Part of : Slipknot / Everything Ends
What the hell am I doing?
Is there anyone left in my life?
What the fuck was I thinking?
Anybody want to tell me I'm fine?
Where the hell am I going?
Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed
I am only conditioned to die
Me and my girl, we got this relationship. I love her so bad but she treats me like..... on lock down like a penitentery.
she spreads her lovin' all over and when she get home there's none left for me.
Sublime~Sublim
For the man that was never there for me... .. .I fucking hate you, dad.
Slipknot
"You fucking touch me I'll rip you apart"
Korn
"Nursery rhymes are said, verses in my head
Into my childhood they're spoonfed
Hidden violence revealed, darkness that seems real
Look at the pages that cause all this evil "
"This old man came rolling home"
... .. .Should I pray for this hate to go away?
*JUST FUCKING FUCK IT -.- DAMN ! ! !
Colds 'Bleed'
Bleed
I'm feelin' crossed I take it inside
Burn up the pain, my thoughts are strange
Just like the things I used to love
Just like the tree that fell, I heard it
If art is still inside, I feel it
I wanna bleed, show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream, let the blood flow that keeps me alive
Take all those strings they call my veins
Wrap them around every f*cking thing
Presence of people not for me
Well, I must remain in tune forever
My love is music, I will marry melody
I wanna bleed, show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream, let the blood flow that keeps me alive
I wanna scream, I wanna bleed
Won't you let me take you for a ride
You can stop the world try to change my mind
Won't you let me show you how it feels?
You can stop the world
But you won't change me
I need music to set me free
To let me bleed
*Ok, my dad is drunk as shit, but that dont matter now... hes not talking to me ;)~ He might be dead, but thats fine. He shouldnt drink like that :)P All in all I love my mum :)
*And Hailey just left me :( She went to Malta. I think Im going to go hunt her down right now ;)~ Coudnt em, 14 days from today? I forgot the date she told me 0.0 How do I figure out what we were talking about on this MSN piece of shit!?!?!
[f.u.c]
*Stayed up all night last night trying to work on different material ^.^ I think Im going to write a different song also. But not until I finish what I have started. I know it wouldnt take me that long to finish this song, its just the wanting to do it some days thats the problem.
*Well, today Im going to sit on my cute butt and talk to everyone while still working on 'My Tragedy'. I have to come up with lyrics to the song and I dont know what to write for it.
*I have some hella laundry that I need to get done today too. But that should only take me a few short minutes :)~ And today I have to go to work at 4 pm, but Im thinking about going in at 2; I know I wont though.
[f.u.c]
*Well, today... .. .I officially dislike my ex-g/f parents.
*Going to work on my 'My Tragedy' song for a different band I want to start that is all mellow romantic/depre
*I have to do lots and lots of laundry today
*At 2 p.m. I have to work
[f.u.c]
*Well I dont knowhat to type in here but I guess Im going to type the progress of my song... cause its the only thing I do all day long besides talk to people and work.
*I named my song 'My Tragedy', I guess that I was just hurting when I started to write it, sometimes Ive been feeling pretty lonely even though there are people here at the time. But, like it really matters... life happens.
*Im not too far in my song, I just got the intro done; but there are still some things that need to be changed cause its just not working right on what Im writing it on.
[f.u.c]
I cant believe myself sometimes ... ... ... ... .
[f.u.c]
Great faith.
Great effort.
Great failure.
[f.u.c]
What can I say? Every day is a new day, but still... .. .remains the same. Just a new tragid day... .. .sitting here, wasting away. What else, can I say?
[f.u.c]
*Will someone tell me what the hell is going on? Why is it like this? Where did we go wrong? Where did the love go? I know its still there... or I wouldnt be thinking about it now. This is a dream... I know it. Nothing is going to be lost. No heart will be broken... come back :"(
Always and Forever,
[f.u.c]
I dont know what to say :) I miss my babe sooo much :(
I hope she is having a great day in skewl right now... I doubt it though ^.^ Skewl sux -.-
Well, I have nothing to do sept play my guitar all day until my babe gets home... so Ive been trying to learn 'Sweet Home Alabam' but I dont have a tuner so its kinda hard... and Ive been trying to learn 'Toxicity' and 'Stairway to Heaven' but like I said... Im having trouble with the tuning... I tune it by ear but after I think I got it, it sounds different... I think its because of the different tones from the switch or maybe its... just because they are using different guitars... or THE WIMPS REMASTER THEIR FUCKING CD'S ... there so much they can do in a studio -.- makes me sick. Even a person with the least talent on guitar could make a nice sounding cd... look at 'White Stripes' ... its pathetic... give me a studio and Ill make a damn band by myself!!!
Have a wonderful day :)
[f.u.c]
[f.u.c]ing diary!!! I mean [f.u.c]'s... diary... NO... its a JOURNAL...
0.0 day one... wait... when did I start this thing? Hmmm, well I guess today is day one then.
*Ok, woke up this morning and actually called my woderful, beautifuol girlfriend ON TIME... her and I are both VERY proud of me. I think its been... about... maybe two weeks.. in between two and three weeks since I was able to call her on time :) No, since I was able to call her... she always calls me (I love you babe). But yesterday, woke up ON time, just to find out... no minutes on my card *[f.u.c]!!! he thinks to himself*... but today... yes today was the most joyous of all the days :) Today is my babes birthday :) Happy sweet sixteen babe :) And youre great passing your drivers test :) I knew you could do it sweetheart.
Well, I woke up... and had the pleasure of telling my girlfriend how much I love her. She doesnt even have to say anything back I can feel her love :) Only because she never tells me to shut up :) *SHUT UP!*... "*What?"*...??
Ok, I hate this thing, bye now... Love you babe :)
*Dont know what to say here...I baught a drum set the other day. Very beautiful... not as beautiful as my babe but it looks very nice. And, I learned how to play SOME slipknot on a FOUR string bass, not a five :B
*I gots to go to work taday at four, but I think that Im going to go around 2 maybe... o shit I cant... gots to call my babe at three twenty... nevermind that idea.
*But, I still think its funny that men are keeping diaries on here :P 0.o maybe 0.0 im the only one, oh well ^.^ fuc off if you dont like my diaries :P
[f.u.c]
*I know its been a long time since if written in here... but there isnt a soul that I can talk to and I really, really need to get things off my mind before I start crying.
*Well the entire day was going great... dont know what really happened... I sat here and helped some people out with their problems and cleaned the house sooo many times today... well at least did the dishes many many times today.
*But everything started going wrong when I was told that my girlfriend Rebecca [*Corona*] was on MSN and wanted to talk to me...[this is where it gets sad]. Since the moment that we started talking... she was upset... and that hurt... I cant do ne thing ne more to help my babe out and that makes me cry :"( SO FUCKING MUCH... it just makes me want to end everything that I could possibly end :"( I ended up just telling her that I loved her and then left MSN and ET. And now I know her true feelings about this... so I guess thats that...:"( [I love you :"(...:"(...] *shakes his head from left to right as tears run down his face*
*Then what made things worse is I had to take it out on one of my best friends... I always told her that she didnt diserve the shit that shes been through... but I just made everything so much worse :"(
*And then my dad called me... he was drunk :"( As drunk as he could possibly be :"( He just kept talking and talking and talking... and wouldnt listen to me :"( He told me how it the reason that I left his apartment was because we got kicked out... but he knows thats not it :"( He said that the reason I was so depressed when I lived with him was because of how he couldnt help me in skewl... not the fact that I was beaten by him or verbally thrown down by him :"( And then at the end of the conversation I told him I had to get off the fone so that I could call my babe in the morning and wake her up :"( but he wasnt listening :"( he kept talking... I said his name and he didnt listen :"( I said I had to go again... he kept going :"( Then I told him that I wanted to die :"( He :"( wasnt :"( listening :"( to :" ME!!! his son :"( I should be eveything to him... and he tells me how he cares about me :"( I cant take this... Im such a wonderful person :"( Why does everything have to come crashing down on ME!!! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG???? AND THE 2 PEOPLE THAT I WAS TALKING TO WHEN ALL THIS HAPPENED...WOU
*SOMEONE PLEASE TALK TO ME :"( PLEASE :"( i CANT TAKE THIS NE MORE :"( ... ... ... ... .
ok, if anyone has read my diary, which im sure theres at least one, thanx babe, i think u might know about my friend and his car accident if not...quick summary... car accident, 2 dead, 1 seriously injured, both trucks. i live with the a kid named Jason LeRoy Warner, he was the survivor of the reck but at the same time almost died himself.
Now, he just got a letter from his aunt that say that he has to go to court on the eleventh of this month. hes being charged with two counts of vehicular manslaughter(i think) and one count for severely injuring someone else. two twenty year sentences and one three year sentence... i think thats the maximum(43) im not sure... or a fifty thousand dollar bail. i dont know... all i can say is holy shit, i dont want to describe it like this but it feels like i got kicked in the junk by a steele~toed boot.
i dont know what to say! at all. i cant believe it. never saw it coming and now hes going to be gone within the next two weeks probably... if that. the 11th is one week from now... and a half an hour after my court date.
well, be a man... i know i'll have fond memories and there will be a day when i see him again... hopefuly. he just left on his bike... dont know where though.
ok... so my girlfriend and i got into our first 'real' verbal fight on monday. its was horrible, i mean it could have been alot worse, but i didnt want to fight with her at all.
One of my old friends named Jamie stopped by, well actually Jason went and picked her up... i was just there. Well she arrived and after everyone went to bed her and i stayed up talking about the past and what has happened to eachother lately. Here comes the 'bad' part... we fell asleep next to eachother.
I should have moved before i fell asleep but i didnt, and for that i really do apologize; im also sorry for provoking thoughts that should have never existed.
Well she fell asleep and i was a second away from sleeping and then my girlfriend called. Beings that i love my girlfriend, of course im going to stay up with her and talk to her. she told me about what her parents had to say the night before. i told her what happened and she got a little upset, not the end of the world, we worked through it... but it was an act of absent-mindedn
Both of us think that it brought us closer... it was our first fight together and we survived it easily. But what is to come in from the future? whatever it is i dont want to know... and if i have to, i hope that her and i deal with it with the descency that we had in the first one.
I love you babe, and im sorry for what i did... i promise that that will never happen again nor anything close to it............