*JUST FUCKING FUCK IT -.- DAMN ! ! !
Colds 'Bleed'
Bleed
I'm feelin' crossed I take it inside
Burn up the pain, my thoughts are strange
Just like the things I used to love
Just like the tree that fell, I heard it
If art is still inside, I feel it
I wanna bleed, show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream, let the blood flow that keeps me alive
Take all those strings they call my veins
Wrap them around every f*cking thing
Presence of people not for me
Well, I must remain in tune forever
My love is music, I will marry melody
I wanna bleed, show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream, let the blood flow that keeps me alive
I wanna scream, I wanna bleed
Won't you let me take you for a ride
You can stop the world try to change my mind
Won't you let me show you how it feels?
You can stop the world
But you won't change me
I need music to set me free
To let me bleed
*Ok, my dad is drunk as shit, but that dont matter now... hes not talking to me ;)~ He might be dead, but thats fine. He shouldnt drink like that :)P All in all I love my mum :)
*And Hailey just left me :( She went to Malta. I think Im going to go hunt her down right now ;)~ Coudnt em, 14 days from today? I forgot the date she told me 0.0 How do I figure out what we were talking about on this MSN piece of shit!?!?!
[f.u.c]
*Stayed up all night last night trying to work on different material ^.^ I think Im going to write a different song also. But not until I finish what I have started. I know it wouldnt take me that long to finish this song, its just the wanting to do it some days thats the problem.
*Well, today Im going to sit on my cute butt and talk to everyone while still working on 'My Tragedy'. I have to come up with lyrics to the song and I dont know what to write for it.
*I have some hella laundry that I need to get done today too. But that should only take me a few short minutes :)~ And today I have to go to work at 4 pm, but Im thinking about going in at 2; I know I wont though.
[f.u.c]
*Well, today... .. .I officially dislike my ex-g/f parents.
*Going to work on my 'My Tragedy' song for a different band I want to start that is all mellow romantic/depre
*I have to do lots and lots of laundry today
*At 2 p.m. I have to work
[f.u.c]
*Well I dont knowhat to type in here but I guess Im going to type the progress of my song... cause its the only thing I do all day long besides talk to people and work.
*I named my song 'My Tragedy', I guess that I was just hurting when I started to write it, sometimes Ive been feeling pretty lonely even though there are people here at the time. But, like it really matters... life happens.
*Im not too far in my song, I just got the intro done; but there are still some things that need to be changed cause its just not working right on what Im writing it on.
[f.u.c]
I cant believe myself sometimes ... ... ... ... .
[f.u.c]
Great faith.
Great effort.
Great failure.
[f.u.c]
What can I say? Every day is a new day, but still... .. .remains the same. Just a new tragid day... .. .sitting here, wasting away. What else, can I say?
[f.u.c]
*Will someone tell me what the hell is going on? Why is it like this? Where did we go wrong? Where did the love go? I know its still there... or I wouldnt be thinking about it now. This is a dream... I know it. Nothing is going to be lost. No heart will be broken... come back :"(
Always and Forever,
[f.u.c]
I dont know what to say :) I miss my babe sooo much :(
I hope she is having a great day in skewl right now... I doubt it though ^.^ Skewl sux -.-
Well, I have nothing to do sept play my guitar all day until my babe gets home... so Ive been trying to learn 'Sweet Home Alabam' but I dont have a tuner so its kinda hard... and Ive been trying to learn 'Toxicity' and 'Stairway to Heaven' but like I said... Im having trouble with the tuning... I tune it by ear but after I think I got it, it sounds different... I think its because of the different tones from the switch or maybe its... just because they are using different guitars... or THE WIMPS REMASTER THEIR FUCKING CD'S ... there so much they can do in a studio -.- makes me sick. Even a person with the least talent on guitar could make a nice sounding cd... look at 'White Stripes' ... its pathetic... give me a studio and Ill make a damn band by myself!!!
Have a wonderful day :)
[f.u.c]
[f.u.c]ing diary!!! I mean [f.u.c]'s... diary... NO... its a JOURNAL...
0.0 day one... wait... when did I start this thing? Hmmm, well I guess today is day one then.
*Ok, woke up this morning and actually called my woderful, beautifuol girlfriend ON TIME... her and I are both VERY proud of me. I think its been... about... maybe two weeks.. in between two and three weeks since I was able to call her on time :) No, since I was able to call her... she always calls me (I love you babe). But yesterday, woke up ON time, just to find out... no minutes on my card *[f.u.c]!!! he thinks to himself*... but today... yes today was the most joyous of all the days :) Today is my babes birthday :) Happy sweet sixteen babe :) And youre great passing your drivers test :) I knew you could do it sweetheart.
Well, I woke up... and had the pleasure of telling my girlfriend how much I love her. She doesnt even have to say anything back I can feel her love :) Only because she never tells me to shut up :) *SHUT UP!*... "*What?"*...??
Ok, I hate this thing, bye now... Love you babe :)
*Dont know what to say here...I baught a drum set the other day. Very beautiful... not as beautiful as my babe but it looks very nice. And, I learned how to play SOME slipknot on a FOUR string bass, not a five :B
*I gots to go to work taday at four, but I think that Im going to go around 2 maybe... o shit I cant... gots to call my babe at three twenty... nevermind that idea.
*But, I still think its funny that men are keeping diaries on here :P 0.o maybe 0.0 im the only one, oh well ^.^ fuc off if you dont like my diaries :P
[f.u.c]
*I know its been a long time since if written in here... but there isnt a soul that I can talk to and I really, really need to get things off my mind before I start crying.
*Well the entire day was going great... dont know what really happened... I sat here and helped some people out with their problems and cleaned the house sooo many times today... well at least did the dishes many many times today.
*But everything started going wrong when I was told that my girlfriend Rebecca [*Corona*] was on MSN and wanted to talk to me...[this is where it gets sad]. Since the moment that we started talking... she was upset... and that hurt... I cant do ne thing ne more to help my babe out and that makes me cry :"( SO FUCKING MUCH... it just makes me want to end everything that I could possibly end :"( I ended up just telling her that I loved her and then left MSN and ET. And now I know her true feelings about this... so I guess thats that...:"( [I love you :"(...:"(...] *shakes his head from left to right as tears run down his face*
*Then what made things worse is I had to take it out on one of my best friends... I always told her that she didnt diserve the shit that shes been through... but I just made everything so much worse :"(
*And then my dad called me... he was drunk :"( As drunk as he could possibly be :"( He just kept talking and talking and talking... and wouldnt listen to me :"( He told me how it the reason that I left his apartment was because we got kicked out... but he knows thats not it :"( He said that the reason I was so depressed when I lived with him was because of how he couldnt help me in skewl... not the fact that I was beaten by him or verbally thrown down by him :"( And then at the end of the conversation I told him I had to get off the fone so that I could call my babe in the morning and wake her up :"( but he wasnt listening :"( he kept talking... I said his name and he didnt listen :"( I said I had to go again... he kept going :"( Then I told him that I wanted to die :"( He :"( wasnt :"( listening :"( to :" ME!!! his son :"( I should be eveything to him... and he tells me how he cares about me :"( I cant take this... Im such a wonderful person :"( Why does everything have to come crashing down on ME!!! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG???? AND THE 2 PEOPLE THAT I WAS TALKING TO WHEN ALL THIS HAPPENED...WOU
*SOMEONE PLEASE TALK TO ME :"( PLEASE :"( i CANT TAKE THIS NE MORE :"( ... ... ... ... .
ok, if anyone has read my diary, which im sure theres at least one, thanx babe, i think u might know about my friend and his car accident if not...quick summary... car accident, 2 dead, 1 seriously injured, both trucks. i live with the a kid named Jason LeRoy Warner, he was the survivor of the reck but at the same time almost died himself.
Now, he just got a letter from his aunt that say that he has to go to court on the eleventh of this month. hes being charged with two counts of vehicular manslaughter(i think) and one count for severely injuring someone else. two twenty year sentences and one three year sentence... i think thats the maximum(43) im not sure... or a fifty thousand dollar bail. i dont know... all i can say is holy shit, i dont want to describe it like this but it feels like i got kicked in the junk by a steele~toed boot.
i dont know what to say! at all. i cant believe it. never saw it coming and now hes going to be gone within the next two weeks probably... if that. the 11th is one week from now... and a half an hour after my court date.
well, be a man... i know i'll have fond memories and there will be a day when i see him again... hopefuly. he just left on his bike... dont know where though.
ok... so my girlfriend and i got into our first 'real' verbal fight on monday. its was horrible, i mean it could have been alot worse, but i didnt want to fight with her at all.
One of my old friends named Jamie stopped by, well actually Jason went and picked her up... i was just there. Well she arrived and after everyone went to bed her and i stayed up talking about the past and what has happened to eachother lately. Here comes the 'bad' part... we fell asleep next to eachother.
I should have moved before i fell asleep but i didnt, and for that i really do apologize; im also sorry for provoking thoughts that should have never existed.
Well she fell asleep and i was a second away from sleeping and then my girlfriend called. Beings that i love my girlfriend, of course im going to stay up with her and talk to her. she told me about what her parents had to say the night before. i told her what happened and she got a little upset, not the end of the world, we worked through it... but it was an act of absent-mindedn
Both of us think that it brought us closer... it was our first fight together and we survived it easily. But what is to come in from the future? whatever it is i dont want to know... and if i have to, i hope that her and i deal with it with the descency that we had in the first one.
I love you babe, and im sorry for what i did... i promise that that will never happen again nor anything close to it............
OK. time to write in my JOURNAL again. The greatest thing happened to me tonight... i asked my love to date me. Of course she said yes, but i think that she might think that i was somehow forced to ask her out, which is definetely not the case. I love her more than the word love can describe... i want us to be together forever, as dramatic as that may sound... but its the truth.
I heard alot of upsetting news today, mostly about how her friends and family are rejecting our being as one. But of course, she doesnt care; and her parents really cant stop me. I guess that they think that im a really old perverted person that is going to stalk her. How amusing could this possibly get.
Her mother thinks that im going to end up like my father; he is an abusive, self-consious, arrogant fool that doesnt learn, along with abusing drugs and alcohol. I do my best to stay away from him at all times, when he calls and whatnot; but you know there are times that i have to see him... like on holidays. Anyways, my loves mother, said that im going to end up just like my dad, even though i dont drink or do drugs and the majority of all times i am not in that situation... and when i am, i could give a fuck less about "pure pressure", i do what i want to do, no say about it... and that would be to stay away. I know that i used to do bad things but, im not like that anymore... and everyone else knows that along with myself, and frankly i dont think that any of my 'bad' friends give a flying fuck about what i do and what i dont. Well, her mom said "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree", and all i have to say is it does if its at the top of a hill. Those days of 'experimentati
All i have to say is that i love this woman with all of my heart and nothing will stop me from loving her beyond!! We may not see eachother for a while, but we both made that decision and we're sticking to it. Im loyal, and from what she says so is she. I have no reason to NOT believe her so why have doubts. Exactly, i dont. I think that today was one of the greatest days of my life, until the day comes when i get to actually hold her in my arms. I could care less about the first kiss, i just want to be able to hold her, and thank someone for what they have given me. And if it wasnt for my wack friend Jason, i wouldnt even of met this wonderful person, so i definetely have to thank him.
I love you babe...
Alright... so i told her that i love her, and she does have the same feelings as i do. But again i am faced with a decision... she lives in Tennessee and i live in minnesota and i want to finish school here, cause my intentions are to move down there.
She has told me that she loves me and doesnt plan on trying to find a different guy; the feelings are mutual(i dont need ne other woman). But i told her that i dont want her to have to wait for me, that upset me greatly...
I really screwed things up when i said that i was having thoughts about how long it will be for us. that realy upset her and she told me that she would probably cry if i let her go(talking on the phone) at this point. That made me feel horrible. That was definetely not my intention. But i got over it and told her the trueth. I said not to worry because i love her... i made sure the point was clear.
Another thing that she told me was that she thinks that the reason that she is so upset is because we're not dating... i have the same thoughts, but what am i supposed to do? Ask her out and then make her wait the time? i dont want that for her...
All i have to say is that i love her with all of my heart and that is that, im not going to let go no matter what crosses my mind, for both her security and mine...
I met this girl right, and shes everything that i've been looking for... shes beautiful, shes fun to talk to, she portrays herself to be pretty smart; also, it seems like we both have the same feelings towards one another.
The ONLY problem(from my perspective) is that she lives a little ways away. She doesnt live impossibly far away, but its far enough for me to contemplate about what I should do with her. I feel like im in love, I think about her constantly... when im at home, when im at work, when i get home from work; and when we're talking i think about her ten times as much. Her and I have know eachother for a couple weeks now, and we're not dating... but we've gotten along so well that when we hear about the relationships that we have with the opposite sex's, we both get jealous.
I want to say that i love her, but i dont know how shes going to react.
Someone please give me some suggestions.