesnt have many. Well.. atleast he still gots friends and such. He's happy I'm his friend (yey. .. one person so far! e_e) but yeah... for some reason I always see people as being emotionless...
Yeah yeah I complain a lot, but hey, this is how I feel. I'm gettin really sick of people hating gays too. Like for FUCKS sakes, it's just a preference. It's not like everyone finds the same things attractive or whatever. Like seriously, I'm not a lesbian, but that doesn't mean I find males exactly exciting anymore - does that make me a disgusting person? Gay/Bi/Str8-ne
Anyways.. *takes breath* I'm gunna find a job tomorrow. hurrah. money! maybe even 7.50 an hour for starters. that's pretty good if ya ask me. better than seven with a shit load of hours missing! *cough* KFC *cough* anywho..
Music: New Found Glory - Head On Collision
Mood: Bored e_e
Today was fun.. in food's class and lunch, but that's about it. One of my "friends" (I don't know if we're friends anymore...>_> ) keeps freaking out about stuff about me. Like what I wear and stuff? Honestly, I don't care what others think about what I wear!! UGH!! Then thinking that I think I'm the "queen" or whatever... that's fucking bullshit, but yeah, I told her I wasn't, but she insists I think that. Oh my God. She obviously doesn't know me that well then.
I'm still bored. I noticed Matt's the only one that makes me laugh honestly these days. It's not really fair, but I guess it's good we get along nicely, since we're gunna be livin together maybe. Omg. I like him, but not in a sexual way. He's just... not my type that way. But he makes me happy. So I guess we're stuck together. (yey!) And he actually listens to my splurging and stuff..and OMG yey!He even waits for me after class and stuff! hahaa. We're goin to a movie Sunday, that might be fun.. I swear my life revolves around whether he works or not.. lol.
Ugh, so spare is really boring. I was tempted to talk one of tha exes today.. I don't know why >_>.... I was gunna, but then when I looked at him he looked away in disgust, I SWEAR... so I guess I'll just let that go. I feel like we could still be friends, but I guess I'm not good enough or something. He hangs out with kewl people too, this one guy is hilarious... we always joke about peanut butter xD! He makes me happy too, in boring art class.
Double social class wasn't too bad either... not TOO boring... tee hee *has distraction* ....>_> *runs*