dee deee deeeeeeee. i love you karma. i love love looove you. im happy. ;D i think im fallin for mr control freak, though he isnt even a control freak. hes such a babe! not like we'd be serious or anything but we do actually get along in a friend way. and his neighbors are all the guys i usually hang out with anyways. nyahahahahah!
..............
i got paid.
muahahahahahah
you know whats funny?? how can someone be a slut and really ugly and hated by everyone all at the same time? yeah..... people ive never met amuse me. hahahahahaa.
oooo ranting time!!
so this guy i was actually considering dating, says he likes control. now thats okay, but not on a personal level. fuck i hate anyone telling me what to do. so i think i might call that off. id rather be alone than really pissed off.
other than that i dont think i'll ever go back to the Hat cuz some girl wants to beat me up, and fighting is lame. yeah i said it! hahahaha....wh
but yes... sleep now
okay, so about brody, he is a sexy but really he just doesnt know how to be a boyfriend. he's used to just liking girls and being like 15 and stuff, so you know, i gave him a chance and that's it. ah well! he is still awesome though, just is too used to being a player. i still need to have a talk with him .....nyaaaahah
anyhow, umm what else....well i was asked out by a guy i knew like a week. hes a nice guy, id give him a chance. but nothing serious since well, i hate serious relationships anyways. nyahahaahahah.
and new pics. enjoy bitches!
dee dee deeeeeee hey i noticed that te same people view my page when i put a journal up? got notifications ??? how do ya get those hmmmmm
hey im kinda drunk right now. only drank a 2 litre of cider but thats about the equivilamnt of like eight beers. thats cool man. whatever. i had a fun night. i am laying off weed but sadly am startin smokin ciggs. only one puff when i drink but its getttin bad. i want it and stuff but i find it disgustin! BAD EH!! fuckin ciggs!!!!!!!!!
bur yeah!!!! omg guy drama!!! ok the bald guy i like brody is like gettin messed over me. ok like i was talkin with him about about 6 other guys and shit right. so yeah he was like "i cant read ur signals i dont htink you even like you" and im just unsure right. so i sadi the stupidest hting like an hour later i was like whee im surrounded by so many sexies. omg. hahaha. so yeah he got bummed about it and i was like dude whats wrong and he was like nothing im just listnein to music. and he really did look bummed. i felt bad! so him and this one guy jay (i iwll hav a pic with him soon, he is SOOO the shit!!) anyways, so yeah he left with them and went to this place called tongue and groove. so yeah. the night was fun. i met another cute guy and was mackin on him all the rest of the night, which i shouldnt hae.. yet!
anyhow so now im talkin to jay and hes tellin me about how they talked about me. its so weird when ppl talk about me i dunno why! i jut dont expect it i guess. but yeah he just thinks i was hittin on the other guys and didnt like him, and that i just wnated a guy that drove. i duno where he got that from! but seriously i hated makin him feel bad. he drank like twice as much. but yeah anyhow, jay was like makin me sound good, cuz he knows im not a shallow bitch. he was like no he just wants brody the boyfriend not brody the player. that was so cool of him. hes such a good guy!!
its hard tho cuz when brody gets wasted he gets SUPER wasted and gets with girls and shiat. ive seen pics. haha fucking funny but that pissed him off. like one was where he passed out next to a girl butt naked. the girl was dressed though. weird eh! funny i think. cuz he was more wasted than the girl... anyhow.
im sleepy. gnight bitches! (even tho im sure only two people read this)
hey kids, drugs are bad. i realized why im gettin these depressive bouts!! its the weed im havin. omfg. cuz last night i had alchohol and it made me happy. and im fine now. but when i have weed im depressed like a week after. it sucks! i love weed! but no more i promise.
here we go again. i have that empty feeling. it sucks!!! im gunna die alone!! sorry to be whiney for anyone who reads this but i just need to vent. and if i do it anywhere else im just told to be happy and its kinda hard. since u know, i just cant be. i keep tryin but its not working out at all. fack.
THIS SUUUUUCCKKKKSS
but yeah..... i just need to see my friend in brooks. he's the only one who seems to care, but really he's kinda odd in the sense of tryin to make me hate everyone and make everyone hate me so he has me to himself and stuff. weird eh? weird indeed. i hope we go to vegas and we get lost and i never come back.. WHEEEE
dear motherfucking diary. i feel like crap. see one minute im happy now im down... again. wtf i need a life... or something close to it (try a meaning to life... lol) i sooo have nothing going for me, im just gunna go to school get some job i hate and then die somewhere. nothing special. nobody will remember me. and that sucks.
woooooooooooo went to my friends show the other night. the drummer from blind assassins was totally hittin on me all night! ho ho ho! he was telling me about how none of the other girls at the pub had anything on me in the looks dept. i was like dude is that ur game line and he was like "no i just like hot chicks".... hahaha. but yer, i wore my hair up like the first time in public, it was great. just five spikes. i couldnt do the back, and i could barely fit in my friends car. lmfao.
so i got a few drinks to make me happy and danceable, and when i had my last one i was like "what can i get for this muchhhh?" (puts change on counter) and the waitress chicky was like i'll just give it to ya for three bucks and i was like... i should hug you. and she did and gave me a kiss. wheee!!
then i took a pic with this andrea chick that im sorta friends with, and i was kissin her cheek or whatever, and later on she like clung to me and kissed me back. HO HO HO.
like seriously though, the stares over my hair was kinda creepy. like i thought lots of people did their hair how i did?? D: but yeah i met a lot of people that night. XD one guy was like "yooo my friend over there thought he was the king of mohawks tonight until he saw ur hair!" (becca high fives about 15 people)
andddd i was hittin on brody all night, it was fun. this one kinda weird creepy girl he was hangin out with liked him, im sure of it. cuz he snuck a kiss on me when i went to kiss him on the cheek and she didnt talk to me the rest of the night. lmfaaaooo. i felt bad kissing him though, cuz i think someone else likes me... and yeh. his gf andrea that isnt really a girlfrend anymore got all creepy on him and made him cookies. weird!! nyahahahahahah
so yeah theres my saturday! happy double time and a half today, and eight hours time and a half! YEAAH MONEY!
i missed my after work nap and now im starting to think about things again... just thinkin about stuff with things.... yeah...
i just wonder if anyone even thinks about me, if anyone even cares, or watches over me.. it's sad to think not, because most people dont care, or just wants me for one thing (money? sex? desperation? godd.) ...but yeah its a nice thought to think of someone caring and thinking about you. i dont get it much that im aware of. not to be a whiner. just.. blabbing on to myself (since who else reads this besides like...jason.. NYAH)
but yeah.. atleast i can feel better knowing the things i say are true. lies piss me off.. but when i said always... i meant always.... not that anyone will know what i mean by that.. la la laaaa
so the first guy i thought about liking after a LOOOONG TIME, who was really hot and funny and dorky and nice ended up seeing some other girl. cuz i didnt tell him i liked him in time. seriously i have bad luck. im never falling in love ever again though. wow. harshness.
goodnight venting area
wow i havent written in here for a bit. well anyways that weekend was great. had tonnes of fun. yeeeaahhh.
other than that work work work and another show this weekend! WOOT!
its my birthday tomorrow. hurrah. i hate my birthday! every year it sucks and i dont want a party cuz i'll feel like a loser or theyre pitying me. hahaha. ah well this weekend will rock i might be on a bands dvd! hahahaha
hmmm so friday i went to a huge fire party thing in some guys back yard.. in which i can not remember his name. lmfao. anyhow it was real fun, gettin to see the scene gettin bigger. (not emo scene the street punks) they are so hot. well except the 17 year olds, all of em are fucking funny though. one kid had four coolers and got totally hammered and was pukin! hahaha! but now im startin to think about the guy that likes me and stuff and how hot he is.. maybe i'll give him a chance. i duno. but he told everyone about me and how hot i was! lmfao!!
other than that im hittin calgary this weekend to party with teh guys. i dont know how many girls will be there prolly like three. the ratio is really odd, there are like 8 guys to every girl! lol thats ok though. if i pass out we have agreed they will do a real hawk on me. i hope i pass out!
haha well about that show i was complainin about i went anyways and had a blast. even when my friends left the table to get drinks and smoke i talked to people i didnt know at all. two people i wanted to meet were there and i didnt say hi just insane i saw wrong and now one of em is movin in two days which kinda sucks!!!! but ooohhh well, sunday was a blast. i got hit on sooo much, and well i almost punched the shit out of some girl. that was hilarious.
hmmm so work is okay i work at tim hortons its not that bad youre ALWAYS busy instead of sitting around three hours like i did at jysk. i miss like two people from there but another person quit MUAHAHAHAHHH!!
well the guys like me there. the ones i talk to anyways. one i KNOW likes me, another keeps tryin to ask me out but isnt straight foreward its kinda annoying haha "i feel like a movie this weekend......" im just gunna tell him to get it over with so i can say no (or yes i duno yet!!) then this other guy im nice to (nice guy but....not my type aka 28 years old) he told me right to my face he thought i was attractive. so weird! i was just like "wow how did you do that" it takes a lot of guts to say it to someones face, let alone on the phone or someting!!
...
(shoots noisey cricket)
....hmm what else... well i guess thats it for the few that read this! yaaahh!!
o btw the bald cutie thats a whore and stuff i decided i dont wanna date him maybe just... be ........ ya know... uh... FRIENDS sniccckkerrrr. hhhahaha. i still heart mike. godd i need some female friends i cant talk to my mom about this stuff!
music - distillers - the hunger
mood - ARGH!!!!!
oh nooooooooooooo
oh yeah i got a job at tim hortons! HAHAHAHAHAHA YAAAA at first its gunna be part time.. so crappy wage. but they said after three weeks i;'ll get 8.75. its a start, i was makin 8./50 at jysk. so whatever. im pleased. MONEYYYY! and im workin at some casual place tomorrow too so i get like 100 bucks. wheee/
ok bye imaginary biatches!
long entry ahead - get some coffee and sit down with me ..mmmmrroowww!
so how has everyone been? i havent really talked to too many people lately! (hi to the three of you that i do talk to!)
wheeee guess who read my email professing my stupid highschool feelings! thats right. she read it. but thats okay if shes not interested cuz i think i can live without that stuff etc.
hmmm im not gunna date that mark guy from brooks who moved to ontairo and came back. well ok he hung out with the guys i dated in brooks in grade ten so im sure hes just like them. (aka useless!!) he even thinks that when he gets his new 2006 car i'll go home with him. uuuh no if u wanna "date" im not a loose whore (thats why i prefer friends with benefits ho ho ho.)
but yes.... i am actually making friends here. i met one person and BLAM i know everyone associated with him almost! it's great haha they're all so nice (except this one fat kid he was an asshole but u know what he was fat and ugly so i dont care) but yessss the guy i got to kiss me in january when i was a drunken whore hasnt forgotten me though i met him once! ONCE! we went to his place last night and he was all happy and floaty i was there. he was like "omg im so happy you came" to the guy who brought me... lmfao! everything i said he just sat and smiled at me. it was crazy ive never had a guy crazy over me like that. he kept telling me theres no girls like me in lethbridge... wow the sexy punks must only be in the male variety here! but i hear hes a man whore. he has a stalker too.... he was telling everyone (loudly enough that i heard) that he was pissed his stalker was there cuz he couldnt talk to me. lmfao. i like him, hes waay taller than i remember though.. since when i saw him i was wearing my high heeled black pleather boots... ho ho ho.
it was funny i had to walk over his legs or whatever to get to the couch and i was like "exxuuusse me" (puts hand on leg) and he got all red and i fluffed his non existant hair and he high fived his friend he was that excited. lmfao! the people here are great. well except the one guy i almost dated in feb, hes a cocky bastard and he isnt as hot as some other people i know now! YAAAH! all the people i know here are sexy! its great!!! now to learn how to rollerblade properly and i'll have something to do with em :D
but hmmm other than that still jobless... might work at tim hortons since they start 8.75 thats more than i got at jysk...we'll see... since id know almost everyone workin there hahah....WHEEE
hmmm let's see whats new...... almost done school work! passin psych with a nice 95 average (sooo easy i love it) and math is going okay... uhh so far anyways!!! im almost done IM ALMOST DONE THE YELLOW TAPE IS WITHIN MY GRASSSPPPP!!!!
hmmmmmm.
ah, well. im bored. cheers imaginary people!
hmmmm... do do dooooooooo well i didnt get my vacation pay.. apparently it was in my other cheque like i suspected. thats kinda crappy!! I NEED A JOB AAIIIEEEE!!! i might work at this cruddy trailor place that pays like 10.70 or a baker place that doesnt pay much but thats fine with me money is muthafuckin money. :D
sooooo this guy really wants to date me. i think he thinks we're an item cuz i slightly held his hand so i wouldnt lose him at this club place. crap! hahahah! well... i mean hes really nice and he liked me for like... years (and hes easy on the eyes :P !) but i just dont wanna commit. i just wanna have fun. its hard cuz sometimes i get lonely and when you just want fun things dont get better for you. its just a spurt of fun then bam back at home alone. well i duno hahaha being drunk fixes everything (and kills my brain severely!)
but ya hmmm well the one guy i kissed on valentines is talking to me again, hes been depressed lately and now hes all "ooo lets hang out bla bla bla talk to you tomorrow heart heart flower" geez since when are drunks extra affectionate.. wait that can be alot of times (look at me for example). but yeah, hes so cocky but hes so sexy hahahaha id hang out with him but id never date him, thats for sure. im kinda glad i moved here... i met lots of sexy guys. hahahahah! (and one sexy girl...shes damn mufukin cute!! but whatever.. that'll never happen, i dont think i'll ever get a girl but she came close. she held my hand lots and blushed a lot teeheeeee (music note within brackets)).
but yes... thats my umm.,.... speech of today for anyone who even read this. lol.