so there was this girl that i was sorta friends with. and she was crazy and really creepy. and she dated my friend justin. then she suddenly became part of my circle of "friends"...i dated a stupid fuck face and after i broke up with him he dated her. thats when i stopped talkin to her.
so she came by matts workplace last month, and said stuff about me and how she thinks i hate her and how she misses stuff.... yeah......
and today i find out she died. she was missing two weeks... i iddnt know this part. but wow... shes.....dead. thats the second person i know who has died.. and im sure it was a fucking terrible death. wait third... my grandmother died a fucking terrible death too. i feel bad about it. i hate death. sure we werent best buddies but we did go thru the car accident of '05 together, it was hilarious.
so yeah.... r.i.p ashton, though youre dead and cant read this... but i really hate how she prolly died... at the hands of some stupid guy....and dumped off at a lake.... fuckkkkk
KARMA UPDATE! haha omg this is so great. ok so u guys know brody the guy i thought i would own one day but kinda rethought it (im sure he slept with over 100 girls... if not 200... haha jk... but he's been around and back a LOT...so yeah) anyways... so one night at a show i was soo planning on hooking up with him (we had a thing...) and yeah he kinda sold me out for some loose easy slut who also slept with his roomate the same night. gross. anyways.... soooo...after that....
he is being evicted from his place! MAHAHAHAHAHA karma rules. it really does. i cant wait to see what else happens to people who sell me out / do shit to me!!!!
other than that i have found some new eps of the l word lalalalaaaaah! hot! i love the show ok! well except how dana left alice for her ex except the part that alice gets cracked out on meds.... ok shaddup im sure nobody else on here has even heard of the L word. hahahahahaa
omg i might be moving to calgary for sure now! im stoked. ive been so bored i need to move to a bigger city. i got an offer (and guess who from, the guy i totally heart... then again he knows and i duno what he thinks but i dont think i have to worry)
bt yeah!!! i might just go to U of C or ACAD to begin with until i get enough money. not toooooooo too sure. but im so stokedddddd!!!
but damn matty (boy i like) is goin to suicide girls party this weekend, i wish i was going. omg there are hot lesbians. BAH! i wish iw as there, id so steal one... maybe... XD oh well
anywhoooooo off to bed
hey kids. i just got a mohawk. and i feel so damn fine. haha not overly but hey whatever. my MOM actually did it for me. she was so mad and sad doing it but she knew i hearted it and it was great. the sides arent too short, i spike it. its so fun. i kinda wish i was a guy so i could have short spikey hair. XD WOOOOOP!!!!!!! fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!! i feel so great cuz tehre are like NO girls (and only like one guy i know) with a mohawk. its awesome. everyone else shaved theirs off, so i feel even better about it. WOOPAH!
holy crap i cant get this one song outta my head by this band in medicine hat. bloody 'ell!!
so ive been doing lots of thinking lately, and i think i actually have fallen for that damned asshole in calgary! BAHHH!! hes just dorky and funny and has good hair (thats essential) oh yeah and he doesnt like strippers (HUGE turn off!!)
and whee i might check out unearth saturday last minute, even if i have to take the fucking bus. its going to be worth it. i wanted to see all that remains for almost 2 years now!!!!
AND, and. i thought about something else with a certain someone and his gf who thinks i want him and such. id just wanna be friends atleast. cuz now that i think about it that was like 3 years ago and things have changed (aka he can find better and im not a spazzy emo bitch anymore) like we're adults now, and three years is a big step. .... so yeah!!!!
other than that i think everyone in medicine hat hates me. its hilarious. all over my observation about guys and how LOTS of em have hidden schedules. face it, it's true. :P cuz ive met a lot of guys, and about 70 percent of em are like that. ah well!
hmmm other than that theres a murderer that lives about four blocks away from me!!! and they say hes still a threat and may repeat his actions. thats so fun to hear. (gets gun)
haha whee my gecko just did a really big poop. and barked at the other gecko i have in there. hehehe.
waka waka waka waka waka waka waka wakaa waka waka look im wasting ur time wakka wakka waakkka PAC MAN!!
anyways.
im frustrated. there are too many nice guys around here. and they're all taken. it makes me smile that they arent hot girls though. thats what good guys are though.. tehy dont go for looks. well except matty, damnit. if i lived in calgary it would be me not that blonde girly girl! BAH!!!! ill just steal in him july and never let him go back. pft. i wsssh.
then theres jay, hes like the nicest guy in the world. i dont LIKE like him. but seriously i havent met a guy so fucking laid back and fun. geez.
why am i sharin this? i duno!
some of em here are a waste of time. like one guy who NEVER calls anyone but shows up with different people. and he hasnt only done this to me. hahahaha. oh well. hes fun when theres lots of ppl around but we dont even talk one on one outside of work really. meh!
what else do i wanna share with u people who prolly havent even read this far about my stupid bullshit.... well uhh... i have..... CANCER! not really but close. (sends happy flowers to everyone who hates me) haha HATE ME I LOVE IT!
new feesh pics!
well, i ran into a guy i met a long while ago and he wants to hang out. i guess im not THAT annoying. hes an awesome funny drunk stoner kid. lmfao.
anyways, i got some new fish. pygmy puffers and the green spotted puffers i had before, except i also got a new tank. mind aswell piss away money while im not paying rent and shit... prolly wont be movin out til im done school. eh why not? whatever. if i even make it to next year (dramatic music plays)
yeah fuck you. hahahah (who? i dont know, anyone whos lookin at this and rollin their eyes? why does anyone even read this fuckin journal?!?!)
hey i did some research about the cyst on my head and shit. my mom has problems with cysts, and so did her mom and her mom and so on. grandma died of the brain anhurism. and tehy had cyst problems. and i looked up the brain thing. yeahhh. it goes for every other generation. so that means my grandma had the bleedin brain thing and i might too, since i have the cyst on my brain. no threat my ass. i kinda hope it happens. im sick of my pointless life. yeah shaddup im being "emo" but if everyone you knew were a shitload of sellouts and you were of no value to anyoen im sure ud hate your life too.
im sooo sick of my life!! sure theres some perks but behind my lil smiles and fun i was still miserable. everywhere ig o im miserable, and nobody gives a shit about me. its about time i realized this huh?
like sure i know lots of peoeple here and even in calgary, but if i died im sure some of em would be like meh and shrug it off. i close myselff off from people. they never get ot know the real me. thats why., tehy even said so, im hard to read, and they never know what im really thinking. i just cant take pretending to be happy anymore. theres nothing to smile about. nothing. the future for me isnt going to be anything exciting either. so what the fuck ever.
im done even trying anymore.
new fast and the furious.......
go watch it, BITCHES!
oh yeah and x men still rules. FUCK U!
:) :) :)
my summer is ruined - car accident results in me never seeing my friend for a looooooooooong time, fuck. haha. looks like i'll just have to hang out with the non non punk guys and sit and get drunk and thats about it. tsk. i liked goin to Ice (dance club) and picking up rugby players! SNIFF
even though some people are asses to me, i know karma is good to me. i have like a longer list now. and so what if the things would happen even if the other things didnt, i think karma = they deserved it. let's see nowwww starting from the beginning...
boy calls me bitch for some reason - house burns down
boy calls me loser for not dating him - family buisiness gone
boy disses me and is an asshole - dies of overdose
boy dates girl right after kinda leading me on - his 300 dollar camera is stolen
sister is all "distant" and does a lot of things to piss me off for the last time - computer is DEAD! MUAHAHAHAAH! (i love my lap top)
let's seeeee what elseeeeeeeeee.
what eeellssseee!
i can't think of anymore right now, but hopefully some moe things come up. thats what i love about people being idiots to me, something most definately will happen to them... like this one guy i dumped got really really realllly fat. hahaha....hot.
oh come ooonn im sure theres more!....hmmmm
oh yeah the gracie thing where she threatened me, got jailed and sued.... hahaha thats the best one! i hope someone else is an asshole to me soon so i can watch them fuck up. a guy at work is going to have the next becca-karma attack, im excited. (gets him gired and ruins his life) ... i wanna really ruin peoples lives. i duno why. haha i just wanna be evil for like a week and see how good it feels. la la laaaa (music note)
it stormed hard core last night. i heard there was a touchdown somewhere. wooooop!
im sick of the people i live near. I WANNA MOVE! im so used to moving and meeting lots of people then moving and doing it again... (moves to calgary)......(crack whore shoots becca)........(idiots cheer in the distance) hahahaha YEAH I SAID IT
i just cant date anymore, its too lame. seeing guys tryin to impress me. like wtf. just be urself!!! and argh i just cant do it anymore. i cant be happy anymore at all. boo! stupid not being able to be with people! i just cant trust anyone, at all. that's why i cant hold a relationship, ive tried but there's no hope. i just cant do it, im done for. fuck it. im not gunna talk to corey anymore. though he was nice i just dont think i want a relationship anymore. they SUCK! (dies alone)
oh yeah i got a guitar. yey for me.
FUCK U BITCHES! :) :) :)
ps why read my journals but not reply to my messages? (yeah u know who u are)
hiiii everyone who reads this (about 2.4 people) IM ABOUT THREE QUARTERS DRUNKAND I HAVE I GET UP IN LIKE FOUR HOURS! YEAHHHHYAAAAAH
so yeah me and blair and linda went to this one sexy club called Ice (where my former crush worked but i duno if she does anymore... SIGH!) but whatever. it was fucking fun. saturday is sexy saturday! YEAAHHH!! i got drunk and so did linda but barely (and blair cant drnk or he'd die_) but yeah, it was sooooo fun!!!
i almost picked up like three guys!! all on a rugby team. one guy was funny and crazy, he was blonde. i forget his name. he has my number though. another curly head dude i didnt even like too much but we danced like three songs, and he kept like touching my face. it was so odd! oh yeah the blonde guy told me i was totally gorgeous as well. hehehehehe. then the final guy luke, was fuckin awesome. even as a non sexual friend, he was a totally cool guy. he even had a mohawk! :D i got his number.
fun stuff!! so for you ppl who think im ugly think again, i guess im not that bad, and not that bad of a dancer either. so MLAH!
a pip pip pip look i just wasted ur time (8)
sooo me and blair went to play some pool. his friend came, and i thought he'd be a spaced out weird guy like the last guy, or a hot stuck up jock like the other one, but nope this kid is awesome. hes short and stuff but what does short have to do with anything?? id unnno???
but yeh. so some other ppl came and i worked with one of em. he was the creep that always hit on me and i bitched him out one day. my night was complete when i played this game where if you look at my hand when its shaped in an O near my leg or wherever i can slap you. so i did that to him and i guess he didnt know the game so i smacked him a good one. teehee <3
and then omg there was this super hot chick waitress (ok only chicks are waitresses but what the fuck ever) but omg she was totally gorgeous and the music was loud and i was asking her for a drink and she couldnt hear me so she kept touching me (went extremely red) and she did it like five other times... so u know what i had to tip her. (music note) hehehee. there are so many gorgeous ladies here. makes me happy. <33 (and no they arent like the other girls i liked in brooks and such that were actually not hot at all, i was less shallow then... XDDD)
i hate how theres a five day wait before you get your money when you put a cheque into ur account via machine! BOOOO!! fuckin eh. no tattoo til my next five days off then! its gunna r0x0rs! >_> im happy tee heee.
tonight we got sushi and lots of sexy drinks... which sadly i couldnt pay for because my cheque didnt go thru yet.... and then saw omen .. the new one. it was okay, but remakes piss me off. it ended in an AAWW GOD DAMNITTTT way! i loved some of the shocking scenes, and the deaths were pretty sweet. like wow. ahahaha and one guy kicks a bitch in the face. made me happy inside.
then we played some pool. it was fun. outta four games i won! hahahahah! boo. but yeh these two guys came into the place right. and one guy kept staring at me. so i said hi and said like one line to him and he kept glancing. like did i look familiar? i dont even know. so we were leaving and he stood at the doors watching me. then we were in the car and he stood outside watching us. it was so weird!!! like wtf... i think i have a theory.
then at work i keep gettin compliments too, i duno what to think. it helps the self 'steem though! "whats a beautiful girl like YOU workin HERE?!" and then the beautiful hair and eyes comments. ... its kinda embarassing cuz i never know what to say back. uuuhh thanku i guess??? lol.
so so sooooooo i kissed him. yey!! (jason i will show you corey one day if u want, hes a sexy biatch. if you ever come online!! [poke])
dee deee deeeeeeee. i love you karma. i love love looove you. im happy. ;D i think im fallin for mr control freak, though he isnt even a control freak. hes such a babe! not like we'd be serious or anything but we do actually get along in a friend way. and his neighbors are all the guys i usually hang out with anyways. nyahahahahah!
..............
i got paid.
muahahahahahah