well, i ran into a guy i met a long while ago and he wants to hang out. i guess im not THAT annoying. hes an awesome funny drunk stoner kid. lmfao.
anyways, i got some new fish. pygmy puffers and the green spotted puffers i had before, except i also got a new tank. mind aswell piss away money while im not paying rent and shit... prolly wont be movin out til im done school. eh why not? whatever. if i even make it to next year (dramatic music plays)
yeah fuck you. hahahah (who? i dont know, anyone whos lookin at this and rollin their eyes? why does anyone even read this fuckin journal?!?!)
hey i did some research about the cyst on my head and shit. my mom has problems with cysts, and so did her mom and her mom and so on. grandma died of the brain anhurism. and tehy had cyst problems. and i looked up the brain thing. yeahhh. it goes for every other generation. so that means my grandma had the bleedin brain thing and i might too, since i have the cyst on my brain. no threat my ass. i kinda hope it happens. im sick of my pointless life. yeah shaddup im being "emo" but if everyone you knew were a shitload of sellouts and you were of no value to anyoen im sure ud hate your life too.
im sooo sick of my life!! sure theres some perks but behind my lil smiles and fun i was still miserable. everywhere ig o im miserable, and nobody gives a shit about me. its about time i realized this huh?
like sure i know lots of peoeple here and even in calgary, but if i died im sure some of em would be like meh and shrug it off. i close myselff off from people. they never get ot know the real me. thats why., tehy even said so, im hard to read, and they never know what im really thinking. i just cant take pretending to be happy anymore. theres nothing to smile about. nothing. the future for me isnt going to be anything exciting either. so what the fuck ever.
im done even trying anymore.
new fast and the furious.......
go watch it, BITCHES!
oh yeah and x men still rules. FUCK U!
:) :) :)
my summer is ruined - car accident results in me never seeing my friend for a looooooooooong time, fuck. haha. looks like i'll just have to hang out with the non non punk guys and sit and get drunk and thats about it. tsk. i liked goin to Ice (dance club) and picking up rugby players! SNIFF
even though some people are asses to me, i know karma is good to me. i have like a longer list now. and so what if the things would happen even if the other things didnt, i think karma = they deserved it. let's see nowwww starting from the beginning...
boy calls me bitch for some reason - house burns down
boy calls me loser for not dating him - family buisiness gone
boy disses me and is an asshole - dies of overdose
boy dates girl right after kinda leading me on - his 300 dollar camera is stolen
sister is all "distant" and does a lot of things to piss me off for the last time - computer is DEAD! MUAHAHAHAAH! (i love my lap top)
let's seeeee what elseeeeeeeeee.
what eeellssseee!
i can't think of anymore right now, but hopefully some moe things come up. thats what i love about people being idiots to me, something most definately will happen to them... like this one guy i dumped got really really realllly fat. hahaha....hot.
oh come ooonn im sure theres more!....hmmmm
oh yeah the gracie thing where she threatened me, got jailed and sued.... hahaha thats the best one! i hope someone else is an asshole to me soon so i can watch them fuck up. a guy at work is going to have the next becca-karma attack, im excited. (gets him gired and ruins his life) ... i wanna really ruin peoples lives. i duno why. haha i just wanna be evil for like a week and see how good it feels. la la laaaa (music note)
it stormed hard core last night. i heard there was a touchdown somewhere. wooooop!
im sick of the people i live near. I WANNA MOVE! im so used to moving and meeting lots of people then moving and doing it again... (moves to calgary)......(crack whore shoots becca)........(idiots cheer in the distance) hahahaha YEAH I SAID IT
i just cant date anymore, its too lame. seeing guys tryin to impress me. like wtf. just be urself!!! and argh i just cant do it anymore. i cant be happy anymore at all. boo! stupid not being able to be with people! i just cant trust anyone, at all. that's why i cant hold a relationship, ive tried but there's no hope. i just cant do it, im done for. fuck it. im not gunna talk to corey anymore. though he was nice i just dont think i want a relationship anymore. they SUCK! (dies alone)
oh yeah i got a guitar. yey for me.
FUCK U BITCHES! :) :) :)
ps why read my journals but not reply to my messages? (yeah u know who u are)
hiiii everyone who reads this (about 2.4 people) IM ABOUT THREE QUARTERS DRUNKAND I HAVE I GET UP IN LIKE FOUR HOURS! YEAHHHHYAAAAAH
so yeah me and blair and linda went to this one sexy club called Ice (where my former crush worked but i duno if she does anymore... SIGH!) but whatever. it was fucking fun. saturday is sexy saturday! YEAAHHH!! i got drunk and so did linda but barely (and blair cant drnk or he'd die_) but yeah, it was sooooo fun!!!
i almost picked up like three guys!! all on a rugby team. one guy was funny and crazy, he was blonde. i forget his name. he has my number though. another curly head dude i didnt even like too much but we danced like three songs, and he kept like touching my face. it was so odd! oh yeah the blonde guy told me i was totally gorgeous as well. hehehehehe. then the final guy luke, was fuckin awesome. even as a non sexual friend, he was a totally cool guy. he even had a mohawk! :D i got his number.
fun stuff!! so for you ppl who think im ugly think again, i guess im not that bad, and not that bad of a dancer either. so MLAH!
a pip pip pip look i just wasted ur time (8)
sooo me and blair went to play some pool. his friend came, and i thought he'd be a spaced out weird guy like the last guy, or a hot stuck up jock like the other one, but nope this kid is awesome. hes short and stuff but what does short have to do with anything?? id unnno???
but yeh. so some other ppl came and i worked with one of em. he was the creep that always hit on me and i bitched him out one day. my night was complete when i played this game where if you look at my hand when its shaped in an O near my leg or wherever i can slap you. so i did that to him and i guess he didnt know the game so i smacked him a good one. teehee <3
and then omg there was this super hot chick waitress (ok only chicks are waitresses but what the fuck ever) but omg she was totally gorgeous and the music was loud and i was asking her for a drink and she couldnt hear me so she kept touching me (went extremely red) and she did it like five other times... so u know what i had to tip her. (music note) hehehee. there are so many gorgeous ladies here. makes me happy. <33 (and no they arent like the other girls i liked in brooks and such that were actually not hot at all, i was less shallow then... XDDD)
i hate how theres a five day wait before you get your money when you put a cheque into ur account via machine! BOOOO!! fuckin eh. no tattoo til my next five days off then! its gunna r0x0rs! >_> im happy tee heee.
tonight we got sushi and lots of sexy drinks... which sadly i couldnt pay for because my cheque didnt go thru yet.... and then saw omen .. the new one. it was okay, but remakes piss me off. it ended in an AAWW GOD DAMNITTTT way! i loved some of the shocking scenes, and the deaths were pretty sweet. like wow. ahahaha and one guy kicks a bitch in the face. made me happy inside.
then we played some pool. it was fun. outta four games i won! hahahahah! boo. but yeh these two guys came into the place right. and one guy kept staring at me. so i said hi and said like one line to him and he kept glancing. like did i look familiar? i dont even know. so we were leaving and he stood at the doors watching me. then we were in the car and he stood outside watching us. it was so weird!!! like wtf... i think i have a theory.
then at work i keep gettin compliments too, i duno what to think. it helps the self 'steem though! "whats a beautiful girl like YOU workin HERE?!" and then the beautiful hair and eyes comments. ... its kinda embarassing cuz i never know what to say back. uuuhh thanku i guess??? lol.
so so sooooooo i kissed him. yey!! (jason i will show you corey one day if u want, hes a sexy biatch. if you ever come online!! [poke])
dee deee deeeeeeee. i love you karma. i love love looove you. im happy. ;D i think im fallin for mr control freak, though he isnt even a control freak. hes such a babe! not like we'd be serious or anything but we do actually get along in a friend way. and his neighbors are all the guys i usually hang out with anyways. nyahahahahah!
..............
i got paid.
muahahahahahah
you know whats funny?? how can someone be a slut and really ugly and hated by everyone all at the same time? yeah..... people ive never met amuse me. hahahahahaa.
oooo ranting time!!
so this guy i was actually considering dating, says he likes control. now thats okay, but not on a personal level. fuck i hate anyone telling me what to do. so i think i might call that off. id rather be alone than really pissed off.
other than that i dont think i'll ever go back to the Hat cuz some girl wants to beat me up, and fighting is lame. yeah i said it! hahahaha....wh
but yes... sleep now
okay, so about brody, he is a sexy but really he just doesnt know how to be a boyfriend. he's used to just liking girls and being like 15 and stuff, so you know, i gave him a chance and that's it. ah well! he is still awesome though, just is too used to being a player. i still need to have a talk with him .....nyaaaahah
anyhow, umm what else....well i was asked out by a guy i knew like a week. hes a nice guy, id give him a chance. but nothing serious since well, i hate serious relationships anyways. nyahahaahahah.
and new pics. enjoy bitches!
dee dee deeeeeee hey i noticed that te same people view my page when i put a journal up? got notifications ??? how do ya get those hmmmmm
hey im kinda drunk right now. only drank a 2 litre of cider but thats about the equivilamnt of like eight beers. thats cool man. whatever. i had a fun night. i am laying off weed but sadly am startin smokin ciggs. only one puff when i drink but its getttin bad. i want it and stuff but i find it disgustin! BAD EH!! fuckin ciggs!!!!!!!!!
bur yeah!!!! omg guy drama!!! ok the bald guy i like brody is like gettin messed over me. ok like i was talkin with him about about 6 other guys and shit right. so yeah he was like "i cant read ur signals i dont htink you even like you" and im just unsure right. so i sadi the stupidest hting like an hour later i was like whee im surrounded by so many sexies. omg. hahaha. so yeah he got bummed about it and i was like dude whats wrong and he was like nothing im just listnein to music. and he really did look bummed. i felt bad! so him and this one guy jay (i iwll hav a pic with him soon, he is SOOO the shit!!) anyways, so yeah he left with them and went to this place called tongue and groove. so yeah. the night was fun. i met another cute guy and was mackin on him all the rest of the night, which i shouldnt hae.. yet!
anyhow so now im talkin to jay and hes tellin me about how they talked about me. its so weird when ppl talk about me i dunno why! i jut dont expect it i guess. but yeah he just thinks i was hittin on the other guys and didnt like him, and that i just wnated a guy that drove. i duno where he got that from! but seriously i hated makin him feel bad. he drank like twice as much. but yeah anyhow, jay was like makin me sound good, cuz he knows im not a shallow bitch. he was like no he just wants brody the boyfriend not brody the player. that was so cool of him. hes such a good guy!!
its hard tho cuz when brody gets wasted he gets SUPER wasted and gets with girls and shiat. ive seen pics. haha fucking funny but that pissed him off. like one was where he passed out next to a girl butt naked. the girl was dressed though. weird eh! funny i think. cuz he was more wasted than the girl... anyhow.
im sleepy. gnight bitches! (even tho im sure only two people read this)
hey kids, drugs are bad. i realized why im gettin these depressive bouts!! its the weed im havin. omfg. cuz last night i had alchohol and it made me happy. and im fine now. but when i have weed im depressed like a week after. it sucks! i love weed! but no more i promise.
here we go again. i have that empty feeling. it sucks!!! im gunna die alone!! sorry to be whiney for anyone who reads this but i just need to vent. and if i do it anywhere else im just told to be happy and its kinda hard. since u know, i just cant be. i keep tryin but its not working out at all. fack.
THIS SUUUUUCCKKKKSS
but yeah..... i just need to see my friend in brooks. he's the only one who seems to care, but really he's kinda odd in the sense of tryin to make me hate everyone and make everyone hate me so he has me to himself and stuff. weird eh? weird indeed. i hope we go to vegas and we get lost and i never come back.. WHEEEE
dear motherfucking diary. i feel like crap. see one minute im happy now im down... again. wtf i need a life... or something close to it (try a meaning to life... lol) i sooo have nothing going for me, im just gunna go to school get some job i hate and then die somewhere. nothing special. nobody will remember me. and that sucks.