upgrading has officially begun! YESSSSSSS!!!!!
i could say it, but i wont;
i feel it, but i shouldnt.
THE END!
i duno what to do, i wish i wasnt such a weird person when it comes to these unresolved feelings. die heart die! eat a tater tot and choke!!!! </3 ok im fine now.
mood_ annoyed, but content
music_none atm
holy fuck my dad is being a prick. :S ok so i try the mohawk look and he hasnt talked to me for like four days. lmao, talk about being a tard. sure hes antisocial but now he wont even go in the kitchen when im there. haha.....wtf.
sooooo i start work monday! hurrah! huzzah and such! im gunna be on cashier and such, so it'll be good to finally have some experience (rather than old skool cash register in brooks).
hmmmmmmmmm im excited, i start work thursday or sometime after that, and i decided on my first tattoo!! excitedness plus! :D im gunna get a snake (or if i find a better dragon design) on the outter part of my leg, above my ankle (not sure how to explain!) im gunna get it when i get my surplus cheque, and my friend and possibly my sister are gonna get tats aswell, fun stuff! im stoked! and tomorrow i get my things for the correspondance upgrading shit. i'll need some help if there's any math nerds out there!
other than that im startin to think my love life is over hahaha. seriously the only guys interested just wanna u know, have sex or something. not many guys ive dated were different but some werent as creepy about it thats for sure. i miss normal dating!! ARGH!! why did i have to be such a bitch lol... ooooooo well. maybe i'll find this person elsewhere, i just cant get my mind off things. BLAHHHHH EMO EMO EMO! *hits head* >_<!
oooooooooooooo
ATREYU IS RECORDING ANOTHER CD YEY!!! *waits six months* that means they'll prolly be comin to canada again! im excited! but have nobody to go with! wait.. I DO! YEY!
yaa for anyone who wastes their time readin these, um thanks for caring if there's any of you (besides jason of course, who reads everyones journals NOW DONT YOU BUDDY.) if it even means u care if youre reading this. cheers imaginary internet ppl!
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
blaaahhh! that is all.
ciao~
mood__ annoyed but content
music_ none at the moment........
my computer keeps crashing SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE
~~ciao
mood - angry
ok its the time where i get angry (can i make it anymore obvious *throws blood everywhere* ) but fuuuckk there are tooo many fucking emo ppl who talk about dying and dont even mean it. i mean if u talk avbout dying for like ten fucking years or something, theres soething wrong there, dont fuck with life and fuck with death. either way, what happens happens. if i die tomorrow, cheers! if not, i live another pointless day. whatever.
fuck where is my person, wheres the one that actually cares, wheres that person that would do anything for me and not fucking lie and not fucking whine and not fucking pretend just for something. wheres my person that puts me before themselves. will i ever find this person? i doubt it. like really, ive always been close to last on everyones list. it sucks.
aha dont take much of this personally anyone, i just use this journal to complain, since nobody else listens lol
mood - content
music - under the bridge, red hot chili peppers
im happy sorta today ;D i saw my friends in brooks. it was nice, we took some weird pics i am such a camera whore! but then again the high will fade and i'll start thinking about things i miss, but oh well. it was fun though, sadly i was only there for two hours or so. my friend got a nipple piercing though! it was cute how he wanted to surpise me with it XD it was so neat to watch! it went really fast too, he didnt even bleed. i guess nipple dont really bleed do they?
~~ciao
im just ranting for my own good, dont bother reading (THIS MEANS YOU ESPECIALLY JASON dont ask me about it hahaha its pretty straight foreward anyways..) e_e;;;
well ive been told once again by another person that they dont care. im getting sick of hearing this shit. i already know nobody cares. and if they do, they only feel obligated to. like really, fuck, im not special to anyone really. im just some replaceable emo bitch. *smile* it isnt a great feeling when people constantly want to undermind me and lie to me and humour me and blaaahhhh and nobody really is here for me anymore. like im constantly alone, i cant even get a job and pretend to be nice to customers. all my moosejaw friends turned into cunts (i realized how horrid lots of them are) and then half the ones in brooks quickly replaced me with the newest girl dating the last prick i did. nobody looks back and says "hmm i miss her" or anything like that. i do it all the time, and maybe once in a while i'd like to know ppl care, but this isnt a request or anything (jason u arent supposed to be reading this..so dont tell me u care everyday ok dear? lol... or anyone for that matter..... lol)
i just feel like crap, im such a loser and u know what ive always been one. i likek being odd though, but having nobody care sucks. i dont fit in anywhere hell i'll never have a band, thats one thing ive wanted to do for a looong time (definately not to be a pretty singer... *pets brody*) but whatever i dont have enough friends to do that even. im just friends for a bit then dumped off replaced and forgotten (or i do it to them...mel and justin and hmm a few others hahaha). it sucks!! im not an attention whore but gawd ive been keeping in my feelings long enough. nobody cares to hear what i say, so i just say it here. (hopefully NOBODY {this means u jason} is reading this...lol)
anyway i ranted enough for today.
music__one gun_lamb of god
mood __hmmmmmmmmmmm
i duno these journals are just mindless rants dont even bother reading them :D
well i dont know if i can see anyone on the 23rd in the Hat now, i have no fucking job! my mom might book the day off, but im not sure if i even wanna go. i'd prolly go to the show and then hang out a bit with this one girl and then go home. i wanna party and get drunk and come home lookin thru my camera seeing pics i dont remember taking! i love those parties! :(
well im goin to brooks to see my friend there for two hours while my mom visits ppl and my sis goes somewhere...ya it should be fun. sexy pics ontop of a grey boxy ugly car! :D
~~ciao
song__4am_our lady peace
mood__mixed up
i am avoiding people that make me feel inadequate from now on. they can talk to me but i aint talkin to them anymore, they can if they want. like some ppl i used to like; yea i wasnt good enough so u know what im just not bothering with them. summer was harsh enough i dont need shit anymore.
other than feelin kinda shitty because im not good enough for some people, im still good enough for some =D i cant wait til saturday hopefully its fun.
~~ciao
song__ got that rock school The Class song stuck in my head HELP MEEEEE!!!!
mood__excited
hmmmmm hopefully i can see my mohawk friend... i think i like him.... but im not sure. he says lotsa weird things but he seems to just be joking but then again who isnt pervy? .. i duno xD i always liked him; just not that much oO maybe on the 12th i'll decide if i want a crazy boyfriend! wheeee!
song - lamb of god, one gun
mood - not too sure oO
wheeeeeeeeeeee i used to bug ppl for liking this sorta music but im really taking a liking to it now. being angry opens you up to lots of awesome music, bitches! RAAAAAAAAAAAAA
hehe i cant stop admiring my satan pic i did... i'll have to put it on here one day.. or just visit my gallery on deviant art!!
hmmm well i applied at like four places.. im pretty sure i'll get hired at the liquor store.. if not.. im screwed... or working at a cd store or a sweet clothing store called culture craze...with awesomely sexy punk clothes from guess where? the UK!! i love UK fashion! i still didnt get a good mark in art, which i tried to fix sooo bad. the teacher gave me a fucking 50 on the piece that i had two days to do... so i got fed up and couldnt stop the crying infront of the principal so he gave me 67,lol... so my final mark for art? SIXTY FUCKING EIGHT! that is NOT gunna help! gooodddd...... burn bchs, BURN!
hm, other than that, i might finally go to medicine hat to see my sorta-friend's concert. i really wanna hear it, im stoked really. and i get to see other ppl too. whee! im still confused about shit, like really with the whole love stuff. i feel dumped off to the side really. it sucks. i guess i have to live with it, but its hard. its hard just being part of the past. eeeeeeeeeee whatever. i just need to vent.
ciao ~~
hahaha wow i guess changing my "mood" gets ppls attentions. o well though, I WANT A MOHAWK it wuold be so sweet. not for the attn, but just cuz i like how it looks,. tho some girl told me it doesnt work for girls...scru that.
music - transplants; academy flight song (or so they say)
mood - bored and bored and a lil hopeful
hmmmmmmmm lots of ppl are givin me comments on my hair <3 its great, i cant wait to get the 'hawk. and my eyebrow piercings... i want some more ear ones too, and maybe something weird like a collar bone. xDD sweet. i would love it, if i wasnt allergic to so much metal.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
o well, i just wanna die doing what i love... like gettin hit by an airplane while playing music, or getting hit by a semi while drawing on my lawn or something. hahahaha. good stuff.
im gettin so bored of life! arghhhh!!!!!!!
speaking of love... love sucks. haha im glad i dont feel anything anymore. like anything. not happy, sad, lovey, hateful, nothing. im like a chunk of lint.
i want a mohawk. =)
ergh i feel like shiat. :3
well today was my last chance, the last day. nothing. except seein the back of her car. whatever! FUCK IT ALL ahahahaha im fine really. goin to see fireworks and i feel sick and tired but im going anyways. whatever seriously god!!!
so bout the guy thing and wanting back i duno anymore imaginary people, i think i lost it with all the excuses and the convos just died right aways. oh well, that's life. if u dont show interest, im gunna lost interest people! yep. out--