ok... so my girlfriend and i got into our first 'real' verbal fight on monday. its was horrible, i mean it could have been alot worse, but i didnt want to fight with her at all.
   One of my old friends named Jamie stopped by, well actually Jason went and picked her up... i was just there. Well she arrived and after everyone went to bed her and i stayed up talking about the past and what has happened to eachother lately. Here comes the 'bad' part... we fell asleep next to eachother.
   I should have moved before i fell asleep but i didnt, and for that i really do apologize; im also sorry for provoking thoughts that should have never existed.
   Well she fell asleep and i was a second away from sleeping and then my girlfriend called. Beings that i love my girlfriend, of course im going to stay up with her and talk to her. she told me about what her parents had to say the night before. i told her what happened and she got a little upset, not the end of the world, we worked through it... but it was an act of absent-mindedness on my part, and it should have never been like that; that fight that we had should have never existed and in my mind i take complete blame for it and i think my girlfriend would to, but thats cool... i admit to my faults.
   Both of us think that it brought us closer... it was our first fight together and we survived it easily. But what is to come in from the future? whatever it is i dont want to know... and if i have to, i hope that her and i deal with it with the descency that we had in the first one.
   I love you babe, and im sorry for what i did... i promise that that will never happen again nor anything close to it...............im sorry :( 

   OK. time to write in my JOURNAL again. The greatest thing happened to me tonight... i asked my love to date me. Of course she said yes, but i think that she might think that i was somehow forced to ask her out, which is definetely not the case. I love her more than the word love can describe... i want us to be together forever, as dramatic as that may sound... but its the truth.
   I heard alot of upsetting news today, mostly about how her friends and family are rejecting our being as one. But of course, she doesnt care; and her parents really cant stop me. I guess that they think that im a really old perverted person that is going to stalk her. How amusing could this possibly get. 
   Her mother thinks that im going to end up like my father; he is an abusive, self-consious, arrogant fool that doesnt learn, along with abusing drugs and alcohol. I do my best to stay away from him at all times, when he calls and whatnot; but you know there are times that i have to see him... like on holidays. Anyways, my loves mother, said that im going to end up just like my dad, even though i dont drink or do drugs and the majority of all times i am not in that situation... and when i am, i could give a fuck less about "pure pressure", i do what i want to do, no say about it... and that would be to stay away. I know that i used to do bad things but, im not like that anymore... and everyone else knows that along with myself, and frankly i dont think that any of my 'bad' friends give a flying fuck about what i do and what i dont. Well, her mom said "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree", and all i have to say is it does if its at the top of a hill. Those days of 'experimentation' are over, no doubt about it. Guess what i bought with my money, stupidity, and it only costed me about four years of my hard earned money. I hope you like, because i dont. Yeah so im done with tall that SHIT.
   All i have to say is that i love this woman with all of my heart and nothing will stop me from loving her beyond!! We may not see eachother for a while, but we both made that decision and we're sticking to it. Im loyal, and from what she says so is she. I have no reason to NOT believe her so why have doubts. Exactly, i dont. I think that today was one of the greatest days of my life, until the day comes when i get to actually hold her in my arms. I could care less about the first kiss, i just want to be able to hold her, and thank someone for what they have given me. And if it wasnt for my wack friend Jason, i wouldnt even of met this wonderful person, so i definetely have to thank him.
   I love you babe...

   Alright... so i told her that i love her, and she does have the same feelings as i do. But again i am faced with a decision... she lives in Tennessee and i live in minnesota and i want to finish school here, cause my intentions are to move down there.
   She has told me that she loves me and doesnt plan on trying to find a different guy; the feelings are mutual(i dont need ne other woman). But i told her that i dont want her to have to wait for me, that upset me greatly...
   I really screwed things up when i said that i was having thoughts about how long it will be for us. that realy upset her and she told me that she would probably cry if i let her go(talking on the phone) at this point. That made me feel horrible. That was definetely not my intention. But i got over it and told her the trueth. I said not to worry because i love her... i made sure the point was clear.
   Another thing that she told me was that she thinks that the reason that she is so upset is because we're not dating... i have the same thoughts, but what am i supposed to do? Ask her out and then make her wait the time? i dont want that for her...
   All i have to say is that i love her with all of my heart and that is that, im not going to let go no matter what crosses my mind, for both her security and mine... 

   I met this girl right, and shes everything that i've been looking for... shes beautiful, shes fun to talk to, she portrays herself to be pretty smart; also, it seems like we both have the same feelings towards one another.   
   The ONLY problem(from my perspective) is that she lives a little ways away. She doesnt live impossibly far away, but its far enough for me to contemplate about what I should do with her. I feel like im in love, I think about her constantly... when im at home, when im at work, when i get home from work; and when we're talking i think about her ten times as much. Her and I have know eachother for a couple weeks now, and we're not dating... but we've gotten along so well that when we hear about the relationships that we have with the opposite sex's, we both get jealous.
   I want to say that i love her, but i dont know how shes going to react.
   Someone please give me some suggestions.