Since my mother would call me a hypocrite for staying and pretending to listen to the service, I took the liberty of walking home. The ice bit through my thin shoes, raw and bumpy from being shoveled from the road onto the sidewalk as snow, only to sit around and harden, making the concrete almost impossible to walk on and get anywhere fast--much less with the shoes I was wearing. It was even worse for me, considering since I almost broke my ankle slipping on it, I've been terrified of walking on ice. When your mind has nothing else to concentrate on than where you are walking, though, wanders a bit. The cold mountains of ice made me wonder what it would look like if Colorado was still the plain it used to be, with only deer and buffalo treading the snow. Would it create such a harsh, tossed, old look after the first day was over? Would it have the dirt and fumes built into it still? When I was halfway home, I was stopped by a man in a truck leaving the gas station. He told me he had seen me walking on his way there and asked if he could give me a ride so I would get where I was going faster. I told him no, even though the way he put it sounded more like it was spontatious than anything else, and his intentions were most likely good. I was enjoying the walk at that point, and I was not in the mood for complying with the American mindset of needing a car to take us everywhere. The sidewalk from then on was better, as it was shoveled and ice was seldom. I was thinking about church, and how, if man had known earlier about time and space and planets whether or not we would have religion based on gods. All religion is to me anymore is an old explaination for what's beyond our line of sight here on Earth. But, that's just my opinion. It's not like I can prove it anyway. Which got me on to thinking about why humans try to explain everything. Afterlife, ghosts, parallel universes--it's just humans trying to make sense of what they cannot see or explore. They have been trying to find answers to everything for years upon years. Maybe that "light at the end of the tunnel" is a common hallucination created by the mind as it shuts down. Maybe the sensations created by "ghosts" are just minor shifts in the Earth. Maybe there is nothing beyond Pluto--just a gigantic space filled with even more stars. But I wouldn't know--I haven't experienced any. And then I thought, why do I wonder about this? Why humans? Why do they think so differently than everything else? What if llamas were born with the thought process of humans; would they be the most populated on earth? When I got home, I thought to myself...

...I need to take more walks in the winter.

Yes, I did it again :P


Name: Katia, ne
Birthday: Shigatsu! (death month! stupid double meanings) 4-9-90 >>
Birthplace: Lochwood
Current Location: see above (It will be Asia in a few years!!)
Eye Color: Hazel. Like the candy. Yeah.
Hair Color: Brown. Like my Bubbala's dog's. Yeah.
Height: 5'8" or 9"
Right Handed or Left Handed: technically both, but I can only write with the right
Your Heritage: my great-grandfather & mother were pure Russian on my dad's side, on my mom's, my great-grandmother was pure English
The Shoes You Wore Today: my black sketcher-things >>
Your Weakness: photoshop >>
Your Fears: the mailman....
Your Perfect Pizza: cheeseless with umeboshi and a little okonomiyaki sauce on the side :D oh, and maybe some caviar :P
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: confirm an exchange program...save me up some money
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I don't overuse my phrases. Please, it's overrated :P
Thoughts First Waking Up: don't have any. God, it's physically impossible for me to think at 5:20 in the morning
Your Best Physical Feature: dunno
Your Bedtime: whenever I can fall asleep
Your Most Missed Memory: I have a lot
Pepsi or Coke: coke, baby! Unless of course it's Thai Pepsi...
McDonalds or Burger King: Mickey-d's. I only have it 2-3 times a year though. Just eating that stuff makes me feel all fat and greasy
Single or Group Dates: whichever
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither. They give me headaches
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate!! chyokou goodness! ...Pocky!!
Cappuccino or Coffee: meh, whichever I can afford
Do you Smoke: nope, just took away someone's cigarette today, though. Nobody else was doing anything...!
Do you Swear: when I feel it nessesary
Do you Sing: when no one can hear me, I sing really loud ;D
Do you Shower Daily: yup. It's the only way to wake me up in the morning
Have you Been in Love: Iunno
Do you want to go to College: yup, and my bubbala and augie have made it clear that I need to stay in America until I get my college degree...
Do you want to get Married: sure
Do you belive in yourself: depends...me n' Gabby could be motivational speakers..!
Do you get Motion Sickness: on occasion, yes. I was on the bus the other day (bleh)
Do you think you are Attractive: nope
Are you a Health Freak: I'm starting to be...a little
Do you get along with your Parents: sometimes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Very much so. Especially when the rain is warm and I can sit outside and watch it...maybe take a picture or two
Do you play an Instrument: yup, several. I have a pretty sweet flute collection that I play Irish jigs n' stuff on...
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: mebeslteiethwoieha
In the past month have you Smoked: no
In the past month have you been on Drugs: nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date: nooope
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yup, went with Gabby. Brought my camera, too :D
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: nope. I've been rather healthy this month, be proud of me!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I ate most of Kim's Inari the other day oO plus I had some California rolls with my grandma when we went to that Japonais restraunt
In the past month have you been on Stage: hmm...not this month...I will be very soon, though
In the past month have you been Dumped: nope :P
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: nope again
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: I don't think so
Ever been called a Tease: iie
Ever been Beaten up: non
Ever Shoplifted: no
How do you want to Die: I dunno. It's not like I have much of a choice, anyway. Unless of course I was to commit suicide. But that isn't a very glamourous way to die. Hmm...I wanna be on a movie set in Hollywood, and I want to be all dramatic when I do it, too :D
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A monkey. No, wait, a camel! A penguin! So many choices...
What country would you most like to Visit: Japan, Ireland, China, Burma, India, New Zealand, Austrailia, Russia
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: dunno
Favourite Hair Color: dunno
Short or Long Hair: depends if it looks good on them
Height: taller than me
Weight: not incredibly, morbidly obese >> goodness
Best Clothing Style: whatever looks good on them
Number of Drugs I have taken: dunno
Number of CDs I own: enough that I don't feel compelled to go count them now in order to properly answer this question
Number of Piercings: 4 in my ears. I'm hoping maybe mom will let me get more...
Number of Tattoos: none. I am in the process of designing one for my back
Number of things in my Past I Regret: a lot. I will not recount them for you, most of them are secrets. Nanny :P

   Looking over my shoulder, I could see from the corner of my eyes that the shadows were growing. My muscles were burning, and tears of pain dripped from my weary eyes as I struggled for breath. I ran straight into the trees, barely avoiding collision with a low hanging branch. I fought for my balance as I vaulted over logs and piles of dead pine needles.
   "August...."
   The icy voice seed to pierce the very moonlight streaming through the branches surrounding me. It was that same voice...I had not heard it since it had predicted my insanity three years before. A few months afterward, it had foreseen my death. A woman lay on the floor, her clothes glued by blood to the creaking wooden panels on the floor, wounds still oozing life, spilling like waterfalls into the icy river of souls harvested by Hades himself.
   After the funeral, my father suddenly found me as an obligation. His angry screams echoes through my head as I ran. I could never forget...
  
  
   "What the hell is wrong with you...?!" He bellowed. I looked down in order to avoid the persecution in his eyes. "Look at me!" He brought his fist down, knocking me to the floor. I wanted to punch him back...to slowly sever every one of his arteries until he lay in bloody pieces on the floor, no muscle connected to its host that could hit me, to dump him in a lake far away...but I could not.
   "Get up." He growled. I shakily started to move, but that was not good enough for him. Nothing was. He seized my hair and jerked me upward. Staring me down, his nose dangerously close to mine, I was forced to inhale the stench of whiskey on his breath. "I asked you to do me something as simple as get some friggin cash, and..." He hocked and spat in my face. "Hell, you could've screwed some guy for all I care as long as he paid you." He threw me back to the ground, tearing out a chunk of hair that he tossed after me. "You did sleep with someone, didn't you? You whore!"
  He beat down on me, tearing at my clothes and releasing blood onto his fists, both mine and his. I could not scream. It would just make him hit harder. He held me down and raped me sometimes, too. When he felt horney, and could not drive down to the local bar and pick someone else up. And every time I felt his body on top of me or his fist raking my head, I hoped he would kill me...just to save me from something worse than Hell...


   I ran away...so far away, he could not find me. I was sure that he was somewhere right then, finding some other girl to lure into an alleyway...all the time pledging that if he goes to jail, it should be my death.
   My legs were still moving, though burning with exhaust. Branches tore at my flesh as I cleared the forest, stumbing onto a paved road.
   Light struck me, and I fell back, shielding my eyes from the street lamp whose dim, yellow light stared through the darkness at me.
   My frantic mind finally remembered that there were no shadows in the light, no voices to haunt my memory.
   I limped over to the lamp, the muscles in my legs twitching from fatigue. Leaning my back on the pole, I slid to the base, falling asleep as I touched the ground.

    Deep in the backwaters of Alabama, near the dusty Civil War infirmary on Sabbath way, the creaky old McKinstry house lay, built by the hands of Old Man McKinstry himself. The kids in Piedmont admired the McKinstrys, mostly on account of their daughter, Alexandra (or Miss Alexie, as was popular among the townsfolk). That girl could play the piano, and filled the local bar up every night (except for Sunday, of course).




aaaand....cue writers block >>



I know how it's going to end, and I kinda know what's going to happen in the middle, I'm just having problems getting there.

Erm...if you have any ideas, please help

Cake - Friend is a Four-Letter Word


To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.

When I go fishing for the words
I am wishing you would say to me,
I'm really only praying
That the words you'll soon be saying
Might betray the way you feel about me.

But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.

http://www.myspace.com/mizkate

God, I've been trying to solve all the pain in my life for weeks now, and it's been getting me nowhere.

I've been so emotionally unstable, it truly scares me...

What happened to me...? I was never like this before.

I can't eat. I have trouble sleeping. I'm constantly either feeling like I'm going to vomit or cry.

And someone needs to tell my parents to stop nagging me on going to church. It's not like it's pursuading me anymore to have people claiming to be christians act the way they do. That's their excuse for everything anymore: "that's not in God's plan."

I'm sick of life.

It's too bad all the knives in our house are dull. Not even kidding. I can't even slice a tomato properly with them.

God, my life is pathetic




Artist:Skillet
Album:Collide
Song:
In the dark with the music on
Wishing I was somewhere else
Taking all your anger out on me, somebody help
I would rather rot alone
Then spend a minute with you
I'm gone, I'm gone

And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault

How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be was you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
Downstairs the enemy sleeps
Leaving the TV on
Watching all the dreams we had turn into static
Doesn't matter what I do
Nothing's gonna change
I'm never good enough

And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault

Tell me why you broke me down and betrayed my trust in you
I'm not giving up, giving in
when will this war end? 
You can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault.

You know you go to the library too much when the ladies who work there know you on a first-name basis...>>

Name:[someelf]
ET Race: Mix of an Elf (She mostly looks like an Elf)/human/angel. With the age around 165 (Looks 20 or younger.)
Occupation: A healer, and helper of the good, (housewife too.) Please with all kinds of magik. And learns to move thing's with her mind.
Weapon of Choice (you can only have 2 weapons): A dwarf-handmade dagger and a 'Water'sword (Gived my the waterfairy's).


(Looks: )She has a long blue dress, with a white corset, her mightnight boots fit with her outfit, her long hair, usealy in a tail or else in a branch, or just hanin' around goes above her butt. As in her fighting outfit, she wears a Chineese skirt/ or dress. Whichever she feels like. It's green/blue of colour. And her small greenish shoos fit with each outfit she wears. Her belt makes her more un-innocent. Which the belt carries a hand-made dagger and 'Water'sword on each side. Her hair in a high-ponytail and in each outfit she always has a blue crystal flower in her hair.
She has small lil' wings, they start with midnight blue and end with a sort of white/light blue.


I took this from my char of a RP o.o
From: black arrow:someelf



[Neko the Kitty]

*noir style*

she has light blonde hair, grey eyes and pale skin
um....a dark grey but not black hoodey and maybe jeans?oh, she always wears the necklace on the pic of her
http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/drawing/15097_1122427293.jpg


[Keseken]

I want a picture of a guy just kinda standing on a white backround, kinda looking like he's posing, not wearing a shirt. His jeans should be black and relitively loose, off the belt loops there should be either chains or a pair of hand-cuffs. He's not really muscular, he's just kinda lithe. about 5'8". He's really pale with a small tatoo of a ankh on his left shoulder and another small one of an arrow with wings going through a ring. His hair is kinda messy, a soft brown sugar color, not red at all. His eyes are a really deep blue framed by nice lashes. He has fine eyebrows and not really thick lips but not thin ones. Where his normal ears should be, he has brownish black jackle ears instead. They should have at least one peircing in each ear. He should be wearing a black opal pendant, and have a silver barbell in one nipple. If you can, he also has black feathery wings. Is that good for what you need as far as desctriptions go?


[Ri'hala]


Gender: female


Face: smooth, somewhat pale skin, sculpted lips.


Hair: glossy, waist length, raven-black


Eyes: piercing, crystal blue almost like blue ice. (putting a pupil in is optional, lol)

Wings: huge compared to her, brilliant white with a silvery hue


Build: Slender, yet well muscled and strong


Outfits: dark red bodice (almost black), with leather straps across the front. The bodice doesn't reveal too much cleavage, just a modest amount, and has thin spaghetti straps. It sweeps down low in the back, nearly to her lower back, giving her wings room to maneuver. black leather (matte, not shiny)pants with a crisscrossed sword belt and knee-high black boots covered in buckles, with the tip and heel plated in steel.


[enter somethin witty here]

 
hi I have the details on what I would like my drawling to look like:


Me with big smile and waving with long brown hair brown eyes, freckles everywhere but not to much, whereing a light green shirt with chockoe kitty on the shirt and whereing bagy brown pants, with a white blet and brown etnies shoes


*If your dont understand something or this is to much for you to do then tell me and I will change. thank you! ^^

Vanessa Carlton - The Wreckage Lyrics
Speeding
Into the horizon
Dreaming of the siren
Wishing for her broken glass on the highway
It could be so easy

The rhythm
Rhythm of an engine
Always makes me empty
I see the headlights coming at me
I can't help but wonder

Flying
Flying in slow motion
Wind through my hair
And ripping through the scene that's made of the wreckage
It is not a secret

Speeding
Into the horizon
Dreaming of the siren
Wishing for her broken glass on the highway
It could be so easy

Have you ever noticed how the majority of the population of North America is technically not American, but European? Even most Mexicans can trace ancestry to Spain. So technically the only people who have a right to get annoyed at people invading other's countries are the Native Americans aand...I don't know what the name of the people in Mexico are. Europeans just have to claim and ruin everything. Like the British, Spainiards, etc, ect taking America from the Native Americans, the Belgians dividing Rwanda and not coming back when the two groups started killing each other, the British (I think...?) completely screwing up Burma's govornment and then just leaving...the list goes on. I hate these stupid domination complexes or whatever they are. People need to get over themselves.

I AM FREAKING PISSED OFF!!! I feel betrayed, I feel used, I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!! If I could scream right now I freaking would. I can still feel the icy hot in my arm where I started pulling at it with my nails. When I finally realized what I was doing, I only pulled more. What's happening? I've never been so wicked mad at anyone it my entire life. Screw the world. I'm done with it. Just shoot me, please

Wow, so...I had a fun day today. Woke up at around 6:30am to go downtown with Jean, Sierra and Gabby. After mom and Jean dropped us off, we walked down to Sakura Square, theeeen we shopped all around the mercantile, then meandered down 16th street mall, then went back to Sakura had lunch at Yoko's (Oishii desu ne!!), then got more money from Jean to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory a second time, then took the light rail to the bus (Sierra rode further on the light rail than us at that point >>), then took the bus to Garrison-ish, and walked home with Gabby. Yay! And what better way to end the day with Thai food? *sighs dreamily* The only downside is that I got a tan around where the strap of my kaban was on my shoulder -.- It's very interesting looking, I can tell you that

People make me sick. Seriously...sick. Not like the whole 'I'm disgusted' deal, but this nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach that sometimes makes me gag. Because of it, I stand over a sink every other week, thinking I'm going to vomit. You can choose not to believe me, since you can't feel what I do, but I really don't want to feel that way ever again. I think the only times I feel like that now is when I think of my ex. Not because he was bad, but (I'm risking sounding vain, so don't take it the wrong way...) I felt like sometimes he obsessed over me. I remember I went away for a few hours, and when I got back, the caller ID said he called 10 times. That was the worst of it I'd had in months. I think I actually did throw up that time. I need to get away from all this. I'm not bulemic, thank you. I'm just ready to make a different life for myself.

There was only silence. It shook him from his dreaming state into a world he worked so hard to get away from. The sky outside the cold glass of his window was only beginning to lighten. He tried to roll over in his covers, but he was too restless to stay put. He rose from the bed and sloppily dressed himself. Pulling on the last button of his shirt, he crept through the quiet halls, sparing only time for a large yawn. Slipping through the screen door in the front, he listened to the crunch of the wintry, chilled grass beneath his feet, newly frozen from an onset of frost that came that night. He stopped at the peak of the hill outside his house. The sun had just risen. It should have been a beautiful rusty-gold, but in his world, there was nothing but black and white. Blank eyes staring at the sky, he wonders..."What am I doing with my life...?"