work is a freaky ego boost.

the third man to give me his phone number is kinda stalking me though.

another woman at work told me i was beautiful... WHAT? the other one was always like "wow youre sooo prettyyy.."

oh and um... i have beautiful eyes and people envy my lips.

ugly...? my. fucking. ass.

omg people are cunts haha i got spazzed at for posting a journal three times by accident? on deviantart. lame!

i was called a stuck up cunt for not caring how "lame" and "weird" my rant was

and umm a stupid bitch for not caring that he was mad i accidentally posted it several times DUE TO MY BROWSER FREEZING haha

and im the idiot?

god!

dir en greyyyy in febbb LALALALALALALALALALLAAHH!!

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

hah! i had a dream that was totally fucked up!!!

i dreamt i was hanging out with my ex in his home town and his friends were there. then his girlfrend was coming in and i had to hide (shes a freaky bitch) it was really weird. then i was there with his grandparents hiding in the bathroom for some reason..... WHAT?

so then i came out and she was there and i complimented some cat she had on her shirt (WHAT?!) and she wasnt as freaky evil... she prolly didnt know it was ME (aka bitch that made her precious boyfriend upset) it was funny.

then randomly a tornado came and ripped everything apart. idont know why but momentarily i dream about tornadoes. hahah!




i duno i always have weird dreams that mean nothing. and usually end with tornados hahaha

ok so lets see lots happened in the first day of 2007:

i got invited to a fucking threesome with two girls but ... no thanks haha (aka fucking whores and i havent even met one of them)

i just got asked out by a guy friend... aah aah hhhh i saw it coming but i dont know what to do about it haha (this is jeff in lethbridge, jeff in edmonton doesnt even know yet... are we even an item I DONT KNOW, GODDDD!![not like id have sex with either haha][prefers male friends than male relationships!])

i have to go to a show with a guy that has a crush on me from work. how do i get myself into such things? well it will be fun but ... i duno haha

and in feb we're checkin out DIR EN GREY in toronto hopefully if i find 500 to spend.

and then in the summer we're having a road trip to the US! haha

and then hopefully sometime me and matt have time to egg and throw nails at cars!

oh and to top it off i found out today that i work with a chick that is my childhood friends step sister from moosejaw!! SMALL FUCKING WORLD haha i so have to meet up with him again. and i have some other peeps to meet in sask too.

yknow i just tallied up the amount of people who hate me... its so fucking amazing. i am seriously hated by lots of people. its a funny thing, to be honest. :D i find it amusing.

it's kinda sad but i didnt want most of them to like me anyways e_e just some days i think... hmm i wish we were still friends then other days it was like no wait selling me out does not compute to friends...

see to some people im just soooo uncool.. do i know why? not really. probably because i was a whiny cunt in highschool. that could be it. i was so fucking confused about things. or maybe its because... well i duno.

its just because one person hated me in a certain group so everyone followed along. surpise suprise eh???

lame.

</3

oh and one chick hates me because i had a crush on some girl and wait.... i dont know the rest of the story. she just freaked out. and still rants about it. sooo funny!
apparently to her my "journals dont have form" like wtf? who gives a fuck? hah!

yknow, i wonder why people visit my page everytime i write a journal but dont message me / reply to messages or anything. kinda odd.... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >>_>

well... seems like this guy i hang out with wants to date me. argh! i hate turning them down now haha ive done it so many times this year... lets see about five times. i coulda got that much hetero action but meh no thanks. i duno how to turn this guy down either he's so nice! AAGHHH!!!

i still wanna go to australia. SNIFFFF!

aarrghhH!! im having the hardest time finding a baby northern blue tongued skink... DAMN YOU STUPID CLASSIFIED PEOPLE TAKING OFF YOUR ADS BECAUSE I LIVE IN CANADA (breathes)

it takes time... le sniff!!!

i wanna go to australia. it would be sweet. :D

so okay check out my last diary. let me know if youre in.

http://www.ircf.org/projectheloderma/

thankyouuu

this goes to everyone who cares about herps and stuff!!! check out this site. donate even ten fucking bucks. i had three people do it already and some people from work are going to give me money to donate :D !! i really hate to see species extinct and shit. so here it is. this is to help a south american beaded lizard. there are only 200 left because of...well check out the site! if you care for reptiles GO LOOOOOOOK !!! please. for me. no ... for the lizard. im donating several hundred in the new year!

http://www.ircf.org/projectheloderma/

first of all... omfg I PASSED MY MATH OMG OMG YES YES YES. 1. i get money back. 2. i raised my average over all and that means i get into university either way if i so choose to WHICH I REALLY SHOULD.

second of all... i think this guy ive been hanging out with alot wants to date me. suprise suprise eh? i mean the only reason girls fit into the punk group i was once part of, was because they are groupies/sluts. ok i felt wanted there but it was just for....well um sex. (yeah the girls in that group are hot but they are whores....oh yeah and emo drama ok i had a big crush on a guy there!!!) but yeah i duno what to say bout him. i have my guy in edmonton (kinda) and he isnt bad looking or anything... but wtf... both their names are JEFF. JEFF!!!! why does that name feel familiar? i duno.

third of all.... i am going to get more reptiles in the new year and thats it. NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: stop after the blue tongued skink im getting probably in january. and also my leaftail and african fire skink. thats it. i'll stop my herp collection at 12. hell i think i might have to sell some cresties for room!

i wanna breed the cresties thats why i have like 7 of them. it will be a fun project but i might sell 2 or 3 of them if things dont work out aka the bitchy one that bit me because i never handle him so he's basically wild!

im stoked for the blue tongue skink though!! they are so personable like beardies but i duno i want a skink more! </3 theyre both aussies... i love australia haha.

so hmmmm its almost christmas! merry christmas everyone (even those who hate me) and i wish the best of time and hope things are great for all and such!!!

YAAAHHHH!!

whee christmas is in five days holy shit i spent so much money

wheee...

sooooo i talked to jeff today. godddd haha i still like him e_e i duno, he lives far away but he's willing to drive all the way down to lethbridge from edmonton to go to a show with me... wheeee!!!!!

just wait he'll do something to piss me off.

hohohohoo!!! theres a billy talent show in lethbridge and im going. yeah i saw them live before (warped 05, i didnt go this year with the crappy lineup kinda.) BUT i just wanna go and see rise against i totally missed them at warped (once again crappy lineup this year!!! D: )

im stoked! we're close too. i love goin to shows. it's been a while since i went to an actual venue to see a CONCERT not a gig/show. heheheheheehhh!!!!

anti flag will be there, i think i only like one song by them but thats okay

wheee

i just came to realization !!!!

everyone remembers when i was whining about wanting an ex back bla bla blaahhh. i didnt want to fuck him or anything like that.... (pokes at certain people)

honestly though i missed the idea of things we had i guess.

but i got over that umm what three months ago? haha six? something?!

well just had to get that outta the way.

it's weird. i shoved everyone i could possibly consider a friend away from me and now it gets to me... about half a year later.

i cant trust anyone, i know most of them were useless anyways (cough the sellouts cough cough) but still... now my life is really boring.

do i feel bad? do i feel hated? no. i chose to throw them away. im still working on throwing a few more away. i really just need a few friends. going out everynight with 20 people used to be fun but it got tiresome and made me angry and stressed.

now im just going to slowly work on a new group of friends, maybe a trust worthy NON SELLING OUT group of friends. haha

it's interesting. but hey, all i need in life is my best friends, booze, the occasional intoxicants, and my ever growing ego (yeah no more self pity FUCK that.) like seriously i think its kinda evil in a way... i reject and toss people away before they can do it to me so in a way that makes me feel good.

: D

muahahah!

(dies alone)

ok so i almost died last night (shakes fist) but now seeing im still here it seems like the last journal was an attention whore entry but really i was expecting to die.

WHY CANT IT JUST HAPPEN ALREADY OMFG.

looks like fate is telling me that i'll die later. nothing else is working. taking like 12 motion sickness pills didnt work (good high though)... it was kinda scary haha i just got this rush of hot burning on the top of my head and passed out for seven hours! hohohohh!!!

seriously what the fuck, i was all undepressed for the longest time. maybe im depressed because everyone enjoys selling me out and feeling theyre better than me. FUCK THEM! it could be that ..well with who and how i am, i will be dying alone haha.

so i guess that's that. i didnt really wanna die from convulsions anyways. that would suck.

omg you guys i tried something today if you dont hear from me im dead!

the chances are low but hey its exciting to see if i die hohohoh!

argh.

sometimes i wish that i liked men just fine and found someone that would just be fine with me and be equal and there weren't any female distractions and i just liked men.

but hey i dont like the penis.

life's a bitch eh?

okay so another guy at work told me he liked me. haha wtf?

what is it with them? im just approachable i think.

but he's kinda hot. i duno. i thought i had a thing with mr edmonton guitarist guy thats weird like me guy but i dont think long distance will work.

plus he likes being crazy and doing public things... yes things think about it. :D public action IS HOT! ok