i just cant date anymore, its too lame. seeing guys tryin to impress me. like wtf. just be urself!!! and argh i just cant do it anymore. i cant be happy anymore at all. boo! stupid not being able to be with people! i just cant trust anyone, at all. that's why i cant hold a relationship, ive tried but there's no hope. i just cant do it, im done for. fuck it. im not gunna talk to corey anymore. though he was nice i just dont think i want a relationship anymore. they SUCK! (dies alone)
oh yeah i got a guitar. yey for me.
FUCK U BITCHES! :) :) :)
ps why read my journals but not reply to my messages? (yeah u know who u are)
hiiii everyone who reads this (about 2.4 people) IM ABOUT THREE QUARTERS DRUNKAND I HAVE I GET UP IN LIKE FOUR HOURS! YEAHHHHYAAAAAH
so yeah me and blair and linda went to this one sexy club called Ice (where my former crush worked but i duno if she does anymore... SIGH!) but whatever. it was fucking fun. saturday is sexy saturday! YEAAHHH!! i got drunk and so did linda but barely (and blair cant drnk or he'd die_) but yeah, it was sooooo fun!!!
i almost picked up like three guys!! all on a rugby team. one guy was funny and crazy, he was blonde. i forget his name. he has my number though. another curly head dude i didnt even like too much but we danced like three songs, and he kept like touching my face. it was so odd! oh yeah the blonde guy told me i was totally gorgeous as well. hehehehehe. then the final guy luke, was fuckin awesome. even as a non sexual friend, he was a totally cool guy. he even had a mohawk! :D i got his number.
fun stuff!! so for you ppl who think im ugly think again, i guess im not that bad, and not that bad of a dancer either. so MLAH!
a pip pip pip look i just wasted ur time (8)
sooo me and blair went to play some pool. his friend came, and i thought he'd be a spaced out weird guy like the last guy, or a hot stuck up jock like the other one, but nope this kid is awesome. hes short and stuff but what does short have to do with anything?? id unnno???
but yeh. so some other ppl came and i worked with one of em. he was the creep that always hit on me and i bitched him out one day. my night was complete when i played this game where if you look at my hand when its shaped in an O near my leg or wherever i can slap you. so i did that to him and i guess he didnt know the game so i smacked him a good one. teehee <3
and then omg there was this super hot chick waitress (ok only chicks are waitresses but what the fuck ever) but omg she was totally gorgeous and the music was loud and i was asking her for a drink and she couldnt hear me so she kept touching me (went extremely red) and she did it like five other times... so u know what i had to tip her. (music note) hehehee. there are so many gorgeous ladies here. makes me happy. <33 (and no they arent like the other girls i liked in brooks and such that were actually not hot at all, i was less shallow then... XDDD)
i hate how theres a five day wait before you get your money when you put a cheque into ur account via machine! BOOOO!! fuckin eh. no tattoo til my next five days off then! its gunna r0x0rs! >_> im happy tee heee.
tonight we got sushi and lots of sexy drinks... which sadly i couldnt pay for because my cheque didnt go thru yet.... and then saw omen .. the new one. it was okay, but remakes piss me off. it ended in an AAWW GOD DAMNITTTT way! i loved some of the shocking scenes, and the deaths were pretty sweet. like wow. ahahaha and one guy kicks a bitch in the face. made me happy inside.
then we played some pool. it was fun. outta four games i won! hahahahah! boo. but yeh these two guys came into the place right. and one guy kept staring at me. so i said hi and said like one line to him and he kept glancing. like did i look familiar? i dont even know. so we were leaving and he stood at the doors watching me. then we were in the car and he stood outside watching us. it was so weird!!! like wtf... i think i have a theory.
then at work i keep gettin compliments too, i duno what to think. it helps the self 'steem though! "whats a beautiful girl like YOU workin HERE?!" and then the beautiful hair and eyes comments. ... its kinda embarassing cuz i never know what to say back. uuuhh thanku i guess??? lol.
so so sooooooo i kissed him. yey!! (jason i will show you corey one day if u want, hes a sexy biatch. if you ever come online!! [poke])
dee deee deeeeeeee. i love you karma. i love love looove you. im happy. ;D i think im fallin for mr control freak, though he isnt even a control freak. hes such a babe! not like we'd be serious or anything but we do actually get along in a friend way. and his neighbors are all the guys i usually hang out with anyways. nyahahahahah!
..............
i got paid.
muahahahahahah
you know whats funny?? how can someone be a slut and really ugly and hated by everyone all at the same time? yeah..... people ive never met amuse me. hahahahahaa.
oooo ranting time!!
so this guy i was actually considering dating, says he likes control. now thats okay, but not on a personal level. fuck i hate anyone telling me what to do. so i think i might call that off. id rather be alone than really pissed off.
other than that i dont think i'll ever go back to the Hat cuz some girl wants to beat me up, and fighting is lame. yeah i said it! hahahaha....wh
but yes... sleep now
okay, so about brody, he is a sexy but really he just doesnt know how to be a boyfriend. he's used to just liking girls and being like 15 and stuff, so you know, i gave him a chance and that's it. ah well! he is still awesome though, just is too used to being a player. i still need to have a talk with him .....nyaaaahah
anyhow, umm what else....well i was asked out by a guy i knew like a week. hes a nice guy, id give him a chance. but nothing serious since well, i hate serious relationships anyways. nyahahaahahah.
and new pics. enjoy bitches!
dee dee deeeeeee hey i noticed that te same people view my page when i put a journal up? got notifications ??? how do ya get those hmmmmm
hey im kinda drunk right now. only drank a 2 litre of cider but thats about the equivilamnt of like eight beers. thats cool man. whatever. i had a fun night. i am laying off weed but sadly am startin smokin ciggs. only one puff when i drink but its getttin bad. i want it and stuff but i find it disgustin! BAD EH!! fuckin ciggs!!!!!!!!!
bur yeah!!!! omg guy drama!!! ok the bald guy i like brody is like gettin messed over me. ok like i was talkin with him about about 6 other guys and shit right. so yeah he was like "i cant read ur signals i dont htink you even like you" and im just unsure right. so i sadi the stupidest hting like an hour later i was like whee im surrounded by so many sexies. omg. hahaha. so yeah he got bummed about it and i was like dude whats wrong and he was like nothing im just listnein to music. and he really did look bummed. i felt bad! so him and this one guy jay (i iwll hav a pic with him soon, he is SOOO the shit!!) anyways, so yeah he left with them and went to this place called tongue and groove. so yeah. the night was fun. i met another cute guy and was mackin on him all the rest of the night, which i shouldnt hae.. yet!
anyhow so now im talkin to jay and hes tellin me about how they talked about me. its so weird when ppl talk about me i dunno why! i jut dont expect it i guess. but yeah he just thinks i was hittin on the other guys and didnt like him, and that i just wnated a guy that drove. i duno where he got that from! but seriously i hated makin him feel bad. he drank like twice as much. but yeah anyhow, jay was like makin me sound good, cuz he knows im not a shallow bitch. he was like no he just wants brody the boyfriend not brody the player. that was so cool of him. hes such a good guy!!
its hard tho cuz when brody gets wasted he gets SUPER wasted and gets with girls and shiat. ive seen pics. haha fucking funny but that pissed him off. like one was where he passed out next to a girl butt naked. the girl was dressed though. weird eh! funny i think. cuz he was more wasted than the girl... anyhow.
im sleepy. gnight bitches! (even tho im sure only two people read this)
hey kids, drugs are bad. i realized why im gettin these depressive bouts!! its the weed im havin. omfg. cuz last night i had alchohol and it made me happy. and im fine now. but when i have weed im depressed like a week after. it sucks! i love weed! but no more i promise.
here we go again. i have that empty feeling. it sucks!!! im gunna die alone!! sorry to be whiney for anyone who reads this but i just need to vent. and if i do it anywhere else im just told to be happy and its kinda hard. since u know, i just cant be. i keep tryin but its not working out at all. fack.
THIS SUUUUUCCKKKKSS
but yeah..... i just need to see my friend in brooks. he's the only one who seems to care, but really he's kinda odd in the sense of tryin to make me hate everyone and make everyone hate me so he has me to himself and stuff. weird eh? weird indeed. i hope we go to vegas and we get lost and i never come back.. WHEEEE
dear motherfucking diary. i feel like crap. see one minute im happy now im down... again. wtf i need a life... or something close to it (try a meaning to life... lol) i sooo have nothing going for me, im just gunna go to school get some job i hate and then die somewhere. nothing special. nobody will remember me. and that sucks.
woooooooooooo went to my friends show the other night. the drummer from blind assassins was totally hittin on me all night! ho ho ho! he was telling me about how none of the other girls at the pub had anything on me in the looks dept. i was like dude is that ur game line and he was like "no i just like hot chicks".... hahaha. but yer, i wore my hair up like the first time in public, it was great. just five spikes. i couldnt do the back, and i could barely fit in my friends car. lmfao.
so i got a few drinks to make me happy and danceable, and when i had my last one i was like "what can i get for this muchhhh?" (puts change on counter) and the waitress chicky was like i'll just give it to ya for three bucks and i was like... i should hug you. and she did and gave me a kiss. wheee!!
then i took a pic with this andrea chick that im sorta friends with, and i was kissin her cheek or whatever, and later on she like clung to me and kissed me back. HO HO HO.
like seriously though, the stares over my hair was kinda creepy. like i thought lots of people did their hair how i did?? D: but yeah i met a lot of people that night. XD one guy was like "yooo my friend over there thought he was the king of mohawks tonight until he saw ur hair!" (becca high fives about 15 people)
andddd i was hittin on brody all night, it was fun. this one kinda weird creepy girl he was hangin out with liked him, im sure of it. cuz he snuck a kiss on me when i went to kiss him on the cheek and she didnt talk to me the rest of the night. lmfaaaooo. i felt bad kissing him though, cuz i think someone else likes me... and yeh. his gf andrea that isnt really a girlfrend anymore got all creepy on him and made him cookies. weird!! nyahahahahahah
so yeah theres my saturday! happy double time and a half today, and eight hours time and a half! YEAAH MONEY!
i missed my after work nap and now im starting to think about things again... just thinkin about stuff with things.... yeah...
i just wonder if anyone even thinks about me, if anyone even cares, or watches over me.. it's sad to think not, because most people dont care, or just wants me for one thing (money? sex? desperation? godd.) ...but yeah its a nice thought to think of someone caring and thinking about you. i dont get it much that im aware of. not to be a whiner. just.. blabbing on to myself (since who else reads this besides like...jason.. NYAH)
but yeah.. atleast i can feel better knowing the things i say are true. lies piss me off.. but when i said always... i meant always.... not that anyone will know what i mean by that.. la la laaaa
so the first guy i thought about liking after a LOOOONG TIME, who was really hot and funny and dorky and nice ended up seeing some other girl. cuz i didnt tell him i liked him in time. seriously i have bad luck. im never falling in love ever again though. wow. harshness.
goodnight venting area
wow i havent written in here for a bit. well anyways that weekend was great. had tonnes of fun. yeeeaahhh.
other than that work work work and another show this weekend! WOOT!
its my birthday tomorrow. hurrah. i hate my birthday! every year it sucks and i dont want a party cuz i'll feel like a loser or theyre pitying me. hahaha. ah well this weekend will rock i might be on a bands dvd! hahahaha
hmmm so friday i went to a huge fire party thing in some guys back yard.. in which i can not remember his name. lmfao. anyhow it was real fun, gettin to see the scene gettin bigger. (not emo scene the street punks) they are so hot. well except the 17 year olds, all of em are fucking funny though. one kid had four coolers and got totally hammered and was pukin! hahaha! but now im startin to think about the guy that likes me and stuff and how hot he is.. maybe i'll give him a chance. i duno. but he told everyone about me and how hot i was! lmfao!!
other than that im hittin calgary this weekend to party with teh guys. i dont know how many girls will be there prolly like three. the ratio is really odd, there are like 8 guys to every girl! lol thats ok though. if i pass out we have agreed they will do a real hawk on me. i hope i pass out!