Been let down
From my ownself
Smiles that I waited for
Smiles that never came
My joy just hit the floor
Thinking that another day
Would come when I didn't feel this way
Again I anticipated
Again my expectations faded
Wanting the bliss to live within
Again I see, it never gave in
Alone with no one to help me feel
This happiness, it's been killed
Caring a bit too much
For one apart from my ownself
Thinking that I could live
With the self-respect I didn't give
Bleeding tears
Lonely fears
Caring a bit too much
For one apart from my ownself
Did I really think
That people would throw away their selfishness
For someone who didn't believe in themself
Someone like me
That fears what there is to see
Ahead in life
I see nothing, I just strive
To have the joy that others do
To live the life that others hate
The life that others don't appreciate
Sweetest taste of fear
Blissfully crying crimson tears
Tainted joy and a smile faded
Alone and cold, I fucking hate it
All this anger, breaking, shaking
Waking up something inside
Weakening my body limb by limb
It hurts to live in this world of sin
Hauntiung faces
Taunting voices
I need to make my own damn choices
this is just something I wrote in math class.. Was bored and kinda not feeling well.. Had to get some feelings out...
Remembering all the times
I smiled without a doubt
I laughed inside, I really felt proud
Never did I cry
That was not a choice
I felt so intoxicated
With joy I felt I could never live without
Now when I try so hard
To remember when I was never scarred
When I didn't feel so faded, trapped
Alone or cold in a darkened box
Making my tears flow
Uncontrollably
How can I remeber
The feelings I felt then
When now they don't even live within
Scared and broken
Shattered dreams, shattered movies
Scattered about, did I really know these
Feelings that scorched my heart
Now so cold
Never able to restart
Act as if I have the power
Then again, I fall, I cower
Feeling lost
Like I have no cost
Wonder why I try so hard
Knowing that I'll always be scarred
Alone without a hand to hold
Fear within, my heart is cold
Smiling to hide
The tears I cried
Trapped inside these tainted bars
Seeing your name in the stars
A mask tattoo'd upon my face
Only to hide the scars, no trace
Running away from the truth so clear
It's that, I truly fear
Without you in my world so dull
These lies I say, I try to hold
Screaming your name
Without you here I can't be tamed
Boiling blood
Turns to mud
Battered body, frail and weak
Without you here, it's hard to speak
Immersed with pain breaking free
Crying alone, trying to see
Wanting to break my body
Free myself of the pain you brought me
A flower reaching toward the sky
A horrid face flying by
Hit the ground, a flash of light
Screaming silently in the night
Flirting with death
Dying inside with every breath
This fear inside, dragging me down
Put on a mask, fake like a clown
Anger scorching deep inside
This fate to come, I can not hide
Counting the times I fought, I tried
All the times I smiled, then cried
The happiness that once burned within
The times my heart never did mend
Times when things really ment
A smile then, a smile now bent
Alone, afraid, tears, I'm drenched
Strikes against my frail body, I never once flenched
Trembling, cold, lost in time
Never again will I hear a clock chime
Falling endlessly down
Tainted mirrors all around
A weary smile to hide my frown
Shadows tower high above
Feeling alone, here with out love
Compressed by fear
Immersed with tears
Wrapped in cold lace
It hurts, feeling erased
My thoughts, so distant
These voices, persistant
I scream, no sound
Trembling, feeling bound
Not free, no escape
These hands, feeling raped
Falling endlessly down
Tainted pictures all around
A weary smile to hide my frown
Sweet sorrow, not intoxicated
Feeling alone, it's elavated
Soon
Little angel of darkness
I want to say goodbye
I want to be free of your lie
Your voice already lives, I've been drawn
Your company is killing me
I hate this feeling, dead
When your gone would I miss you
Would I miss your haunts
If not, your taunts
Would I miss the smile, you never brought
If I did, would I be caught
I hope not
'Cause little angel of darkness
It hurts me when your here
All you have brought me is fear
Don't you understand
It's because of you that I can't land
On my feet; Your the one making me weak
Release me please, I can barely speak
When your gone would I miss you
Would I miss your hate
If not, your evil gate
Would I miss all those times I fought
If I did, would I get caught
I hope not
'Cause little angel of darkness
It's because of you that I can't smile
It's because of you, I've fallen back a mile
I can't stand to see your face
Here, there will be no grace
I'm going to leave soon
Just wait a little while
Soon, maybe I'll have a real smile
My smile, so faint
It's clear, it's fake
I'm sorry
I try
But it hurts, agony
It brings
To force this fake smile
I know you love to see
Sometimes, maybe
My smile could be real
But that
My dear, is just so rare
Only the times, I'm here
In your arms
Could my smile, so faint
Ever be complete
this is a short little poem I wrote to someone whom they don't know it's to them.. o.o' AND.. Shalt not find out. BWAHA! XD
Shattered Pieces
Could you find the shattered pieces
The shattered parts of me
All my memories and dreams
If you found the shattered pieces
Would you bring them back to me
Would you throw them all away
Or mend them like a puzzle
Racking at your brain
Each shattered piece
Holds a part of me
If you put them back in place
Would you see a mirrored movie
Of all my memories and dreams
If you found the shattered pieces
Would you even stop to think
Would you prevent a second glance
Or would you stop and gather them together
You'd be holding shattered pictures
Shattered frames and shattered movies
Of all my memories and dreams
Could you find the shattered piecies
The shattered parts of me
All my memories and dreams
If you found the shattered pieces
Would you help me to remember
Would you leave me lost and wondering
Or would you mend them like a puzzle
Racking at your brain
But each shattered piece
Holds a part of me
If you put them back in place
Would you see a mirrored movie
Of all my memories and dreams
As time goes by
As time goes by
I watch the hours, I watch the sky
I see the people
But they don't see me
As time goes by
I float away, I try to fly
Fly away into a oblivion
Away from here
Where the time passes
As I am unknown
As time goes by
I watch the texture on my ceiling
I watch it do nothing
I feel not what I'm feeling
As time goes by
I smile a bit of nothing
And watch it all pass away
Before my eyes
The paint chips peel away
As time goes by
I watch my naked walls
I watch them do nothing
Now I feel something
But I feel not what I'm feeling
Hiding
I sit, alone
By this cold wet window seal
I try, so hard
To look outside
But my eyes are far too watery
I can barely even see
I don't know what is wrong with me
I spend my days
My nights, all hours
Thinking about how life would be
If I hadn't done that
Or if I hadn't done this
I cry, alone
By this cold wet window seal
I think, so deep
Maybe I should go outside
And take a look from a different view
I stand, alone
Outside this cold wet window seal
I try, so hard
To look inside
But the window is far too foggy
I can barely even see
I don't know what is wrong with me
I spend my days
My nights, all hours
Thinking about how life would be
If I could see inside of me
I cry, alone
Outside this cold wet window seal
I think, so hard
Maybe I should go inside
And take a look at me from there
I sit, alone
By this cold wet window seal
I try, so hard
But there is nothing but darkness
I can barely even see
I don't know what is wrong with me
I spend my days
My nights, all hours
Thinking about how life would be
If I weren't hiding from everyone else
Or if I weren't even hiding from me
Can't you see
Can't you see what your doing to me
Your taking away my happiness
the smile once upon my face
your killing me inside
A friend like you
I don't need you
I don't need another person
A person like you
to beat me up inside
A person to anger me even more
A person like you
Who is blind to the truth
Can't you see what your doing to me
Your eating me alive
you think the things i do
I do because I wanna be cool
But can't you see I am nothing but me
Cool doesn't matter to me
And neither do you
Can't you see what your doing to me
your making me crazy
Washing away my sanity
Can't you see
It's people like you
That drive me to this point
this point of insanity
It's true
Can't you see what your doing to me
Look around and realize
your no good
your no friend of mine
Can't you see
It's people like you
that drive me to this place
This place between life and death
Can't you see what your doing to me
I hate you
i don't need you
A friend like you
to do this to me
I don't need a another person like you
to take away my identity
A person like you
Who washes away my sanity
Can't you what your doing to me
Can't you see
Can't you
"Me"
I'll take this knife
I'll use this knife to carve
Carve a new me
Carve a better me
Carve a me
A me I don't hate
I'll take this knife
I'll use this knife to peel away
Peel away my skin
Reveal a new me
Reveal a better me
Reveal a me
A me I don't hate
I'll take this knife
I'll use this knife to cut out
Cut out a part of me
The part that doesn't feel
The part that doesn't see
I'll cut out me
To see a me
A me I don't hate
I Am
I'm a shadow fading
Deep into the skies
I'm a shadow no one can see
I'm fading but no one believes
I'm a sinner who can't resist temptations
I'm a believer that doesn't believe
I'm a lover with out a love
I'm a crier with no tears
I'm a darkened soul
Being ripped apart into the deep streets
I'm a looker with no eyes
I'm a doll with no seams
I'm a speaker with no tongue
I'm art work thats incomplete
I'm a thinker who doesn't think
I'm a writer with no utensils
I'm a living dream
Being washed away into the sea
I am me
but I'm incomplete
Poetic suicide
Dim light filling the room as it gleams from the candle flames surrounding me
As I stand still alone eyeing the one I hate most
Myself
My refection in the mirror
I have a face of disgust as look into the water filled sink below me
Crystal clear water glistening from the candle light
My thoughts are so many I can't even hear them all clearly
As the puddles of salty tears begins to fill my eyes
Dripping swiftly downward
As they cause ripples in the water
Looking up again into my pitiful reflection
As I place my hands firmly on the sink looking down
The water oh so clear and pure is now so red it seem as black as the night
"My tears" I thought looking up again
Seeing my face stained red
I shook my head and nothing changed
My plan was still in mind
So then I turned and grabbed a dagger
So long and sharp, so feirce and eager
Almost as feirce as the anger in my eyes and the pain breaking free
I then recount my reasons and repeat my past
Swiftly moving through my eyes
There I saw so few moments
And felt so few
That I was ever really happy
That inside I wasn't fading away and my heart wasn't decaying
I need not mention my reasons or any that I saw
I nodded my head and held the dagger high
Yet my last reason was delayed
My most important
The thing I hate most
The thing that makes me despise this life so
I'm no longer one with my love
He left me alone
Abandoned me there
Cold and alone in the shadows I lurk
I began to sob
As I loudly gasp for air
Then quickly with one swift movement
Mere seconds later
The dagger oh so sharp
So feirce and long
Had peirced my heart deep within
I can just say that the split second of pain I felt before gone
It still does not come close to matching the pain that my love has left me
Okay this poem isn't really that good. I'm just describing a way that I would kill myself. Something like that. to describe how it felt when my ex left me and all that kinda stuff... So.. yeah.. Thats only what I iwsh i could do, but I never try to kill myself. Only in my poems do I attempt it... (and in my head)... oO;
Silent Scream
I open my mouth as if to speak
But nothing comes out
Except a silent peircing scream
Falling to the floor as I begin to crawlI can feel my heart decaying
My soul being eat away
I can feel all these knives as they rip my skin to shreads
My blood boiling and my veins bursting
I can feel my throat seal up
My vision darken and my ear drums bust
Still no one hears a thing
Not even my silent peircing scream
I can feel these tears falling
Slipping from my crawl
Fighting something inside me
I can't move anymore
I'm stained in blood
Covered in tears still flowing
I can feel my body jump
My body twitch and beg for air
Still theres nothing to be heard
Except my silent peircing scream
I can feel that I am suffocating
Bleeding to death and crying
My sorrowful fate
Was to die here alone
This painful feirce and evil death
I feel myself breathe my last breath
Bleed my last drop of crimson velvet blood
Move my last twitching movement
As I lay there in my blood and in my tears
Thus I have released my last silent peircing scream
this poem I love the most. I don't know why. I just think it describes how I feel very well.. i like it alot and i'm proud of it. EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!!... oO;... so BLAH!
No Way Out
Your breaking me down
Beating it out
You've found me now
Theres now way out
your boiling in my blood
Running in my mind
My veins are bursting out
No one can hear me shout
Hear me scream
Hear me cry
Hear me falling to the ground
your beating me down
Not breaking me now
You've found me out
Knocking down these walls
you see behind my eyes, you see me now
Burining in my eyes
your jumping in my heart
My bones are breaking now
This is only the start
Your beating me, beating me down
Your breaking me, breaking me down
Your finding me, finding me out
Beating it out, breaking me down, finding me now
Theres no way out
no one can hear me shout
Hear me scream
Hear me cry
Hear me hitting the wall
Eating my soul
your crawling under my skin
You know me now
You've found me out
Playing with my fears
your beating me, beating me down
Your breaking me, breaking me down
Your finding me, finding me now
Theres no way out
You live me now
Okay.. POC poem... I think it's more like a song, but yeah. This kinda sounds like it's about abuse, but it's not. I only write about things that I go through and I've never been abused(my mom ad bro were, but not me).... message me if you think you know what the meaning is. Hehe... I'll tell you if your right... and if not and you wanna know I'll tell ya!!! Muwahah... oO;
Gone
Dragging me into darkness
Taking me to visit nothingness
They're eating away all my happiness
The voices whispering my name
Screaming out to me
Those faces that I see
Horrid, tortured, demonic faces
Felling like something touching me, rubbing me
Depriving me of what innocence I have left
It's devouring me slowly
Driving me crazy
It's making my vision hazy
Making me dizzy
I can't stand up straght
Making me wish for fate
Making me slice myself, dig under my skin
Try to fight these things, but they always seem to win
Dragging me deeper into darkness
Taking me to visit nothingness
They're eating away all my happiness
Putting crazy thoughts in my head
Causing me to bleed out tears, to shed
Shed my skin, be a skeleton, be dead
They're making me help them
Making me weaker limb by limb
Causing me to scrtatch off peices of my skin
Making me feel naked, feel numb
They're taking me back to where they came from
Dragging me deeper into darkness
Taking me to visit nothingness
they're eating away all my happiness
Dragging me deeper into darkness
Taking me to visit nothingness
Now I'm nothing but a mindless spawn
I've gone
Gone to darkness
Gone to nothingness
Loss of happiness
I'm gone
Sometimes
sometimes I just wish
I never stopped watching from the shadows
That I just kept my feelings ot myself
That I never revealed that I wanted him too
Although if I did I never would've fallen in love
Or even experience true happiness
For the first time in my life
Because afetr they "us" went away
for another first in my life I REALLY depressed, lost
I have no where to go
Now I'm alone, with out you
Your all I want
and your all I don't have
No longer do I feel that powerful happiness
All I feel now
Is heart ache, inner and outer pain
Now all I do is cry all night
And then try to smile all day
Being careful not to touch my cuts
Hidden on my hips
By my sides
So God why did I have to go and let him know
That I loved him so
If I had just stayed on the side lines
This pain, agony
That I feel
It wouldn't be real
I'm angry with you
Nor am I anyone else
Glady I dud experience that power
The love that still burns inside me
but I just wish sometimes
I hadn't revealed
Revealed my true feelings to him
than maybe after affects of "us"
Maybe they wouldn't hurt so much
Because then "us" would've never been
so no
I'm not angry with anyone
Anyone important atleast
I'm just angry with me
Okay.. this one and some other of my poems are talking about some guy... you may see them on here mention something about a guy.. Well the thing is.. I'm in love with him.. I've known him for 4 yrs and I went out with him for 14 months. He dumped me this yr in August and I'm trying desperately to get over him.. even though he told me that there is hope we will get back together. I'm trying SO HARD to get over him right now... so... I have like 40+ poems and 15-20 of them are mainly baout him... I won't put them on here. People get mad that I write about him too much.. Heh oO; Well... yeah!!!
My drug
Have you ever been in so much pain
That you feel theres no other way to escape
Then to cause yourself more pain
On the outside
Not just in
But for me
I'm numb ot the razor
To the knife
My inner pains too strong
It over powers what I do to me
So I keep trying
Over and over
the pain never goes away
Sometimes it feels good
So good I can't stop
So good I yearn for more
It's like a drug to me
I do it once
Then again
slowly becoming addicted
even when I know iy does nothing for me
I have to do it more to get the same affect as before
I have to add more pressure
To get more blood
Double my dose
This is my drug
My razor
Its like its screaming out to cut me
So I figure why not
It felt so good before
I'm trying to numb myself
All I'm really doing is fading away
Slowly I'm decinagrating
But all I'm doing is speeding the process
i just don't know how to stop
I'm helping myself die inside
But I've got to someday
Why not go ahead and kill myself
then I can die physically
I'll already be dead
So I won't have anything to worry about
Okay ppls.. I know it's not even close to the best poem I've written, but sometimes they do that when I just blurt out my feelings on paper and TRY to make it a poem... Heh oO;
I can't
I can't look in the mirror
And find one single thing
To seem even pretty to me
I can't look into my own eyes
And not cry
Because all I see behind them
Are all the bad things that have happened to me
I can't touch myself
And be happy with what I feel
Because it feels so rough
It feels like my emotions
It's all messed up
I can't tell myself
The sinmple little things
I can't say I'm happy with me
I'd just be lying uncontrolably
I can't look someone
In the eye
And truthfully say
I don't wanna change
Because I do
I'm not happy now
I can't be
I can't be who people want
I've messed up too much
I can't be perfect in anyway
I'm further from that
Than anyone I know
I can't go back in time
And keep myself from making mistakes
I can't just push reset
It's not some stupid video game
God didn't make it that way
I can't continue the way I am
I have to stop pretending
That everythings okay
That I don't care about me
Because really I know I do
but life just isn't fair