HOWLY FUCK I MIGHT BE SEEING DIR EN GREY LIVE NEXT YEAR!!! well maybe... shh.... shh everyone!
but even more so THAT GIRL AT WORK WANTS TO KISS ME for real. haha. i was saying someting about how someone said my lipgloss tasted like cake and she said she wanted to see for herself and added a (serious) at the end D:
im so freaked out haha cuz she kisses her friends all the time but she knows theyre straight and knows i like girls like wouldnt it be just a tad weird??!?!?!?!
fuck hahahahaa.... aaiiee. do i dare? i duno.
check the gecks hohohoho ive had them since oct 28th
ummmm i was offered to "take a shower" with two girls... by a girl who makes out with girls for shits and giggles but is "straight".
why are they never hot? (her friend is ass ugly hoho)
FACK.
time to vent! and you know what, think what you want, i just need to whine to nobody, since nobody is the only one that listens.
right now i feel depressed. and i barely feel depressed. i feel hollow. like i guess its not depressed, but i am empty. i dont feel ANYTHING. hell, i wish i could feel something, but i dont. im never happy sad angry loved or whatever. i used to cut to feel but i know that wont help (almost been a year since i cut!!)
but yeah... seriously, i cant say anything to anyone because they put on that bullshit fascade IM YOUR FRRIIEEENNDDDD I CAAARRRE but does anyone stop to honestly ask me how im felling? no..nobody ever has asked and MEANT it. it was more hey lets pretend to care because we just finished talking about ourselves and have nothing else to say.
ive had enough. like seriously i cant even feel anything for anyone. i dont know what to do. as time passes i feel less and less. i think im happy but im really never happy. only slightly content... or secure. but it never lasts.
fuck, i hate everyone!!!
its not fun having nobody honestly give a shit about you. really.
wow im watching this fat kid on food network that hates salad.
i need a life.
haha
yiiiiii!
so okay for most of you aware, i am a reptile geek. i think i always loved reptiles. when i was about seven i rescued a snake my mom almost ran over. then i tried to tie it in a knot cuz i didnt realize HEY SNAKES HAVE RIBS!!! it lived but wow they are amazing.
anyways... so since i got queen beryl (giant day gecko) i have 9 reptiles. im not finished WOOHOOOO!!! they is gonna fuck and make babies and make me rich. thats exciting.
i am gonna get some really sweet leaftails soon! theyre 150 each and only about three inches but they are amazing. and really rare. but also let's see... AMAZING! i really wanted some satanic leaftails but i cant find any ANYWHERE! also known as uroplatus phantasticus for any google people out there.
i might get a spear tail... or two. since theyre small i can shove them on this super old fish tank stand i got like what four years ago or something haha. it's sweet. WALMART!
yeah... end reptile <3 rant!
OMG IM FINALLY DONE MY MATH!! ahahahahahahaa
it took almost a full year. shows how huge of a fucking procrastinator i am. like really. c'mon now.
god i love my mohawk!
the scared conservative people staring or tryin to avoid staring. the preppies going OMG LOOK.
then the compliments like OMMMGG I LOVE YOUR HAIR
ok im not doin it for anyone! it looks great all black though,omg. it's hot.
yeah... it's hot!
fuck.
you.
:)
celebrating death, a divine pure grace;
to liberate me,
and erase you.
what is this??? i guess i am a lesbian with exceptions.. come on, i like it better than bisexual that most people associate with nymphos... wait i dont care. well anyways...
sooooo like three months ago i meet this guy in a band and he was all kinda jerky thinking i was a groupie. then he found out i wasnt and we chatted a good two hours (with ma buds) and i got his number and vice versa. the calls were lame and short and pointless. so i thought u know, he just thought i was a fan or something.
then he just calls me outta nowhere today and he's in town!! i was pretty unsure about it (til thank god jenn came and it went well!!). then i went for sure (after going to a movie and picking on chicks hoho). but yeah he looks great. i resent the fact i dont wanna touch in his pants. haha sniff. but we talked like almost nonstop. its fuckin 430 and i just got home! i got stoned but that was it. and that was before the movie. hehe. i kept thinking about throwing my shoes at the crowd. i was gettin creeped out by how zombified everyone was! hoho!
anyways so yeah the show was awesome, a good turn out, unlike last time there was three people. but yeh, we all sat at the table and hung out with the band the whole night! it was sweet. and jeff is sweet too. he's so dorky and silly. haha. i mean i duno we have so much in common but there are still things to figure out (msn will help, yey!! ) but he was telling me weird stories he didnt tell many people cuz he was like embarassed haha. ........
...
.....
wtf though.... i guess ididnt swear off guys. but i didnt kiss him HOHOHOO!! he wanted to but i told him he wont get anything til he comes back XD! i let him rest his hand on my knee that was about it. but i mean he actually walked me to the door.. WHO DOES THAT ANYMORE?! atleast as far as i can remember only one did that with me. its a nice gesture though.
but gah.... ok wow long "diary" much?! i duno haha... it feels good knowing i got friends everywhere, and im not alone... and such. like i lost a good friend here (he became an emo ass for some reason) and the punx just want groupies, im sure. thats all the girls are there for.. sex. well whatever.
!!!!!!
yiiiii
ok... so what is this now??? i got asked out by a totally hot guy and for some reason i dont go. he was nice. he was young. he was funny. and all that junk hetero girls look for!
yeah... that's why.
it was closure.
see, when i look at men that are "hot" i just think, hmm he's attractive but i dont wanna touch his penis.
so here goes......
i think...
i
i'm on the verge
of being full out.....
DYKE (gets lesbo haircut) haha... not. but ok ive been through enough to know men wont work for me. and if women dont then whatever. but i guess if i were to label myself (which i hate to do) id say im a lesbian with exceptions.
the best part about my psychological lesbianism is just the fact that i dont need a man. i dont need a GUY to feel complete. gender isnt important (though i dont want in man pants anymore)
im not certain if im really gay (but come on i have the lesbian anger set up!!!) but in the next year we'll see how things go.
godd this is exciting!!!!
oh and i decided on my first tattoo officially! its gonna be my moms maiden name. fuck off. its a good idea haha VERY meaningful to me... my mom even said it was a good idea and she condemns tattoos!
WAHHHOOO!!!!
hey kids. ohoho. i have a date monday.
it's been a while. well actually about 2 months, but he ended up being an asshole and i only saw him once. (horrible kisser) hahahah!
but whee this guy is cute. hoho. i havent dated any uggos here! he seems kinda dorky. and his name is gabe. gabe?? i mean hullo i have never met a gabe before. haha.
whee! welcome back ego.... wait i always had it. :D not like when i was in highschool ooo im ugly ooo im fat look at me im sad. fuck that.
hehe. :D
so some total stranger tells me i have beautiful eyes and another customer recalls he hit on me about three months ago and gave me his number.
so being ugly isnt that bad.
haha :P NYAAA
new trivium cd - fucking awesome. i dont fucking care who says "omg they arent real metal" someone even tried to tell me they were punk. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
but the cd is brilliant, they didnt lose their sound or anything. i liked this band before most people didnt know who they were :D i got slayers new cd and lamb of gods but never got to listen to it yet... (still sitting in my friends care) bah!
but yes... my fave song off the trivium cd is Unrepentant. creepily enough i made a tune like the intro before. ho ho ho.
omg last night my leopard gecko scared his tank mate and got all shaken up so i took him out to see if he was okay, and he crawled up my arm and sat on my shoulder until he relaxed. haha so cute. :D
geeeze ive been having serious pains for about three weeks straight now. it wont stop aaiieee. i thought it was my kidney but they arent finding anything wrong with me. which sucks. so maybe i'll just drop dead one day and they'll be like ohh... she had cancer HOW ODDDDDD! haha not.. i wouldnt just drop dead from cancer randomly e_e
but seriously haha nobody knows whats wrong with me and it's annoying and frustrating and (jumps off bridge)
jesus with a gunnnnnnn (8)